Let’s discuss Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night (Part 2).

Must…resist…urge to post about Fire Emblem: Three Houses…

Must…resist…urge to post about Hero in Smash Ultimate…

Must…write…post…on the story of Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night…

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!  But Dedue, though!  He’s the best, man!  He’s just the best!

GAAAAAAAAAAAAH.  Okay.  Okay, I’m good.  Let’s do this for real.

What is a SPOILER? A miserable little pile of SPOILERS!

But enough talk!  Have at SPOILERS!

Let’s discuss Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night (Part 1).

So I finished Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night a couple of weeks ago, and…

Well…

Hmmmm.

I feel like this is the kind of post that might make me a lot of enemies, so let me choose my words very carefully here.  Also, I’ll go ahead and switch to the Royal Guard style, just in case.

Let’s discuss Devil May Cry V (FINALE).

Before I begin, I’d like to take a moment to admit that -- as of this writing -- I have “Devil Trigger”, “Subhuman (Game Edit)”, and “Crimson Cloud” downloaded and embedded in my phone. With a little “Unwavering Bravery” for good measure.

Now let me give Devil May Cry V the sendoff it deserves.

I will suffer

I will burn

Let hate prevail

Enslave my soul

But I’ll never surrender

Wait…damn it, wrong song!  Well, whatever.  Spoilers.

Let’s discuss Devil May Cry V (feat. DmC).

Well, it’s 2019 and I still hate DmC: Devil May Cry.  

All things considered, I’m okay with that.

When on I dance it’s not over

Weave right through to get closer

Like a silver bullet piercing through

I throw myself into you

…And spoilers.  Always into spoilers.

Also, I’m doing DmC again…again.  Yay.

Let’s discuss Devil May Cry V (Part 3).

Vergil: Why do you refuse to gain power?  The power of our father, Sparda?

Dante: Father?  *laughs*  I don’t have a father.  I just don’t like you, that’s all.

Dante’s lines in that exchange have bothered me for more than a decade.  I’ve gone over them in my head, over and over again.  Like, okay, I see what the script was going for; Dante (to his detriment) was willing to act like his heritage didn’t matter, and made it up that cursed tower solely to beat his brother.  But the way it plays out, those two sentences together have no relation to one another, and it’s jarring enough to make my brain ache.  There have to be smoother ways to show Dante’s disdain for his bloodline -- maybe something like “Who cares about him?  I’m here to party with you.”  Anything.

Given the context of the franchise, Devil May Cry has always courted weirdness and camp.  In 3, our hero’s quest for fratricide is in the same space as pretending he’s Bruce Lee.  In 4, the hero who lost his girlfriend to a pack of self-righteous zealots can play air guitar after pile-driving demons.  And in V?  The story briefly hits the pause button to turn a devil hunter into the King of Pop.

I don’t know how many people are willing to call the story of Devil May Cry V good.  But, against all odds, at least I’m one of them.

Insert Capcom jingle here.

Also, SPOILER warning.

Let’s discuss Devil May Cry V (feat. Kingdom Hearts III)

Never thought I’d see the day.

It kind of makes sense, though.  If you blur your eyes a little, then coat them with Vaseline, put on a blindfold made of thumb tacks, and dip your head in a vat of jalapeno pepper juice, then you could maybe mistake Devil May Cry V for Kingdom Hearts III.  Or, if that’s a bridge too far, then just remember that these two, long-awaited, high-profile releases came out in a relatively narrow window of time.  And on top of that?  Pared down to the ABSOLUTE basics, they have the same genre of gameplay.  

True, DMCV isn’t an action RPG.  KHIII isn’t a character action game.  But on the lowest fundamental level, there’s some overlap.  The former does have its share of character customization and leveling up, after all.  The latter does pit you against hordes of dark forces with a slew of crazy abilities at your disposal.  But before you come at me, let me elaborate: the devil’s in the details.  Even though both games have different objectives and roadmaps to follow, the craft behind one puts it roughly 1.3 billion steps ahead the craft (and existence) of the other.

So pardon me, KHIII fans, but I’m going to have to use Squeenix’s latest as a whipping boy to prove my point conclusively.  And get one step closer to talking about KHIII’s story, because HOOOOOOOOO-LEEEEEEE SHIT.

Savior!  Bloodstained!  Hellfire!  Shadow!

SPOILERS on a landslide!

Savior!  Bloodstained!  Hellfire!  Shadow!

SPOILERS on a landslide!  (For real, though.)

Let’s discuss Devil May Cry V (Part 1).

When I finished Devil May Cry V, I was frustrated.  

Not because I didn’t like the game, oh no.  Of course not; as a wise man once said, I’m absolutely crazy about it.  My issue is that, despite doing relatively well throughout my first playthrough (and thus on the standard difficulty), I ended up botching the series-standard mid-credits fights.  Did that lock me out of content?  It doesn’t seem like it.  But those are bragging rights -- no, a sense of accomplishment I wanted, in case I never got the chance to play the game again.

Even though I’ve long since cleared DMCV, I want to play it again.  On a harder difficulty, especially.  Why?  As another wise man once said, I need more power.  I want to improve -- sharpen my skills and steel my will, so I have the talent and courage needed to truly pull off my own unique combos.  The stuff truly worthy of the announcer bellowing “SMOKIN’ SEXY STYLE!”  My pride is on the line here -- and I have some of the finest gameplay I’ll likely see all year to thank for that.  

Now I guess it’s up to me to explain why.

YOU CANNOT KILL ME

I AM OMEGA (spoilers)

YOU CANNOT KILL ME

I AM SUBHUMAN (also spoilers)

Let’s discuss The MISSING: J.J. Macfield and the Island of Memories.

It doesn’t take much for me to point out the biggest fault in The MISSING: that at the end of the day, it’s let down by the quality of its gameplay.

That isn’t to say it’s an all-out failure.  Everything works as intended in this puzzle-platformer -- spearheaded by Hidetaka Suehiro (Swery65) of Deadly Premonition and D4 fame -- so you can expect some challenges that demand you make full use of the mechanics.  Minor technical hiccups aside, it’s smooth sailing from start to finish.  Relatively speaking.  The problem is that, while the gameplay isn’t bad or even mediocre, it’s still fairly plain and straightforward.  Workmanlike, even.  

There aren’t really any puzzles that force you to wrack your brain, and there’s not much of a difficulty curve forcing you to sharpen your wits or skills as you go.  At most, you’ll only get platforming challenges along the way -- which, at their worst, are only challenging because you’re put into scenarios where one-hit KOs are a legitimate, prevalent issue.  Basically, don’t get this game if you’re the type that needs technical acuity or execution barriers in your games.  Dark Souls, this is not.

Instead, get it for everything else.

ALL THE SPOILERS INCOMING…which kind of makes this post impossible to read for those who want to go in raw, but whatever.  If you’re worried, just…I dunno, go eat some donuts instead.  I bet Swery would be fine with that.

Let’s discuss Kamen Rider Ex-Aid (FINALE).

I thought of something else I like about Emu from Kamen Rider Ex-Aid: his ability to bring disparate (and routinely awful) people together for a good cause.  That’s probably not a unique trait among protagonists -- count how many of Goku’s allies once tried to kill him or his friends -- but it’s still something I appreciate here.  As part of his character arc, Emu has to learn how to work with others so that he can be more than just an MLG pro gamer; by learning how to trust others and accept his limits, he evolves as a Rider, a doctor, and a person.  The ultimate proof of his growth comes late in the series, where he makes a choice that comes off as strikingly dark in the context of Ex-Aid.  It’s for a good cause, but still.  Yikesy mikesy.

I wish that Emu had a better supporting cast along the way, because anyone not named Emu on the heroes’ side is tolerable at best (IMO, of course).  Admittedly that would take the punch out of his arc, and to be fair steal whatever good moments the others can muster, but they go a long way to make the journey to the final episode a rough one.  But even so, there is a saving grace.

If you’re just tuning in, then I’ll say it upfront: Ex-Aid is worth watching just to see its villains.

I’LL CLEAR THIS POST WITH NO CONTINUES!

(Just tons of spoilers.)

Let’s discuss Kamen Rider Ex-Aid (Part 3).

Here’s a friendly PSA for any anime fans reading this: Gundam Build Divers is out and about online, and you can watch it for free either on Crunchyroll or via the GundamInfo channel on YouTube.  The same goes for Gundam Build Fighters -- the first season -- Build Fighters Try -- the second season -- and all sorts of bonus, post-season content.  The Battlogue episodes are as non-canon as it gets, but each one is a sight to behold.  Least of all because the budget for each 11-minute segment seems to have gone Trans-Aa.  YIKESY MIKESY, some of those moments are slobberknockers.

It’s been a while since I’ve seen anything Build Fighters related, but having taken the plunge with the supplementary stuff -- in preparation for Divers’ drop -- I’m reminded of how much I freaking love this installment to the Gundam franchise.  Granted I’ll gladly admit that Try is a step down from the first season, but seeing these guys in isolated instances shows what a deep appreciation I have for the overall cast and affect.  We’re a decade out from Gurren Lagann (feeling old yet?), but GBF is holding the hot-blooded mecha action down.  All hail Tryon-3.

If you’re wondering why I’m talking about Gundam in a Kamen Rider post, it’s because I need a release valve for the scorn and disdain I feel for a not-insignificant chunk of the cast.  So let’s start off this post with a few words on tone.

LET’S SPOIL!

BAD SPOIL!

DEAD SPOIL!

WHAT’S YOUR SPOIL?!

THE SPOILERS!

Let’s discuss Kamen Rider Ex-Aid (Part 2).

So Kamen Rider Ex-Aid might have the biggest time paradox I’ve ever personally seen.

Main character Emu may start the show as a medical intern, but he’s also the “genius gamer” M -- and through a flashback, the audience gets to see what that entailed.  Apparently he was an ace at fighting games (at a bare minimum), and took home the grand prize in a major tournament.  In what game?  My ears perked up at the sights and sounds of Tekken, as they should.  But that’s when time sort of collapses on itself.

Emu’s playing Tekken 7, the latest installment in the franchise to date.  Fair enough…until you remember that that game came out in March 2015 at the earliest, at least in Japan and in arcades.  The flashback in Ex-Aid specifically states that Emu joined that tournament in 2010.  And it’s pretty hard to pretend he’s playing any other installment, because A) he’s using Lars’ latest costume, and B) his opponent is using Lucky Chloe, who first made her debut in T7.  I mean, jeez.  I know Japan got the game a few years before the west, but this is ridiculous.

But I wouldn’t worry about time paradoxes too much.  Ex-Aid has bigger problems.  Much, much bigger problems.

GACCHAN!  SPOILERS UP!!

Let’s discuss Dragon Ball FighterZ.

Logic dictates that I use this slot in the schedule to do another post on Black Panther, but that’s going to have some political undercurrents in it.  And given that the last post was most definitely about politics, it’s time for a chaser.  I wouldn’t want anyone to think that this blog was serious or anything.

Of course it isn’t.  I can’t strain my credibility here.  So let’s talk about Dragon Ball FighterZ instead.

Let’s discuss Kamen Rider Ex-Aid (Part 1).

Okay, I know this is a post about Kamen Rider Ex-Aid, but I’m seriously just biding my time until I can start watching Kamen Rider Build.

Setting aside the main Rider’s design (which, as a reminder, is infinitely superior to Ex-Aid’s), I had a hunch that it would turn out to be pretty interesting.  I mean, come on.  How often do you get a genius scientist as a lead hero?  That’s worth some brownie points right there.  At most I’ve only seen a handful of clips and previews, but apparently the story’s about to take a turn into some bold new territory I can’t wait to get the context behind.  Also, they’re bringing back a Kamen Rider alum for a new role, and that’s got me pretty hyped.  “Oh!  It’s that guy!” I cheered.  “Wait, who’s that guy again?  Let me check…OH!  IT’S THAT GUY!”

I guess if KR has taught me anything, it’s that I should trust my instincts a bit more.  It’s optimal to act on solid evidence and knowledge, but there are times when it’s fine to listen to your gut.  I say as much, because prior to Ex-Aid’s release I had a hunch that it was going to be good.  Lo and behold, I was right.  More importantly, I was right in the best way possible.  Ex-Aid had the perfect setup for the most impactful, in-depth exploration of its themes in a KR installment yet, so they just needed to pounce on the chance.  They did exactly that.

…Well, mostly.  But “mostly” is better than “not at all”.  So let’s get to it.

LET’S GAME!  MECTHA GAME!  MUTCHA GAME!  WHAT’S YOUR NAME?!

I’M A MAJOR SPOILER(S)!

Let’s “discuss” Sonic Forces.

When I was nine years old, my mom got me an electronic thesaurus/dictionary to help me with my homework.  See, my third grade class tossed out tons of vocabulary assignments week after week; since we didn’t have a good computer or internet connection at the time -- and I wonder if dictionary.com was even a thing -- my mom got it for me one Christmas to slash homework time down to a fraction.  It worked, and it continued to work for years afterward.  I’ve actually still got it within a foot of me as I type this; it needs batteries, and I suspect the display is busted, but it makes for a good memento.

I’ve always had this theory that whatever you had or did as a child would decide what you’d do in the future.  I’m pretty sure that theory’s been debunked, but I think back to that from time to time.  If I hadn’t gotten that thesaurus as a snot-nosed baby afro, would I have ever wanted to become a writer?  Probably, given that stories helped inspire me, not just tech.  Either way, I’d think that having that gadget around pushed me toward developing stronger diction.  Toward choosing the right word for the task.  Toward saying what needs to be said.

What does any of that have to do with Sonic Forces?  It’s simple.  I don’t need any gadgets or reference materials to give my thoughts.  I can sum up the game in one word.  And unfortunately, that word is flaccid.

Let’s discuss Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite (FINALE).

So I played some more Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite, and I’m not 100% sure why.

Let’s discuss Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite (Part 3).

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

All right, we can get through this.  It’ll be fine.

Let’s talk about Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite and its story mode -- because there’s a lot to UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH I DON’T WANNA DO THIS.

Okay, let’s do this.  (For the third time, I guess.)

Let’s discuss Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite (Part 2).

I feel like I can start and end this post with a picture of Chun-Li’s face.

Okay, sure, I know that Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite released a patch on day one that saved her and others from looking the way they did during their E3 debut.  But the damage has been done.  For starters, it’s not hard to find images that show how they used to look -- what Capcom was willing to think of as acceptable to put on store shelves, if not for a maelstrom of complaints.  More importantly?  Not everybody is entrenched in fighting game news, which means that plenty of people probably never heard or saw that Chun got some emergency repairs.  So the assumption, then, is likely that Infinite was and still is an ugly game.

I said a long time ago that I’m mostly all right with the aesthetic of the game.  I’d like a more stylish and colorful look, but I assumed that it was a creative choice to have Infinite look the way it does.  I supported it, on the condition that Capcom tweaked and polished it.  The condition has not been met.  Chun and Dante look better than they did, sure, but neither of them are what I’d call good-looking.  And as a friendly reminder: I’m a guy that doesn’t care about sheer graphical power.  One of my favorite gaming peripherals ever is the original DS, and at best it was only a step or two above the N64.  But the DS compensated not only with strong gameplay, but also fine-tuned art direction and style.  There are ways to get around a lack of power, which helps explain how and why it trounced the PSP.

To be clear: Infinite has other problems besides visuals.  But we have to start somewhere (again), so we might as well focus on that.

Let’s discuss Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite (Part 1).

*stares at box art*

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

…

…Short answer: yeah, it’s good.

Less short answer: yeah, it’s good, but.

Let’s discuss One Punch Man.

It’s worth noting right off the bat that I watched the entirety of One Punch Man -- well, the first season of its anime, anyway -- in its official subtitled form on Viz’s website.  I’m at peace with that.  I don’t regret it.  With that said, I have seen clips of the dubbed version.  As someone who’s always had an appreciation of dubs, I’m glad that One Punch Man got the treatment it did.  I know that it’s easy and common to hate dubs, and there are legitimate reasons for it.  But they aren’t bad by default.  And when they’re done well, they bring something special to the table.

Doing that post the other day on Mumen Rider (the best hero) got me thinking about subs versus dubs.  Obviously you want to stay true to the source material/creator’s vision, so taking the anime in as “pure” a form as possible is 100% understandable.  But seeing the cyclist for justice take on the Deep Sea King in both the original Japanese and the alternative English highlighted the potential both have -- namely, that they’re two different yet valid interpretations of the same moments.  In the Japanese version, Mumen Rider sounds like a professional hero -- someone who knows what he’s getting into, but ultimately starts letting the cracks show and his emotions spill out when things get desperate.  In the English version?  He starts by sounding impassioned, desperate, and even scared -- but the end result is that the emotions that come out hit with the force of a tsunami.  One scene, two interpretations, both valid and enjoyable in their own way.  That’s rad.

…This is a weird way to start a post on One Punch Man.  Maybe that’s because I’m tempted to write about Mumen Rider again.  So let’s start again -- and start off right.

Let’s discuss Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End (FINALE).

[heavy drinking intensifies]

Let me ask you something: why is Sam in this game?

No, seriously.  Why is Sam in this game?

[remorse intensifies]