(Cross-Up is on hiatus, but not really, sort of! In the meantime, please enjoy this high-quality filler!)
You know, I have a sneaking suspicion that it was (the great) Jim Sterling’s review of Final Fantasy XIII that led me to discover Destructoid one fateful day. In a universe where eights, nines, and the occasional perfect score orbited the game like Saturn’s rings, that one glorious 4.0 shone brighter than the sun, and to this day stands as proof -- a totem of fans’ and gamers’ outrage, and in more than a few cases outright disappointment. That game has come and gone, and for those who felt wronged -- myself included, obviously -- there have been plenty of titles that have helped heal the wound…and then the wound got torn wide open with a rusty shovel by Final Fantasy XIII-2. And the mere existence of Lightning Returns is enough to turn my body into a living, blood-spewing gash. But with that game looming large on the horizon and Square-Enix in dire straits -- and news of Lightning getting a bunny suit, because of course she gets a bunny suit -- I think it’s time for me to make an assertion I’ve had in mind for a while.
That famous review started with this line: “If you're a hardcore Final Fantasy XIII fan, prone to emotional outbursts and so defensive of Square Enix's latest effort that you'll get upset by harsh criticism, then you're advised to not read this review.” The same applies here...to some extent, at least, considering that this isn’t a review. In fact, you can almost consider this a refutation.