So I’ve been playing Final Fantasy VII Remake.

Actually, let me rephrase that.  I’ve been playing Final Fantasy VII Remake, so much so that (I assume) the next time I sit down with it, I’m going to clear the game.  My total play time is something around 41 hours so far, having put in some legwork to wrap up as many sidequests as possible -- both for the sake of not missing any extra/story content, and in the (likely) event that this is the first and last time I’ll ever do a full run.  I think I’ve made enough of an effort and spent enough time with the remake to be moderately credible when it comes to saying anything of substance about it.  I know the ins and outs.  I know the score.

Given that -- and given my reputation -- what do I think of FF7R?  I think…that I’m not going to say a word until I finish it.

That’s getting harder and harder to do by the day.  I have some things to say about it.  Until then, though?  There are other miscellaneous thoughts I can go over.  Enjoy.  (If you can.)

I didn’t want to end up in this situation, but here I am anyway.  Here I am, making a confession: FF7R ended up being a lot more important to me than I ever would have guessed.  Or preferred.  This blog was 75% built on me griping about Final Fantasy games, starting with the one title that hurt me badly, FF13.  Looking back, I can’t believe how naïve I was to think that nothing would ever be as bad.  13-2.  Type-0.  FF15.  And on a parallel track, KHIII (itself opening the floodgates on some other trash-ready Kingdom Hearts games).  In my lightless and decrepit eyes -- the left of which is provably worse thanks to a fateful dodgeball game -- Squeenix hasn’t put out a good JRPG in their mainline franchises in a decade.

I know what you’re thinking (besides licking your lips and rubbing your hands in the hopes that I’ll go sicko mode on FF7R and scream about how bad it is).  “Voltech, brother, why must you wound yourself so?  Why open your heart if nothing awaits but fresh gashes and spilled blood?”  And yes, imaginary people I’m using to justify my ramblings before they’re used as evidence in my insanity hearing: I should have cut FF loose a long time ago.  I already kind of did, after I dramatically claimed at the start of my FF15 posts that “this franchise is dead to me”.  Why am I back?

Given the circumstances, how could I not be back?

By no means is the original FF7 my favorite game.  It doesn’t take up a huge space in my brain.  Even though I absolutely acknowledge the quality of it, and agree with those that feel the same, it’s not as if it’s the be-all and end-all.  But the game still occupies a special place in my heart for one specific reason: if not for it -- and the one-two punch provided by FF8 not long after -- then I might never have wanted to become a writer.  Basically, one franchise, and one franchise I got to later than most, ended up altering the trajectory of my entire life.  Probably for ill rather than good, but we’ll know for sure once my tombstone’s all propped up.

The heroes.  The battles.  The spectacle.  The world.  The adventure.  The energy.  The spirit of it all.  Final Fantasy opened my eyes to a realm of infinite possibilities, the magic that a creator -- that a work of art -- can weave out of the ether.  It was the shot of adrenaline that an anxious, wound-up, introverted, and deeply-repressed elementary schooler needed.  If we’re being honest, we all kind of need that.  Fiction -- especially good fiction -- is the spark every last one of us needs to keep the fires inside us burning bright.

So on one hand, I personally need to see FF7R through to the end.  Having recently replayed the original FF7 via the Switch port (up to and including beating the Emerald Weapon with 22 seconds on the clock), I know now without a doubt that Baby Voltech wasn’t an idiot for placing his faith in a game featuring roadrunners as big as SUVs.  There’s a reason why the original game is so highly valued and revered.  The only question was whether or not Squeenix could recapture the magic -- no, enhance the magic with all of the advancements 20+ years of game development could allow.  And, it was a chance at redemption.  It still is. 

The company’s flagship franchise has been taking heat since…well, my instinct is to say July 2001, but honestly, I think there have been detractors since well before that.  Whatever point they/you say that FF started going downhill, I think we can all agree that there has been a fall from grace.  The remake is a chance to undo all of that.  Prove the worth of the franchise and the company behind it.  Make amends for past sins.  Blaze a trail toward the future.  A lot was riding on the game fans have begged for since the days of the infamous tech demo.  And again, it still is.

My brain says one thing, but my heart says another.  And my heart says “I want to be a part of that.”

I’ve been holding onto this anger and resentment toward this franchise for eight years -- at a bare minimum vis a vis blogging about it and thus having my hatred exaggerated over time.  That can’t be healthy.  I don’t know if I have it in me to keep that grudge in my chest for another eight years.  That’s why I have to open my heart once more, even if it means getting hurt.  FOMO culture may be getting the best of me, sure, but this is a personal battle that I can’t run away from.  I need to see what’s become of my old friend, and settle things once and for all.  Has redemption been earned, or is it time for the final rejection -- a mercy killing, and a callous abandonment of the corpse?  Is the franchise so dead that it’s become undead, and the zombie that remains needs to be taken out?

I have some thoughts on that matter.  Regardless, there’s one other function of this little excursion: this is the moment when I’ll see how far I’ve come.  Once upon a time, FF7 was a teacher to me.  Since then, we’ve gone our separate ways, down paths with thousands of miles between us.  FF continues to rake in cash, high(ish) sales figures, and popularity, but again and again I catch traces of resentment and skepticism -- almost as if there are people who buy the games out of obligation.  And remember the golden rule: companies don’t need you to enjoy their products.  You just have to keep slapping down the dollars.

And then there’s me.  Me, the guy who’s held onto his ambitions for years on years on years.  The guy who’s so eager to become a storyteller that he practically rewrote the same story over thrice, with over 1.3 million words in manuscripts to show for it.  The guy who, upon getting rejected again and again for one story, wrote another one so he could juggle two manuscripts at once -- and is one schedule-clear morning away from starting a third.  The guy who’s only gotten published when he throws his insane mutterings online, only to find that those that do partake (and don’t have their eyes wither and deflate in the face of my torturous word counts) routinely adore his work.  I’m basically the Duke of Obscurity…okay, fine, Duchess of Obscurity…but I think I’ve put in just enough time over the years to say I’m a good writer.

And now it’s time to decide.  Time to prove myself, more than needing to prove (or disprove) FF still has a place in this world.  Can I find something good in this remake?  Can I figure out what makes it tick?  Can I grasp what works and what doesn’t?  Can I view the story impartially, in spite of my biases and preferences?  Can I walk away with new lessons from my would-be arch nemesis, and become a stronger writer because of it?  Can I face the embodiment of myself, past, present, and future, and come out the other side with a heart that burns brighter than ever before?

We’re about to find out.

See you soon.

Okay, I’ll say one thing about FF7R: Barret is hot AF.

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