It
was either a post on the Final Fantasy VII Remake -- or the first part
of it, at least -- or another one on Smash Ultimate. Trust me, it was a dead heat right up to the
finish line.
Also,
I should probably talk briefly about that time my computer temporarily
died. So let’s get stuck in.
I
probably only have myself to blame. I
mean, I’d like to assume it was because my dogs’ wrestling session
bumped my power strip out of place -- so when I came in and started the
boot-up, I accidentally knocked the strip around and powered down the computer. So that was unpleasant. And then my fool ass decided to move the
strop back into a safe place…while also trying to power up the PC. So it went down again. Potentially, a Windows 10 update also
triggered problems, but for about a week the end result was clear: I had my
first encounter (and more to follow) with the latest version of the Blue Screen
of Death. That’s not something I’m keen
to see, given the amount of cash I dropped barely a month prior to even get the
PC.
I
tried to fix the problem on my own. I
pretty much had to, because at one point I got a BSoD just by trying to save my
progress in a text file. I assumed that
I just had to install a new update and let Microsoft fix it indirectly; whether
I got a BSoD during the “don’t turn off your computer” phase or simply because the
update made things significantly worse, the end result was that one or two
critical files needed to run Windows at all got hopelessly corrupted. And at the worst possible time, too, given
that I had things to do right after. The
long and short of it? I went about five
days without a PC, and then one extra because the fix (use a blank flash drive
to upload a fresh version of Win 10) required my brother’s computer…and he didn’t
have enough space on his computer to even download it, so I had to wait for
him.
The
end result: things are back online on my end, give or take. I suspect there have been problematic changes
I’ve accidentally made, but…well…
As
you can guess, I’ve lost a LOT of time.
(Who will write a story about a Godzilla-sized single mom, if not I?) It’s not a complete loss, given that I spent
a lot of time with my Switch recently -- including a couple of strikingly-good
indie games -- but it feels good to be able to click-tick-clack at a keyboard
again. And what better way to go “I’m
back!” than with the obvious go-to? That’s
right. Your old pal Voltech is at it
again with another post on Final Fantasy. Because I guess that’s my legacy now, or
whatever.
For
posterity’s sake, I’ll be clear: I’m wary about the FF7 remake. So are plenty of other people, by the sound
of things -- and rightfully so. I don’t
have faith in Squeenix’s ability to make a game anymore, given that they’ve
botched their big JRPG titles again and again and again. And even though we got a big bangin’ trailer
for E3 2019, it doesn’t change the fact that there are some worrisome details
viewable in the trailer and readable online.
For
a game the devs are hyping up as “tactical”, there sure is a lot of
button-mashing going on to take out damage-sponge bosses. Boy, it’s so reassuring to learn that Squeenix
doesn’t know how many installments they’ll have to make for the full FF7
experience. Also, given the fact
that they’re apparently going to expand a five-ish-hour experience (the Midgar
section of the original) into something that can fill a full game (so maybe 20-30
hours), that means we’re at the mercy of a company that in recent history can’t
even match the proverbial run time of a Gears of War title.
But
hey, at least Tifa’s here now, right?
Having
played through the original FF7 recently via the Switch port, I have a stronger
appreciation for it than ever before. By
extension, I’m fonder of Tifa than I used to be. Back in the day, she was another character to
have around -- not exactly dismissible and far from scorn-inducing, but never
one of my favorites. Today? I can’t decide if she’s my favorite or if
Barret is (with Cloud firmly in third).
Admittedly my preferences might be skewed slightly because I found a
Materia/stat combination that justifies her ability to suplex what might as
well be kaiju, but yeah. Sign me up as a
member of the Tifa Army.
Let’s
cut straight to the core of the argument here.
Tifa is a good character, irrespective of the way she looks. I know that it’s been more than 20 years
since she made her debut, and not everyone who played the game remembers with crystal-clear
quality the lines and events that helped assert her character as something more
than just Mademoiselle Tetons. Certainly
doesn’t help that the extra materials after that (like the Compilation) didn’t
do a ton for her besides give her some cool shots in Advent Children,
but at least those that need a refresher on who she really is have resources to
take advantage of.
I’ve
heard the argument before that despite their appearances, Tifa and Aeris basically
have their scripts mixed up. The
knockout bartender is nurturing and demure, while the modest flower girl is feisty
and assertive. I’m going to have to
agree with that argument. Granted I had
Tifa in my party WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY more often than Aeris, meaning that the latter
didn’t get nearly as many chances to toss out lines. But in my experience? Tifa’s kind, mild-mannered, nurturing, and
easily the most pleasant person to be around in the entire game. That doesn’t solely reduce her to being
nothing more than “Cloud’s girlfriend”, thankfully. As you’d expect, she’s the type who’s sweet
when needed, and tougher than steel when it’s time to punch out Jenova. Also, she’s not the most politically correct when she’s mad.
But
what’s nice about Tifa is that she’s a character with actual flaws. She has trouble vocalizing a number of her
issues and concerns, namely anything related to Cloud. Being so kind and demure ends up becoming a
liability; yeah, that naturally means she can’t confess her feelings to him (so
maybe the implication is that she has trust issues?), but she causes a huge
problem later on because she doesn’t sit the “First Class SOLDIER” down and
explain what’s really going on with his recollection of past events -- the
irony being that there are gaps in her memory, too.
Let
the records show, then, that Tifa is great even before taking into account her
fighting prowess. Admittedly, I actually
felt the twangs of hype when she fought in the remake trailer -- especially
when she went back-to-back with Cloud -- but she’s lovable on and off the
battlefield.
…Oh,
but she’s got big boobs, though, so I guess that’s all that matters about her
character.
That’s
making a strawman out of everyone who’s ever used the internet, but damned if
that didn’t devour the discussion around her in the weeks and days before the
trailer drop. Sony kind of poured fuel
on that fire, what with their sudden crusade against anything that could be
considered sexual or harmful to minors…with some clumsy
misappropriation of the MeToo movement.
That’s a beast too large to leash and tame for now, but you could reduce
their march toward sanitized entertainment to “boobs are bad”. That put Tifa, potentially, in a bind tighter
than any sports bra.
But
now we all know what Tifa’s going to look like (barring any edits from the
devs), and…it’s fine. It’s fine. Totally fine.
I’m okay with it. Not to give
Squeenix any credit, because I have a chip on my shoulder the size of a Hummer,
but this is the one instance where I can see the mindset behind the redesign. If a Tifa fan is truly a Tifa fan -- someone
who appreciates the character, not just the body -- then he or she will
accept her no matter how she looks. And
I do. Assuming they don’t utterly botch
her character with writing/plot bumbles, Tifa is still going to be the cool
heroine I’ve got at the forefront of my party.
I’m
of two minds here. Yes, Tifa’s new look
is one I’m willing to give a thumbs-up, and I’m working under the impression
that the person behind los pechos grandes will still be someone worth cheering
for. But I can’t shake the feeling that
something has been lost along the way.
The truth behind that “loss” is hard to define, because between Tifa’s
original art, current art, old models, FMV models, current models, official
art, fan art, and gamers’ collective consciousness, we’re never going to be
able to come up with a consensus on how she should look -- much less convince
Squeenix what she should look like.
Also, this is Squeenix we’re talking about, so (outside of FF14)
they’ll be damned if they’re going to make another female body type besides
waifish, give or take a few polygons.
If
it were up to me? Yes, I’d absolutely
let Tifa have an above-average bust size.
But I’d counterbalance it, or change the focus entirely, by having her
be larger in general -- not Barret-sized, because he caters to that silhouette already,
but at least on par with Cloud (if not slightly bigger) with the fitness/tone
to match. Of the three heroines, Tifa’s
the hardest-hitting, so she should have a body that accentuates that physical
prowess at a glance.
Granted,
having bigger breasts might spoil the quote-unquote “realism” of such strenuous
physical activity, but screw it. I just
think it’d be damn refreshing to have a piece of fiction -- especially one that’s
going to have as many eyes on it as the FF7 remake -- not be afraid to
feature a bigger woman in it. It’s
2019. We’re ready for it.
Again,
I’m of two minds here. Tifa was the
powerhouse of my team, so my perspective is more than a little skewed -- so
there’s a part of me that wanted to boo and hiss at the trailer for not letting
Miss Lockhart show off her wrestling moves.
The tradeoff here is that I kind of see what the devs were going for
this time around; between the slimmed-down detailing of her gauntlets and her
general move set, the implication I’m getting is that this Tifa’s fighting
style revolves more around speed, grace, and a smothering number of hits. Pumping her up would clash with that gameplay
style. In theory, at least. Chun-Li’s
been ripped for
at least the
past decade, and that hasn’t stopped her from being eternally elegant or
downright fierce.
But
again, again, I’m of two minds here.
I’m not Nomura, Kitase, or any of the Squeenix devs (past or present,
take your pick). Given that? I can’t speak in full on what the creative
vision was behind Tifa, whether it’s how she was supposed to look or how they
want her to look now. Maybe the reason
why there’s so much debate is because of the abstraction process forced on us
by the old game; when the polygons of the PS1 turned everyone into pointy
Popeye clones, our brains filled in the gaps and told us how she’d look in high
def. Problem was, everyone’s ideal
version of the character differed. I’d
be clapping and whooping if nu-Tifa was just a carbon copy of SFV’s Chun-Li,
but I’d bet good money on the likelihood that someone else would spit in my
face for even suggesting as much.
I
think that my real problem here is twofold -- and I should stress that it’s my
problem, not everyone else’s, because I’m a degenerate who’s learned how to masquerade
as a normal human. For starters? I can’t fully disagree with anyone who wanted
Tifa’s chest beefers to go even further beyond.
It’s not purely about fanservice; it’s about making iconic characters that
-- just like any given cast member from The Simpsons or Futurama --
have an instantly-recognizable silhouette you’ll never forget. So whether Squeenix feared pressure from Sony
or society in general -- or just fell on old company habits -- it still feels
like a backdown to go with the standard instead of the extreme, pre-conceived notion
or not.
But
the bigger issue (however off-base it may be) is what’s on my mind here: Tifa
was a good, lovable character in the original game who just happened to be
hot. It was an interplay of the two;
they worked independently, but they enhanced each other when the need
arose. She was busty, so you expected
her to be Fanservice McGee, but the game gave you the complete opposite. It let the devs play the field both ways;
they defied expectations, yet also managed to preemptively make a character who
was a character, and also had big breasts. Her looks were complimentary and auxiliary at
the same time.
I
fully acknowledge that this is just me projecting and reaching on this subject
yet again, but I have to voice my opinion.
Even if this Tifa is ultimately fine, I don’t think it would have harmed
the remake’s reputation if they upped her dimensions. Bustier, buffer, curvier, heavier, taller, any
of those or all of those; they would have done more than cater to the tastes of
degenerates. They would have done what
1997 already did, and given us a character whose looks have a legitimate use besides
tightening up trousers -- especially now, because the zeitgeist and memes
have threatened to scrub away the craft behind the character.
The
remake could have been a chance for Squeenix to make a statement. To say that you can still be a character --
and a really good one -- no matter what you look like. Within reason, admittedly, but classic Tifa
is still within reason if you ask me. There
was a chance to do something really remarkable design-wise, but the devs went
for par instead of aiming for that hole-in-one…and even though I shouldn’t, I
feel like something has preemptively been lost.
It’s
like they’re inadvertently agreeing with the fallacy that “if you have big
breasts in a work of fiction, then you are nothing but fanservice and are thus
bad”. And that’s a slippery slope of
cultural disinformation; given that we learn lessons from the media we consume,
it’s not a stretch to have someone fall into the
already-prevalent
mindset of “if your body is perceptibly sexual, you are bad”. Are they saying that directly? No.
But they’re not trying to disprove it.
Maybe
that’s a problem in its own right.
But
what do I know? I’m just some jackass
with a blog and a couple of characters who are -- as Shakespeare would put it
-- racked up. But I’m pretty
confident that they’re characters first, and good ones at that. I just wish that others across the board
could have that same level of confidence.
So. I guess we’ll see how things turn out with
the new Tifa. Worst case scenario? We’ll always have Banjo.
Ah,
so this is what true love feels like.
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