RE: Teppen

You know, I’ve got to hand it to Kingdom Hearts III.  Not only is it a game I still actively despise nearly a year after its release (to the letter, no less), but it’s also the one game in my time blogging that’s actually managed the impossible: it made me throw out a post I was working on because it wasn’t up to snuff -- and bringing it to par would have tacked on at least three thousand more words.  Also?  It feels pointless to talk about it until the DLC comes out, so I can finally close the book on my most disappointing game of 2019.

Speaking of 2019?  Devil May Cry V is my 2019 Game of the Year, and I almost wrote about that instead.  But given how…certain upcoming events (as of writing) may or may not play out, I think I’ll hold off before I instantly date myself with the opening ramble.  So as a substitution?  Here’s another game that’s in my Top 5 of 2019.

It’s Teppen time, y’all.  Because man, I seriously love this game.

Green deck mains, rise up.

The rules are pretty simple.  You pick your hero (a member of the Capcom stable) and build a deck of 30 cards, then head into a match with an opponent.  You’ve both got 30 Life to start, and it’s up to you to lay down units and action cards to whittle your foe’s health to zero.  Rather than take turns, you’re both playing at once; each player’s got three slots to lay down units, and once their arrow reaches the other side of the field, they’ll attack whatever’s in the way -- be it a unit or the opponent directly.  If it’s an opponent?  The requisite number of Life gets sapped, based on the attack points it’s got.  If it’s a unit?  It’ll clash, and each unit will lose HP relative to attack.  So not taking buffs from action cards into account, a 2/4 unit will lose to a 2/5 unit, guaranteed.

Slapping down action cards is how you buff, debuff, create setups, heal, sabotage, and more.  But it’s not a free action; setting down one (assuming you’ve got the MP for it) triggers the Active Response phase, and your opponent can slap down an action card of their own to directly or indirectly thwart your plans.  The thing about Active Response, though, is that as long as you’ve got the MP for it and the right cards in your hand, the phase will keep going until A) one player decides to stop playing along, or B) one or both players can’t make any more moves with the MP they’ve got left. 

Lastly, it’s worth remembering that your chosen hero’s more than just a pretty face on the side of your phone.  Build up enough AP, and you’ll be able to belt out your pre-selected Hero Art to turn the tide.  Depending on the character, it’s basically the equivalent of pulling out a gun.

Ryu with a gun.  Huh.  That’ll move him up the Street Fighter V tier lists.

I’ve said as much before, but this game is shockingly fast-paced considering the stigma of the genre.  You can and probably will win a match in about a minute and a half; either that, or you’ll lose just as quickly.  Unless you’ve got a deck built around stonewalling your foes’ offenses, damage is going to pile up very quickly, and in a lot of cases you’ll be staring down enemy units that are, to put it mildly, a problem.  You’ve got no choice but to win the arms race as fast as possible, be it by getting out your aces, turning your grunts into champions, or chopping down your foes at the ankles.

Since this is the first time I’ve put effort into playing a trading card game since the Pokémon TCG (when I was, like, 11 -- and which I did, poorly), I won’t pretend like I’m some kind of King of Games.  Teppen itself has taught me that.  You technically aren’t even ranked until you make it to Champion level, and the highest I’ve gotten is to B-class before the seasonal reset.  Indeed, there have been plenty of times where I’ve had a big fat “NANIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII?!” moment and either couldn’t recover from the momentum shift, or was too stunned/flustered to fight back.  That’s going to happen a lot, especially if you’re up against a purple deck user.

Fun fact: the comments section of the purple deck video features a resounding “Ffffffuck purple”.  Won’t lie, I can see why they might say that.

Teppen is a ridiculously volatile game, which is both a strength and a weakness.  You and your opponent are at the mercy of the RNG gods, so there’s a chance that you’ll start a match with a brick of a hand -- to the point where you might have to surrender outright because you’ve got nothing to throw out but unplayable action cards.  Beyond that?  Opponents can and have devised ways to go from zero to OH GOD WHY in seconds flat; Nero is pretty much built around this, because he can juice up his units with godlike stats and abilities within seconds.  (Little wonder that he’s personally my worst matchup, and the one I fear the most whenever his theme gears up.) 

As you can guess, this can lead to a ton of frustrating moments.  Instances where you don’t have the firepower to match whatever nightmare creature your opponent’s sneezed into existence -- which isn’t helped by a recent expansion introducing the Ascended mechanic, and thus lets you slam down a unit atop another with ramped-up stats.  It’s one thing to lose and be able to understand where you went wrong; it’s another thing entirely to blink and then stare down a peerless unit or strategy.

Also, while we’re at it?  It’s even worse yet when you can’t build up any counter-momentum because -- surprise, surprise -- your opponent’s got cards and Hero Arts on tap to instantly destroy whatever dares to be your saving grace.  I’m not going to stare daggers at Wesker, but I am going to stare daggers at Wesker.

I guess the biggest piece of advice I can give for anyone who’s interested in or starting out in Teppen is “get them before they get you”.  Which, to be fair, is hyper-generalized advice that’s borderline useless, but true…to an extent.  What I’ve noticed in my time with the game is that if things end up going too poorly for an opponent, he or she will surrender.  I can only assume that it’s because they feel like they can’t make a comeback, but there’s a part of me that likes to think that they can’t meet their pre-planned win condition because of something I did (or bad luck on their end).

Really though, that last paragraph was just a segue into the question of “what’s your win condition?”  If we’re going by the lessons of the Yu-Gi-Oh anime -- lucky draws notwithstanding -- it’s all about getting your strongest monster(s) out on the field to wreak havoc.  The thing is, I don’t have a “strongest monster”.  Partly because I don’t have the heaviest of heavy hitters; partly by design.  To me, waiting until I get 8, 9, or the max of 10 MP to play an ace is too risky to gamble on.  The highest I’ll go is 6 MP, meaning that my “ace”, and thus a win condition, is a pretty easy-to-obtain Chris Redfield.  Note the word choice there.  He’s not my win condition.  He’s a win condition.  My deck is built to have several, sometimes working simultaneously.

And I owe that to my hero of choice, Chun-Li.  Speaking of, shoutouts to Teppen for being the first game where I can competently use Chun-Li.  A long-unfulfilled desire has finally been sated.

Word on r/teppen is that Chun-Li with the Yawn Hero Art is a terror and a pain to fight against, since it works in tandem with the game mechanics (Ascension especially) to give her an endless stream of MP.  My deck -- named “Batteries” in honor of yours truly, Voltech -- uses the default Chun Art, Kikosho; it puts a shield on three units simultaneously, meaning that they can negate enemy unit attacks, damaging action cards, and the occasional Hero Art (but only once). It seems overly simple, but saying NOPE to even one attack can turn the tides in a big way.

True to form -- to my ninja way, if you will -- I’m more about tanking and defense instead of sheer offensive power.  Therefore?  My units won’t die, and neither will I.  The longer a match goes on, the more dangerous I become; eventually, it reaches a point where my defense rewards me with a crushing offense spread across three units instead of betting everything on a paltry one -- and it’s power granted to a unit I didn’t have spend an arm, leg, and pancreas to put into play. 

Think you’ll hit me directly?  Not happening.  I’ll slam down my Felicia, who instantly fills up all three slots on the field -- and then I’ll cover them with a Kikosho.  Managed to get through one?  Here comes Credo or Hugo, who’ll boost the HP of another unit.  Did some damage to my unit?  Since I already got Nico out there, her ability puts a buffing action card in my EX Pocket, and I’ll throw one down to keep my unit fighting strong.  Cracked my defenses?  So what?  Abel and Sherry Birkin restore Life when they hit the field.  Makoto gains HP for every unit she beats.  T. Hawk attacks all three enemy units at once whenever he’s in the middle. 

And guess what?  While you’re trying to get rid of my guys, I’m busy buffing them with action cards.  Full party heals are on tap, but as long as I’ve got three units on the field, cards like Outnumbered and Tag Team give a unit a major power boost.  So if T. Hawk gets that boost?  Now he’s strong enough to wipe out an entire trio of units in one hit.  And I don’t even need that power boost from action cards if Chris gets out there; his special ability lets my other units gain attack and HP each time they KO a foe.  And remember, I’m shielding whenever I can, meaning that my soldiers are becoming a taller, sturdier wall with each passing second.

Maybe I should rename my deck “Unbreakable”.  Because if I gain momentum?  I CANNOT BE BROUGHT DOWN.

Admittedly, that can be a big “if” at times (which is probably why Nero players tend to eat me for lunch).  Still, while my playstyle and deck composition aren’t the flashiest or brilliant, it’s an all-purpose plan that endures hardship until I have all the power I need.  There’s probably going to be a point where I’ll have to legitimately up my offensive power in an instant -- at most, I have action cards that revert the stat boosts of enemy units -- but outside of some minor tweaks, I’m OK with my deck as-is.  This is, to pull from Yu-Gi-Oh once more, “the duel that I believe in”.  There’s no point in winning if you can’t do it with your ideal style.

I’m not going to gripe about the game’s balance any more than I already have, because who knows what’ll change between now and, say, next week (apparently Rathalos used to be pretty strong before I started playing, but now every time I see him it’s almost a guaranteed win for me).  It’s Teppen, it’s a card game, and it’s routinely getting more cards with wacky abilities; it’s Marvel vs. Capcom in card form, so BS plays and combinations are a given. 

My biggest complaint so far, though?  Losing matches due to “random” disconnections.  Near as I can tell, it’s not a problem on my end.  It may have something to do with opponents exploiting the game to force disconnects, but more research is needed…though there was that time when I was decisively beating a Rathalos player, only for a “random” disconnect to give me the L.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Well, whatever.  Getting my record tainted is distressing, but for the most part (like if I bumble around with my janky Dante deck), I’m racking up a fair number of wins each time I boot Teppen up.  Nothing shows complete control of a match and provides a sweet victory quite like forcing your opponents to hit that flag in the corner and surrender -- proof that with planning, execution, and a not-insignificant amount of luck, you’ll go far.  So for that, I’m glad I got Teppen.  It might be the best game I’ve ever gotten for free, and I hope it does well in the future.  Maybe Capcom can push for more obscure characters from its history to see some representation?  Amaterasu would be a good fit for a green deck.  Failing that, I will also gladly accept Rival Schools.  Batsu’s theme never stops rocking.

And that’ll do it for now.  See you next duel.