I Hraet You -- The Character Page!

It's here at last!  Relatively speaking!

It goes without saying, but the next time you see this page, it won't be the same as before.  It'll be tucked away in a part of the I Hraet You tab, and things will be altered as needed.  Inevitably that means more character bios and art, because if my files are any indication there are still quite a few to go; no doubt I'll be getting some of those guys up later on.  And of course, there are certain details about these characters I've kept under wraps, for obvious (spoiler-based) reasons.  So once new chapters come in, it might be a good idea to check back every now and then.

But enough talk.  Please enjoy some brief descriptions of the cast as I showcase my tedium-bred MS Paint skills.

Oh, and GraphicsGale.  So much technology, guys.  

The Cast

Lloyd B. Hoigleheimer                   

“I fight in the name of my harem!  And no force on earth shall stand in the way of my bosomy paradise!”

The hero of the story.  Hammy beyond reason, this passionate prince of love (in name only) is out to construct his own harem, and will stop at nothing until his ideals are realized.  In spite of his absurd dream -- and more absurd practices -- he’s a genuinely good person out to make the world a better place.  It certainly helps that he’s got a wild new power to use…

JP Hoigleheimer

“What did you expect?  I may be young, but I’ve had my eyes on the prize since the day I was born.”

Lloyd’s little brother.  A misanthrope through and through, his chief goal in life is to get his hands on as much money as his (remarkably tiny) body can grab.  While he’s none too happy to be roped up in the antics around town, with his smarts -- and a healthy layer of cynicism -- he just might strike it rich.  His full name is Judas Priest.

Patton Hoigleheimer

“I had to smash a few cars in the process, but I’d do anything for my boy.  Anything.”

A demon disguised as a beast disguised as a man, Patton is the massive father of the Hoigleheimer bros.  While he’s been known to cause widespread havoc on a whim -- or a mention of artichokes -- he’s actually a pretty nice guy…provided you don’t cross him.  In spite of his intimidating presence, he seems to have an affinity for cute and delicate things.  Well, that and steaks.

Trixie Walters

“Sure wish I could get some respect ‘round here.”

An aspiring surfer from the distant town of Rockwood.  A slew of unfortunate events has brought this southern belle to Porbeagle, and ultimately into the arms (relatively speaking) of Lloyd and the other Hoigleheimers.  She has her moments of hot-bloodedness, but they’re balanced by regular shock and shame; still, she’s a good person who’s always eager to lend a hand…and often the butt of a joke.

Mrs. Overdose 

“Can’t say it’s the most glamorous job, but as long as I get my green I can’t complain.”

Don’t let this old (?) lady’s looks fool you -- Mrs. Overdose is one tough shotgun-toting, reed-chomping, insult-slinging bounty hunter.  Her exact origin and backstory are both mysteries, but her current goal is clear as day: shoot her way to a comfortable lifestyle.  Her loyalty is up for debate, though; one could argue she’s just in it to get herself a nice foot rub or two.

May

“Treasure is stupid.  Looking for bugs.”

A student of L. Bernstein High alongside Lloyd.  Blunt and terse to an absurd degree, May has no problems speaking her mind -- a mind that’s constantly fixed on finding more bugs.  While you can count on her to have bugs crawling all over her at any moment, there’s no telling what’s going on in that head of hers.  But then again, maybe that’s a good thing.

Lien-Hua Zhang

“I’ll be sure to make this school year your best yet.”

A science teacher at L. Bernstein High, and apparently an old friend of Lloyd’s.  Earnest and kindhearted, she’s not just out to make good on becoming a splendid teacher, but doing everything she can to support her students.  Still, one can’t help but wonder if there’s something she’s keeping hidden from her classes…

Sheila O’Leary

“S-sorry!  I…I-I was just so nervous that I realized that I’d rather blow you up than try to talk to you!”

A stuttering, snot-spewing mess of a high school student.  Reclusive and always eager to hide away, the one thing that can bring Sheila out into the open is the promise of Lloyd’s presence -- or more specifically, what lies below his belt.  She may have the face of a bona fide nerd, but even the phrase “improbably buxom” might not be enough to describe her.

Michael Hansen

“Damn it all, that secretary of mine’s always trying to get me to do work…”

A self-proclaimed badass principal.  Thanks to some abuse of several dozen loopholes, he rules L. Bernstein like a king…though he usually just uses his power to goof off.  He’s a man governed by whims and whimsy, and would much rather have a carefree environment than the average non-badass principal.  But whatever you do, don’t mess with his popsicles.

Gaston Leroux

“So heed my voice; let me give you the direction you so need, and let the flow carry you to a new plateau.”

The villain of the story.  A masked man who’s as hammy as Lloyd and ten times more dangerous, this intruder has aims to make Porbeagle -- and with it, the world -- into his own personal playhouse.  And with a dark power of his own, he may prove himself to be too much for even the prince of love to defeat.  Could the world be heading towards an unhappy ending?!

Rosco

“Worth it.  I like money.”

A brutish goon who’ll work any job given to him, as long as he gets paid.  Inexplicably keeps popping up in Lloyd’s path.  He may look like a villainous Mr. Clean, but he makes for a great goon.  He seems to really hate being pointed at for some reason.

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And...that's all I've got for now.  Quite a cast so far, but I've got a lot more up my sleeve...or in my hair, as it were.  Readers had best be ready to rock in the not-too-distant future.

See you then.  Voltech, awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!