What’s Your Favorite Movie?

That sounds like the dumbest question over, but I bet that half the people reading this will struggle to come up with an answer.  Call it a hunch.

If you’ve been keeping an eye on this blog for a while, you may have noticed that a while back, I did a post naming my top ten favorite movies.  If you’re not in the mood to check the link, I’ll save you the trouble and say it’s a list that includes some smart movies, and some movies so unapologetically stupid that they almost warp back into being brilliant.  Let it be known that I’m no hoity-toity elitist.  As evidenced by my use of the phrase “hoity-toity”.

In any case, one of the reasons why a blog like this exists is so I can try and figure out what a story does that makes it work.  It’s true that I’m just as likely to find something that doesn’t work, and have to spend time with that nonsense, but it goes without saying that I prefer “proving the case” of something good.  It’s something done for readers’ benefit, but it’s also something for my benefit, too.  If I can understand WHY I liked something besides visceral thrills, then I’d wager that I’m more likely to incorporate those good elements into my writing, and my stories.  I’m already starting to see it take form in my writing adventures…even if that does demand a complete annihilation of years of work.

But like the title says, this post isn’t about me.  This is about you.

Let's discuss Attack on Titan (Part 2).

You know, it’s not very often that I think that something I’ve written is actually any good, especially given that I’m sharing a conceptual space -- and also a planet -- with people far better than me.  But every once in a while, when all the planets have aligned, things really come together.

This is one of those times.

I’m going to go ahead and spoil something for you right here.  Not for Attack on Titan or The Walking Dead -- though THERE WILL BE SPOILERS FOR BOTH, SO WATCH OUT -- but for this post in general.  If nothing else, you should probably read the last point (number 8) I have on this list.  You can consider it more than just a summation, or rattling off complaints.  It’s a culmination.  And it’s something that’s well worth reading.  Maybe.

Well, you’re here for one reason or another, so, hey, why the hell not?  Let’s get to it.

But first, who's up for a little moe moe action?

Don't worry.  It'll be over soon.

Let’s discuss Attack on Titan (Part 1).

This is what I get for jumping on the bandwagon late.  No, scratch that.  It’s more like I watched the bandwagon zoom past, went the opposite direction, jumped into a well, sat inside it for a few months, and then poked my head out as soon as I realized I’d seen a bandwagon in the first place.

Some months back, my brother was asking me if Attack on Titan was any good, seeing as how he hadn’t watched an episode of Naruto in two years and wanted to get back into the anime fold.  I told him that -- as far as I knew -- reactions were mixed; some people say it’s amazing, and others think it’s overrated (or just not very good).  I hadn’t seen it for myself, but when my bro found out that it was on Netflix -- thanks to Funimation, apparently -- he proposed that we watch it together.  How’d it go?  Well, I’ll just say this: we had multi-hour marathon sessions to blast through all twenty-five episodes of the first season over the course of a few days.  And we were both chanting “just one more episode”.

So yeah.  Attack on Titan?  It’s pretty friggin’ good.  But now there’s a problem: I’m gonna have a hell of a time getting back into The Walking Dead -- because everything it does, Attack on Titan does better. 

But that should be a given; seriously, have you heard the theme song?

Oh, right.  SPOILERS INCOMING for BOTH shows.  I almost forgot, because I’m so excited to be able to embed the theme song after the jump.  Also, have you seen some of the mashups?  I’m personally a fan of Attack on Ramsay, for obvious reasons.  Man, I want 3D Maneuver Gear challenges in the next season of Hell’s Kitchen.

D.O.X. is Dead #3: Cities and Madness

Okay.  Let’s talk very briefly about Kamen Rider.

I’ve been hoping that some day in the future I could talk at length about the individual installments I’ve seen -- not only because there’s a lot to love, but there’s a lot to learn (even from Wizard, which is supposed to be much-maligned, but for the life of me I can’t understand why).  For now, I want to bring attention to W; it’s one of the more popular installments, and I can see why.  Said reason is independent of the fact that the titular Rider is composed of two detectives’ minds in one body fighting simultaneously…though that doesn’t hurt.

Anyway, one advantage that W has over the installments I’ve seen is that its setting, Futo, has a much bigger presence in the show than the others.  To be fair I don’t know much about where the shows are filmed (in Japan, derp de doo), but W goes out of its way to give Futo a character of its own.  It’s “the windy city”, as named in the opening theme, and it’s full of pinwheels, windmills, and wind-themed accessories.  The heroes and villains alike concern themselves deeply with it, and want to protect it, or enhance it, or even transform it (using what is effectively a drug that turns people into monsters -- contained in mystic USB drives!).  The people of the city have a special relationship with it, even if they have to acknowledge its faults.  You should expect no less, given that one of the main themes -- in terms of writing and in music -- is “Nobody’s Perfect”. 

W wouldn’t be what it is without Futo.  And if I want to even begin to rival it, I have to do the same.

On the Designated Hero

Well, my intention was to upload a post on something positive for once -- one that I actually wrote weeks ago, in fact -- but I changed my mind.  Just as well, though; this is a topic that’s been on my mind for a while, and more so thanks to what I’ve seen recently.  The sooner I can get it out of my brain and on (virtual) paper, the better off I’ll be.  Plus it can serve as kind of a lead-in to the actual good stuff I WANT to talk about.

So.  You might have noticed that I put up a post on the new RoboCop movie.  If you didn’t, let me confirm the obvious and tell you it’s exactly as terrible you expected it to be...to the point where I felt like I had to add in a tag called "Insults to Intelligence".  (I get the feeling I'm going to be using that one a lot more in the future.)  In fact, I was debating whether it or 47 Ronin was the worst movie I’d seen in theaters recently, and RoboCop won the prize.  I may have fallen asleep during 47 Ronin, but the aggressive stupidity of RoboCop -- and the reckless conviction that puts that stupidity front and center -- edged out the competition.  Besides, at least with 47 it kind of had a point in existing, even if it DID botch the story every step of the way.

RoboCop (2014, and yet another example of a remake/reboot that tries to take the place of the original by copying the title) has many problems.  Many, many problems.  But the one that sticks out to me is with its title character.  Not just because he’s bland and marginalized in his own movie; no, it’s because he reminds me of problems that a LOT of other characters have had recently.  And it’s a problem that I’m starting to realize is the one thing that I hate above all others.

Can you guess what it is?  Without going to TV Tropes first?

RoboCop: (Don’t) Feel the Love

This is usually the part where I make some long and meandering intro only vaguely connected to the main post, but if you read the title, you can probably guess how I can feel about this movie.  And it’s probably the way a lot of other people feel about this movie.  And if you’ve seen it already, then it’s probably the way YOU feel about this movie.

In a shocking turn of events, RoboCop (2014) is an awful movie that only exists because of the original movie, will only get viewers because of the goodwill from that movie, and shouldn’t exist because the original move already exists.  And for the record, the only reason I suffered through it was because my brother got suckered by said goodwill, and it was to celebrate his birthday.

For the record, I can’t think of a time when I wanted to punch him in the face more than when he decided we’re going to see RoboCop.  So let’s talk about why, before I slip into an incompetence-induced coma.  Oh, and SPOILERS, I guess.  But whatever.  I’d hope you don’t intend to watch the movie of your own will.

God, why couldn’t we just go see The Lego Movie?  That’s based on a nostalgic property, too…

So Why Make an Everyman?

If you’re just joining me here on Cross-Up -- and I’m not entirely sure why you would -- then let me make something clear right now.  In my opinion, the main character of a story defines the story.  And by extension, if the main character of a story is bad, then the story is bad.  I’ve said as much in the past, and while I’d like to think that I’m mellow enough to say that there are exceptions, I’m having a hard time thinking up any…so I’m going to revoke that mellowness and say there are no exceptions.  For me, at least.

It makes sense, doesn’t it?  When people talk about stories they like, one of the first things they’ll mention when it comes to favorites -- or at least use as an example for why the story is awesome in the first place, and you should like totally check it out, dude -- is a character.  It’s only natural.  Characters have faces, dialogue, personalities, and some good old panache to make their story worthwhile.  As they should.

And then there’s the “everyman”.  Trying to make me look like a fool since 1803.

On The Last of Us: Left Behind

Okay.  Let’s talk about DLC for a little bit.

I can remember a time when people were excited about the prospect.  Additions to their favorite games?  New content?  For a meager price?  No problem, they said in a united chorus.  But flash forward to the present day, and the mere mention of DLC is enough to make people retch.  These days, DLC doesn’t always mean “adding more”; it means “taking out what should have been in the game in the first place and charging extra for it.”  I guess it’s a way to soften the blow of development expenditures, and to be fair, it DOES feed into that oh-so-identifiable “games as a service” mantra.  Why let people unlock costumes in Street Fighter 4 when you can just make them pay for it later?  Why make Final Fantasy 13-2 a complete game when you can just dish out costumes, sidequests, and an impenetrable “ending” later on?  Who needs loyalty and goodwill when you can just hassle customers for more money?

As you’d expect, I wasn’t exactly excited about DLC for The Last of Us, given my…well, let’s call it “history” with the game.  But my brother -- and presumably every other person on the planet -- was.  So he played through it, and I sat through it.  I’m standing firm on my opinions about the game, but I’ve always felt bad about giving it so much trouble.  I wanted to like it, I really did -- and I wanted to be able to share the popular opinion without looking like some sort of gaming hipster.  So while I wouldn’t play through the DLC myself, I at least owed Naughty Dog a shot at redemption.

The question is, would they earn it?

Spoilers for The Last of Us -- main game and DLC -- ahead.  You might want to ride your horse on out of here if you’re looking to see The Misadventures of Joel Grumpybuns raw.

A Valentine's Special: Let’s “discuss” Infinite Stratos.

I think zombie fiction has run its course.  For now, at least.  (Because that’s a good way to start a Valentine’s post.  Mentions of the living dead.)

I’ll admit that the concept itself isn’t automatically wrong, or impossible to work with.  But with an immensely flawed game like The Last of Us going to great lengths to win the Half-Assed Award, and a show like The Walking Dead caught in an Ouroboros of people being sad and angry and sometimes killing zombies, I think that we’ve reached a stage where -- unless there’s a big variation in the formula -- then zombie fiction is a “broken model”.  Going with the basic conventions gives diminishing returns, and just exposes the problems with the model in the first place.

But zombie fiction isn’t the only broken model.  I’m about ready to say that the same applies for the standard harem in anime and manga.  I’m not the only one to say as much, and I won’t be the last; based on comments on sites and forums, harem stories have to work ten times harder for recognition (beyond the usual “best girl” declarations). And in a lot of cases -- in the case of Infinite Stratos, for example -- the stories just expose all the holes.  Granted harems probably keep popping up because people keep buying/supporting them, but at what cost?  Broken models may be enough to earn some fans and some cash, but it’s the easy way out.  A fool’s errand.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I wake up one morning and realize I’m using the same model.

Guest piece! Get your guest piece!

So, BioShock Infinite is a pretty cool game, and something worth talking about for a while.  And I did exactly that over on Battle Misfit.  That's right, I wrote a guest piece -- and the only way you'll ever get to read it is if you head over there right now!  Or...you know, whenever you feel like clicking this link.

It doesn't lead to viruses.  I promise.

I said as much a couple of days ago, but it bears repeating: Battle Misfit is looking for guest writers, so if you want to have something of your own posted to rival me, then this is your chance.  Get in that action, or just lounge around and read what I wrote...as usual.

Give it a look if you want.  If not, then just stick around here.  There's a new D.O.X. is Dead post right below this one -- and I swear that direction won't be confusing when someone finds this post randomly six months down the line.