Final Fantasy VII Remake feat. Tifa (feat. Technical Difficulties)

It was either a post on the Final Fantasy VII Remake -- or the first part of it, at least -- or another one on Smash Ultimate.  Trust me, it was a dead heat right up to the finish line.

Also, I should probably talk briefly about that time my computer temporarily died.  So let’s get stuck in.

What’s Going On With Call of Duty?

So the new Call of Duty is out, huh?

Hmmm.  Hmmm.

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

Are We Done with Zombies Yet?

Would it enhance or reduce my credibility right out of the gate if I admitted that I haven’t watched an episode of AMC’s The Walking Dead in years?  Probably reduce, but at least you’ll know where I’m coming from here.

I used to watch the show every Sunday, but in all honesty, I came in late.  I didn’t see a single episode of the show until somewhere in the midst of Season 2 -- and from what I can gather I chose a hell of a starting point.  Farm life without amenities!  People arguing!  Sometimes there’s a zombie!  People arguing!  Friendly fire!  People arguing!  Incredibly poor choices!  People arguing!  Now there’s a bunch of zombies!  People arguing!  So yeah, I can’t say that I had the best impression of the show, but I stuck with it.  I’ll get into why I dropped it in a little bit, but for now I’ll switch gears.

If you’re reading this post, you’re probably well aware of how much zombie fiction has dominated the landscape -- up to and including that long since established holy bastion of artistry, video games.  But the times, they are a changin’.  So that makes me wonder: have we reached peak saturation with zombies?  Are they on their way out, having done their duty across all forms of media?

Uh, probably not.  But work with me here -- even if Sony and SIE Bend Studio won’t.

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: All Star Blogging (Part 1)

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure is more than just memes.

I repeat: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure is more than just memes.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you it’s a masterpiece, or the greatest thing ever (in the anime/manga world or otherwise).  I know I’ve said this before, but I have to make it absolutely clear: paring down JoJo to a bunch of images and out-of-context YouTube clips is a huge disservice to it.  It’s lasted this long for a reason.  It has fans for a reason.  It’s got a brand new, still-in-progress anime for a reason.  There are many, many, many things you can pull from a decent-sized chunk of said anime -- most of it accidentally hilarious -- but if you look at it as a whole, it’s truly something special.

So here’s the big question, and one that I hope to answer over the course of this miniseries: is it really as bizarre as the title claims?  It’s hard to say for now.  But if I’m going to come to a conclusion, I’ve got to start somewhere -- and it might as well be at the beginning.

SONO CHI NO SADAME!

SPOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILERS! 

RE: Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End

I have a lot of questions about this game.

E3 2016: Forgive or Forget?

Is this Overwatch?  No?  Then E3 2016 gets a 0 out of 10.  Would not watch again.

All right, seriously, though?  I have to start by being honest: I didn’t really care about E3 this year.  In the weeks and months leading up to it, I was basically ambivalent; I couldn’t summon up the will to care too much about it, knowing that A) all the information I needed would be plastered online in days’ time, and B) getting invested in E3 meant sitting through more press conferences.  More played-out buzzwords.  More non-indicative trailers.  More promises of glory that would fail to deliver.  More chomping at the bit to get past the stuff I don’t care about.  More cringe by the barge-load.  The only positive point, ostensibly, would be the annual showcase of Cuphead footage -- which to be fair almost justifies the whole expo.

So as much as it strains my credibility, I have to admit that I’m writing this E3 post while skipping out on a majority of the conferences.  Maybe I’ll go back and watch stuff eventually; I’ve seen a supercut already, but there’s more to digest.  And I will, especially if the Super Best Friends put up their reactions (and I’d assume that’s available via some Twitch stream archives).  But for now?  I want to do something different besides run down the major conferences and companies.  I want to take time out to talk about E3 -- and in particular, a topic that’s been occupying my brain space for the past month:

Is E3 basically The Apology Expo?

Kingdom Hearts 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue Colon Trailer Analysis for Blogging

The back half of this post’s title is mine, albeit one that’s a spin on the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie.  The front half is actually the name of an upcoming game…and it makes my soul hurt.

Admittedly -- and I know this isn’t fair, but work with me here -- the mere existence of this game makes my soul hurt.  Oh, look, it’s an HD uptick for Dream Drop Distance.  I’ll say upfront that I haven’t played that one or watched a full LP, mostly because of a sore lack of interest.  But maybe once this new edition comes out, I’ll give it a try.  The problem is that if I do, it’d mean getting into the rest of what the package offers.  That is to say, it means more nonsense strapped onto a franchise long since brought to its knees by nonsense, drivel, and Tetsuya Nomura’s machinations.

It’s like…I remember Kingdom Hearts 1, and I enjoyed it when I first played it (long after its release, but whatever).  It made me a fan of the franchise.  And when I replayed the game a few years ago, I realized that not only does it hold up, but it’s also probably one of the strongest entries in the whole thing -- or at least my favorite of the bunch.  Just like the infamous theme song says, it was simple and clean.  Well, relatively speaking, but it still told a mostly-concise, mostly-direct story worthy of both the Disney and Final Fantasy names.

But that was a long time ago.  And what do we have now?  Kingdom Hearts 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue.  So let’s talk about the trailer before I just go “fuck everything”, wither into a husk, and drift away on the wind.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens: Unleashed: Revelations: Revengeance: Revolutions

Okay, time for a controversial opinion (as if my confliction over The Force Awakens wasn’t bad enough):  I think the Millennium Falcon is kind of dumb-looking.

It’s all right, I guess.  But for a ship of its supposed caliber and speed, it’s kind of clunky-looking; shape-wise, it looks like a plate with some shoehorns glued to it.  No style, no grace -- which is kind of the point, given its owners, but it’s still not what I’d call ideal.  Now, the X-Wing?  Fine.  A-Wing?  Cool.  Y-Wing?  That’ll do.  I know those aren’t in the same class, but then I remember that the Star Destroyer exists and looks cool (inasmuch as an imperial death machine deserves respect), so it’s just like, “Yo, what happened, Han?”  On the other hand, the canon has also produced “beauties” like the B-Wing, so their aerospace engineering is probably a little spotty.

I guess what I’m getting at here is that, like I’ve said before, the past is not sacrosanct.  We don’t have to blindly accept that everything from the good old days was perfect and exemplary, because otherwise we end up in situations where “the things from the past are always better than things from the present”.  By the same token, we shouldn’t blindly reject everything because it’s from the past.  Lessons can still be learned from it, and elements (if not whole productions) are still appreciable.  It’s all about balance, and giving credit where credit’s due.  Like and dislike with reason and respect.

I just thought I’d throw that out there, in case anyone reading this decided to hunt me down and pin my lifeless body to a towering spire as a warning to their enemies.  So let’s move on…amidst all of the spoilers.

But first…

The Last of Us -- feat. Kamen Rider OOO (Part 1)

This one’s been months in the making.  But first: a story.

Final Fantasy 7: All the Silliest

You know what gamers need?  Some kind of official poll system.

We may all identify under the hobby, but the collective is such a fractured mess that even the most basic classification is rough.  I’m a fan of Destructoid, for example, but there are others who frequent Polygon, others who prefer USGamer, and yes, even those who like IGN.  How do you get them to come together?  To even begin to acknowledge one another’s opinions, gathered in a conclusive format?  A universal poll -- one where all gamers vote on topics and see where their brethren stand on an issue.  It’ll never happen, of course, but it’s nice to think about as a way to offer up some perspective.

I only ask for that poll because I’d like to have proof that gamers aren’t just a massive mob of hypocrites…even if it seems like they kind of are.  “Give us something new and original!” they cry out -- and then Call of Duty and Assassin’s Creed still make mad money. “They’re just trying to win us over with brand names and nostalgia!” they rage -- while games built on brand names and nostalgia get funded in hours, if not minutes, via Kickstarter.  “Enough with the remakes and remasters!” they yell to the heavens.

And then everyone loses their minds over a Final Fantasy 7 remake -- which is a dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, silly, silly, dumb idea.  And also dumb.

Do We Need Assassin’s Creed Anymore?

Hey guys!  Did you see the trailer and stuff for Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate?  It’s a brand new start for the franchise, and the game that will do next-gen consoles justizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Yeah.  Like I could keep that one up for long.

Season's Wii-tings II: Super Smash Bros. for Wii U

I have to be honest: I don’t really care for the title.

I get it, of course.  There’s a Smash game out for the Wii U, and there’s a Smash game out for the 3DS.  How do you set them apart?  Say as much in the title!  But man, isn’t that name such a downgrade?  We had Melee, and then we had Brawl, and now we get…for Wii U?  Why not Showdown?  Or Riot?  Or -- well, I guess those are all the good ones.  But the point stands.

That’s pretty much all I’ve got in terms of complaints.  I could nitpick, I guess -- and I probably will -- but other than that?  Look, I seriously don’t think I need to tell anyone reading this that this is a good game.  If you have it, you know that already.  If you don’t have it, then you’ve probably heard as much by this point -- and I’d argue that you should buy it, especially if you have a Wii U. Generally speaking, just going over some of the ins and outs of the game would make this post completely pointless.

So let’s do something different.  Let’s start with a question: why this game?

The Smash Diaries (Day 5)

So I decided to check the Smash Bros. wiki to see if there were any nuances I missed in the new game -- you know, to try and make some of those intangibles more tangible.  I already knew about the Tekken-style rage effect built in (get hit a lot, do more damage), but the wiki suggests that not only is there increased knockback, but also the inability to act out of hitstun.  It seems like a minor thing -- and it is, because not every player even knows what hitstun is -- but that nuance does mean something in the long run, especially for those who care immensely about the under-the-hood mechanics.   Among other things.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that whether you’re aware of the changes or not (or if I am, in all fairness), Smash 4 feels more…well, I don’t want to use this word exactly, but since I can’t think of a better fit, let’s go ahead and use “legit”.  I don’t know if this game will replace Melee as the EVO standard, if it’ll be able to exist simultaneously, or if it’ll just be cast aside by the old guard.  But I think it’s at least capable of making it there, and being welcomed by the fighting game community. 

Which brings me to the point of the day: Nintendo’s master plan.  Or my vision of it, at least.

The Smash Diaries (Day 4)

Before I get started, there’s one thing I have to mention: I’ve been playing this game exclusively with the Wii Classic Controller Pro (the one that came with Monster Hunter Tri).  As I’ve established by now, I don’t have any problems with the Wii U GamePad; the issue is that playing Smash 4 means completely un-learning how to play with a GameCube controller.  This has been…an issue on a consistent basis.  I need to get used to the new controller, but it’s the closest facsimile to the GC pad I’ve got right now.

So yeah, no commentary on how the GamePad figures in this time around.  So let’s put our focus back on the game -- though before we do that?  Let’s have a moment of silence for my brother’s GC pad.  After years of smashing, it finally gave out on him. 

Just as well, though.  It had a lot of exposed wires.

The Smash Diaries (Day 3)

On his way out one night, a friend of mine jokingly said that PlayStation All-Stars: Battle Royale is pretty much dead to us now.  I don’t want to say that he’s right…but yeah, he’s right.  The only reason to ever touch Sony’s mascot fighter again is if every copy of Smash 4 and every Wii U spontaneously exploded.  And I’m sorry to say it, but I just don’t see that happening.

All right.  So let’s dive right back in, shall we?

The Smash Diaries (Day 2)

Is it redundant for me to talk about the mechanics of a game when there’s been a version of it out for nearly two months before this point?  Yes, of course.  But let’s go ahead and do it anyway, because…uh…holiday filler?

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  Let’s do it!

The Smash Diaries (Day 1)

So I’ve put some time into Smash 4 -- more than I thought, but less than I’d hoped.  By which I mean there have been several moments in the past few days where I thought to myself “I don’t want to sleep.  I just want to smash all night long!” 

That should probably tell you everything you need to know about how I feel about this game.

But for the sake of a VERY short post (hopefully), let’s start going over some of the particulars.  It’ll be fun.  Just, you know, not as much fun as playing the game.

Interstellar: For the Love of TARS

Is Smash Bros. 4 out yet?  No?

*sigh* 

All right, let’s do this.

Do not go gentle into that good SPOILERS

Old age should SPOIL and SPOIL at close of SPOILERS

SPOIL, SPOIL against the -- wait, didn’t the Bum Review do the same thing?

*sigh* I just wanna play Smash…