Kingdom Hearts Voltimania: -A fragmentary passage- (Part 2)

Anybody else getting heart palpitations over the impending, full release of Kingdom Hearts III?  I know I am.

Hard to believe that the day’s almost here -- less than a week, by the time this post goes up.  Anyone who’s excited is justified in the hype.  Anyone who’s disdainful is justified in the skepticism.  I think that, speaking personally, my MO for now is to go in with the mindset that it’s a new day and a new game.  Clean slate.  Breathe deep, play, and enjoy.  Or…try to enjoy.  There are dozens of ways for the game to go wrong, but the only way to know for sure is to face it head-on.  Because if nothing else?  If we’re lucky -- if we’re blessed by the overlords at Squeenix Keep -- this storyline is going to have a definitive end.  The slate’s going to get even cleaner.

We’ll see what the future holds.  But before that, there’s one more thing we -- or I -- have to do.  Let’s talk about Kingdom Hearts 0.2.

…Featuring the only wrestler theme song that can possibly fit the context.  Inasmuch as a wrestler theme song can.

Kingdom Hearts Voltimania: -A fragmentary passage- (Part 1)

All right, let’s cut straight to the artery of this thing.  The official title is Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep: -A fragmentary passage-, but I’m never going to call it that in full because 1) it’s clumsy at best, 2) it has Birth By Sleep in the title, which makes me wretch, and 3) the game’s timeline is all over the place, so “0.2” is only somewhat fitting.  I mean yeah, its 0.2 plus the compilation’s 2.8 equals 3, but it’s not as if KHIII made it on time.  And even with the two PS4 compilations -- The Story so Far notwithstanding -- there’s still nothing pertaining to Unchained/Union X save for Back Cover.  Which is…inadequate, to say the least.

This is a lot of talk about meaningless garbage to start off a post that focuses on 0.2’s gameplay.  So I guess I’ll go ahead and get focused.  And also, decide to alternate between calling it 0.2 and what it really is, AKA Kingdom Hearts III: Ground Zeroes.  And also also, embed another wrestler’s theme.  Because if it’s worth doing twice…

Shower Thoughts with RWBY (Part 4)

All aboard the RWBY Volume 4 Headcanon Express!

…I would make a longer and more meandering intro, but given that this thing has reached Part 4, I think it’d be best if I speed things up and not drag my feet.  Alternatively, maybe I should hire a full-time editor to shadow my every move (and word) so I can make stuff that’s actually a manageable length.

Then again, if I did that, then I’d have less money for muffins.  Can’t have that.  So let’s get crackin’.

Shower Thoughts with RWBY (Part 3)

It was pretty much a given, but RWBY Volume 5 is officially in the works.

The voice actors are (as far as I know) in the middle of recording their lines, and assuming that everything goes well?  We’ll be seeing the next chapter of the story sometime in the fall of 2017.  That’s not too far from now, as of this post -- less than half a year, if we assume that Rooster Teeth is shooting for an episode drop on the Autumnal Equinox.  They probably aren’t, but that’s still a pretty short amount of time.  So before you know it, we’ll know where the crew plans to take the story -- not just the plot, but the development, the setup, the payoff, and the authorial intent. 

It’ll be interesting to see what they do in response to the fans.  I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t have two fingers pressed deep into the pulse of the fandom, but I’d imagine that there are those who like Volume 4’s treatment, and those who resent it.  Whose voice will ring out louder?  Who will Rooster Teeth listen to?  Or will they ignore both camps so they can blaze their own trail?  Course correction is always a possibility, but even if they don’t go to that extreme, Volume 5 will 100% cement whatever style and direction the crew is going to head down.  So for that reason alone, I’m interested in seeing more.

Until then?  Let’s get back to the headcanon action.  I started with Yang and Blake last time, so let’s finish their story off and move on.

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: All Star Blogging (Intermission)

And here we are at last.

So.  Let’s go ahead and breakdown, breakdown JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure one more time…for now, at least.

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: All Star Blogging (Part 8)

All right.  Let’s talk about “Chase”.

I think that all of the JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure openings are special -- top-notch work, and a joy to behold and listen to alike.  Personally, that extends to the sixth opening “Chase”.  It’s not my favorite, but it’s still plenty impressive.  From what I can gather, not everyone feels the same way; there have been complaints that the song doesn’t fit JoJo (and belongs with other shonen/anime as per its “generic” nature).  Or, alternatively, they’ll say that the dreary aesthetic and harsh tones are too stark a contrast for a show that revels in its randomly shifted -- and shifting -- color palette.

My argument is that it always seemed as if “Chase” represented a logical progression for the Diamond is Unbreakable anime.  I guessed as much once “Crazy Noisy Bizarre Town” dropped.  Okay, first opening?  Lots of happy sounds and poppy visuals, which can help an audience start falling in love with Morioh and its people.  But since this is JoJo, a series that revels in horror and suffering, it was only a matter of time once the plot kicked in -- and of course, it kicked in right around the time when “Chase” made its debut.  You can’t exactly have the cast dancing and goofing off when one of the story’s major, plot-propelling moments is a serial killer’s murder of an innocent middle school boy who just happened to learn too much.  All because he wanted his sandwich.

So yeah, I like “Chase” as a song, as an opening, and as a representation.  Still, there was one thing that bugged me for the longest time.  I kept asking “Hey, what’s with that weird stony heart with an anchor on it?”  Luckily, I did eventually get my answer -- and like Diamond is Unbreakable at large, it was glorious.

I’ll SPOIL you anywhere

I’ll SPOIL you anytime

You know I’ll SPOIL you

There is no escape (from SPOILERS)

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: All Star Blogging (Part 7)

Hey, welcome back to Cross-Up.  You know, writing about JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure posts has gotten me thinking.  I’ve come to realize that --

NO.  

SHUT UP.  

EVERYBODY SHUT UP.  

No long, meandering intros.  No tangential anecdotes.  I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time.  So you know what?  Screw it.  Screw everything else.  We’re getting in there, right here, RIGHT NOW.

JoJo.  Part 4.  Diamond is Unbreakable.  

LET’S GO.

The SPOILERS we have fly flowing free

As we bicker the day away

Dancing all the while in this

Crazy noisy bizarre SPOILERS

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: All Star Blogging (Part 6)

You know what really gets to me?  Jotaro’s hat.

I don’t have a problem with the way it looks.  It’s just that for the longest time -- before I seriously started getting into JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure -- I was under the impression that he never took it off.  Plus there’s his look in the Stardust Crusaders anime; with his black uniform and black hair, it looks as if his hat is essentially a part of his skull.  Where does one end and the other begin?  Nobody knows.  Granted that ambiguity was drastically reduced in the Diamond is Unbreakable anime by virtue of Jotaro’s white outfit, but still.  The point remains, I think.

…Is what I would like to say.  But in the very first episode of the anime, Jotaro’s hat gets blown clear off.  And then in the very first arc of the second half of the story, it gets blown off again.  It’s like, how can anyone say that the hat never comes off when it comes off almost immediately?  And on more than one occasion?  The mind boggles.  I blame memes, I suppose; it’s another instance of JoJo being pared down to absolute basics.  A generalization.  And when you generalize, you’re that much more likely to get it wrong.

So I guess I’ll get into specifics -- and use most of the rest of this post to explain why I think Stardust Crusaders is the weakest of the JoJo parts so far.  Hold on to your butts hats.

Their SPOILERS have begun!  Their SPOILERS are running out!

They will SPOIL this!  They won’t stop!

SPOILERS! (HA!  HA!  HA!  HA!)

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: All Star Blogging (Part 5)

All right, I know the purpose of this little miniseries is to show that JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure is greater than the sum of its memes, but…come on, man.  If it wasn’t for ZA WARUDO, it might never have gotten the legs it did in the west.

Okay, that’s a reductive way of looking at things.  I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t know much about JoJo until I found out about ZA WARUDO, and even then it stayed as a simple meme until the anime came out (an anime I’d eventually get around to in 2016, years after its start).  And I know anime; I can’t imagine what it was like for people who don’t know anime.  Anyone who gained exposure by virtue of rapid-fire screams, a cafeteria’s worth of knives, and a steamroller swan dive gained an irrepressible image burned into their very souls.  But I guess any publicity is good publicity.  If a meme opened the door to a wider appreciation of JoJo, then I think we should all count that as a win.

It’s no surprise, then, that Part 3 of JoJo -- Stardust Crusaders -- had some traction going into the big anime premiere (by which I mean David Production’s run, if it wasn’t clear already).  “Oh, this is where that ZA WARUDO thing came from, right?” Billy McCrunchyroll might say one cool October evening.  “Well then, maybe I should give it a look.”  And the rest is history.  Along with Stands, I guess.  Stands are cool, which I’m sure various people have discovered well before this post.

But is Part 3 cool enough to match?  That’s what I’m here to find out.  Or…report on, I suppose.  That seems like a better fit.

BREAK YOU DOWN, BREAK YOU DOWN, BREAK YOU DOWN

Let these SPOILERS fly free

With this hallowed post, STAND PROUD!  (With spoilers.)

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: All Star Blogging (Part 4)

I should probably start off this post by making something very clear.  There are tons of factors that decide whether a story -- a game, a movie, a book, a TV show, or whatever -- is good.  Even if that’s true, I think we can all agree that characters make up a good chunk of those factors.  As I’ve said, characters create opportunities; if they’re engaging, then they can take an audience to some incredible highs.  If they’re bad, then it’s the equivalent of jamming Mount Olympus into your eyeball.

It’s pretty easy to throw around the claim that “characters should be likable”.  And yeah, that’s a big part of it.  But let’s not get bogged down by strict definitions; “likable” doesn’t have to mean that the character is an admirable, noble member of society.  He or she doesn’t have to be a bang-up hero, because otherwise we would ignore villains by default.  It’s about making sure that, by writing and/or design, there’s something compelling about a character.  That should be understood by everyone, because it’s certainly something understood by JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure and its creator, Hirohiko Araki.

So now that I’ve said all that, let me make a claim about Battle Tendency.  A huge chunk of the named characters are assholes.  And that’s awesome.

Your next line is…

What?  You didn’t tell me there were SPOILERS in this post!

…Except I kind of did.  I lead in with this red text for a reason, people.

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: All Star Blogging (Part 3)

“There’s no way Joseph is the best JoJo.”

I’m not usually one to play the contrarian, even though it seems like that with some of my less-than-ideal opinions (like anything that has to do with Naughty Dog).  I’d like to think that I’m able to rise above preconceptions and biases to speak clearly and honestly about subjects.  But for the life of me -- and even now -- I cannot say that Joseph Joestar is the best lead JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure has to offer.

Hear me out on this.  Joseph is the hero of Part 2 -- Battle Tendency -- which ran from 1987 to 1989 in manga form, and from December 2012 to April 2013 in anime form.  The former came out forever and a day ago, while the latter is fresher on people’s minds (thanks to all sorts of memes, to generalize).  Either way, there’s a LOT of content to go through.  Remember, there are eight different JoJo sagas out there, with the latest of the bunch still in production.  There’s a ton that people still need to be exposed to and given the chance to digest.  Even if we peel away 75% of the context of each arc, we still need to put every JoJo under the microscope.  Those who are 100% up to date with the manga can probably do that, but for everyone else?  How can you say “Joseph is the best” when at a bare-ass minimum, we’ve still got to get through Giorno, Joylene, Johnny, and Gappy Josuke?

Now, you can say “Joseph is my favorite JoJo so far”, because that’s much easier and more credible to quantify.  It’s an opinion with good grounding.  So with all of that said, I’ll declare this: no, Joseph is not my favorite JoJo so far.  But he’s still a good, good, good, good, damn good character.  And the same applies to Battle Tendency.

Like a bloody SPOILERS

Burning like a bloody SPOILERS

Some SPOILERS pound through your veins…and this post

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: All Star Blogging (Part 2)

Can I just take a minute to gush about how much I love Hamon?

Sure, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure has long since earned fame for its Stands.  But having watched and enjoyed Phantom Blood, I still feel like Hamon’s the cooler power of the two -- and that’s saying something, because I agree that Stands are rad.  The “power of the sun” not only lets its users fight with supercharged energy and beat down vampires (and zombie grunts), but also gives them a chance to interact with items in the environment in all sorts of zany ways.  Lots of creative applications, to be sure -- as Battle Tendency proves later on -- and it’s the sheer unpredictability that makes it a treat to see in action.

I also love how Hamon’s weakness is an obvious one.  It’s made possible through the proper breathing techniques, so if you can’t breathe, you can’t use it.  I mean, yeah, pretty much every living being is crippled if they can’t breathe, but the applications of it in JoJo add a layer of tension to battles.  When mere chains or a dip underwater become a credible life-or-death situation, you know you’ve done well in storytelling.

Also, this doesn’t have much to do with anything yet, buuuuuuuuuuuuuut…cripes, JoJo does NOT shy away from the body horror.  Thank god for the censorship, because sometimes it’s seriously hard to watch without cringing so hard my eyes clamp shut.

Anyway, on to Phantom Blood.  Again.  WITH SPOILERS.  Again.

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: All Star Blogging (Part 1)

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure is more than just memes.

I repeat: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure is more than just memes.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you it’s a masterpiece, or the greatest thing ever (in the anime/manga world or otherwise).  I know I’ve said this before, but I have to make it absolutely clear: paring down JoJo to a bunch of images and out-of-context YouTube clips is a huge disservice to it.  It’s lasted this long for a reason.  It has fans for a reason.  It’s got a brand new, still-in-progress anime for a reason.  There are many, many, many things you can pull from a decent-sized chunk of said anime -- most of it accidentally hilarious -- but if you look at it as a whole, it’s truly something special.

So here’s the big question, and one that I hope to answer over the course of this miniseries: is it really as bizarre as the title claims?  It’s hard to say for now.  But if I’m going to come to a conclusion, I’ve got to start somewhere -- and it might as well be at the beginning.

SONO CHI NO SADAME!

SPOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILERS! 

Shower Thoughts with Stardust Crusaders (Part 1)

Here’s an important question right off the bat: what is the difference between the Stands in JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders and the Personas from Persona 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1?

They’re extremely similar, so I don’t blame anyone for getting confused by the two.  Men and women tap into a mix of psychological and spiritual power to summon crazy-looking warriors to fight on their behalf.  Only a chosen few can manifest them; the rest are lucky to even see them.  Unreal powers are slung around as easily as a softball in a pickup game of catch.  They’ve been the centerpieces of multiple fighting games.  They’ve experienced no shortage of popularity over the years, if not a surge in fan interest.  Honestly, I’d say that at this point, the fact that there’s no dedicated JoJo X Persona game is an affront to every deity imaginable.  Magician’s Red vs. Take-Mikazuchi?  Come on, that’s easy money.

It should go without saying, but I’m a fan of both franchises -- and it just so happens that I’ve been grinding my way through as much JoJo as possible over the past few months.  As a result, I’ve finally done what thousands (if not millions) of fans have done already, and completed Part 3 -- Stardust Crusaders.  And now I can tackle the question for myself.  Not the question of “is this any good”, oh no.  (Though I’ll be doing that anyway at some point.)  No, I think it’s time for me to split hairs on an ultimately inconsequential issue.

I have a theory -- a shaky theory, but a theory nonetheless.  The Personas are what you really are deep down.  The Stands are what you want to be…but fail to be regardless.

Let’s discuss Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End (Part 2).

I know this is a post on Uncharted 4, but I feel like I should start off by mentioning Who Killed Captain Alex.

I saw it basically under the same circumstances that introduced me to Dinosaur Island -- i.e. “celebrating” the holidays with bad movie night.  But even though I went in expecting the worst, I found myself getting into the movie.  The story behind it is bizarre, to say the least, and that’s before you get into the actual movie -- which to put it simply is a Ugandan kung fu murder mystery.  Despite that (and the utterly absurd “dub”), I couldn’t help but grasp characters, motivations, and themes.  It was as much about “mortal combat” as it was about understanding the impact of the late captain, and what it meant to exact revenge for him and those closest to him.  Coupled with the sincere effort and energy infused into the film, it’s hard not to feel a sense of admiration.

Even if Who Killed Captain Alex is held together by pocket change, used floss, and a whole lot of hope, it still manages to impart something on an audience.  No matter how deep of a read you make, there’s still something to enjoy -- something to respect despite (or maybe because of) the pitiful visuals.  So while it is technically a bad movie, it doesn’t quite come across as one.  Why?  Because it’s proof that it doesn’t take much to win people over.  It doesn’t take much to win me over, even if my posts have suggested otherwise over the years.  Good stories come in many forms, regardless of the money or resources poured into it.  Still, that’s the immutable end goal: to tell a good story with the means available to you.

So here we are with A Thief’s End.  And disagree if you will, but I’m convinced that it either has a terrible story, or one so baffling that even now I have yet to grasp it.  And this is coming from someone who could grasp Who Killed Captain Alex.

RE: Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End

I have a lot of questions about this game.

UnchartedPalooza?? The Last of Us (Revisited)

You know what?  I’ve always felt guilty about not liking The Last of Us.

As you’d expect from someone who didn’t sing praises about a critical darling -- the people’s champion in disc form -- I took some heat for my opinions.  In the eyes of some, I didn’t get it.  Or I just hate everything.  OR I’m too young to understand it.  I’m not the only one who’s been hassled for not seeing the game as anything short of a masterpiece (and to be fair I’ve only seen a little shade thrown my way), but I find it kind of silly that people can get so wound up just because someone doesn’t like what you like. 

I think the ’94 Street Fighter movie isn’t nearly as bad as public opinion suggests, but am I going to raise hell over it?  No.  Opinions can and will vary because they’re based on interpretations of substantiated evidence.  What’s gold to some is a lump of coal to others, and we shouldn’t hate others for seeing things differently.  I’d say “it’s that simple”, but the fact that I have to use this post’s prologue as an obvious disclaimer says a lot about the situation.

So enough of that.  Let’s get to it.

UnchartedPalooza!! Drake’s Deception

I want to start this post off with a list of games. 

*pulls envelope out of pocket and unfolds a sheet of paper*

Ahem.  So.  This list of games includes, in no particular order:

--Tales of Zestiria

--Xenoblade Chronicles X

--The Witcher 3

--Bloodborne

--Metal Gear Solid V

--Street Fighter V

--Yakuza 4

--Valkyria Chronicles

--Ni no Kuni

By no means is this a complete list, but I’m sure you can already guess the meaning behind them.  Indeed, this is a backlog of games that I want to play -- and hopefully write about at some point.  Moreover, it’s a list of games that are readily available to me; they were within a few steps of me every time I sat down to play Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception.  But I refused to play them until I cleared every last game in The Nathan Drake Collection.

And every time I sat down to play Drake’s Deception, I was reminded just how dearly, how desperately I wanted to bail and play something else.

UnchartedPalooza!! Among Thieves

Uncharted 2 pushes a pretty big question right out of the gate: do you believe in second chances?

Speaking personally, I suppose I do.  I’m the guy who wound up hating Final Fantasy 13 before game’s end, but played the unneeded sequel and a franchise spin-off despite common sense beckoning me to stay the hell back.  But I’m the sort that wants to believe, and believe that people can do the right thing.  Okay, so you made a mistake the first time?  Fine.  Do better next time.  Learn from your mistakes, and leave them behind on your way onward and upward.

That seemed to be the case with Uncharted 2: Among Thieves.  I missed the game when it first came out, but others didn’t.  And from what I can gather, others were -- and still are -- willing to call it a masterpiece.  Accolades across the board, adoration from gamers and critics alike, and the codification of one of Sony’s biggest franchises; Uncharted 2 is a big hit, and makes up for whatever shortcomings the original game had.  In my experience, my brother told me that instead of playing Drake’s Fortune -- via The Nathan Drake Collection remaster -- I should just skip ahead to Uncharted 2.  “It’s basically the same story,” he said.  And more importantly, “The game’s a masterpiece.”

So after finishing Drake’s Fortune, I dove into Among Thieves. 

And now I’m not so keen on second chances.

UnchartedPalooza!! Drake’s Fortune

It should go without saying, but for posterity’s sake?  The entire purpose of this post -- and by extension this whole miniseries -- is simple: I want to find out how good the Uncharted series really is.  Or if it’s even good in the first place.

I wouldn’t know, because as embarrassing as it sounds, I’ve barely played any of the games prior to this.  Based on how much traction it’s gotten, I’d like to at least assume that the franchise is good.  Perfect?  Probably not.  But you don’t get to become a marquis title on one of the big three consoles by being merely average.  You have to be something special.  Something awe-inspiring.  Something fantastic.  True, it’s entirely possible that Uncharted’s traction is unfounded, and that its definition of “special” is actually a bunch of smoke and mirrors -- the most basic of the basic, elevated to godhood thanks to marketing and hype.  Or maybe the series is actually incredibly good, and deserves its place in the spotlight despite its AAA status.  Who knows? 

The only thing I know for sure is that I’ll find and present my own personal answers via this miniseries.  Well, actually, that’s not entirely true.  I know that based on my experience, Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune is roooooooooooooooooooooooooooough.

And yet, it feels strangely familiar.