Beat 92: Romance Never Dies (Except When it Does)
Deirdre took note of
Lloyd’s blank stare, and sidled up to him as fast as she could (if only to save
face). “Oh? What have we here? You look like a boy who has excellent
taste.” She sashayed her hips, and
tossed a hand through a few bangs. “So. Do you like what you see?”
Lloyd pointed to her
face. “Your nose is running.”
Deirdre wore her sultry
smile for as long as she could -- at least until a stream of snot dribbled down
her bottom lip. She ran a forearm across
her face and leapt away, turning her back on Lloyd once more. “Damn it, Sheila! Why isn’t that spray working the way it’s
supposed to? I can be sexy, but not when
I’ve got a nose like a broken faucet!”
Her ear wiggled, and
she turned her head left. “I gave you
all the good stuff already,” said Sheila.
She pumped her fists up and down.
“By the way, that good stuff wasn’t cheap, so don’t expect to see too
much of it again.”
Her ear wiggled, and
she turned her head right. “THAT was the
good stuff?” Deirdre yelled. She stomped
a foot against the ground. “That crap
barely lasted for an hour! And it burned
the hell out of my nose!”
“You mean our nose.”
“Whatever! Just do something about your nose already so
I can work my magic!”
“I don’t think there’s
anything I can do -- unless you feel like spending a half hour in the
bathroom.”
“Doing what?”
“W-well, they usually
have plenty of toilet paper…”
“Oh, screw you! I’d rather clamp my nose shut than spend a
second in a germy public bathroom!”
“Might I offer a
solution, ladies?”
Deirdre snatched them
up in a flash. She blew a keg’s worth of
snot into the handkerchief, and rapidly sprayed her nostrils. “You can have this back,” she said a minute
later, holding the soaked cloth between the tips of her fingers.”
Lloyd held up his
hands. “You can keep it. I insist.”
Of course, he didn’t bother making any objections as Deirdre tossed it
into a distant trash can; if anything, he wanted to praise her for making an
awesome shot. “So, the spray. How is it?
Not too strong, I hope? My father
was the one that offered it to me, and given his constitution he --”
“I wouldn’t know,” said
Deirdre.
“You…wouldn’t?”
Deirdre shook her head
and grinned cheerily. “Nope!”
Her ear wiggled, and in
a quarter second her smile vanished.
“Wh-what the…? What are you
--?” Sheila would have said more, but
she bclapped her hands in front of her nose instead -- and fell to the ground
in a heap. “Oh God! IT BURNS!
IT BURNS!” she wailed, squirming and rolling across the ground.
“Miss O’Leary! Hold on!”
Lloyd’s eyes shot left and right.
“I’ll find some water and spray it up your nose! I’m sure that will -- oh, wait, that would
probably just drown you. Never
mind. I’ll just have to --”
“Don’t switch back to
me!” Deirdre shouted…but Lloyd was more likely to notice her continued screams
rather than the changing of hands. “You
rotten little -- MY LUNGS ARE MELTING!
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!”
Lloyd glanced at the
trash can. “Would it help if I gave you
the handkerchief?”
*
Sheila poked her nose
gingerly, hoping that a slight touch would keep her from feeling the
sting. It didn’t help; she recoiled as
if she’d been stung by a bee, and she looked as if she’d start crying in the
next nanosecond.
“Perhaps touching your
nose isn’t the wisest idea at the moment, Miss O’Leary,” said Lloyd. He took a seat next to her on the bench, all
too wary of her injury -- a nose now swollen and bruised (and hopefully not
broken), with its engorged size only contained by a wall of bandages as thick
as the average riot shield. “I don’t
suppose you can pretend it doesn’t exist at the moment?”
“E-easier said than
done…” She sniffled, and Lloyd could
almost feel the spasm of pain running through her. “I guess that spray did help a little bit,
though. Either that, or punching myself
in the face over and over.”
“I see you’re still
more than capable of good humor. That’s
always a good sign.”
“That wasn’t a joke.”
“Oh.” Lloyd scratched his crown. “Maybe I should have gone to the hospital
after al. Or we could go together; we
could make a real date out of it.”
“B-b-but we’re already
on a date!” She leaned toward Lloyd and
stared at him with moistening eyes.
“I-I’m sorry for getting things off to a bad start -- but I promise,
I’ll try my hardest to make it go better!
Really! So don’t --”
“Calm down, Miss
O’Leary. I’m not about to abandon you
just yet. Nor am I going to let this day
turn sour merely because of a small mishap or two.” He winked at her. “I’ve got every intention of giving you the
best day I can -- so let’s make the most of it, shall we?”
Sheila leaned back and
jerked out a nod. “O-okay. But…um, are things really going to be okay?”
“What specifically are
you worried about? The date, or just
life in general?”
“…Both?”
Lloyd’s cheer
flat-lined. “I suppose you have
legitimate concerns, all things considered.
But let’s sort through them at a steady pace; there’s no reason to
overwhelm ourselves with all the nasty particulars.” He glanced aside. “Granted the thrust of my life the past week
has been trying to unravel the mysteries and maladies plaguing this town, up to
and including creating a sort of aegis against a masked malcontent bent on transforming
this town into his own twisted vision of the perfect world, but…er…”
Sheila stared blankly
at him.
“…I think I was going
somewhere with that, but I seem to have run into a bit of a snag thanks to
remembering the myriad problems I’m bound to face. Anyway, have you considered joining my
harem?”
Sheila stared blankly
at him.
“I thought I might
counterbalance the negatives with a bit of positivity. I can think of few things more enticing than
the thought of a bosomy paradise.”
“Um…I’m not sure I get
it, but…” Sheila pressed her fingers
together, and kept her eyes locked on her prodigious chest. “You just want me around because I’m busty?”
“No, of course
not. That’s merely a benefit -- a bonus,
but certainly not the basis. My intent
is to make a comrade out of you…or to be more precise, a friend. It’s true -- or likely, at least -- that this
power of mine is one that offers you some manner of safeguard, however limited,
against the forces that threaten our fair town.
And beyond that, our bonding together makes us predisposed toward taking
on whatever troublemakers come our way, together. But even if that wasn’t the case, I would
still try my hardest to put a smile upon your face.”
“Why?”
“Why? Well, why not? Why wouldn’t
I want to make someone happy?”
“You’d really go that
far for me?”
Lloyd nodded. “Farther than you could ever know, Miss
O’Leary. For if your noble heart willed
it, I would break down even the mightiest of mountains with naught but my
easily tenderized fists, and --!”
“Sheila.”
“Eh?”
Sheila took Lloyd’s
hand in hers. “You…you can call me
Sheila. I mean, this way whenever I
switch with Deirdre you don’t have to keep calling us by the same name. It could get confusing after a while, you
know? And besides…” She looked up at him and smiled -- a nervous
smile made with a reddened face, but with a warmth and softness that Lloyd had
never known before. “We’re friends
now. So you shouldn’t have to be so
formal with me.”
Lloyd smiled back at
her. “Of course. Then from this day forth, I’ll be certain to
call you ‘Sheila’ -- awkward as it may be thanks to my customs.”
“And I’ll -- I-I’ll try
and work hard, too.” Her eyes shifted to
the left. “I really put you through a
lot, didn’t I? I’m sorry about all
that…i-it’s just that I was just trying so hard to change myself, and I wasn’t
thinking straight, and I’m probably really dumb, and --” She shook her head rapidly. “Anyway, it feels like my head is a lot
clearer now. So I’m gonna do my
best. I’ll be the kind of person you
think I can be…even if I need your help every now and then.”
“If you need my help,
you’ll have it. And soon enough, you
won’t have to rely on me at…” Lloyd’s
eyes widened. “Hold on. What exactly did you mean by your head
‘feeling a lot clearer’?”
“Huh? Um, I don’t know. It just…”
Sheila pressed a finger to her chin.
“I guess looking back, a lot of the stuff I did seems kind of
silly. But the weird thing is, it feels
like it was kind of hazy -- like I’m having trouble remembering stuff, even
though it just happened not too long ago.
Like, I dunno, I was just moving along without thinking. Like…”
“Like a puppet?”
“Maybe? I guess?
I mean, I could still think and move, kinda, but…I dunno, it just feels
weird.” She looked up at the sky. “Like…for some weird reason, I can’t help but
feel like everything is more…colorful.”
“Colorful, huh?” Lloyd’s brow tightened, and he covered his
mouth. Is this the effect of her reaching a four-star level? Or could it be Deirdre’s doing -- or merely
her presence? Perhaps it’s because I
came so close to losing her in the audition room? No, that can’t be it; presumably, she’d been
in dire straits long before I met her; my presence could only do so much prior
to completion.
There are so many variables and mysteries. By JP’s estimate it would be wise of me to
start figuring out all I can about my powers and their effects via Sheila’s
testimony, but…I wonder if it’s really all right to make a test subject out of
her. Especially since this is supposed
to be a date. I’m here to treat her well
and make her feel welcome; I shouldn’t probe her for my own gain.
I’ll avoid pressing her too
heavily for now. As a potential comrade,
we have all the time in the world to sort this mess out. For now, my top priority is --
“Did I say something
weird?” Sheila asked.
Lloyd shook his head
and smiled. “I was just over-thinking
things. I do that every once in a blue
moon. But enough of that; we’re here to
have fun, and I intend to do exactly that!”
He leapt off the bench and pointed brazenly at the sky. “Prepare yourself for a day full of merriment
and heartwarming -- so let us venture forth to…! To…!”
Sheila tilted her
head. “To?”
Lloyd’s finger
sagged. “Er…I was going to suggest a
place, but that would have required me to think of one first.” He stroked his chin rapidly -- and in a flash
of brilliance, he snapped his fingers.
“I’ve got it! Let’s go
bowling! If ever there was a sport that
embodied good times and the warming of hearts, it would have to be bowling!”
“Don’t even THINK about
taking a hottie like me to a smelly-ass bowling alley!” Deirdre roared,
standing up in a huff. “Do you have any
idea what you’re supposed to do on a date?
I can tell you right now that it doesn’t involve bowling!”
“It doesn’t?”
“Hell no!” Deirdre clasped her hands together and stared
wistfully at the sky. “A date is
supposed to be all about romantic dinners!
Moonlit, horse-drawn carriages!
Violinists playing in the background as our emotions and passions swell
up from within us!”
“That sounds like the
sort of thing you’d want to do at night, not before it even strikes noon,” said
Lloyd as he glanced at his pocket watch.
“Also, I suspect I barely have the money for a honey bun, let alone a gourmet
dinner.”
“What?! You agreed to a date without even having any
money? Are you some kind of idiot?”
Lloyd grinned
sheepishly. “I would have guessed that
was obvious.”
Deirdre snorted and
shook her head, but kept a smirk on her face regardless. “Fine.
I guess I’ll just have to comp you just this once. But let this be a lesson to you -- if you
want to treat a lady right, you’d better have a fat wallet. Like so.”
She started to reach down her shirt -- but before she could even touch
it, her hand froze. “Oh crap. Oh crap, I just realized -- I can’t do it!”
“Eh? Can’t do what?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I can’t grab my wallet from between my
breasts now! I’ll ruin this
ensemble! I don’t think you know how
hard it is to find a button-down collared shirt for a girl that’s smuggling a
pair of watermelons!” She shook her head
furiously. “Damn it, it’s even worse
than that -- any more stress on this shirt, and I’ll ruin that super-sexy secret
technique I had in store for you! It’s a
miracle it’s lasted this long!”
Her ear wiggled -- and
her hand started moving back toward her chest.
“It’s fine, Deirdre,” said Sheila.
“It’s better to have money than to try and seduce Lloyd.”
Her ear wiggled -- and
her hand snapped away at the speed of sound.
“You just don’t get it, Sheila! I
want to be sexy, so I’m gonna be sexy!
Don’t try and get in my way!”
“But our date --!”
“Screw the date! If I’m gonna be a total hottie, I’ve gotta
act the part! And I can’t do that unless
I make all the right moves!” Deirdre
clenched her teeth. “This is your fault,
anyway! Why don’t you carry a purse?”
“I don’t know! I just figured my breasts were a good place
to keep it! And it’s not like I wear
makeup or anything!”
“That’s beside the
point! Hot mamas need purses! That’s just the way things work -- it’s
nature! And I swear to GOD, if you ruin
this for me --”
“YOU’RE the one ruining
it! Just let me get the money and --!”
Deirdre took control
once more, and slapped a hand atop their nose.
The result was predictable. “OH
GOD, WHY DO I HAVE TO FEEL THINGS?!” she wailed as she rolled across the
ground.
Lloyd offered her a
hand. “So did you want to go bowling,
or…?”
TO BE HEARTINUED…
No comments:
Post a Comment