Beat 66: What a Wonderful Person!
“Mmmm…hmmm…more than
willing to try my luck.”
Lloyd -- still more
than a little groggy -- lifted his head.
Even with his glasses on (though a little askew) the world hadn’t quite
come back into focus yet. I seem to have taken an impromptu slumber,
he thought. So I suppose that the opportunity to partake in games of chance has
long since passed. He tried to
adjust his glasses a bit, but couldn’t handle the task; in fact, he could
hardly move his hands apart from one another.
It almost felt as if they’d been tied behind his…
Suddenly, Lloyd didn’t
feel quite so groggy.
But that wasn’t
all. Because as Lloyd’s vision
refocused, and his mind moved at full blast, he could take in one more
fact. One that made him want to squeal
like a panicked emu (whatever that sounded like).
The room.
Lloyd looked around the
room -- and dozens of Lloyds looked back.
Posters of Lloyd, stapled crookedly onto the walls and ceiling. Paintings of Lloyd, with colors running both
off easels and down canvasses onto the carpet.
Clay sculptures of Lloyd, their features dramatically exaggerated, and
beaming at him like Cheshire cats. Even
the rug on the floor looked like Lloyd’s head -- at least if it was flattened
and stretched out, and (if his guess was right) made with no shortage of wicker
and macaroni noodles.
But somehow, it got
worse. A bed sat before him, but it
hardly looked comforting; what might have once passed as queen-sized had been
messily carved into the shape of a heart, with wood chips still flung about,
and the bed itself hardly looking like it could hold a child. A window was above it, but only a sliver of
light escaped from it -- likely thanks to the wooden planks nailed in front of
it. He snapped his neck to the door -- and
for a moment, he thought he’d been locked inside a safe. A metal slab that could outweigh his whole
family lay before him, with a half dozen locking mechanisms set up -- and no
doubt in use -- just to be safe. A lamp
on the floor dyed the room a hot shade of magenta, while another’s whirring
motions made hearts move across the ceiling.
And all the while, the words “Let’s get physical -- physical” repeated
on an endless loop, with what might have once been a song long since distorted
into a zealous chant.
Lloyd had come into the
O’Leary’s home expecting the best. And
now he was trapped inside a shrine that could double as a love shack.
“By Hephaestus’
hammer!” he gasped. “So THIS is what a
girl’s room is like!” He blinked a few
times. “Can’t say I’m a fan.”
But Lloyd had to cut his appreciation of the
décor short. He turned to the door; locks,
levers, valves, and keypads clicked and beeped and whirred from the other
side. And sure enough, Sheila shoved the
door open moments later, with a plate of food -- an omelet with a ketchup heart
on top -- in hand.
“Miss O’Leary! Oh, it’s good to see you again!” said Lloyd,
even though his voice went half-unheard as Sheila slammed the door behind her
and secured the locks. “Listen, if you
don’t mind, I was wondering if you could explain to me what exactly has been
settled.”
Sheila took a seat on
the bed. “You’re staying here.”
“Ah, so the sleepover
will proceed as planned. That’s…well,
more than deducible, considering my surroundings. Still, I must extend some thanks to your
mother; she’s quite the woman. And the
host.” Lloyd had said all of that with a
smile, if only to keep his heart from staging a mutiny.
“S-so you think she’s a
good person?”
“Well, why wouldn’t
I? She may be a bit hot-tempered, but I
suspect her kindness is genuine.” He
shifted his jaw a bit. “As is her ability
in the pugilistic arts.”
Sheila looked down at
the omelet beside her, lips pursed and fingers digging into the plate. “Lloyd.
That woman and I…we settled on more than just letting you stay here.”
“Eh? You did?”
“Uh-huh. We -- I decided
that you’re not leaving here until I make you mine.” She looked up at him, and even with her eyes
near-invisible Lloyd caught a hint of a dangerous glimmer. “This room you’re in? It’s your prison.”
“My whahrrrrrrrgrrrrrrrk?” Lloyd broke into a coughing fit that threatened
to slash his innards -- but thankfully, he calmed himself down before
long. “Sorry about that. I think my stomach just tried to leap out my
mouth, that’s all. I should probably see
a doctor about --”
“Stop playing around.”
“Okay.”
Sheila pulled a cell
phone from between her breasts. “What’s
your family’s number? I want you to call
them and tell them you’re staying here for a while. For a long
while. And tell them not to come looking
for you. Otherwise, they might not like
what they find.”
Lloyd raised his
eyebrows. “You seem to have grown a
great deal more confident all of a sudden.
And hazardous. Then again, one
can’t help but wonder if --”
“Stop playing around.”
“Eight six seven five
three oh nine!” Lloyd blurted. “My
brother’s number; he’ll relay the message!”
Sheila punched in the
numbers, and as her phone started to ring she got up and pressed it to Lloyd’s
ear. “You know what to say, don’t you?”
“I should think so,
given how close I am to needing a new pair of everything.”
The phone rang once,
then twice, then once more -- and on the fifth ring, there came a noise. “Hello?
Who’s calling?” JP asked.
“JP? JP, it’s --” Lloyd looked up toward Sheila,
all too aware of her tightened visage.
“It’s your dear brother, Lloyd. I
have some news for you. Exciting news,
indeed.”
JP groaned. “This isn’t about the echidna dream again, is
it?”
“No, not -- actually,
there were wombats this time.”
“Whatever. What’s going on? I already heard that you’re at some girl’s
house, so there’s not much reason for you to be calling me. Especially not now. We’re a little busy with something, and we’re
actually getting something done without you mouthing off every ten seconds.”
“Yes, well, I just
wanted to tell you that I’ll be staying at Miss O’Leary’s home for a while
yet. It’s difficult to say how long, but
I’ll be certain to give you a call when I’ve concluded my business here. With any luck, I’ll be back before you know
it!”
“Take your time,
Lloyd.”
“Well, I’d hoped to
move at a slower pace, but it seems that such caution is ill-advised at the
moment.”
“Take your time, Lloyd,”
JP repeated. He sighed into the
phone. “That’s it, right? Then I’ll see you when I see you.” And just like that, the phone call -- and
Lloyd’s hopes for salvation -- came to a quick end. But just to make sure he knew it, Sheila
tossed the phone into a corner of the room; it smacked a Lloyd statue right
between the eyes and knocked its head clean off.
“That is a very
worrisome bit of symbolism,” Lloyd muttered.
Sheila moved a few feet
in front of Lloyd. “You know how this is
going to end, don’t you?”
“With the two of us
becoming -- as the saying goes -- bestest best friends?”
“I’m pretty damn sure I
told you to stop playing around.”
“Yes, well, I’m afraid I
can’t help myself at this point. You
see, unrelenting terror tends to make me more than a little talkative, and I
daresay it’s merely a coping mechanism to keep me from --”
“The next words I want
to hear out of your mouth had better be
‘Sheila, I’m yours. Let’s make a baby,
baby.’”
Lloyd tilted his
head. “That doesn’t seem like the word
choice I’d use.”
Sheila glared at Lloyd
for a moment -- and then, she turned around and started digging under her
bed. When she came back out, she
brandished a small rod…one that she quickly extended into a long, metallic
rod…and one that, with a press of a button, sent voltage zipping across it.
“What on ear- is that a
--? Is that for me?”
“It doesn’t have to
be,” said Sheila, turning off the power and setting it on her bed. “Unless you want it to. I don’t mind using it if it’ll get you…charged up.”
“That is a VERY naughty
euphemism for you to be using, Miss O’Leary.
But word choice aside, I would think that there’s no need to go this
far.” Lloyd swallowed hard; Sheila might
have put him in extreme circumstances, but he still had a chance to turn it all
in his favor. “I believe that I can help
you in my own way -- in a way that demands no need for unlawful merriment.”
“Nice word choice,” Sheila
muttered. Still, she folded her
arms. “What did you have in mind?”
Lloyd glanced
aside. Could he tell her the full extent
of the truth, and risk putting her off?
Or keep everything to himself, and wing it from there? But he shook his head; if it came down to close-quarters
combat, the first strike would have her in his home field. “I believe that I can help you in my current
state,” he said a moment later. “If
you’ll have me, I may be able to aid you in ways you might not have
expected. I admit I may be rushing
things a bit, but the faster I move, the sooner we’ll reach our final goal --
and the sooner you’ll have newfound joy.”
“You mean it?”
“I certainly hope
that’s the case. All I ask is that you
take my hand; if all goes well, then I’d gladly explain the full circumstances
to you.”
Sheila didn’t even pay
attention to the last part. She just
started for Lloyd’s hand with a sprightly step.
Once we make physical contact, I’ll be heading into her audition room, Lloyd
thought. He closed his eyes. I feel as
if I’ve learned only so much from this turn of events -- many a fact, to be
sure, but I wonder if I have enough clues to aid her. And I wonder if I’ve the mettle to meet with
and surmount what challenges hide within.
Considering what happened last time…
He opened his
eyes. He’d only just realized that
Sheila had been holding his hand for a while now -- and tightly, at that.
What the…? It didn’t work? Impossible -- I’ve already been with her
before!
“Is something supposed
to happen?” Sheila asked -- and outside of her typical sniffle, she sounded
more than a little impatient.
Could it be that I have to touch her in the same place as last
time? Where I first made contact? He craned his neck back. “Miss O’Leary, may I ask that you press your
shoulder blades to my palm?”
Sheila took a seat and
slid Lloyd’s hand up her back, even going so far as to pull up her shirt and
let him feel her skin. But even then…
Nothing? So my hypothesis was
wrong, then…but if that’s the case, then what is it? What could I be missing, if not for contact
or --
And then it came to
him. He didn’t just need contact to
enter the audition room. He needed
endearment. He’d earned it with Trixie
the first time, but she’d fed him a haymaker without a return trip -- and then
let him back in once she’d calmed down.
Lien-Hua had let him go
on a venture. As had Mrs. Overdose, with
a bit of coaxing. As had Sheila, once
upon a time. But now she refused him
just as thoroughly as May had. And if
his guess was right, he could say why.
S-so you think she’s a good person? Sheila’s words came rushing back to the
forefront -- as did his own.
Well, why wouldn’t I? She may be
a bit hot-tempered, but I suspect her kindness is genuine.
Lloyd winced. I’ve
made a grave mistake -- I’ve done more than try and be friendly. I’ve left Miss O’Leary with a sourer
impression of me…and now she’s no longer endeared. And now I’m locked out of the audition room! His eyes scanned the room at mach
speed. But if that’s the case, then why --?
“I’m tired of waiting,
Lloyd.”
Sheila climbed to her
feet, leaving Lloyd’s hands hanging once more.
She strode in front of him, head hung low and her own hands curling into
fists. “I’m done waiting. And I’m done playing. You belong to ME now. And I belong to you.”
“Miss O’Leary --”
“THAT’S ENOUGH!”
Lloyd almost got blown
out of the chair. If he could have
zipped his mouth shut, he would have.
“I’m done. I’m done with everything up to this
point. It’s time for me to become
something more. Someone more -- and it’s
all gonna be thanks to you. I love
you…you love me…we’re a happy family…”
If Lloyd didn’t know
any better, he would have thought that the room seemed to darken. He could have easily been mistaken, but somehow
he couldn’t shake the feeling that the area around Sheila -- around her eyes,
most of all -- dimmed.
“I love you…you love
me…” Sheila repeated. “I love you…you
love me…I love you…you love me…you think that I’m so pretty…with a great big
bust and a bubbly butt, too…now you know that I…love…you.”
And then, she did the
worst thing imaginable. The one thing
that very nearly made Lloyd’s heart stop.
She took off her
glasses.
TO BE HEARTINUED…
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