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I Hraet You

Another failed conquest...I’m starting to wonder if it’s hopeless for me.  Have I reached my limit?  Is this really all I can do?  No!  Never!  I can’t give up yet!  Remember what you’re fighting for, Lloyd!  A harem without equal, without limits!
--Lloyd, minutes before a Ferris wheel falls on top of him

He's the Prince of Love.  The Sultan of Swoon.  The Violet Peacock.  He's Lloyd B. Hoigleheimer, self-proclaimed agent of Aphrodite.  He's also an idiot prone to out-hamming a drunken William Shatner.  And following a near-death experience, he's about to have a stroke of good fortune.

Awakening to a mysterious power within, Lloyd decides to use his psychic abilities -- the power to observe and touch people's hearts -- to make his aims a reality.  What starts out as a dream to create the world's finest harem blooms into something much bigger.  He's about to put his back (and his pancreas) into this upcoming fight, all for the sake of creating a new world.  And he's about to have a wild time of it, thanks in no small part to a gun-toting grandma, wrestlers by the dozen, no shortage of allies and enemies with split personalities, punk rockers, superhumans, a killer robot, and a wandering samurai bear.  Oh, and a ghost for good measure.

Strap in.  It's gonna be a wild one...

NOTE: I Hraet You is on hiatus right now.  But don't worry, because it'll be back with new chapters soon!  Until then?  I don't know, like, just read all the other chapters.  There's a hundred of them, maybe?  That'll keep anyone busy for a hot minute.
  Cast ll Recaps ll Feedback ll Notes

Act 1: The Man Who Would Be Hearty
Scene 1: Rise and Shine
Beat 5: No Such Thing as Consequences
Beat 6: Is He a Genius, or an Idiot?  (You Should Bet on the Latter)
Beat 7: You Know What They Say About What Comes With Great Power, Right?
Beat 8: Shine On, You Crazy Surfer
Beat 9: Planning Ahead is for Yellowbellies
Beat 10: A Shame There's No Moon Tonight
Scene 2: The First Day of School
Beat 11: No Bees in This Chapter, Thankfully
Beat 12: The Lost Kingdom of Lloyd B. Hoigleheimer
Beat 13: Connect the Dots with a Sledgehammer of Ham
Beat 14: Breaks Are For the Lucky
Beat 15: Now You're Just Trying Too Hard!
Beat 16: Total Neurological Wipeout and Euphemisms
Beat 17: And Then There Was A Rabbit
Beat 18: It Really Could Have Ended Only One Way
Beat 19: Always Restock Your Fridge.  Always.
Scene 3: The Laughing Mask
Beat 20: Oh Right, There Are Other Characters
Beat 21: The Plot, It Grows More Viscous
Beat 22: Remember, Guys: Bullying is Bad
Beat 23: Falsified Documents Are the Best
Beat 24: The Magical Closet of Love and Ammonia
Beat 25: Aw, How Cute...Too Bad There's Still a Fire
Beat 26: Escape From New York, or Something Like That
Beat 27: Proper Roadside Etiquette is a Societal Treasure
Beat 28: A Highly Persuasive Argument via Armaments
Beat 29: Breathless Gasp!  The Villain Revealed!
Beat 30: Well, That's One Way to Establish Yourself As a Threat...
Scene 4: The Journey to Justice
Beat 31: Hope You Haven't Been Holding Out for a Hero
Beat 32: Confidence Issues!  What a Feeling!
Beat 33: Legitimacy and Tonal Shifts
Beat 34: Face to Face to Face...to Face
Beat 35: A Counting Lesson for the Ages
Beat 36: Now That's What I Call Gentlemanly
Beat 37: Back to Reality...Tentatively Speaking
Beat 38: The Impetus of a Crapshoot Hero
Beat 39: Operation "Stop That Guy from Murdering Everyone"
Beat 40: Such is the Essence of the Power Slide
Beat 41: It's Just Not a Story Without a Wacky Chase Scene
Beat 42: You Can Probably Guess Who's Bad Cop
Scene 5: To the Victor Go the Hearts
Beat 43: Onward to the Climax!  Well, Maybe
Beat 44: Now, the Climax -- Oh Wait, Deductions First
Beat 45: Okay, NOW the Clima- Wait, What?
Beat 46: Something About a Gap...
Beat 47: The Best Laid Plans (Kind of Suck)
Beat 48: Showdown Time!  Don't Hurt Yourself, Now!
Beat 49: The Lowest of the Low Blows
Beat 50: Slobberknocker of the Soul
Beat 51: A Steel Heart and Smelting Tears
Beat 52: So This Here's the Falling Action, Right? 
Beat 53: Well, That Proved Effective
Beat 54: Good Communication Begets Good Relationships (In Theory)
Beat 55: See You Space Heart Boy
Act 2: Good Will Hearting
Scene 1: Of Snakes and Rabbits
Beat 56: The Foundation of a Good Morning
Beat 57: Putting the "AHHH!" in Entourage
Beat 58: It Can't Possibly Go This Well, Right?
Beat 59: For Want of a Nail (Gun)
Beat 60: Snakes on a Plain...Rampage
Beat 61: On the Road to a Rabbit
Beat 62: More Bounce to the Sixteenth of a Pound
Beat 63: A Battlefield is No Place for Snacks
Beat 64: The Interplay of Mediation and Murder
Beat 65: Anyone Up for a Pun with Scales?
Beat 66: What a Wonderful Person!
Beat 67: And May the Wonders Never Cease
Beat 68: Even Inchworms Have Their Pride
Beat 69: The Best Plan
Beat 70: The Shiv Quota Has Not Been Met
Beat 71: Well, When You Put It That Way... 
Beat 72: Corn of Coercion
Beat 73: The Path to the Future is Paved with Podiatry 
Scene 2: Chuck Reason, Rabbit Season
Beat 74: Rabbits Bite Harder Than You Think
Beat 75: Inappropriate Diction for Sixteen-Year-Old Girls
Beat 76: Myriad Methods to Break the Camel's Back
Beat 77: Alterations, Altercations, and Something Else that Starts with A
Beat 78: Oh, Assist Will Work Nicely -- That Starts With A
Beat 79: An Origin Story?  Nah, Man.
Beat 80: If Only It Were Rabbit Season...
Beat 81: Overpowering the Overpowering...With Power
Beat 82: That'll Take the Wind Outta Your Sails
Beat 83: Well, Probability IS a Part of Math...
Beat 84: Now THIS is Hot Blood!
Beat 85: To the Chewy Chocolate Center and Beyond
Beat 86: Pulling Two Out of a Hat
Beat 87: If You Say It, They Will Crack
Beat 88: The Greatest Euphemism
Beat 89: No Victory for Old Psychologists
Beat 90: The Only Viable Response to Rejection
Beat 91: All Hail Puppeteers (and also Makeovers)
Beat 92: Romance Never Dies (Except When It Does)
Beat 93: Should've Thrown Her in a Rubber Room...
Beat 94: Consider Disconnections, Consider Connections
Beat 95: A Hunting We Will Fear
Beat 96: The Capper
Beat 97: The Last Face You'll Never See
Guest Chapters
Elseworlds Special Edition (by Konstantine Paradias)
B.O.S.S. Chapters (by Eric R. Jackson)
D-1: Another Day, Another Gorgeous Stranger
D-2: Love and Pro Wrestling
D-3: A Star is Born
D-4: The House of Hoigleheimer
D-5: Planning ahead.
D-6: Temptation
D-7: The Ethics of Fruit.
D-8: A New World Order.
D-9: Epilogue
More to come!  Keep on lovin', baby!

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