Her Name is Rio…Wait, No it Isn’t

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve done any ranting and rambling about my writing stuff.  I mean, given how many times I’ve griped about the works of others, it’s only natural that I invite scorn upon my meager, feeble soul by pulling the curtain back on what I’ve been working on.  The central premise, on some level, has always been “test myself by testing others”, but doing the reverse is more than valuable.

Ideally, this blog wouldn’t be the platform to do it.  Here’s the thing, though: there were, at one point, plans to hop on TV Tropes’ forums (for the first time in a while) and try and court feedback there.  As a character-focused writer angling for praise from a character-focused society, it would’ve served me well to have others weigh in on the leading lady I’ve been cooking up for the past ten months.  Thing is, there was a problem: I didn’t know her name.

I’ve failed you, Duran Duran…the Funko Pops of which are seeing a surge in popularity, for some reason.

Let’s discuss Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night (Part 2).

Must…resist…urge to post about Fire Emblem: Three Houses…

Must…resist…urge to post about Hero in Smash Ultimate…

Must…write…post…on the story of Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night…

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!  But Dedue, though!  He’s the best, man!  He’s just the best!

GAAAAAAAAAAAAH.  Okay.  Okay, I’m good.  Let’s do this for real.

What is a SPOILER? A miserable little pile of SPOILERS!

But enough talk!  Have at SPOILERS!

Let’s discuss Devil May Cry V (Part 3).

Vergil: Why do you refuse to gain power?  The power of our father, Sparda?

Dante: Father?  *laughs*  I don’t have a father.  I just don’t like you, that’s all.

Dante’s lines in that exchange have bothered me for more than a decade.  I’ve gone over them in my head, over and over again.  Like, okay, I see what the script was going for; Dante (to his detriment) was willing to act like his heritage didn’t matter, and made it up that cursed tower solely to beat his brother.  But the way it plays out, those two sentences together have no relation to one another, and it’s jarring enough to make my brain ache.  There have to be smoother ways to show Dante’s disdain for his bloodline -- maybe something like “Who cares about him?  I’m here to party with you.”  Anything.

Given the context of the franchise, Devil May Cry has always courted weirdness and camp.  In 3, our hero’s quest for fratricide is in the same space as pretending he’s Bruce Lee.  In 4, the hero who lost his girlfriend to a pack of self-righteous zealots can play air guitar after pile-driving demons.  And in V?  The story briefly hits the pause button to turn a devil hunter into the King of Pop.

I don’t know how many people are willing to call the story of Devil May Cry V good.  But, against all odds, at least I’m one of them.

Insert Capcom jingle here.

Also, SPOILER warning.

Kingdom Hearts Voltimania: Kingdom Hearts III (Part B)

“I’m not saying [Kingdom Hearts III] is the game of the year.  But it’s inching toward that point.  Slowly.”

--Me, last week

“Okay, yeah, no, this is not the game of the year and never will be.”

--Me, this week

Welp.  Here we are again.  How about another wrestler theme for the books?

Kingdom Hearts Voltimania: -A fragmentary passage- (Part 2)

Anybody else getting heart palpitations over the impending, full release of Kingdom Hearts III?  I know I am.

Hard to believe that the day’s almost here -- less than a week, by the time this post goes up.  Anyone who’s excited is justified in the hype.  Anyone who’s disdainful is justified in the skepticism.  I think that, speaking personally, my MO for now is to go in with the mindset that it’s a new day and a new game.  Clean slate.  Breathe deep, play, and enjoy.  Or…try to enjoy.  There are dozens of ways for the game to go wrong, but the only way to know for sure is to face it head-on.  Because if nothing else?  If we’re lucky -- if we’re blessed by the overlords at Squeenix Keep -- this storyline is going to have a definitive end.  The slate’s going to get even cleaner.

We’ll see what the future holds.  But before that, there’s one more thing we -- or I -- have to do.  Let’s talk about Kingdom Hearts 0.2.

…Featuring the only wrestler theme song that can possibly fit the context.  Inasmuch as a wrestler theme song can.

Kingdom Hearts Voltimania: Dream Drop Distance (Part 2)

Before I do anything else, I’m going to say some nice things about the story in Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance.  Because despite everything else in summation rivaling a Class 5 Shitstorm, there are some nice things I can say.  And I can’t let this post get too negative.

Before that, though, let’s have another wrestler theme.  Who have we got today?  Hmmmmmmmmmmm…

The Smash Ultimate Diaries -- ACT III

So I’m trying to decide whether Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is better than, worse than, or equal to Homecoming, but in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really matter.  While I have reservations about giving modern-day Sony’s movie division any credit or praise, a good movie is a good movie, and Miles Morales’ big screen debut is more than simply “good”.

It’s worth watching for its presentation alone -- an animated movie that doesn’t feel the need to play with kid gloves by default.  Granted there are times when the movie gets in its own way with possibly too much style -- during my viewing I thought a few times that it’d be better if they toned the AV down by 10-20% -- but it’s a critical hit more often than it misses.  Kingpin is the definition of an “absolute unit” design-wise, and seeing some of this stuff in motion makes me hungry for more.  Not just a sequel, but for other movies to be emboldened to give the style (or something like that) an honest try.  Like, Disney, maybe mimic this instead of another live-action remake?

The funny thing about the movie is that, while Homecoming stepped away from the origin story affect, Spider-Verse revels in it -- to its benefit.  Fair move, considering that we’re following Miles now.  Still, even if you’re wary of another superhero origin story, there’s more than enough meat on this movie’s bones to keep you satiated.  Shout-outs to this movie for making parents that feel like real people; this version of Jefferson isn’t just trying to run for Jesus like Spider-Man PS4’s Jefferson, and --

Wait, I feel like I should be talking about something else right now.  Oh, right.  Smash Bros.  Let’s talk about it one more time…with a focus on World of Light.  Because I beat it, and talking about that is…well, it’s necessary, I think.

Do it for Her, or Whatever -- ACT I

Alternate post title: Do it for Her, Even if it’s the Stupidest Thing Ever

Overwatch: Retribution: Uprising: Revengeance: Revelations: Subtitle: Sequel

I wonder if anyone will ever notice that I called all of the Offense heroes in Overwatch “Attack” heroes instead.  Whoops!  I mean, I could change that with a few minutes of editing, but you know what?  I think I’ll leave it for posterity -- as a way of proving just how little I know about an entire class of the game.  It’ll be great.

In other news, I’m seriously a fan of Mercy’s new ult.  No doubt it’s a dream come true for the “battle Mercy” types, but since it doesn’t correct my utter inability to aim, I’m out of luck.  For the most part.  But in a pinch, I can fight back if the need arises; I remember when I first activated it and went “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!” as power coursed through me and the bullets brought the pain to three rival players.  It’s a powerful tool, as is the case with all ults -- even though these days, I mostly just use it to take flight and bail the hell out of a situation.  Because that’s my secret: I’m always a huge coward.  Bruce Banner would be proud.

Anyway, let’s talk about Overwatch some more.  And going off of the end of the last post, I’ll ask again: where does Overwatch go from here?

I have some thoughts.  But you may not like them.

Let’s discuss Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite (Part 3).

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

All right, we can get through this.  It’ll be fine.

Let’s talk about Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite and its story mode -- because there’s a lot to UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH I DON’T WANNA DO THIS.

Okay, let’s do this.  (For the third time, I guess.)

Valkyria Revolution: It’s So Bad (Part 2)

Oh God, I can feel a migraine coming on already.

*sigh* Let’s just grit our teeth and power through this.  Okay?

Okay.  So the last post dealt primarily with the gameplay of Valkyria Revolution -- and true to this series’ title, it’s bad.  Stunningly bad.  As I said, not a single choice made was the right one.  Combat is slow, strategy is nonexistent, AI is worthless; the list goes on and on.  (Boy that upgrade system is borked.)  It’s unpleasant from start to finish.  At least, I assume that’s the case -- because I tapped out after seven hours with the game, and didn’t even make it to the halfway point according to the built-in table of contents.  I’m not too broken up about it, because that means I get to put more time into learning some new fighting game characters.  (Why didn’t anyone tell me Dizzy was so cool?)

I can still think of a few questions that need asking and answering, though.  Since this is a video game we’re talking about, gameplay is king.  Well, I assume as much among the general gaming populace.  Can good gameplay compensate for a bad story?  Essentially.  Tekken 7’s story is not great, but I don’t begrudge it when it lets me land a juggle combo into a Rage Art.  Can a good story save a bad game?  Possibly.  That answer will vary between people and games, especially depending on the length.  But as far as I’m concerned, there’s one ironclad rule at play here: you can’t have a game with both bad gameplay AND a bad story.

And guess which game does?

I Hraet You Xrd: Revelator

*loads up blog one day*

*stares at header*

You know, I wonder how many people know who that purple-haired guy is supposed to be.  I mean, they should if they clicked on the I Hraet You tab instead of just looking for more Final Fantasy posts.  Then again, I guess it’d help if I uploaded some more chapters.  Maybe give them a reason to read through my wares.

Speaking of which, wasn’t I supposed to upload those chapters at some point?

Speaking of which, wasn’t I supposed to write more chapters?

*stares at screen*

Oh FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Let’s discuss Street Fighter V: A Shadow Falls (Part 2).

Here’s a common question: do stories matter in video games?

Anyone who’s familiar with me or my work will know that my immediate answer is “YES, YOU IDIOT!”  Granted they’re not essential for every game out there, but in a lot of cases they’re as important to a game as the actual gameplay -- which makes it all the more infuriating when, say, Final Fantasy’s narrative does a swan dive into a chunk of concrete.  So by extension, the story in fighting games matter too, and for multiple reasons.  It’s a chance to enrich our understanding of our mains.  It’s a way to add something special to the franchise, while treating fans old and new.  And for those whose fingers are too leaden to toss out a V-Trigger cancel combo, there’s still something to enjoy,

I understand why people have written off the A Shadow Falls story, both pre- and post-release.  It hurts to admit that it’s not very good, but I know that SF as a whole will thrive because of its ever-enduring, ever-evolving gameplay.  Here’s the thing, though: even if it’s flawed, the new story mode is still important for three reasons.  One: if we keep declaring that “stories in games don’t matter”, then the bigwigs are going to take that lesson to heart and we’ll get more overpriced, short-lived multiplayer-only releases.  Two: considering all the touting Capcom did of its story, it demands to be judged accordingly -- so that everyone, devs included, can see the pros and cons for future reference (and improvement).  Three: even if there’s a lot to wince over in the story, there is absolutely a lot to enjoy.

I was pretty harsh in the last post.  But now it’s time to go over some of the good stuff.

Let’s discuss Street Fighter V: A Shadow Falls (Part 1).

Whew.  It’s been a while, but here we are again with Street Fighter 5 -- almost half a year after its initial release, as of writing.

You know, it’s funny.  A year ago I did a post aimed at trying to predict what sort of content Street Fighter 5 would have in its story mode -- the place of the Dark Hadou, the presence of Necalli, et cetera, et cetera.  And it served as a stark reminder that, yes, I write stuff on the internet.  That’s kind of a given since I have a blog, but I doubled down by uploading that post to Destructoid -- which led to it being shared on Reddit, which led to it popping up on EventHubs, of all places.  (Or it could’ve hit EventHubs first, and then went to Reddit.  God only knows.)  It’s always heartwarming to know that people have the chance to watch me make an idiot out of myself.  Like, c’mon, man.  Using the wiki as a “credible” source?  Get on the level, bro.

  

Let’s discuss Until Dawn (Part 1).

Oh man, I am so qualified to talk about this game, because I think horror movies are dumb.

Well, maybe that’s too strong of a claim.  It’s not like I think every movie in the genre is dumb, or that the genre in its entirety is dumb.  But I’ve had some bad experiences in the past, and not because I got scared out of my gourd.  I actually WISH I’d been scared out of my gourd, because in theory that’s what horror movies are about -- making you forget that there’s a screen between you and the action, and making you feel just as vulnerable as the victims du jour.

I’d like to think that horror movies aren’t just vehicles for gore and murder, because that’s not what horror movies are about.  (Nor is it about busting out the baps, but that’s neither here nor there.)  Call me naïve, but I would have thought that a horror movie that can’t scare is a terrible horror movie, just like a comedy that can’t amuse is a terrible comedy.  But I got dragged to see The Thing remake, the Friday the 13th remake, Legion (ostensibly), and sat through no shortage of offerings on TV.  Too many of them have been a slog, and I’m ready for a change.  I’m ready for the good stuff.

That brings me to Until Dawn -- a game that I can’t decide is amazing or awful.

Let’s discuss Devil May Cry 4 (Part 2).

I used to watch wrestling a lot more than I do nowadays.  Smackdown aired on basic cable, so I could flip it on and watch some body slams and muscular men getting uncomfortably close together (as if they wanted to kiss each other); I remember there was one fight between Rey Mysterio and Batista that was more or less amazing.  But when it hopped channels, I didn’t have the will to chase after it -- and I never really watched RAW in the first place, so I was out.  And the last wrestling game I played was Smackdown vs. Raw 2010 (I think), which was pretty fun IMO…but my brother decided to trade it in just ‘cause.  Either that, or he hated spending most matches unconscious and flat on his face.

I don’t know a lot about wrestling, but I know some stuff.  I know who John Cena is, and not just because of his sudden memetic uprising.  And it’s my understanding that, as of the last Wrestlemania (at the very least) he’s the WWE’s face.  He’s its hero.  He’s someone they’ve been pushing as a good guy, even if that’s with the grace of a cinder block to the gut.  But even if he and the WWE are way over the top, I have a hard time ignoring the motto of “Loyalty, Hustle, Respect” -- especially in the face of Devil May Cry 4.  Because the more I think about it, the more I realize that’s part of what makes the game great.  What do I mean?  Well --

Oh, right.  I played WWE All-Stars, too.  Man, what a sick game.

Let’s discuss Splatoon (Part 2).

So I have a theory that everyone in Splatoon is secretly a cannibal.

Okay, maybe not everyone -- because I have my doubts that shopkeepers like Sheldon and Crusty Sean could even take a good bite out of someone.  But you’ve seen the Inklings by now, right?  Every time they open their mouths, they show off some seriously sharp chompers.  TV personalities Callie and Marie casually talk about eating seafood, and both of them wear sushi-style hats.  Chalk this up to headcanon, but are we 100% sure that Inklings that lose an Ink Battle aren’t eaten alive as punishment?

Maybe death just has no meaning for these undersea people (who live on the surface for some reason).  They reincarnate endlessly during an Ink Battle, after all.  But it may go further than that; lose a battle and go back to the lobby, and you’re a different color than when you started -- so maybe the losing Inkling got devoured, and you start playing as a substitute.  Or if you win and go back to the lobby, you play as an Inkling who dug your original Inkling’s fresh styles, and adopted his/her outfit to pay tribute (and try to look cool).  That’s probably not the case, but hey.  It gets the gears going.

In some ways, that might be what makes Splatoon secretly great -- because even in the absence of an hours-long narrative, I can’t help but feel excited by the game’s world.    Learning more about it?  That’d be preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty coooooooooooooooooool.

Let's discuss Mortal Kombat X (Part 2).

Credit where credit’s due -- MKX deserves some props for being the first game to have an item-unlocking shop where a virtual wolf can attack you.

The Krypt could have been a simple menu, but apparently the guys at NetherRealm went the extra mile and created a faux-dungeon crawler for you to move around in.  It’s not what I’d call amazing, and it’s probably an annoyance to anyone who just wants a menu to buy costumes/concept art/Fatalities, but it has its purpose.  Seeing as how you have to get in-game currency to unlock stuff, it incentivizes players to get in deep with the other game modes -- which is good, because it makes them practice without necessarily “wasting time” in training mode.

There are multiple “towers” for players to tackle at their leisure, each with their own unique conditions (the Test Your Might tower being the place to button-mash your way to glory).  Okay, sure, playing against CPUs isn’t exactly the best way to train, but it’s something; it lets the player get used to the game before they take the fight online or against friends.  Or, alternatively, it gets them ready for MKX’s Faction War, wherein you choose a clan at the start and complete challenges (online or off) to boost your Faction’s rank and gain rewards.  As far as I know, that’s a bust -- because surprise, surprise, everyone wanted to be part of the ninja team and there’s no point in even trying to fight back.

So forget it.  Let’s move on to the story. 

Spoilers are about to GET OVER HERE, so watch out.  Also, I thought about replacing all the Cs in this post with Ks, but that would’ve been stupid and annoying, so screw it.

D.O.X. is Dead #8: Avatars and Magic

Let me tell you a little secret: I don’t always know the difference between a good idea and a bad one.

This blog may make me look like a smart guy who has all the answers [citation needed], but that’s hardly true of me.  Just think about it: would a guy who has all the answers feel the need to completely invalidate years of work on a hunch bred from second-guesses and crippling insecurities?  Common knowledge suggests not.  So let it be known that I’m no ace.  I stumble just like everyone else -- maybe more than average.  And I’m hoping that even if I become some writing tour de force, I won’t become so blinded by power that I’ll reject all criticism.  (Consider that a license to punch me in the stomach for anyone who one day sees me as no better than Michael Bay.)

I want to do my best -- and more -- for the sake of others.  I want my stories to entertain people, and make them happy.  And I want to be good enough to make that happen.

Which begs the question: why do I keep doing dumb things?

D.O.X. is Dead #6: Humans and Monsters

Hey, does anybody remember that anime D. Gray Man? 

To be honest, I’m kind of surprised I do.  I mean, I used to watch it, but it ended up slipping off my radar for one reason or another.  It probably had something to do with its creator taking ill, which led to the manga going on hiatus, which of course led to the anime getting stalled into oblivion well before the story’s conclusion.  It’s kind of a shame, because thinking back, I enjoyed the show.  I suspect that I have a secret appreciation for stories with a twinge of the macabre – at least if my enjoyment of that show, Bleach, and Soul Eater are anything to go by.  (Though it’s my understanding that Bleach fell apart a while ago, so who knows if I’m still a “true” fan.)

The reason I bring up D. Gray Man is because I recently realized that I started getting into it right around the time I started my story.  I wouldn’t exactly call it an influence by any means, but having looked at some old files, I realized that one of my characters was – or used to be – heavily based on one of that series’ characters.  Not in terms of skill sets, of course.  In terms of appearance?  No doubt.  You know me – striking visual design is something I value.  It can be (emphasis on “can”) the first step toward making a good character.

And “striking” is probably the exact word I’d use for one of these characters.  Or, alternatively, “absurd”.