Beat 61: On the Road to a Rabbit
Somehow, Lloyd didn’t find
much solace in noting that the desk before him had gotten no less cluttered
since yesterday. If anything, the towers
of paper and bunches of pens looked more massive than before. But even so, they looked slightly smaller, if
only because of the even-larger throne that loomed from behind. He’d half-expected the smell of dried-out
fish, but instead he caught wind of something very near to burgers and ice
cream -- or a few super-sized shakes, perhaps.
He wasn’t sure if his mind could handle the image of a shake made from
burgers, though.
But he kept his mouth
shut and his hands on his knees. On his
left, Trixie fared no better; she might have had four years and almost three
inches on Lloyd, but she looked like a preschooler who’d gotten caught making
off with the cookie jar. In stark
contrast, Mrs. Overdose looked about ready to take a nap. Somehow, the sight of cabinets and framed
photos of fishermen didn’t do it for her, so she just swished her reed idly
through her mouth.
Trixie nudged Lloyd in the
elbow. “So what happens now?” she
asked. “Ya already got expelled once,
didn’t ya? He can’t do it again, can
he?”
“Of course he can’t,”
Mrs. Overdose answered. “And he can’t
expel us, either.”
Trixie breathed a sigh
of relief.
“He’ll probably just
have us all arrested.”
Trixie looked ready to
throw up.
Lloyd glanced at
her. “Is that what you would do?”
“If I had a big enough
boot.” Mrs. Overdose shrugged and stared
at the ceiling. “Look. You’re mostly innocent here; you’re the
victim this time around. Make your case
to the principal, and I’m guessin’ you’ll be better off. Hell, the old man might let you back in
school without a fight.”
“Ya sure ya got the
right to call someone else ‘old’?” Trixie asked, rubbing the back of her neck.
But Lloyd let the
comment pass. “Make a case, eh? Do you suppose it would work?”
“Worth a shot,” she
answered. “Figure it’ll make this
Tuesday a little more excitin’, at least.
Seriously, it’s like there’s nothin’ good on.”
Before Lloyd could
rattle off a list of fine programming, Mr. Hansen strode into the room. “Jeez Louise with mac and cheese,” he
moaned. “First period just started, and
already there’s been a break-in, property damage, and three arrests. I mean, yeah, those snake masks of theirs
were pretty ballin’, but come on. It’s
too early for this -- and I didn’t even get to show off any of my moves.” He groaned and took a seat. “Ahhhhhhhhh man…and who keeps putting all
this crap on my desk? Was it you,
Edith?” He slammed a heel on the desk
and kicked all the papers onto the floor.
“I told you, I’m taking a me day!
An indefinite one!”
Trixie rubbed the back
of her neck. "I dunno if I wanna live in a world where people made Lloyd
look sane," she said to herself.
“Now, then, what’s next
on the old agenda? Oh, right. You three.”
He dropped his feet from the desk and leaned forward, hands clasped and
eyes roving across the trio. “Well, I’ve
got good news for you. All three of you
are in no trouble at all.”
Lloyd and Trixie shared
a look, and started to smile with relief.
Mr. Hansen nodded a few
times -- and then pointed at Lloyd.
“Gotcha.” He leaned back in his
chair and laughed heartily. “Oh, boy
howdy -- the two of you looked so hopeful, and then I went and curb-stomped
your dreams! Ha ha ha! Haaaaahhhh…”
He sat up straight. “Seriously,
though, I’m super frickin’ pissed at the three of you.”
“Mr. Hansen! Sir!”
Lloyd leapt from his chair and stood at attention. “Allow me to explain the circumstances and
--”
“Sit your ass down,
boy!”
Lloyd sat his ass down.
“All right, let’s set
aside the fact that you’re back here on school grounds, even though I’m pretty sure I expelled you, and last I
checked my word was law around these parts.”
He folded his arms and started tapping a finger against his borne
biceps. “And let’s set aside the fact
that you not only brought a bunch of snake-faced punks into this school, but
put the lives of plenty of other students in danger. Do you know what the worst part about all
this is?”
Lloyd’s gaze wavered
for a moment; he would have thought that putting the lives of others in danger
was stupid enough of him, but having things get even worse made him reel. “Is it that I allowed these thugs a full view
of the school, so that they could storm it as they saw fit?”
“What? No!
That’s wrong and stupid! What are
they teaching you kids these days?”
“I wouldn’t know,
sir. I was expelled.”
“Don’t sass me,
boy! I’m talking about little
Arjuna! Do you know how valuable he is?”
Lloyd nodded
quickly. “As the student council
president, the unchallengeable contender for the title of valedictorian, and
the brightest mind L. Bernstein has ever known, he’s certain to bring
unparalleled glory to our school…right?”
“No! Wrong!
You’re wrong! I need him safe and
sound and happy so he can keep on being my gofer!” He gestured toward the papers on the
ground. “Who do you think I keep handing
off all my work to? The student council
-- and Arjuna, especially! Hell, I even
had him take the top slot so he’d be under my thumb. I needed someone skittish and spineless
working for me so I wouldn’t have to worry about him ever thinking for
himself! I can’t have him having a
nervous breakdown thanks to some moron bringing in an armed squad of street
punks, now can I?
Lloyd stared blankly at
Mr. Hansen.
“…This is the part
where you say, ‘Right on, Lord Hansen.’”
“R-right on, Lord
Hansen.”
“Urrrrrrrrrrgh…this is
giving me a headache. All right, let’s
wrap this up before my brain bursts or something; I wanna be in tip-top shape
for when I start practicing my penalty kicks this afternoon.” He pressed a forearm against the desk and
glared at Lloyd. “Here’s what we’re
gonna do. I want you out of my office,
out of my halls, and out of my school in the next five minutes. And I want you, and your little friends, to
STAY out. If I even catch a hint of you
around here, you can bet your ass I’ll be booting you out myself.”
Mrs. Overdose raised an
eyebrow and came very close to smiling.
“You should be thanking
me, Lloyd. Last time I gave you a
punishment. This time, it’s a
warning. Next time, if I don’t end up
breaking your backbone, then the police will.
And I’m guessing you don’t want to get them involved anytime soon;
you’ve got one hell of a track record since you started here at L. Bernstein,
and I’m guessing you don’t want anyone else finding out about what’s gone
down.”
“As I explained before,
it was merely a matter of scientific inqui…”
Lloyd shook his head. “Sir,
please reconsider. I wouldn’t dream of
crossing you and your order if not for certain matters pushing me to
action. Is there no chance of an
appeal? Some favor, some act I can do to
appease you?”
Mr. Hansen stroked his
beard. “Hmmm…well, now that you mention
it…I guess if you did something that really got my heart racing -- something
that really rocked my boots off -- then I’d think about it a bit. But I’ve seen it all, Lloyd -- and I’m
guessing a kid like you is ten years too young to impress me.” A slight smirk slid across his face. “Of course, maybe the senorita here might be willing to make a strong case for you.”
Mrs. Overdose’s reed
nearly fell out of her mouth.
“Let’s see…been a while
since I’ve had any Spanish classes, but I think I know just enough to win a
lady’s heart.” His eyebrows bobbed up
and down, as if starting up some sort of senior citizen’s mating ritual. “Mi
amor…dios mio…vaminos guacamole la cucaracha con leche. Feliz navidad.”
“You reek of failure,”
Mrs. Overdose barked. “And a thirty-year
mid-life crisis.”
Mr. Hansen leaned back
in his chair, and rested his chin atop clasped hands. “Get
the hell out of my office.”
Lloyd, Trixie, and Mrs.
Overdose slid out of their chairs and headed out the office door. A part of Lloyd wondered if he could spare a
few words to the principal, but considering his arctic glare -- and the
basketball he looked primed to fling at Lloyd’s head -- he followed behind the
others with a quick step.
He didn’t get very far,
though. None of them did. Arjuna was there to greet them a few steps
away from Mr. Hansen’s door, leaning against a wall and staring at the ceiling
-- maybe to make sure each tile had the proper number of dots.
“Arjuna. Hello there,” Lloyd said with a wave and a
smile. “It…didn’t go well.”
“I heard.”
“I’d wager that we only
have a few minutes to spend here before Mr. Hansen and his forces chase us
out. Or worse.” He scratched at his temple. “But even with that in mind, I wanted to
spend at least a few moments apologizing for earlier. Had I known that I’d attract such unwarranted
attention, I would have hidden under my bed and called it a day.”
Arjuna didn’t share his
cheer.
“…Well, I’d say it’s
about time for the three of us to be on our merry way.” Lloyd pointed to the front doors. “Comrades!
Let us depart, and march toward --”
“To where, exactly?”
Trixie asked.
Lloyd’s finger
sagged. “To…er…well…”
Arjuna pried himself
away from the wall and moved in front of the group -- and then, he handed Lloyd
a sheet of paper. “You’ll be heading
here, no doubt. This is where you wanted
to go, right?”
Lloyd seized the paper
and gave it a look. “This is --!”
“Sheila O’Leary’s
address. You’ll find her house
there…assuming she hasn’t moved away in the time since. But I doubt it.” He twiddled his finger through the air. “Turn
it around. My cell phone number is on
the back.”
“O-okay, but…why would
you give me that?”
Arjuna turned
away. “Honestly? I’m not even sure myself. But I get the feeling you’ll need it soon,
especially if you’re dealing with her.”
Lloyd smiled
nervously. “That sounds more than a
little ominous.”
“Good. You should be worried. Scared, even.” He looked back at Lloyd, eyes wide -- as
always -- but undeniably certain. “If
you’re gonna get involved with that girl, you’d better be ready. She’s deranged. She’s destructive. She’s deadly.
Don’t go near her unless you’re ready to put your life on the line,
Lloyd. Trust me on this.”
“That’s a little
extreme, isn’t it?”
“You don’t believe
me?”
Lloyd shook his
head. “It’s not that I don’t believe
you; it’s just that ultimately, your concern is a triviality. Helping Miss O’Leary is a high priority right
now. My safety isn’t.”
Arjuna shrugged and
sighed. “I guess that’s the difference
between you and me.” He waved for the
door. “Go, then. Put some distance between me and you, all
right? I don’t know if my poor heart can
take any more stress. And I don’t want
to start gulping down pills again. And
come to think of it, even children’s medicine is too strong for --”
Lloyd had already put a
hand on the door, waving back at Arjuna as kindly as a mother to her son. “Lloyd, wait!
Listen -- when you finish your business with Sheila, call me, all
right?”
“Of course.”
“Y-you’re not even
gonna ask why?”
“Why would I? It’s the least I can do for someone who’s
helped me -- and a friend, of course.”
And with that, Lloyd and the others headed out the door.
That left Arjuna alone
in the halls. With a sigh, he pressed
his back into the wall and started counting the dots in the ceiling. “I guess that’s the difference between you
and me,” he muttered.
“Arjuna?” Mr. Hansen
yelled. “Arjuna! Run to the store and get me some more
popsicles! You know the ones I like!”
“The star-spangled
sherbet, sir?”
“Yeah. You know where they sell ‘em -- over on the
bad side of town. Don’t worry, I’ll
cover for you. Just go grab some!”
Arjuna sighed and hung
his head. He hoped no one had stolen his
keys from his busted knapsack. And come
to think of it, he needed to stock up a new knapsack.
TO BE HEARTINUED…
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