Beat 75: Inappropriate Diction for Sixteen-Year-Old Girls
This is not a good situation to be in.
Using the back wall as
leverage, Lloyd picked himself up and stared ahead gravely. That
seems to be the theme of this past half-week or so, but in this case it applies
now more than ever. In the past, it was
only my own life and my own well-being at stake. Even if I were to err severely, the damage
done to Miss O’Leary could likely be repaired.
He covered his
mouth. But it seems I was much too hasty, as usual. I’d proclaimed that saving Miss O’Leary meant
bringing an end to her trusted advisor.
I’d said so in earnest fervor, but only now am I beginning to realize
the weight of such an act. His
fingers tightened. To take the life of an incorporeal consciousness…is it no different
from murder? Am I in the moral right to
do such a thing? What must I sacrifice
to help another -- and what consequences would follow? And most importantly…
He shot a finger at
Deirdre. “Where did you learn how to
FLY?!”
“So it’s the power of
imagination, then? Rather fitting, if
you’re supposed to be a creation of Miss O’Leary’s -- albeit a troublesome
one.”
“It’s more than just
imagination. It’s power.” Deirdre chuckled again. “You’re not getting it, are you? You’ve lost control. This place belongs to me -- and whatever I say goes.
Which reminds me…” She turned
towards a door on the side, and snapped her fingers -- and a half-second later,
black vines splayed across it. “You
aren’t going anywhere. Not this time,
sweet cheeks.”
“What in the -- how did
you do that?!”
“Weren’t you
listening? Whatever I say goes. Which means that before this is over, I’ll
have you wrapped around my little finger until the end of time. And believe you me, I know how to take good care of my toys.”
Lloyd pointed feebly at
her. “That sounded vaguely sexual.”
“Well, I try to be
subtle. Now come here so I can [MEGA-CENSORED]
your [INFINITY-CENSORED].”
“…That was not subtle,
ma’am.”
Deirdre tossed up her
hands and shook her head. “Sometimes I
wonder if I’ve got awful taste in men,” she said with a sigh. She thrust a hand in front of her, then
reeled it back in.
And Lloyd came hurtling
toward her.
“HngaHARARUBARB!” Lloyd
shrieked. He wobbled through the air
like a football pass gone awry, but with twice the speed of even the greatest
Hail Mary. His destination? The beckoning arms -- among other things --
of Deirdre, as she flashed a sultry smile.
Aerodynamics, I beseech you! Lloyd
bent and snapped his body around as best he could -- which meant his torso and
limbs whipped in every direction. He
hoped it would be just enough to save him, and throw him off-course from
Deirdre’s sensual snare. It did, but not
as he’d hoped; his moves and momentum led to him slamming a foot into Deirdre’s
face. And while she gripped her nose,
Lloyd went spiraling onward…at least until he slammed face-first into the
stage’s back wall.
“F-feet…why did it have
to be feet?” Deirdre growled. She spun
in midair, just as Lloyd started sliding downward. “You rotten little -- do you think I’m going
to let you keep messing with me? Get
down on your knees and apologize before I whip some manners into you!”
Lloyd peeled his face
from the wall. “I do apologize, but…by
chance, may we leave the whipping for another day? I feel as if I’ve been tenderized enough for
one day.”
Deirdre bore her teeth,
but a moment later slid back into her usual grin. “Oh ho, I see…trying to get me all hot and
bothered, are you? Well, I see you know
how to treat a woman better than I thought.
Maybe you’re more of a man than I give you credit for.”
“That may be the best
compliment I’ve gotten in several days,” said Lloyd. He plopped off the wall and fell onto his
back, but quickly leapt to his feet.
“Hmmm. You may be imaginary, but
you seem to have your own sense of independence. Independence, sentience, confidence…were I a
scientist, doubtless I’d be enraptured by your very being, rather than your
body.”
“What are you playing
at?”
Lloyd rubbed his
hair. “To be honest, I don’t even know
at this point. What can I do in the face
of such circumstances? What should I do?” His eyes brightened, and he stared directly
at Deirdre. “Ah! Perhaps this means that both you and Miss
O’Leary can join my harem?”
Deirdre’s grin turned
into an all-out snarl, complete with a sound Lloyd had once heard in the
forest. “Bastard…I’m not about to share
a damn thing with her! I am me now! And I’ll…”
She clapped a hand over her mouth -- and when she dropped it, she had
that grin on her face once more, as mischievous as ever. “My, my.
Trying to get a woman all riled up?
That’s no way to please, boy.”
That reaction…I wonder if that’s the key, Lloyd thought. Under
the circumstances, it likely is. The
question is what I should do with it.
Shall I press her further? Or is
a change of tactics in order? He
stroked his chin in contemplation…and would have kept doing so if he hadn’t
noticed that he floated ten feet above the ground.
“I’m still waiting for
your apology, boy. So if you’re looking
to satisfy me, you know what you have to do.
Come here and make merry…don’t be afraid to go out with a bang.”
“The sheer density of
double entendres is reaching critical mass, ma’am!” But Lloyd’s shout fell on
deaf rabbit ears; Deirdre tugged him toward her once more, this time with more
than double the force. He flailed through
the air, and in his haste took hold of the stage’s curtains -- the only thing
saving him from a potentially-glorious death.
“You can’t hold on
forever, boy! Now come over here!”
“Th-that won’t do at
all, ma’am!” Lloyd looked over his
shoulder; she’d barely moved, yet the force of her attraction seemed to
multiply by the second. “This sort of
situation is much too indecorous! I
would expect much more from someone of your caliber -- courtship, wooing,
ordering a bowl of spaghetti so we can slurp up the same noodle! All those things and more are what can help
build a relationship; to just skip to the end like this is --”
Remarkably, Deirdre’s
pull on Lloyd started giving way. Just
as Lloyd’s shoulders prepared to give way, he found himself sinking back toward
the ground, drifting gently and letting cool air sweep over his worthless
muscles. “So you see things my way,
then?”
Deirdre shook her
head. “Not a chance. I just realized I’d rather have you wrapped
up nice and tight before we get started.”
Lloyd didn’t even get a
chance to ask. A quartet of thorny,
black vines burst from the stage, and wrapped around his entire body. Everything below his neck might as well have
stopped existing -- though that didn’t stop the pressure from threatening to
break him into pieces. “Ma’am! This is too --”
“Watch it, sweet cheeks
-- If I have to gag you, I will.”
Deirdre beckoned for Lloyd, and sure enough he and his thorny prison
drifted toward her. “I’m pretty good
with these vines, you know. You’d be
surprised what I can do with them. Plus,
I bet you never even thought a little midair action was even possible. Did you?
Hmmm?”
“I would have assumed
there was a reason for that, ma’am, since --”
Deirdre pressed a
finger to Lloyd’s lips, and caressed his cheek.
“I’d say that I’ll be gentle, but…well, ‘rough’ might be the only way I
know how to do it. So don’t feel too bad
if this ends up killing you. Or at the
very least, blowing your mind.”
This is a perilous situation, Lloyd thought. It
seems I have no choice. I’ll have to
overpower her! He struggled to break
free from the thorns that bound him…but then he remembered how useless his body
was. I
mean -- I’ll have to overwhelm her! But
how?
Wait. I wonder if…could it
be? No, no time for wondering; fortune
favors those that do their best to avoid a complete mental wipeout by way of
ethereal --
“Here I come, sweet
cheeks.”
Gaaaaaaaah! I’ll finish that
thought later!
“Hrrmfrmrhnph!” Lloyd
shouted into Deirdre’s hand.
But Deirdre just shook
her head. “Ah-ah-ah. There’s only one thing I want to hear out of
you, and that’s --” She snapped her hand
back as if stung by a bee. “What the --
did you just lick me?”
Lloyd nodded. “Well, I WAS trying to speak, so these things
can happen.”
“Hmm hmm…my, you
certainly bring some interesting ideas to the table. I like it.
Be sure to do it again once we --”
“I wonder what Miss
O’Leary would do in a situation like this.”
Lloyd turned casually to the left.
“I can’t vouch for her actions or preferences, but one can only imagine
that she’d offer a venture more in line with my tastes.”
“What?” A minute ago Deirdre caressed him like a
lover; now if she tightened her hand any further, she’d start strangling
Lloyd. “Who said you could think about
her?”
“Nobody did, ma’am. But as I said, one can only imagine. It’s in times when a man is so very close to
the depths of Hell that he ponders on roads untraveled. That, combined with general curiosity, makes
me pine for Miss O’Leary rather dearly.
We’ve done very little conversing when it comes down to it, you see; perhaps
--”
“PERHAPS you should
only think about me! And think about
what I’m going to do to you!”
Lloyd turned to her and
nodded, noting her tightening grip. “But
I have thought about what you’re
planning to do to me. And it makes me
suspect that in such a curious situation Miss O’Leary may have the
advantage. Take no offense by my
declaration, ma’am; it merely means that you’re ill-equipped for the
matter. In the same sense that one
wouldn’t expect a ballerina to tap dance, so too would you be forgiven for
being too extreme.”
“So what are you
saying? You want her? You want HER instead of ME?”
“She seems like the
lesser of two extremes at this point, in all honesty. That said, I suspect there’s only one way to
be certain. If I were somehow able to
judge the two of you, side-by-side, then perhaps we could know definitively who
among you is -- and I use this term loosely -- ‘superior’. I’m hard-pressed for precise details and
procedures, but I’d wager it could prove effective…either that, or it could be
the worst mistake all three of us have ever made.”
Deirdre let loose a
snort. “Mistake? That would mean I’d let it happen in the
first place. And considering that I’ve
got you right where I want you, there’s no need for that.”
“Yes, I suppose you’re
right.” Lloyd offered her a smile. “How silly of me to compare the two of
you. After all, you ARE the same person.”
For a moment, Lloyd
thought that Deirdre would break his neck in two. He’d practically expected it, thanks to that
stone-cold gaze she shot his way. But
remarkably, she didn’t do a thing; her fingers slipped off Lloyd’s neck, and
she let her hands hang limply at her sides.
“The same person,
huh…?” she asked, head hung low. But not
for long; before Lloyd could say another word, Deirdre threw her head back and
laughed, with a hearty guffaw that filled the entire room. “The
same person? Are you kidding
me? You’ve got a real sense of humor,
boy!”
Lloyd kept his mouth
shut and stared ahead. Naturally,
Deirdre began staring back, as sultry and mischievous as ever -- but this time,
with an air of malice swirling about her.
“But I’m done laughing. I see
what you’re trying to do; you’re trying to use your words to play with my
heart, and get me to move exactly where you want me to. I’d say you’re not as dumb as you look, but I
think the ship has sailed on that one.”
She snapped her
fingers. The black vines around Lloyd
dissolved into wisps of smoke -- and a second later, Lloyd crashed against the
ground belly-up. “I can see right
through you, boy,” she continued as Lloyd sat up. “I know that you’re trying to play mind games
to get what you want. But that won’t
work on me. As they say, actions speak
louder than words -- and if you’re looking to overwhelm me, you’ll have to do
better than throw some fancy words my way.”
Oh my. It would seem as if I’ve
made things worse, Lloyd thought with a nervous smile. But
what action can I possibly take? I can
hardly fend for myself in the real world; how can I mount an offense when the
audition room has become her domain?
“So tell me, boy. Just how proud of that mind of yours are
you?”
“Beg your pardon?”
Deirdre held her left
hand up. “An idiot who acts like a
genius.” She held out her right
hand. “A genius who acts like an
idiot.” She moved them up and down,
giving her the look of a sensual set of scales.
“In the end, which one are you supposed to be? Which one will win you the girl of your
dreams?” She slammed her hands
together. “Neither of them. You’ve done
well to make it as far as you have with such a defective brain, but you don’t
have to go a step further. Your
mind…your body…your heart…all of them are about to belong to me. That is, as long as I don’t break them too badly.”
Lloyd climbed to his
feet and met Deirdre’s gaze. “I’m afraid
I’m a bit more resilient than you might expect, ma’am.”
“Please, call me
Deirdre.”
But Lloyd shook his
head. “Why would I ever call you by a
fake name, Miss O’Leary?”
TO BE HEARTINUED…
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