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July 10, 2013

Manly Songs: The Tyrant

Hoo boy.  Playing The Last of Us has really been taking it out of me.  Especially with these posts I’ve been doing.  I mean, it’d be all right if I was having the blast with the game, but right now it just feels like I’m forcing myself to play it.  Not a good situation to be in…

Whatever.  I’ll just use this post as a break.  It’s been too long since there was a Manly Song post.  Too long, actually.  It’s true that there were those other posts from a while back with video game and anime songs, and the official post with Jin’s theme, but…I don’t know, it feels like there’s something missing.

I guess I haven’t thrown anything up into the Repository since I started this thing, but that feels a little dishonest.  This is supposed to be about others contributing.  Then again, I can’t get others to contribute UNLESS there are posts, so it’s only fair that I pop in every now and then, right?  But on the other hand, those posts have some other songs listed; it’s just a matter of listening to those and giving proper attribution.  But I wonder if it’s all right to count those…well, they probably are, but…

Ugh.  There I go, over-thinking things.  I think I’d better go take a break; cooling my head could do some wonders.  Besides, I could sure go for some hot dogs.  So I guess I'll switch off for now.

…Oh?  What’s this?  “Cross-Up”?  Well…this sounds like fun.

Aha.  Now I see.  So, it’s a blog, huh?  Well, here I was hoping for a good fight or two -- but it looks like the most I’ll get is a fight in name.  And here I was, hoping I’d get to finally have a match with this so-called “Grim Reaper” I hear so much about these days.  I’d even have a little audience to watch me break him in two.  What a damn shame.

Hm?  “Manly Songs”?  Heh heh heh…well, whose song is manlier than mine?  No one’s.  And I’d be more than happy to prove it.  Consider this post…

And now that I’ve got myself an audience, let’s have some real fun.  And remember all of you out there -- be sure to entertain me as I entertain you.  Otherwise, I’d be more than happy to show you my Blackhawk Stinger.

And then I’ll show you one of my secret techniques.

And then I’ll punch you into oblivion.  So play along, will you?

Song: The Tyrant Azrael’s everyday music
Game: Blazblue: Chrono Phantasma Everyone Vs. Me -- Azrael
Composer: Daisuke Ishiwatari Azrael
Year: 2012 All year every year

Oh, I see.  You out there -- yeah, I see you.  You want to hear about my song, right?  Well, you’re in luck.  I like a good fight, so snapping a weakling like you in two won’t even whet my appetite.  The Mad Dog needs more than just some internet dreg…but if an internet dreg is all I’m gonna get, then I might as well do something to pass the time.

Unless you know how to stop a dive kick.  And I’m guessing you don’t.  No one knows how to stop a dive kick.

Now then.  My theme song, huh?  Please.  That’s just the music that plays whenever I whistle.  Yeah, I whistle; believe it or not, crunching bones and bloodcurdling screams get dull after a while.  There’s no rhythm, no melody!  How am I supposed to enjoy the fight without a good song playing behind me?  It’s impossible -- and when you hear “it’s impossible” coming from a man that can flip a slab of rock like a folding chair, you’d better take my word for it.

I see that face of yours.  You’re thinking, “Oh, Azrael, how can you make all those sounds just by whistling?  There’s gotta be half a dozen instruments in that song, at least!”  HAHAHAHAHA!  Weak in body AND in mind, I see!  Of course I can make all those sounds just by whistling.  Don’t you know who I am?  I’m me.  I could make the sounds of a whole damn symphony just by cracking my knuckles!

But since I’m such a compassionate back-breaker of a warrior, I’ll go ahead and indulge you.  Why that song?  Why that tune?  Why that tempo, that timbre, that time signature? 

It’s simple: fear.   

From the moment the fight starts, I want my opponent -- whatever punching bag I lay eyes on -- to know who I am and what I’m about.  And what better way to get that point across than with the first ten seconds to sound like something out of my average Tuesday? 

Consider it a way of weeding out the weak.  Those that can stand to get past those first ten seconds might actually have a chance of standing up to me in a fight.  Those that can’t end up getting crushed before they can even think about running away.  And before you ask, of course I can whistle and talk at the same time.  What do you take me for, some kind of pansy?  HA!  There’s a reason they call me the Mad Dog -- and it’s got nothing to do with me loving big, hearty, T-bone steaks!

But I’ll humor you.  I know what you’re thinking.  “Oh, but Azrael, you incredible god of a man!  Why does your song have to be so harsh and heavy?”  And let me start by saying you’re lucky I don’t Tiger Magnum your head right off your neck.  A man is nothing -- NOTHING without his theme song.  It embodies him.  It encapsulates him.  It emanates his essence to all those that stand before him, and forces the weak to their knees.  So why in my name WOULDN’T I want a heavy theme?

It’s perfect for me.  It’s vicious.  It’s brutal.  It pounds away at you, breaking your will and your courage with every note.  It sounds like a wild beast has broken out of its cage -- and it’s ready to celebrate by busting down whatever walls come its way.  And given the chance, it’ll bust right through you if you cross it…though since the beast is on the prowl, you never had a chance to run away, now did you?

Heh heh heh.  I think I need to find that beast for myself when this is over.  I bet it can put up one hell of a fight.

But I know what you’re thinking -- I always do, because all the fights I’ve been in have given me senses that are almost…oh, hell, this is no time for modesty.  I’m a damn psychic.  And right now my psychic powers are telling me that you’re thinking “Azrael, my new, muscle-laden lord and savior!  This song has no lyrics!  How can it say anything about you as a character?”  And dumbass comments like that make me want to give you a taste of some Scud Punishment.  First off, you answered your own question -- just look at the size of my muscles.  I could break a continent in two with my bare hands if I wanted to! 

Second, who needs words?  I can say plenty with one swing of my fist.  I can learn plenty from whoever’s dumb enough to try and arm wrestle with me.  Words are overrated -- and if these fists of mine speak so loudly that they’ll blow out the eardrums of a whole city block, then I’ll let my music do the talking for me.  You heard me whistling, didn’t you?  You know who I am -- and you know more than these words of mine could ever spell out, even if they’ve been pumping iron for months. 

Remember those feelings well.   Remember that pressure.  That impact.  That terror, as it creeps up your bones.  That is my essence.  That is my power -- because I am the Mad Dog.  I AM The Tyrant.  And I…already know what you’re thinking once again.  Damn, do you EVER stop thinking?  It’s making me want to kick you across the ocean!

…But if it’ll make you happy, I’ll enlighten you once more.  But this time had better be the last time.    “Oh, but Azrael!  Are you really okay with your song being like that?  Don’t you want to be a little less intimidating, and more lovable?  Just think about what lessons you’re teaching the children!  You’re not making men out of them; you’re turning them into little muscle-loving monsters!”

First of all, what the hell’s wrong with that?  More muscles mean more fighters.  More fighters mean more fighting.  More fighting means more fun...for me, at least.  But even if they use those muscles of theirs for something stupid -- like botany or sewing or caring about insurance -- you’re missing the point here.

Look, I’m a compassionate fellow.  I’m not THAT bad once you get to know me.  And my song proves it; there’s a breather three minutes and thirty-seven seconds in that’ll let you try to recover from my audio assault…but seeing as how it’s MY song, the heavy riffs kick you in the teeth all over again three seconds later.  That’s the lesson I can give to the kiddies after lulling them into a false sense of security -- no matter where you go or what you do, you’re never far away from a real beatdown.  Or me.

…What, not a good enough lesson for you?  Heh.  Fine.  Then let me put it this way.  I am who I am because I CHOOSE to be.  I break people in two because I feel like it.  I break down walls because I feel like it.  I break the sky into pieces because I feel like it.  I am a man.  And I’m a man who lives by his rules -- no one else’s.

I define myself in ways that weaklings can’t -- can’t, and won’t.  No matter what I do, I make a statement that no one can deny.  You know who I am because my every motion -- even my mere, glorious presence -- shouts it from the mountaintops.  As a man, I won’t let myself do anything less.  And if you’re a man -- a strong man, worthy of my precious time and effort  -- then you have to do the same.  I don’t care how you do it or when.  Just do it.  Make your own virtues.  And if you think you’ve got what it takes, then just try to stand up to me.

You’ll lose, of course.  But that’s a given.  After all…

Heh.  Well, I think I’ve wasted enough time here.  Time for me to shove off.  I’d take my words to heart if I were you; they’re good words.  Strong words.  So remember them -- and get closer to absolute power than you’d ever --

Is that you, Grim Reaper?  Finally!  MAKE MY DAY!


Ah, those were some good hot dogs.  It’s just remarkable how well they go with a side of potato salad.  Now then, what should I do about the Repository?

Meh.  Guess I’ll just make an open call and leave it at that.  What’s the worst that could happen?

Do you have a manly song to recommend?  Then you, too, can have your suggestion turned into a full-fledged post!  Just leave a comment naming a song (limit one song per comment), and your song will be analyzed -- and if you have a blog or other net-haven, you'll be suitably honored.  So get to it; feel the rush of testosterone, and help make THE MANLIEST PLAYLIST IN THE UNIVERSE!

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