The Smash Ultimate Salt Mines (feat. Byleth)

Yep.  There’s no getting out of this one.

The Smash Ultimate Salt Mines (feat. Terry)

Oh, look at what I found.  It’s a ticket for a trip to the salt mines once again.  No, it’s no problem at all, Sakurai and crew. Let me just get my helmet and gloves -- oh, and a decent pair of pants, too -- and I’ll just crawl right in.  I’m not worried about my lungs at all. Not like there’s coal or anything for me to breathe in.  And what do I even need my lungs for, huh?

*sigh*

The update that brought Terry Bogard into Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is the same one that buffed Jigglypuff, my least favorite character to fight in the entire game.  Great.  I was looking for a reason to throw my Switch in the trash.

On the other hand, Buster Wolf.  So it evens out.  Barely.

The Smash Ultimate Salt Mines (feat. Banjo & Kazooie)

So I tried playing some Street Fighter V to break in Poison, AKA the only character I could grab with the pittance of Fight Money I had on hand.  Plus it had been the first time I touched it in about five months, so I thought it’d be fun to test out a new fighter and level up my game.

It wasn’t fun.  And that’s all I’m going to say about that for now.

Let’s wash that horrible, horrible taste out of my mouth with the latest Super Smash Bros. Ultimate DLC character -- the oft-gone but not forgotten bear and bird duo, Banjo & Kazooie.  Or…is it Banjo-Kazooie?  Well, whatever.  New character, so let’s get salty.  As if I wasn’t already.

BRB Banjo is in Smash

Jeez Louise, Sakurai and crew are just NOT letting up with these big Smash Bros. Ultimate drops, are they?  Feels like I've only just gotten started with Hero, and no I've got to put him on the back burner for the bear and bird.

You can't really blame me though, can you?

The Smash Ultimate Salt Mines (feat. Hero)

You know, I was planning on doing another post on Super Smash Bros. Ultimate since Hero from Dragon Quest dropped not too long ago.  What I wasn’t planning on?  The fact that the guy’s still relevant days and weeks after his release -- for all the wrong reasons.

Is Hero overpowered?  Does Hero need to be banned?  The answers are…not going to be on this blog, because it’s a coin flip on whether I’ll either have a 7-match win streak, or lose 2 million GSP in a single day.  But I’ve been grinding it out in Ultimate, so I might as well gab a bit.  Come along for the ride.

BRB Hero is in Smash

And here come Sakurai and Smash Bros. Ultimate, thwartin’ my plans like the madlads they are.

Just as well, though.  Granted I was going to use this slot to talk more about Bloodstained, but given how much Smash I’ve been playing recently, I guess I can take a minute to post briefly on the game’s latest fighter.  And who knows?  Maybe I can slip in a few choice words on Fire Emblem: Three Houses.

…Besides “Dedue is best girl”, of course.  As if anyone needs to have such an obvious truth doled out.

The Smash Ultimate Salt Mine Report (feat. Rosalina)

So Super Smash Bros. Ultimate has been out for months now, and I still haven’t unlocked Elite Smash yet.

On one hand, I’m okay with that because I have enough trouble with the rank-and-file of regular quick play matches.  Best to struggle with those that are (usually) my speed down in the salt mines -- because misery loves company, or something.  On the other hand, this is my pride as a gamer and Smash vet we’re talking about here.  I think I’ve got something like 4 million GSP overall, with my Zelda in the top spot with a similar single-character amount.  Even if I don’t choose to go Elite, I still want the recognition that I could go Elite.

We’ll see if/when I make it there.  And if I do?  It’ll probably be with my current main, Rosalina.

...and Luma.

The Smash Ultimate Salt Mine Report (feat. Joker)

Expectation: Take advantage of time zone shenanigans to play as Joker in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate on April 16^th, 2019

Reality: Play as Joker in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate after several failed hours of attempting to brave the total wipeout of the Nintendo eShop, coalescing into me giving up, going to sleep, getting woken up at 4:33 AM, downloading the 3.0.0 update, goofing around and getting the Persona 5 Spirits, and then going back to sleep on April 18^th, 2019

Moral of the story: try to resist the urge to misappropriate the famous “hell is other people” quote when referring to any gamer who isn’t you, and simply enjoy the fact that there’s a new character in Smash.

The keyword here is “try”.  But I’ll get to that.

The Smash Ultimate Diaries -- ACT III

So I’m trying to decide whether Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is better than, worse than, or equal to Homecoming, but in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really matter.  While I have reservations about giving modern-day Sony’s movie division any credit or praise, a good movie is a good movie, and Miles Morales’ big screen debut is more than simply “good”.

It’s worth watching for its presentation alone -- an animated movie that doesn’t feel the need to play with kid gloves by default.  Granted there are times when the movie gets in its own way with possibly too much style -- during my viewing I thought a few times that it’d be better if they toned the AV down by 10-20% -- but it’s a critical hit more often than it misses.  Kingpin is the definition of an “absolute unit” design-wise, and seeing some of this stuff in motion makes me hungry for more.  Not just a sequel, but for other movies to be emboldened to give the style (or something like that) an honest try.  Like, Disney, maybe mimic this instead of another live-action remake?

The funny thing about the movie is that, while Homecoming stepped away from the origin story affect, Spider-Verse revels in it -- to its benefit.  Fair move, considering that we’re following Miles now.  Still, even if you’re wary of another superhero origin story, there’s more than enough meat on this movie’s bones to keep you satiated.  Shout-outs to this movie for making parents that feel like real people; this version of Jefferson isn’t just trying to run for Jesus like Spider-Man PS4’s Jefferson, and --

Wait, I feel like I should be talking about something else right now.  Oh, right.  Smash Bros.  Let’s talk about it one more time…with a focus on World of Light.  Because I beat it, and talking about that is…well, it’s necessary, I think.

The Smash Ultimate Diaries -- ACT II

Hey, welcome back to another post on my newfound crack addiction.

I had a friend come over recently, and he asked me what I thought of Smash Bros. Ultimate.  My answer, without hesitation: “It goes without saying, but this is the best Smash yet.”  I didn’t think that was a controversial statement -- can’t imagine a lot of people disagreeing with me, though we’ll see what the verdict is a year out from release -- but naturally, my brother chimed in to say “Ehhhhhhhhhhh, I dunnoooooooooooo…”  Naturally.  Because naturally, he pines for the days of Melee.  Except for that time when we played Melee again, and we all decided (in an unspoken decree) that that was a mistake.

Okay, sure, it’s not as if Melee is the worst or anything.  But the game is old enough to drive now, and holding it in unrivaled esteem does it, the franchise, or us no favors.  Even if you’re the type to uphold it for its gameplay/tournament merits, can we at least meet halfway and agree that Ultimate has the best visuals, presentation, sound design, and content thus far?  Can we?

I bet we can.  And with that out of the way, let’s talk about more Smash Ultimate stuff.

The Smash Ultimate Diaries -- ACT I

You know, I had a feeling this would happen.

Don’t misunderstand right off the bat; it’s not as if I’m about to say “Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is a huge disappointment.”  On the contrary.  I think it’s a good game, and here’s why: just as I predicted, there have been multiple instances since release day on December 7^th (6^th if you’re like me and had the digital version pre-loaded alongside geographical advantages) when I had to make a call.  Play more Smash, or get more sleep?

I’ve chosen Smash over sleep on more than one occasion.  I probably shouldn’t.  I mean, as of writing I feel a cold coming on, and it wasn’t long ago that I went to bed early because I felt like throwing up.  I didn’t, thankfully -- I need to work on rebuilding my streak of going over a decade without puking -- but the worst part about it wasn’t that I felt like my insides sparked a bloody revolution.  It was that I missed out on valuable Smash time.

Right now, all I want to do is play it more.  But in the interest of keeping this blog alive, let’s go ahead and have a random collection of thoughts.  Then more smashing.

Go play The MISSING. (Also, writing junk.)

Now, I don’t want to oversell the game, but let me say this about The MISSING: J.J. Macfield and the Island of Memories. Its greatest sin is that it released in the same year and quarter as Super Smash Bros. Ultimate -- because if it chose any other time period, then it would probably, if not easily, be my Game of the Year.

I mean, it’s not perfect.  There are some technical issues (on the Switch, at least), a decent chunk of the puzzles are surprisingly basic (except for one at the end involving a big shoe), the voice acting occasionally reaches a point where main heroine JJ is channeling the spirit of Tommy Wiseau, and…yeah, I can see the general length of the game -- or lack thereof -- being a sticking point for gamers that want bang for their buck.  Then again, my $30 got me about 8 hours of entertainment, so your mileage may vary.  Also this is both a complaint and a compliment: this game really pops off in the final act or so, meaning that the ending is…yikesy mikesy.

I’ll probably talk more about the game another day, but for now?  Buy it, watch an LP, read up on it, consume it however you can.  Now let’s spend the rest of this post talking about big dumb writing projects.

Re: RE: Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

How to become a Game of the Year 2018 contender instantly -- irrespective of actual game quality or even a full release -- as explained by Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.

Step One: KILL EVERYONE YOU LOVE.

That’s…pretty much the only step.

RE: Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

There’s a lot to talk about and discuss with Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, but lately there’s one thing that’s been on my mind above all else: is Sakurai going to be okay after this?

I wonder.  Director and series mainstay Masahiro Sakurai has long since earned fame and infamy for his work on the Smash Bros. Series.  Reportedly, he’s a workaholic who’s put in an insane amount of hours from game to game, with the calcific tendonitis to show for it.  And to what end?  Barring the drop of a major story mode from Brawl to 4, every new installment is bigger than the last.  More characters!  More stages!  More music!  More tweaks!  Items, Assist Trophies, Pokemon, options, modes, everything, everything, everything!  It sure as hell doesn’t seem like there’s an endgame for the franchise, a plateau upon which to rest.  

It leads me to believe -- or guess -- that this is Sakurai’s last hurrah.  Throw in everything for this game, then announce his departure -- maybe dabble in smaller or passion projects.  It’s a “salt the earth” strategy you’d kind of expect from a troll-happy creator; make a big mess, then leave the next guy to deal with the cleanup as you put on your sunglasses and backflip outta there.  As one would.

The Birds and the Ps

Okay, if we’re being totally honest?  This post actually doesn’t have anything to do with birds.  But I wanted to have a cute and pun-filled title to start things off, so I figured I might as well.

Also, it still starts with a B.  And guess which recently-announced character for a certain magical fighting game also has a name starting with a B?  That’s right -- Billy Kane has been confirmed for King of Fighters XIV.  Get ready for some super-sticky shenanigans.

Right.  But seriously, though.  Bayonetta in Smash Bros.  That’s amazing.  When I saw her revealed, I actually had my breath taken away.  I guess that’s the power of an Umbran Witch.

So Who is Cloud Strife, Really?

Full disclosure: I didn’t see the recent Nintendo Direct live, so I heard about the biggest headline indirectly thanks to my brother and his phone.  He had me guess who the new Smash Bros. character was, and my first (and only) guess was Shantae thanks to some rumblings I’d heard.  He didn’t even know who that was, so he did me a solid and said it was Cloud.  My delayed response?  “That’s impossible.”  And for minutes after, “But why?” repeated with an increasingly desperate and confused tone.

In all honesty, though?  I’m not all that hung up on Cloud coming to Smash Bros.  Sure, I can think of other characters who deserve a spot first, but that’s what the big Smash Ballot was for (wherein I voted for Wonder Red, because of course I did).  I don’t intend to play as Cloud, since I already have a stable of characters that’s bursting at the seams; still, his inclusion has made plenty of people happy.  That’s something worth celebrating -- and indeed, plenty of people have already started celebrating.  Seeing Maximillian goberserk over the reveal was an experience more emotional than all of the David Cage games put together.  Not that that's very difficult.

So How Do You “Idealize” Female Characters?

So March is apparently Women’s History Month.  Let’s capitalize on that…with yet another ill-advised discussion on gender politics in video games!  Rejoice, sort of!  Or, alternatively, despair!

There was an article on The Escapist a while ago that discussed the controversy surrounding a cover for a Spider-Woman comic.  Put simply, the art is what you’d call “buttnomenal”.  With the emphasis on the butt.  It’s not exactly what I’d call the greatest art I’ve ever seen, but then again my comic book collection couldn’t even fill a shoebox.  All I know is that I can respect the apparently-famous artist, but the art itself isn’t exactly something I can get behind.  Apologies for the pun.

In any case, the article got me thinking.  It actually mirrored a sentiment brought up by (the great) Jim Sterling once upon a time: the portrayal of both genders kind of sucks in video games.  But the key idea is that there’s a difference: men in games -- and fiction in general, a lot of times -- tend to be idealized.  And of course, women (sometimes literally) tend to be objectified.  There’s a difference.

Season's Wii-tings II: Super Smash Bros. for Wii U

I have to be honest: I don’t really care for the title.

I get it, of course.  There’s a Smash game out for the Wii U, and there’s a Smash game out for the 3DS.  How do you set them apart?  Say as much in the title!  But man, isn’t that name such a downgrade?  We had Melee, and then we had Brawl, and now we get…for Wii U?  Why not Showdown?  Or Riot?  Or -- well, I guess those are all the good ones.  But the point stands.

That’s pretty much all I’ve got in terms of complaints.  I could nitpick, I guess -- and I probably will -- but other than that?  Look, I seriously don’t think I need to tell anyone reading this that this is a good game.  If you have it, you know that already.  If you don’t have it, then you’ve probably heard as much by this point -- and I’d argue that you should buy it, especially if you have a Wii U. Generally speaking, just going over some of the ins and outs of the game would make this post completely pointless.

So let’s do something different.  Let’s start with a question: why this game?

The Smash Diaries (Day 5)

So I decided to check the Smash Bros. wiki to see if there were any nuances I missed in the new game -- you know, to try and make some of those intangibles more tangible.  I already knew about the Tekken-style rage effect built in (get hit a lot, do more damage), but the wiki suggests that not only is there increased knockback, but also the inability to act out of hitstun.  It seems like a minor thing -- and it is, because not every player even knows what hitstun is -- but that nuance does mean something in the long run, especially for those who care immensely about the under-the-hood mechanics.   Among other things.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that whether you’re aware of the changes or not (or if I am, in all fairness), Smash 4 feels more…well, I don’t want to use this word exactly, but since I can’t think of a better fit, let’s go ahead and use “legit”.  I don’t know if this game will replace Melee as the EVO standard, if it’ll be able to exist simultaneously, or if it’ll just be cast aside by the old guard.  But I think it’s at least capable of making it there, and being welcomed by the fighting game community. 

Which brings me to the point of the day: Nintendo’s master plan.  Or my vision of it, at least.

The Smash Diaries (Day 4)

Before I get started, there’s one thing I have to mention: I’ve been playing this game exclusively with the Wii Classic Controller Pro (the one that came with Monster Hunter Tri).  As I’ve established by now, I don’t have any problems with the Wii U GamePad; the issue is that playing Smash 4 means completely un-learning how to play with a GameCube controller.  This has been…an issue on a consistent basis.  I need to get used to the new controller, but it’s the closest facsimile to the GC pad I’ve got right now.

So yeah, no commentary on how the GamePad figures in this time around.  So let’s put our focus back on the game -- though before we do that?  Let’s have a moment of silence for my brother’s GC pad.  After years of smashing, it finally gave out on him. 

Just as well, though.  It had a lot of exposed wires.