Ho, Ho, Ho! Merry Switch-mas!

I mean, granted it’s not Christmas yet -- assuming you’re reading this on upload day instead of that hallowed holiday -- but it’s close enough.  It’s the highest without going over.  Also, we’ve apparently been in Christmas Mode since…I don’t know, before Halloween.  So it’s fine.

Anyway, 2017.  What a year.  Not what I’d call the best year in terms of politics and global events (and let’s leave it at that), but man.  Games on games on games.  Remember that borderline-lethal deluge of games in the first third of the year?  And I say borderline, but it wouldn’t surprise me if people actually bit the dust because of what dropped.  Persona 5, Nier Automata, Yakuza 0, Nioh, Resident Evil 7, and more -- with personal props going to Tales of Berseria, the secret top-tier RPG I’m only mildly butthurt about vis a vis its inevitable overshadowing by higher-profile titles.  But part of the reason we had this deluge is because Nintendo chose to release the Switch in March.  And boy, is it a doozy.

I’m not going to spend any time raving about Breath of the Wild because of course it’s the GOTY.  Instead, I’m going to focus on four other Switch games I’ve put some time into -- and I hope you do, too.  Make yourself or some friend or relative happy…which to be clear can be done just by giving them a copy of ARMS.

Don’t worry.  I won’t talk about ARMS any more in this post.

Let’s “discuss” Call of Duty: Black Ops 3 (Part 2).

Jesus wept.

…I know I said that I’d find another long Bible verse for this intro, but there’s something that’s been on my mind.  I have a question that needs answering.

Is Call of Duty terrible?  I know that question’s as loaded as a Gatling gun the size of Montana, but let’s work through it, shall we?

Let’s “discuss” Call of Duty: Black Ops 3 (Part 1).

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.”

--Romans 3:23-26

*sigh*

Shit.

Let’s discuss Splatoon (Part 2).

So I have a theory that everyone in Splatoon is secretly a cannibal.

Okay, maybe not everyone -- because I have my doubts that shopkeepers like Sheldon and Crusty Sean could even take a good bite out of someone.  But you’ve seen the Inklings by now, right?  Every time they open their mouths, they show off some seriously sharp chompers.  TV personalities Callie and Marie casually talk about eating seafood, and both of them wear sushi-style hats.  Chalk this up to headcanon, but are we 100% sure that Inklings that lose an Ink Battle aren’t eaten alive as punishment?

Maybe death just has no meaning for these undersea people (who live on the surface for some reason).  They reincarnate endlessly during an Ink Battle, after all.  But it may go further than that; lose a battle and go back to the lobby, and you’re a different color than when you started -- so maybe the losing Inkling got devoured, and you start playing as a substitute.  Or if you win and go back to the lobby, you play as an Inkling who dug your original Inkling’s fresh styles, and adopted his/her outfit to pay tribute (and try to look cool).  That’s probably not the case, but hey.  It gets the gears going.

In some ways, that might be what makes Splatoon secretly great -- because even in the absence of an hours-long narrative, I can’t help but feel excited by the game’s world.    Learning more about it?  That’d be preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty coooooooooooooooooool.

Let’s discuss Splatoon (Part 1).

Really?  Are you actually reading this?  Like, you’re seriously ready to read a post on Splatoon?

You know I could pretty much say #GoodGuyNintendo and end things right here, right?  Is there anything more that needs to be said?  Is there?

*sigh* All right, let’s do this.