That Time I Tried Getting into Sword Art Online

I mean, granted, I didn’t try very hard.  But there was an attempt.

Her Name is Rio…Wait, No it Isn’t

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve done any ranting and rambling about my writing stuff.  I mean, given how many times I’ve griped about the works of others, it’s only natural that I invite scorn upon my meager, feeble soul by pulling the curtain back on what I’ve been working on.  The central premise, on some level, has always been “test myself by testing others”, but doing the reverse is more than valuable.

Ideally, this blog wouldn’t be the platform to do it.  Here’s the thing, though: there were, at one point, plans to hop on TV Tropes’ forums (for the first time in a while) and try and court feedback there.  As a character-focused writer angling for praise from a character-focused society, it would’ve served me well to have others weigh in on the leading lady I’ve been cooking up for the past ten months.  Thing is, there was a problem: I didn’t know her name.

I’ve failed you, Duran Duran…the Funko Pops of which are seeing a surge in popularity, for some reason.

Big Girls Don’t Cry (Maybe, LOL)

I’m going to take a shot in the dark and assume that that is certainly not the case.  I pretty much have to, since I’m working under the assumption that even the biggest of big girls is still a human being and thus capable of a vast emotional range, as well as reasonably impacted by stimuli of all kinds throughout her life.  But I am an optimist, so who knows?  It’d probably help if I’d actually seen the movie Big Girls Don’t Cry and didn’t just want to use it as a cheeky, pun-based lead-in to the topic du jour.

So enough dawdling.  Let me say this to start: why aren’t there more giant protagonists in fiction?

Also, let me say this to…uh, continue: apparently I referenced the movie even though there are at least three different songs with the same title.  

Why was I born a cultural dunce?

Doubling Down on the Dumb

As eager as I am to write about Devil May Cry V some more -- and Kingdom Hearts III, I guess -- I can’t gorge on those two games all the time. Not that those two games are in the same league, of course.  One is the sort of dessert you’d get from a Michelin-starred restaurant, while the other might as well be half-eaten leftovers from Denny’s.  Guess which is which for extra fun!

So what am I going to waste a Monday slot on this time around?  Not Sekiro.  Not that I have anything against the game (besides my vehement hatred of ninjas), but A) I haven’t played it yet, and B) I haven’t even finished Dark Souls.  The first Dark Souls.  There is another game that’s piqued my interest, but because I’m so intrigued by it, I want to hold off until I can pump more time into it.  So I guess for now, I’ll talk about something non-video game related.

Now then.  Let me regale you with a post on the stupidest thing I’ve ever done…this month.

Just Another Hero (AKA Hiatus Time)

Now, I’m not saying that My Hero Academia is the best shonen manga/anime in the history of the genre and demographic -- or if not that, then at least in recent years -- buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut…

…

…I can’t think of a non-incriminating way to finish that sentence.  So I’ll just embed a clip of All Might and leave it at that.

Super Hero Time 2018…Relatively Speaking

Like I said before, not every post on this blog can be about My Hero Academia.  Kingdom Hearts, maybe.  But every so often I need a chaser.  So let’s go ahead and do this lickety-split.

In a way that doesn’t tie to Kamen Rider or Super Sentai.  Much to my dismay, granted, but at least this way I don’t have to worry about Toei’s army of Lawyer Combatmen coming to break my legs.

Do it for Her, or Whatever -- ACT II

Hey, how’s it going?  Let’s talk about female characters again -- up to and including female character designs.

Let’s get to it.  Right after I whack this beehive with a hockey stick, slap a bear across the face, give that police officer over there a wedgie, and then bathe in gasoline so I can justify carrying this lit match around.

Things might get a little dicey, is what I’m trying to say here.  Leave your sensibilities at the door.

Do it for Her, or Whatever -- ACT I

Alternate post title: Do it for Her, Even if it’s the Stupidest Thing Ever

A Writer’s Hubris

It was a coin flip between putting “Writer’s” in quotes or not, given that the same qualifier could be applied to me.  But there are times when I like to pretend I have some shred of legitimacy, and this is one of them.  Now watch closely as I proceed to rip that legitimacy into thousands of tiny pieces.

Such is my way.   Take heed of it -- of the aesthetics of justice.

Black Panther! Also Novel Stuff.

I know what the title says, but fair warning: this post will skew more toward novel stuff than Black Panther.  Gotta get people to click on my stuff somehow.  Don’t worry, though.  You’ll get a thicker post on Marvel’s latest soon -- and I’m sure I’ll find some way to spice up this post with the Wakandan king’s solo debut.

So before I get ahead of myself, let me say this to start: I’m bringing the blog out of hiatus mode in the next week or two.  I’m still debating whether or not I want to go full throttle from here on out; I know what I want/need to upload first, after all, but I haven’t committed to the scheduling of it.  So we’ll see.  Either way, it’s about time for me to put more focus on blogging instead of offline word-smithing.  And I’ll explain the reason for it soon.  As in, within the next few paragraphs soon.

But before I get ahead of myself (again), let me say this to start (again):

Go see Black Panther.  It’s the best one.

The best one.

Going Forward by Going Backward

Well, I had another post planned for today, but…you know what?  Change of plans.  I’ve had novels on the brain recently, and my MO for posting stuff here is that I go with whatever has the biggest mindshare at the moment.  So let’s talk novels.  Specifically, my novel.  That’s what you guys want to read, right?

*crickets chirping*

Would it ease the sting if I also talked about video games?

*crickets chirping*

Let’s just get through this.  And also, let’s pretend I’m not just writing this because of technical difficulties that chose to kick me in the teeth at the worst possible moments.  Because if we can, then that’d be swell.

Oh no! I’m on DeviantArt!

Oh nooooooooooooooooooooo!  By which I mean yes.

Admittedly, I’ve been on DeviantArt for more than a year, but my page basically went into hibernation a few months after I got started.  That’s not exactly something I’m proud to declare for a number of reasons -- the most obvious of them being that I’m potentially hamstringing myself by not going full tilt with as many online platforms as I can.  If I’m going to spread my message, my wares, and my very existence, I’ve pretty much got to put myself out there...even though that DA page is already getting kind of dusty as of writing, but whatever.

Inevitably, that means that I’m going to embarrass myself a lot.  And thoroughly.  And in ways I never would have begun to anticipate.  So you know what?  Let’s bring the cringe-fest straight to my virtual doorstep!  Because at least it’s not a burning sack of dog poo!

Or is it? #illuminati

How to Make a Good 50-Foot Woman Movie -- ACT II

I don’t understand you sometimes, internet.

D.O.X. is Dead #10: Princesses and Layers

So a while back, I went out to grab a new mouse.  Found one, too; it’s pretty sensitive, but its battery life is much higher than my last one, and it’s got a cool design on it.  But I started looking around the store, and wouldn’t you know it?  I spotted a DVD box set of Adventure Time.  Well, probably a DVD set.  Could’ve been Blu-Ray.  I paid more attention to the fact that it was just Jake the Dog in box form.

The important thing is that I paid just enough attention to the box to notice that I would’ve grabbed the complete fifth season of the show -- which is a problem, because I couldn’t even tell you where the first season starts and stops.  So I put it back, in the hopes that one day I would know enough about Adventure Time to dive into any given segment of the canon.  That day has yet to come, unfortunately.  My loss, of course; I wouldn’t mind learning more about Finn, Jake, Ice King, Beemo, Fire Princess, Lemongrab, Marceline the Vampire Queen, and all the rest.  (Also, Cinnamon Bun is god-tier.)

So indulge me for a moment.  Let’s chat about Princess Bubblegum.

D.O.X. is Dead #9: Coolness and Drive

Wait.  Who is writing this?

Such a lust for page views…WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?

Oh, wait.  It’s me.  I’m writing this -- post #666, as it so happens.  So let’s make it special, shall we?

The World’s Spookiest Post?

I’d imagine that with Halloween right around the corner, people are flooding the internet with skeletons, ghosts, zombies, vampires, werewolves, jack-o-lanterns, and other nightmarish ephemera (even though it’s plainly obvious that there’s nothing scarier than the creatures lurking in the ocean).  This would be the part where I play into that -- or more appropriately, do a post about something super-spooky.  A scary game, for one.  But I just did a hefty post on Crimson Peak, and it kind of feels like I’d be double-dipping.

So I asked myself, “What would be the scariest thing I could offer up to anyone who stumbles upon this post?”  And the answer to that is simple: art by someone who has no business trying to do art.  Because there’s nothing scarier than someone without talent shoving his lack of talent in people’s faces!

Mediocrity, ooooooooOOOOOoooOOOOoooooooooo!  How chilling!

Shower Thoughts with Monster Girls (Part 2)

You know what’s worse than talking about someone else’s created monster girls?  Talking about your own monster girls.  So let’s double-down on the sacrilege and get through this together.  I’m sure it won’t be…

Wait.  I feel like I’ve done this before, albeit under slightly-different contexts.  Like, does this feel familiar to anyone?

Eh.  Doesn’t matter.  As long as I don’t link to earlier posts, no one will ever judge me.  Now let’s dive into a post practically destined to include giant breasts.  Because if you’re going to hell, you might as well dive head-first.

On Final Fantasy and Lost Empathy

Far be it for me to be typecast as “the guy who can’t stop poking holes in Final Fantasy games”, but there’s no way around it this time.  Bear with me here, though, because there are a LOT of posts to follow built around the ideas here.  Consider this foundation more than anything else.

Okay?  Okay.  So let me ask: does anyone here watch The Middle?

Final Fantasy Type-0: Kill ‘Em All, Kupo! (FINALE)

“When nine and nine meet nine, the depths of reason shall stir. When the seal of creation is broken, a voice like thunder shall sound, and thou shalt know -- we have arrived.”

--Ace in the Final Fantasy Type-0 opening.

Huh.

So you know what I just realized?  I have no idea what that means.

So How Do You “Idealize” Female Characters?

So March is apparently Women’s History Month.  Let’s capitalize on that…with yet another ill-advised discussion on gender politics in video games!  Rejoice, sort of!  Or, alternatively, despair!

There was an article on The Escapist a while ago that discussed the controversy surrounding a cover for a Spider-Woman comic.  Put simply, the art is what you’d call “buttnomenal”.  With the emphasis on the butt.  It’s not exactly what I’d call the greatest art I’ve ever seen, but then again my comic book collection couldn’t even fill a shoebox.  All I know is that I can respect the apparently-famous artist, but the art itself isn’t exactly something I can get behind.  Apologies for the pun.

In any case, the article got me thinking.  It actually mirrored a sentiment brought up by (the great) Jim Sterling once upon a time: the portrayal of both genders kind of sucks in video games.  But the key idea is that there’s a difference: men in games -- and fiction in general, a lot of times -- tend to be idealized.  And of course, women (sometimes literally) tend to be objectified.  There’s a difference.