Beat 96: The Capper
With its shift on the
wane, the sun began its usual commute into Porbeagle’s horizon. The day’s heat subsided bit by bit, but the
hint of salt in the air still wafted regularly past the townsfolk. As always, the sky welcomed and displayed
streaks of gold and orange, with the sun’s rays peeking through thick,
slate-hued clouds. The town might have
known no shortage of frenzy -- in the past, present, or future -- but as it
citizens shuffled off for their homes, a sense of tranquility pervaded
throughout.
Lloyd smiled. He was exactly where he wanted to be --
outside a supermarket holding a girl’s hair as she puked repeatedly into a
trash can.
“MRFRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!”
Sheila’s body quivered and buckled for the thirty-second time that day, and the
splatter of liquefied lunches echoed out of the can. When she finished, she pushed herself up from
the rim and gasped for air. “Okay…okay…I
think that’s the last of it.”
“You’re sure this
time?” Lloyd asked.
Sheila stood a few
inches higher and sniffled. “…Nope. Still more.”
Her ear wiggled, but
Deirdre didn’t get the chance to say a word; she just bent back down and fired
off another sickening salvo.
“MRFRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!”
“Is that the last of it?”
Lloyd asked.
Deirdre stood up
slowly. “Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I think…I think that’s it.”
She stepped away from Lloyd and patted a hand against her stomach. “So I guess I learned something new today: I
REALLY hate puking.”
“I guess.”
Her ear wiggled. “That’s not the only lesson you learned,
right?” Sheila asked. “Just because
there are free samples doesn’t mean you have to eat everything in sight. And you REALLY shouldn’t start pigging out on
everything in arm’s reach just because it’s there.”
“She has a point,” said
Lloyd. “Moderation is a virtue.”
Her ear wiggled once
more, and Deirdre crossed her arms in a huff.
“You two don’t have to treat me like some kind of child. I’m a grown woman, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“Not to get chained
down by semantics, but aren’t you technically only eight at the most? And again, given that I’m seventeen and
you’re sixteen, aren’t I the senior in this case? And in more ways than one.”
Deirdre waved a hand
through the air (doing her best to ignore the gastric debris on her face). “You may technically
be older, but you still compose yourself like a boy. Whereas I, in every sense of the word, am a
woman. Consider that a free and valuable lesson from yours truly.”
Lloyd pointed at her
head. “Your hair is starting to get a
bit frizzy.”
That cut Deirdre’s
gloating short. She felt around her
crown and ears -- and sure enough, her locks had grown unruly, and ready to
strangle the next passerby. “Damn, it’s
even worse than I thought,” she growled, all too aware of the juices clinging
to the lower half of her hairdo. She
tuned quickly to Lloyd. “You got the thing
I asked for, right?”
Lloyd held up a plastic
bag, and Deirdre seized it at light speed.
“Aha! This should do the trick!” She pulled a pair of scissors out of the bag,
and went to work furiously; her hands became a blur of flesh and steel, with
clouds of hair doing their best to head south for the winter. When she finished cutting, she dropped the
scissors and ran her hands over her head at the same speed; for a moment Lloyd
thought she might catch fire.
“Almost…almost…a little
more, and…done!” Deirdre gave herself a
good look in the nearby window, and then glided toward Lloyd with a sinuous
sashay. “Well? What do you think?”
Lloyd stroked his
chin. Deirdre hadn’t just taken a little
off the top; she’d cut off the majority of it, leaving her with a hairdo barely
longer than his. She’d arranged it into
an almost boyish form -- unruly, but with a certain order in the now-wavy
locks. “It’s a good look for you,” he
said with a smile. “Granted I’m not the
sort of person who’s too keen on hairstyles, but for what it’s worth I like it. And
I’m impressed you could make it look so professional so quickly.”
“Well, that’s what
happens when I don’t have any interference.” She brushed at a few bangs. “This style should work wonders for bringing
on the boys. Not only does it look good
-- and makes us look better -- but it’s got some nice little benefits. They say short hair makes women look taller,
for one.”
Her ear wiggled. “Th-then why did you cut it so short?” Sheila
asked. “We’re already five ten; think of
how awkward things are gonna get!”
“Easy there, girl. Consider it a bonus -- now that our face isn’t
as much of a train wreck, you can bet there’ll be more guys that’ll look at
your face. Of course, I guess that
depends on how low-cut of a top we end up wearing when we’re out and about.”
“Don’t make me buy a
whole bunch of turtlenecks from now on!”
“Just try it! I’ll slice and dice them into tanktops and
bikinis!”
“Being a woman must
truly be arduous,” Lloyd said to himself.
He held up a hand. “Sheila. Deirdre.
It’s getting late. Shall we be
going?”
Deirdre cut the
argument short and stared blankly at Lloyd.
“What, you wanna go home? But we
can’t go back. Jane kicked us out.”
“Well, that’s true, but
I’d like to think that in the time since she’s cooled down enough to listen to
reason. Perhaps now the two…er, three of you can work things out.” He rubbed the back of his head and smiled
sheepishly. “Or barring that, you could
just sneak into your room and spend the night.
There IS a rather large hole in the wall, as I recall.”
“And what if she
catches me sneaking back in? What if
she’s waiting there for me?”
“Hmmm.” Lloyd clapped his hands. “Ah, I know.
You can stay with me.”
“Is that okay with your
family?”
“Considering that I’m
already playing host to a southern belle and a bounty hunter, I don’t see why
my father would have any problems. But
let’s just see what happens when we try the O’Leary house first, shall we?”
Deirdre chuckled. “What, you want to see us fight again? Well, I’m sure we can handle whatever the old
lady throws our way.” She strode past
Lloyd, hands clasped coquettishly behind her back. “So, let’s get moving. I’ll gladly put on a show if I have to…or
hell, maybe even if I don’t.”
“I’d prefer avoiding
another fight if at all possible.” Lloyd
started after her, nodding to himself.
But a few steps quickly put him past Deirdre -- mostly because she’d
come to a halt. “Is something wrong,
ma’am?”
Deirdre stared calmly
at Lloyd. “Slowly.”
“Beg your pardon?”
“Let’s go slowly. I mean, come on. There’s no rush to go back, right? So let’s take our sweet time -- you know, do
a little sightseeing. Shoot the
breeze. Just…”
“Just…?”
Deidre shook her head,
but kept a smile on nonetheless. “I
gotta say, this whole ‘living in the real world’ thing is pretty fun. Well, I could do without the puking and that
burning nasal spray, but it’s been fun so far.
Although…maybe…” She
shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe I’m having so much fun because I’m not
alone.”
“But you can never be
alone, can you? Sheila’s always going to
be inside you.”
“Heh. Just as I thought, you completely missed the
point. That’s why I’m a woman, and
you’re just a boy.” She sighed and threw
up her hands. “Anyway, let’s get a move
on. But like I said, let’s take it slow,
all right? The night hasn’t even gotten
started yet.” And once more, she started
off -- but she moved at a pace that would make the average turtle laugh.
“I suppose you’re
right. We have plenty of time, don’t
we?” For a moment Lloyd thought about
correcting her -- about telling her that she’d been wrong about a certain point
-- but he decided against it. He was
having plenty of fun, too. And with a
smile sliding across his face, he followed Deirdre.
Slowly.
*
“...So you see, that’s
exactly the point when the quality of The
Cuddle Czars started to drop -- because the relationship between the two
creators got so strained that everything to come out of it was just an attempt
at one-upmanship.”
Lloyd could only nod
and follow behind Sheila. He would have
thought that with her rapid-fire speech she would have lost focus and stranded
them in the night, but if anything she seemed more certain and confident than
ever. Just listening left him winded --
but clearly, Sheila had enough lung capacity for the both of them.
“There’s no doubt that The Fuzzmeisters has kept its quality
high, even after all these years,” said Sheila, talking to the stars more than
Lloyd. “But you know what? If you ask me, I think The Cuddle Czars could get a lot better if it just moved to a
half-hour format. It seems like every
time they air an episode, they prove that they just don’t have the material to
fill up an hour, so everything just comes off as padding. Then again, a change of staff might help,
too; Agata has been doing a pretty good job, but they REALLY need to drop
Stark. The only thing he’s been adding
over the past half-decade is…”
Sheila glanced over her
shoulder -- and saw Lloyd using a telephone post as an impromptu third
leg. “Lloyd?! A-are you all right?”
Lloyd looked up at her
and jerked out a nod. “Fine, fine. Just a bit exhausted is all.” He managed a smile. “Pardon my weak constitution. It seems that it’ll be a while yet before I
recover from our basketball game earlier.”
“Oh, right. You were really doing your best out there,
weren’t you? You got all sweaty and
tired, and…well, at least you tried to score a point.”
“Contests of skill --
or more specifically, getting balls to go in nets -- are not my forte,” said
Lloyd. Of course, he could have easily
mentioned that playing with Sheila had left him more than a little distracted,
but he decided against it. “You beat me
fair and square. A simple task,
admittedly, but even so you showed a surprising level of physical prowess.”
“I-it wasn’t that
surprising.” Sheila turned aside and pressed
her fingers together. “It’s just that I
look a lot better at sports compared to you.
I mean, aren’t boys supposed to be good at that kind of thing? If you’re not, then you’re the type of person
that always gets picked last for teams, aren’t you?”
I don’t know what’s sadder -- that she’s insulting me, or that she’s
absolutely right, Lloyd thought as he fought back tears. But suddenly, a new thought leapt into his
head. “Ah. That reminds me, Sheila. There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask
you.”
“What is it?”
“How did you know who I
was? Or more specifically, why did I
become the object of your desire? Not to
be rude, but I would think that I would have a stronger memory of you if we’d
met in the past.”
“Oh, that…” Sheila started walking once more, and Lloyd
followed behind as they rounded a corner.
“It’s kinda silly, but…do you remember Valentine’s Day? The one earlier this year?”
“How could I
forget? That’s when I make sure I give
everyone in the school Valentine’s treats.
Cards, candy, the occasional impromptu sonnet amidst a collection of my
peers -- it’s practically tradition.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Ah, so you
actually responded to my gift? From what
I can gather, most people throw my gifts away.”
“Throw your gifts
awa…” Sheila shook her head
quickly. “A-anyway, that’s right. You were nice to me -- even if it wasn’t in
person -- and that really meant a lot to me.
And, you know, one thing led to another, and…”
“And that act of
kindness -- along with my purported handsomeness -- led to me becoming someone
you wanted to bear your children?”
Sheila hung her
head. “Wow. When you say it out loud, it sounds really
stupid.”
“True enough.”
“You’re not supposed to
agree with me!”
Lloyd dashed in front
of her, and took a step backward for every step she took forward. “But if not for me going through such lengths
for you these past few days, I would be expendable, wouldn’t I? Someone you could replace on a whim, or
someone to be traded for a truly dashing fellow? Even beyond that, can you honestly say that
my kindness hasn’t been delivered to you beforehand? Or could be surpassed by someone far greater
than I could ever be?”
Sheila refused to meet
Lloyd’s gaze. “Are you…are you mad
because you’re not the first guy I’ve gone after?”
But Lloyd shook his
head. “If anything, I’m impressed. I can’t say your aims were exactly noble, or
even remotely wise -- but if nothing else, it shows a level of passion embedded
in your being. If you could repurpose
it, who knows what you could accomplish?
You’ve certainly shown off more than a few sides of yourself today,
along with some true knowledge and skill.”
“Lloyd…” Sheila giggled softly. “You’re still trying to help me out, aren’t
you?”
“Why would I ever
stop?”
Sheila came to a halt,
and Lloyd followed suit. “There’s my
house,” she said, pointing to the perimeter of the cul-de-sac. “I guess that means the date is over.”
“Seems that way.”
Sheila nodded, and
started for her room -- but she stopped cold a half-second later. “Lloyd.
Someday…someday, I’m going to be -- I WANT to be a person that doesn’t
need your help every second of the day.
I don’t know what I’m going to do, or how I’ll do it, but I -- I’m gonna
do my best from now on. So…thank
you. For this date. For this day.
For everything you’ve done…thank you so much.”
Lloyd scratched at his
temple. “Funny. It’s not very often that I receive anything
resembling praise or thanks. I’m not
exactly sure how one responds to it.”
But he shook his head, and smiled warmly at Sheila. “So allow me to say thank you in turn. Thank you for tolerating me and my
silliness. But make no mistake: I’ll be
there for you whenever, wherever, and however you need me.”
“Okay.” Sheila’s eyes began to brighten, and an
excited smile crept across her face.
“Th-then can we…can we go out again tomorrow? You know -- just to hang out? We had so much fun today, a-a-and it’s not like I’ve
got anything else planned.”
“I seem to have taken
on the role of the town guardian -- frightening as that may be -- but it’s more
than likely that I’ll be able to leave room in my schedule for you.”
“Town guardian…” Sheila pumped her fists. “Then can I help too? I mean, I don’t know what I can do, but…if it’ll help you out -- and help me out -- then
I wanna at least give it a shot. Th-that
is, if you’ll let me.”
“Let you? Sheila, my dear, I would gladly welcome you
aboard!” Lloyd held out a hand and
started beaming. “There’s more than
enough room for you in my harem!”
Sheila looked down at
Lloyd’s hand, her confusion as clear as the street lamps humming in the
background. But after a moment’s
hesitation, she nodded to herself, and seized his hand in hers. “Then I’ll…I’ll do it!” she declared, turning
Lloyd about as she headed for her house.
“Just you wait, Lloyd. Starting
tomorrow, I’m gonna be the one to help you!”
She let go of his hand
and ran for her house. But before she
could even set foot on her lawn, she stopped.
She turned around, and ran back to Lloyd -- and she threw her arms around
him, seizing him in a tight hug.
“Sheila?” Lloyd asked, his arms frozen in the air. “What are you --?”
Sheila met his gaze --
and gave him the warmest, brightest smile she could muster. “Thank you, Lloyd. Thank you for giving me a tomorrow.” And before Lloyd could say a word -- before
he could register her intent or her warmth -- she darted off at top speed, and
disappeared inside her room.
“Sheila…” For a minute, Lloyd thought he might fall to
his knees right then and there. A wave
of exhaustion had slammed into him, and for seconds at a time he’d nearly
forgotten how to breathe. But he stayed
on his feet. For how long, he couldn’t
be sure. He just stood there, staring at
the house, trying, and failing, and trying, and failing, to process just what
had happened. What those words
meant. What he had done.
As it turned out, he
couldn’t. He couldn’t think of a single
way to sort those thoughts, or categorize them, or understand even a quarter of
their meaning. He just knew one thing.
Those words had made
him happier than he’d been in years. And
for the moment, that was enough.
Lloyd laughed to
himself. Well. Looks like I finally
managed to do something right. If ever I
needed proof that what I’m doing has an effect, I’ve got it in excess now. He smiled wistfully. I’ll
see you tomorrow, Sheila. I’m looking
forward to it.
And then the house
exploded.
TO BE HEARTINUED…
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