Beat 69: The Best Plan
If the circumstances
were a little better (or if he even had control over his legs), Lloyd might
have jumped up and done a little dance.
But he’d have to stay content with laying there on the ground. So he listened in, hoping that Arjuna would
give him just the info he needed…and that Sheila would stay asleep.
“You don’t know her
story at all, do you?” Arjuna asked. “Well,
I do. She may have those crazy
proportions, but Sheila’s a year younger than us. She transferred in to L. Bernstein right
around winter of last year. And from
what I’ve heard, she hasn’t exactly made a lot of friends since.”
Lloyd didn’t want to
believe it, but he could confirm it. Her
contact list was surprisingly bare.
“You built weapons for
her?”
“Built weapons, and
gear, and pointed her toward places where she could learn some training. If she wanted to be some kind of super
commando, I wasn’t about to get in her way.
I didn’t want her using her moves -- any of them, learned or not -- on
me.”
Lloyd’s brow
tightened. “So you helped her? Why?”
“…That’s not really
important right now, is it?”
“I suppose not.”
“Thought so. Anyway, I spent a lot of time with her, so I
know a few things about her -- and her mom, too. They’ve really got it out for each other,
though I’m guessing you’ve found that out for yourself.”
“I have. Is there a reason why?”
“I can think of one,
Lloyd. Jealousy.”
“Jealousy?”
“The green-eyed
monster. Something about it’s got a big
wedge between the two of them. I didn’t
pry too deeply into why, but if you spend enough time with the two of them in
the same room, the claws will come out.
But even with that in mind, I don’t think it’s Jane that’s causing so
many problems for Sheila. Some of them,
maybe, but not all of them.”
Lloyd’s heartbeat
quickened. “Then who?”
“Someone really close
to her, I think. Someone who’s always
nearby, but hasn’t been seen in person -- not by me, at least. Someone…”
He shuffled around on his end.
“Someone she can’t help but talk to…a friend who isn’t a friend.”
“A friend who isn’t
a…” Suddenly, Lloyd gasped sharply. “Arjuna.
I think I might know who it is. Today
at the student council meeting -- do you remember seeing a strange girl in the
back of the room? Standing up -- er,
leaning against the back wall, maybe?”
“Strange girl? Can you describe her for me?”
“Describe…?” Lloyd shook his head. “She was a tall girl -- about my height, I’d
say. Quite a bit busty, as well, with a
proper build to match. I suppose she was
some sort of Asian; she was quite pale, with garnet-brown hair, and very dark
eyes -- oh, and her clothes were ragged.
She looked as if she’d lost a skirmish or two.”
Arjuna didn’t give him
a quick answer. He just kept humming.
“You know her, don’t
you? She was in the room with all of you
-- and it looked as if you even spotted her a few times during the --”
“Lloyd? I know everyone in the student council -- there’s
no girl in it like that.”
“What? But I saw her -- she and I made eye contact,
and she -- she waved and smiled at me.”
Lloyd jerked out a nod. “Yes,
that’s right! She and I looked at each
other, and she looked surprised, and she ran out of the room. You must have noticed that, at least!”
No answer.
“A-Arjuna? Tell me you noticed that, at least. How could you not? From where you were standing, you must have
gotten at least a glimpse of her.
Granted you had your back turned as I recall, but the sound of the door
should have -- you couldn’t possibly have --”
“Lloyd. I know you’re kind of…iffy on reality, but
I’m gonna say it again. Slowly.
All right? Listen to me. There’s
no girl in the student council like that.
I’m the one that took a head count, and I’m the one that started
when we were all present. All of us.”
“B-but the door --!”
“I didn’t hear a
thing. And you know what happens when
someone opens a classroom door -- everyone turns to look at it. If no one else moved, no one else noticed,
either.”
“But how…how? How in the hell is that even possible?” Of course, the moment Lloyd had asked the
question, he felt remarkably stupid. Of course it was possible; in the past few
days, his world had become one that included a southern mafia princess, a
shotgun-toting grandmother, snake-faced thugs running rampant, and most
recently an improbably buxom secret admirer whose idea of playing hostess involved
stripping down and offering something very near torture -- accidental or
otherwise.
And all that flew in
the face of the real issue -- those that wielded powers beyond anything he’d
ever thought possible. Some of them
belonged to a masked man, one who could not only act as a master of illusion,
but temporarily turn innocents into mind-controlled slaves. One of them belonged to Lloyd himself,
letting him dive into people’s hearts and try to improve their lot.
At this stage, could he
really say a girl only he could see was impossible? Could he really?
“Arjuna? Let’s leave aside the matter of that girl for
now,” Lloyd said at last. “I’ll have to
find her on my own one of these days.
I’ve already got my hands full with Miss O’Leary; if I were to start
chasing after another girl before I’d finished with her, I doubt my body could
take it.”
“Yeah, I guess
that’s…” Arjuna trailed off -- and what
few words that followed came in a panicked whimper. Frankly, Lloyd was surprised that it took him
that long to produce it. “Wait a
minute. Lloyd? Where did you say you were?”
“In Miss O’Leary’s
room.”
“A-and where is she
right now?”
“Right beside me. I’m calling from a space right next to her
bed. Why do you ask?”
Arjuna’s whimpers
reached a fever pitch. “Lloyd…Lloyd, are
you an idiot? Don’t use a girl’s phone
and start talking about another girl -- especially when the first girl is right
next to you!”
“That seems like an
oddly specific rule of etiquette.”
“You moron!
Everything you’ve said just now…what if Sheila heard it?”
“Well, even if she did,
I doubt there’s any harm…” Lloyd
couldn’t bring himself to finish; he’d only just noticed that the area around
him had darkened. Curious, his eyes
shifted upward, following the shadow to its source. Higher, and higher, and higher they traveled,
running up the bed. Up a pair of
legs. Up a slew of absurd curves. Higher, and higher, and higher, until they
had no more reason to.
He could have made eye
contact with Sheila. But he didn’t. He had better things to notice.
Like the machete she’d
started stroking.
“Lloyd,” she growled,
her voice belonging to a rabid wolverine rather than her. “Why were you thinking about another girl?”
“I…I was just…you see,
it was a tangent of a conversa-”
“Why were you thinking about another girl?” she asked again. “WHY WERE YOU THINKING ABOUT ANOTHER GIRL?!”
Lloyd stared at her for
a good half-minute. “Arjuna? I’m going to have to call you back.”
Ka-SWOOSH!
Lloyd jerked his body
out of the way just as Sheila brought the machete down -- and turned one phone
into two. Even with his body bound,
Lloyd scrambled away in triple-time, hoping to put as much space as he could
between the two of them. Not the easiest
task, considering the surroundings.
“You’re not allowed,”
Sheila muttered as she pulled the machete out of both phone and floor. “You’re not allowed to think about anyone but me. If you do, then…then I…”
“N-now just hold on
there, Miss O’Leary. There’s no need for
such rashness; if you just lay the machete down for a moment, I can explain --”
“Explain how you were
gonna cheat on me? I’m the only one you should care about. Me.
Me. Me, me, me, me, ME, ME, ME!” She snapped toward Lloyd, wearing some
horrific mix of a smile and a scowl, and letting fly a noise like a dying
hyena’s laughter. “I love
youuuuuuuuuu…you love meeeeeeeeee…you think that I’M SO PRETTY!”
Lloyd started to plead
with her again, but stopped himself in mid-word. He had the advantage; Sheila hadn’t put her
glasses back on yet, which meant she’d never be able to find him and slice
him. If he just stayed quiet, she’d have
no way of tracking his voice -- and with that, he’d live to see tomorrow.
Sure enough, Sheila’s
head whipped back and forth in search of Lloyd.
She didn’t find anything; he figured she was lucky to even see a
blob. “Lloyd, where are you,
sweetheart?” she asked, dropping off the bed and slinking about. She swept the machete about. “It’s okay…it’s okay…I just wanna make sure
you never think about anyone else but me.”
It was then that Lloyd
had a horrible thought. Sheila couldn’t
see him, but that didn’t stop her from swinging around her machete. And if she couldn’t see, then she couldn’t stop
herself from laying into something on accident.
If she had any
intention of bluffing, that bluff had just turned lethal.
All right, Lloyd old boy. You
can turn this situation around. Just
keep your movements under control. Stay
quiet. Stay low. If you do, then hopefully she’ll just stumble
around in the dark for the next eight hours or so. Sheila planted a leg into Lloyd’s body,
knocking him onto his chin and knees -- and sending her flying into a wall with
the loudest swear he’d ever heard from a lady.
Oh dear. She might end up hurting herself first -- if
she hasn’t already.
Lloyd tried to keep
inching across the ground -- but as he did, he spotted something under Sheila’s
bed. What
in the…? More bombs? Just how many does one young woman need?
“You…you…you did that
on purpose, didn’t you?”
Lloyd caught a glimpse
of Sheila standing up, rubbing her face with one hand and clutching the machete
tighter than ever in the other.
“Y-you’re so mean, Lloyd. All I wanna do is be your wife…why won’t you
let me close to you? WHY?!” Her swipes resumed, each one packing enough
force to chop a sequoia. “What am I
going to have to do to make you only think about me?”
I’m only thinking about you right now, Miss O’Leary! He didn’t dare say it aloud, of course;
he just kept wobble-crawling his way out of range, hoping for some miracle, or
at least a sufficiently-thick wall between them. But in his haste, he happened to catch a
whiff of something before him. What, he
could immediately tell: the ice-cold remains of an omelet cooked with
love. And presumably, no shortage of
sugar-coated asphalt.
Hmmm. That’s quite the aroma, Lloyd
thought. He shifted his head to the
right, and spewed a fountain of puke.
Ka-DANNY TREJO!
Sheila brought the
machete down -- down against the steel chair.
The recoil of her attack sent her stumbling backwards, and with her
weight -- her obvious, undeniable weight -- shifting her balance, she toppled
over and banged her head against the far wall.
But at last, Lloyd had
his miracle. Sheila’s attack had struck
more than just a steel chair; she’d slashed at the rope binding Lloyd’s wrists,
and with a forceful tug he pulled them both free. Huzzah! That’s one of about eight dozen problems
solved!
“Son of a bitch! GET OVER HERE AND LOVE ME!”
Make that nine dozen. At
that point, Lloyd didn’t bother thinking anymore. He just threw his hands forward and pulled
out a bomb, and tugged the pin clean out.
Oh Ares, I beseech you; let this
instrument of destruction and mayhem serve as the salvation I would very much
like to have right about now as I --
“LOVE ME, DAMN IT! LOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
Aghrabadbadah! One, two, three,
four -- I want out, please! Por
favor! And he chucked the bomb at
Sheila’s window.
Ka-MILITARIZED POP
ROCKS!
The blast bore its
fruit. Sheila went flying back into the
far wall. The window -- planks, nails,
plaster, glass, and all -- practically vaporized, along with hefty chunks of
the wall it once lived in. The edges of
it smoldered and smoked, along with the upper third of Sheila’s bed; it looked
like someone had taken a bite out of her heart.
Not that Lloyd
noticed. Something about staring death
in the face made him more than a little antsy -- more than enough to pull
himself up the bed and tumble across it.
But he didn’t stop there. Because
with a few quick bounces and a final roll, he fell out of Sheila’s room and
into the night.
With a chair still
strapped to him. And his ankles bound. And
his shorts thoroughly saturated.
TO BE HEARTINUED…
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