Doin' the Liebster Dance

You know, now that I think about it, doesn’t “Liebster” sound pretty close to “lobster”?  I wonder if this is all a cross-promotional gambit sparked by Red Lobster in a bid for universal governance by way of its mind-altering seafood platters?

…So did you know I’ve won an award?

Well, won in the tentative sense.  It’s not as if I've become the champion of some sort of blood sport; all I've done is the same thing I've been doing for months now.  That is to say, over-analyze and nitpick anything that crosses my path.  But apparently, that was enough to draw some attention to my blog (I notice that I have a new follower all of a sudden, so hats-off to Mrs. Katie).  So I suppose I should accept the award, and thank both the people who stumble upon my haven and those who would nominate me.  And to that end, let me be the first to say… I've finally gotten around to addressing one of these things.  Final Fantasy 13 isn't gonna hate itself.

But it should.

All right.  So here are the rules:

1. Each person must post 11 things about themselves.

2. Answer the 11 questions the person giving the award has set for you.

3. Create 11 questions for the people you will be giving the award to.

4. Choose 11 people to award and send them a link to your post.

5. Go to their page and tell them.

6. No tag backs.

Eleven is kind of a weird number, but who am I to judge?  I have an unhealthy fascination with the number four (and as I’ve said before, odd numbers can suck it).  So, let’s give it a go.

1) If I was a stereotypical gangster, my nickname would be “Baby-Face.”  I don’t think I’ve met a single person in the past twelve years who’s accurately been able to guess my age.  Older than they look, indeed…

2) For a large percentage of any given year, I really do have an afro.  Not one of those comically-oversized ones like Tiger Jackson (because that would make me into a racist caricature), but one that’s juuuuuuuuuuust noteworthy enough to have others describe it as an afro.  Like many things about me, it is comically exaggerated to the point of becoming a defining characteristic.

3) I have two dogs that are even more comical than I am.  One of them is a toy poodle, and the other’s a Shih Tzu…and, respectively, one of them is insane while the other is gluttony incarnate.  The poodle (as is the standard of the breed) is neurotic, barks at everything -- including his food bowl -- and is growing increasingly frightened by hard floors.  The Shih Tzu has tried to eat -- and in some cases, has eaten -- a wasp, a gecko, Vaseline, and a rock.  And I suspect neither of them has strong survival instincts.  The poodle will trot into the street; the Shih Tzu will jump out of a moving vehicle. 

Can't say I blame him.

4) I think ballet is pretty manly.  I wouldn’t know from experience, given my hypo-featherweight physique, but there’s something undeniably rugged about ballet (and by extension, dancing in general).  As someone whose played a septillion hours’ worth of video games, I understand that information is conveyed through motion -- and the constant impression I get is that ballet -- whether performed by male or female dancers -- has a certain rugged appeal.  Prove me wrong.

5) I used to want to be an architect.  But then one day I started daydreaming…and then I never stopped daydreaming.  And that’s how I learned the true meaning of St. Patrick’s Day.

6) I’ve sworn off appearing in talent shows.  I played the comedian back in elementary school -- with my “jokes” being junk from some cheap, pun-filled joke book lying around my house.  Apparently, everyone had really low standards for humor back in the nineties, because for the next six months, everyone was telling me how funny I was and asking me to repeat said jokes.  (I couldn’t, of course, because I didn’t memorize them and had my parents hold up cue cards.)  So…yeah, never doing that again.  I wonder if this is how Vanilla Ice feels…no, probably not.  I’m pretty sure that for most of elementary school, everyone thought I was “a very special boy.”

7) I still think Power Rangers is pretty cool.  But then again, can you blame me?  Say what you will about recent seasons and how they don’t compare to the original, but I’ll just say this: in one instance, there’s a Megazord that transforms into a giant shotgun.  But even beyond that, the music is still pretty bangin’ -- to say nothing of the awe-inspiring tracks endemic to the original Japanese versions.  As we all know, Engrish makes everything better.

8) Contrary to popular belief, I eat other things besides hot dogs.  By my own carelessness, I led people to believe that I’m some sort of wiener-fiend (you in the back, stop snickering) that needs hot dogs for every meal, every day.  NOT the case, of course; that’s just not an economic use of finite resources.  And truth be told, there are other foods that I enjoy more than hot dogs -- cereal, waffles, oatmeal, muffins, those GDLK Red Lobster biscuits, raisin bread, strawberry ice cream…actually, I’m of the opinion that inserting a fruit into another food makes it even better.  There are likely exceptions, but…well, that’s why I’m not a cook -- at least if my attempt to make my famous BBQ sandwiches is any indication.

9) I have an eclectic collection of non-fiction books, because I am a nerd that likes reading and learning and junk.  Even though others would argue otherwise, I think I’m kind of dumb.  But even so, I try to do what I can to expand my knowledge (due to a crippling fear of science, which has canonically been my weakest subject).  So, let’s see…I’ve got books on ninjas, samurai leaders, samurai principles, swordsmanship, Miyamoto Musashi -- I was on a samurai kick --the number zero, the akashic record, music psychics, several books on World War II, the wild west, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, The Art of War, Norse mythology, and…oh yes, how to build a time machine.  If you sense any chronological anomalies, that’s just me knockin’ boots with George Washington Carver.

10) If I were to start playing a sport, it would be volleyball.   I don’t have the endurance needed for a sport on a larger field, and certainly not the durability for a contact-heavy sport, or the aim needed to get the ball into even a comically-large lattice of string.  But if there’s one thing I can do fairly well, it’s that I can hit a ball over a net really friggin’ hard.  I’m not bad at setting a ball, either, and I imagine I can hold a position fairly well.  Maybe I was a pro volleyball player in a past life or something.  Or maybe it’s that thing called talent.  The most likely explanation, of course, is that I’m a cyborg prototype that escaped and developed free will, and uses the technological prowess afforded to me to smack volleyballs around.  It was either that, or spike a nuke over a really tall net.

"I thought you had the left side!"

11) I like making everything I write unnervingly long.  Allow me to self-demonstrate.

That’ll do it on my end.  Now, let’s give this “answering questions” thing a shot.

1 - What do you enjoy most about blogging?

I have an outlet to vent my rage before it consumes me, and drives me to go on a journey to take revenge on those who wronged me by way of katana-slashes, stylized violence, and long-winded meandering conversations.

…It’s also nice to be able to interact with other bloggers.  I may have lofty dreams, but I know I’m not alone out there -- and it’s great to be able to connect with them.  In the words of Sengoku Basara’s Ieyasu, “Let us unite, and form a bond!”

2 - You're going to be shipped off to some deserted island. You can only bring 1 book, 1 movie, 1 music album, and 1 bottle; what are they?

OBJECTION!  If I’m going to be shipped off to a deserted island, how will I be able to view the movie?!

I am logic, hear me roar!

Semantics aside, I would bring a bottle of root beer because it’s delicious, a copy of Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny to cradle every night (and remind me of awesomely hilarious songs to keep my spirits up), a copy of the latest Now That’s What I Call Music album to break apart and fashion into a makeshift bladed gauntlet to combat angry animals, and a copy of the latest edition of How to Escape from a Deserted Island (or barring that, a dictionary to sleep on…or clobber animals if I can’t make the gauntlet).

3 - If you could download a great amount of information into your brain instantly, but only once, what would this information be about? (ex: a language, a martial art, a college degree, etc)

Everything pertaining to medical science, so that I can keep others (and myself) alive longer.  And also, cure cancer.  Maybe.

4 - What's your favorite color?

Green, of course -- the true color of heroes!  Just ask Adam Park. 

5 - Favorite dead celebrity to have dinner and a couple of drinks with.

John Ritter.  His death came too soon, and brought an untimely end to the promising Tuesday diversion Eight Simple Rules for My Teenage Daughter.

What's rule number five?  What's rule number five?!  *hysterical sobbing*

6 - Suppose God exists and you can ask him/her/it one question, what would it be?

My grandma’s your biggest fan -- you mind talking to her?

7 - If you were given the chance to spend a month somewhere with everything paid for, where would it be?

A (fully- and flawlessly-sanitized) Chuck E. Cheese’s, or some facsimile of it.  Video games, ball pits, pizza, and all the prizes I could ever hope to win…screw Paris, THAT’S where I want to have my honeymoon.

8 - You wake up in a post-apocalyptic world. Everyone is gone. What do you do for fun?

Wander across the Western Hemisphere.  Or, again, faff about in Chuck E. Cheese’s.

9 - A time machine appears in your living room. Past or Future? When and why?

What, are you kidding me?  Haven’t you ever read A Sound of Thunder?  Future all the…no, wait, scratch that.  I’d head to the past.  But not the colonial era or anything.  I’d head back a month at a time.  First, I’d write down everything I can/want to and put it on my flash drive, then head back a month and give the flash drive to my past self.  Then it’s like my past self has jumped forward a month in progress -- and the progress he makes from there would transfer over to me, now that he has a month to press on.  So I’d repeat the process until I eventually have ALL OF THE WRITING I’VE EVER WANTED completely finished.  I’ll make the fabric of reality work for me!

10 - What's your favorite fictional character?

11 - Share a joke.

What did the peanut say to the -- OH GOD I’M HAVING POST-TRAUMATIC FLASHBACKS TO MY SECOND GRADE TALENT SHOW UNGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH --

-- and that’s where potatoes come from.

All right.  Now it’s my turn -- here are eleven questions (eleven, seriously?  Why?) for you would-be heroes to answer for yourselves:

1) Surprise!  You’re a superhero.  What’s your superpower?

2) As a corollary to the above, are you a hero or a villain?

3) As a corollary to the corollary, what’s your catch phrase?  Some variant of “It’s clobberin’ time,” perhaps?

4) Have you ever been in a fight?

5) Have you ever had (or still have -- not that anyone’s judging) an imaginary friend?

6) You hear that there’s an ancient treasure, and you narrow down the location to two places: a deep jungle, or a mountain summit. You only have the resources for one expedition.  Where do you go?

7) And now you’re in an RPG!  You have a choice of being a fighter, a mage, or a thief.  What do you choose, and why?

8) You can have your dream machine -- a new computer, a rocket car, jetpack, personalized mech, etc. -- delivered to you by tomorrow morning.  What do you want?

9) You have the power to resurrect any canceled/finished TV show, with the original cast and writing that’s better than ever.  What do you revive?

10) You’ve been struck by lightning!  Oh nutbunnies!  What are (presumably) your last words?

11) And just to close out on a curveball, what’s your dream?

And for the final blow…!  Here are eleven blogs you should be visiting instead of mine!

Konstantine Paradias’ shapescapes

http://shapescapes.blogspot.com/

Chihuahua Zero’s The YA’s Dogtown

http://youngaspiringwriter.blogspot.com/

Eidolon’s Ehaema

http://ehaema.blogspot.com/

Dimanagul’s Memories of a Dimanagul

http://dimanagul.wordpress.com/

Burnspy’s I Am Only Myself

http://burnpsy.wordpress.com/

Brad’s Cheap Boss Attack

http://cheapbossattack.wordpress.com/

Joey Harpel’s [Insert Title]

http://joeyharpel.blogspot.com/

Tom Badguy’s TomBadguy.com

http://www.tombadguy.com/

Eric Hillis’ The Movie Waffler

http://www.themoviewaffler.com/

Adam Timmins’ Game BLARG

http://game-bl4rg.blogspot.com/

Grahf’s Grahf Games

http://grahf-games.blogspot.com/

And that’s the end of that chapter.  Now to get my award lobster…