How it Feels to Play Breath of the Wild.

You know, lately it seems like I’ve been having a hard time coming up with titles for blog posts.  Not because I’m drawing the proverbial blank; no, it’s more because I’ve got so many ideas for titles that I end up getting paralyzed in my seat.  I feel like I’m getting close to the end of Tales of Berseria, but even if I’m not, I’ve still put in enough hours to say something substantial about it -- but the problem is that I’ve gone through about six separate titles without typing out a single word.

That’s one example, yet it’s not the only one.  Here we are, with The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild firmly in the midst of gamers -- in its final, retail form, armed and ready for mass consumption.  Where do you even begin with the Wii U’s final game (worthy of major headlines, at least) and the Switch’s first game (of the same quality)?  There are plenty of options -- like a blanket statement of whether it’s good or not -- but I think I’ve come up with one possible answer.

That answer is a question: as of right now, if I had to sum up Breath of the Wild in one word, what would it be?

And the answer to that question (which in itself is an answer) is this: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is raw.

Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE: Do You Remember Love? (Part 2)

I would be remiss if I didn’t start this post off with a story about Yourself.

No, I’m not talking about you.  I’m talking about Yourself, a girl I happened to meet when I was in kindergarten.  At the time, she was (presumably) a year older than me, but other than that she seemed normal.  Brown hair, brown eyes, freckles -- not exactly someone who’d stand out in a crowd.  But the thing about Yourself was that she had a certain verbal tic: as far as I could tell, she would end every sentence with the word “yourself”.  Say hello to her, and she’d say “Hello yourself.”  Moo like a cow and she’d go “Moo yourself.”  At one point I was walking through the school halls and spotted some art from her class; sure enough, I spotted a piece with Yourself’s name in the corner, written in the black ink of a Sharpie.  Permanently etched into green construction paper.

Since my family packed up and moved to a different town (and, you know, because I was six), I never got around to learning the full story behind Yourself.  Maybe she was just being cute and sassy, and tagging all of her sentences with that single word.  Maybe there was legitimately something wrong with her.  Maybe her parents had terrible naming sense, and spamming that word was to be their penance.  No matter the origin, I wonder about the end result: what’s life like for her now if she hasn’t dropped the tic?  Is it a waking nightmare, or proof that she lives by her own rules?  The mind boggles.

I just thought I’d tell that story because it’s so bizarre it’s actually kind of entertaining -- unlike getting tangled up in Tokyo Mirage Sessions “censorship” again.  So let’s do this lickety-split.

Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE: Do You Remember Love? (Part 1)

Considering that Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE puts a lot of focus on Japan’s infamous idol culture, I was going to try and lead into it by talking about the recent anime series Macross Delta -- since it also leans deep into idol territory. The problem is that, even if I like the core concept of Macross/Robotech, I haven’t seen enough of it to be an authority.  And more importantly, I haven’t seen anything from Macross Delta besides complaints that it skews WAY too far in favor of idols/CD shilling, to the point where it cripples the show.  I don’t know if that’s a fair assessment, but for now I’ll switch to Plan B.

See, when I was in elementary school there was this special program that incentivized turning in stuff to the lost and found.  Even if it was just a few coins nicked from the playground, you could still be recognized for it on a bulletin board in one of the halls -- and better yet, potentially win prizes.  So by turning in some lost lunch money, I won a coupon for a free rental at the local video shop.  I thought that it meant I could get my hands on a new game, but the selection at said store was so limited I opted for a video instead.  And so it was that I discovered Macron 1.

Don’t worry.  I’m going somewhere with this.

Xenoblade Chronicles X: A Double Lariat

Is there anyone reading this that laments the loss of the game’s bust slider?

Just before Xenoblade Chronicles X hit store shelves in the west, there was that controversy over “censorship”, i.e. gamers couldn’t raise or lower the size of their created female characters’ breasts.  The argument, or something like it, was that Nintendo decided that gamers weren’t capable of handling those matters.  Or, if you want to play strawman, they didn’t want to deal with outcries from the “dreaded” SJWs.  It was either that, or they caved into demands as part of an overly-PC culture, even if it meant sacrificing artistic merit.

I think that -- as usual -- there’s no right or wrong answer to this controversy.  On one hand, I can see the issue; as a guy who hopes to write about characters of all shapes and sizes, including the improbably buxom, it’s disheartening to know that I can’t create whatever I want because somebody decided to take certain tools away from me.  And again, it implies that the mere presence of sexuality (such as it is, given that breasts are simply body parts) is the problem, not the context or execution of it.  On the other hand, it’s still possible to define a character by more than just a body type, especially since the potential is definitely there to cause a controversy.  Although given that the default bust size is generous, I wonder if it would make for some little girl avatars that raise a lot of questions.

But enough about that.  Let’s talk about my avatar for the game, Lariat.

Two consoles enter, one console leaves!

The title implies as much, but this is actually pretty cut and dry.  So let’s get to it and not think about Mad Max any longer than we have to -- because it’s just going to bring up thoughts on Fury Road, and I imagine that would be a pretty big distraction.

Alternatively, it could bring up thoughts of the recent Mad Max game, and I imagine that would plunge readers into the depths of despair.  Maybe.  I haven’t heard the most glowing recommendations for that one.

Let’s discuss Splatoon (Part 1).

Really?  Are you actually reading this?  Like, you’re seriously ready to read a post on Splatoon?

You know I could pretty much say #GoodGuyNintendo and end things right here, right?  Is there anything more that needs to be said?  Is there?

*sigh* All right, let’s do this.

Season’s Wii-tings II: Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze

Previously on Cross-Up…

“Sometimes I wonder if I’m a hypocrite.  And then I remember that I am, so I go about my business.  But then I remember that I brought up that point for the sake of a blog post, so I guess I’d better go into detail.”

Okay.  So in the last post, I mentioned that I tend to have a bad reaction whenever the Game Grumps go back to the NES/SNES well -- playing 2D platformers and such on an extremely regular basis.  It’s true that they can get a lot out of them comedy-wise that I appreciate, but then I remember how much fun it was for me (and the Grumps, I bet) for Dan to experience Shadow of the Colossus for the first time.  I suppose there’s always Steam Train -- or failing that, the Best Friends Zaibatsu -- to offer up something fresh, but it still leaves me wary.

Except when they play something like Donkey Kong Country Returns: Tropical Freeze.  I wanted to stand up and cheer when they started a playthrough on that…which is ass-backwards, considering that it’s pretty much just a 2D platformer that just happens to look amazing.  So that pretty much means I’m a hypocrite, right?  Like, I just want the Grumps to play the games I like, and what I want to see?  That’s the impression I’m getting, unfair as it may be to some of the funniest guys online.

In my defense?  There’s a reason why I want them, and everyone, to play Tropical Freeze.

Season's Wii-tings II: Bayonetta 2

In the first fifteen seconds of the game, you’re treated to a slow-motion shot of Bayonetta that -- of course -- pans straight down to her crotch.  Barely a minute later, you’re commandeering and piloting an angelic mech to wreak havoc on your foes.  And in one of the early cutscenes, she kicks an incoming jet well above a spread of skyscrapers.  Seems like a reasonable start, yes?

Chances are you don’t need me to tell you how good Bayo2 is (my answer being “absurdly good”).  It’s gotten high marks all over, and proven that the wait was worthwhile.  If not for Nintendo, there would be no Bayo2 -- and now more than ever, I’m glad that the Big N extended a helping hand.  Granted I’m not sure if I like it more than Metal Gear Rising or The Wonderful 101, but that’s a moot point; those three can stand shoulder-to-shoulder as a trinity of awesome games.  I don’t have any problems leaving it at that.

But there’s more to say about Bayo2.  MUCH more.  Dare I say it, TOO MUCH more.

THE SPOILERS REMAIN CAST!  *gets wrecked by angels again*

RE: Mario Kart 8

I need a respite from Watch Dogs.  Let’s talk about something good.

You know what?  No.  Let’s not just talk about something good.  Let’s talk about something really good.  Really, almost unfairly good.

In a nutshell?  This game has officially earned Nintendo the right to drop the mic.

I Hraet You, Donkey Kong

How much stock do you put into the phrase “history repeats itself”?

I’ve never exactly held it up as mankind’s one and only truth, but there have been times where it’s come to mind…whether I like it or not.  Case in point: last year I had the misfortune of playing DmC, a completely-unnecessary and gutless reboot to a beloved, stylized franchise -- with said reboot missing the point of the original in exchange for layer after layer of stupidity and bad decisions.  Cut to the present day, and I find myself forced to watch RoboCop… a completely-unnecessary and gutless reboot to a beloved, stylized franchise -- with said reboot missing the point of the original in exchange for layer after layer of stupidity and bad decisions.

If history really does repeat itself (and that’s suspect, considering that one of my nightmares was a game, and the other was a movie), then that means that I’m due for an analogue to Metal Gear Rising.  I have no problems naming it as my 2013 Game of the Year -- even if The Wonderful 101 could have taken that spot if not for Rising’s presence -- and I feel like I can count on Raiden’s game to offer up plenty of good examples to create by.  But that was then, and this is now.  So is there a game that can rival last year’s winner?  There just might be; in terms of the timeframe and quality, Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze makes a VERY strong argument for itself.

There are just two problems.  First?  I’ll gladly acknowledge that DK’s latest is amazing -- but I have no idea how to approach it yet.

Second?  If this post is supposed to invoke the spirit of posts past, then I should talk a bit about I Hraet You -- and a certain issue I may have dive-bombed into.

Season's Wii-tings: The Wonderful 101

Let me be upfront about The Wonderful 101, before I get too swept up in the words to come.

The Wonderful 101 is not -- I repeat -- is NOT the greatest game ever created.  It is not the be-all and end-all of video game potential.  It is not the automatic winner of Game of the Year, merely because it exists.

It is not a perfect game.  In fact, at times it can be surprisingly frustrating.  I don’t agree with its detractors -- and I know there are some out there -- but I respect their opinions.  I know what they’re talking about.

But with all that in mind, let me say, conclusively, from the start, that The Wonderful 101 is a good, good, good, good, DAMN GOOD GAME.  

So much so that I’m going to do something I don’t do very often.

*deep breath* The time has come.

Season's Wii-tings: Wind Waker HD

A funny thing happened the other day.

There was a pretty big snowstorm the other day -- and by “snowstorm” I mean “here’s lots of ice, so screw you if you want to make a snowman” -- so me, my brother, and my buddy piled in to play video games.  In the midst of the two of them taking turns playing Resident Evil 4, my buddy made a proposition: if my brother gave him a ride to the nearby Wal-Mart to pick up some sour cream (seeing as how said buddy had to walk to game with us), then he’d offer us some tacos at his place.  Said brother wasn’t on board, but when he heard that he’d be able to snag Resident Evil 6 on the cheap, he figured it was worth braving the elements.  Anything for his beloved “great game, great experience.”

It turned out that with all the ice, his car was useless.  So if we wanted to get to Wal-Mart, we’d have to go there on our feet.  In the ice.  With night falling.  And that’s exactly what we did, against ALL of our better judgment.  It was a journey made in the name of tacos and terrible video games -- one that I just happened to go on by virtue of “going with the flow”, but one that I stayed annoyingly optimistic about all the way through…to the obvious displeasure of a brother who complained all the way there and back.  The trip took about an hour, and we slipped and tripped a little, but I had fun.  It would have been more fun if not for that miserable cold, but it’s not something I’ll forget for a while.

I get the sneaking suspicion that a lot of adventures are sparked by stupid decisions -- but once they’re done and everyone’s in their safe haven, what was once just stupid becomes something precious.  Something necessary.  We need adventure.

Which brings me (as circuitously as possible) to The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD.

Season's Wii-tings: Super Mario 3D World

Time for a little positive thinking.  (I deserve this after a month of Family Guy posts.  Just let me have this.)

With November 22^nd now past us, the big three have all released their eighth-generation consoles.  Notably, November saw the release of two of those three consoles within a week of one another, and both have reportedly broken the “million units sold” mark.  Which console won the first fight in the latest and greatest war yet?  Which one will go on to claim true victory over all others? 

Frankly, I could care less.  Right now the Wii U’s the winner in my book.

That’s not to say that the PS4 or Xbox One are worthless or useless.  And that’s not to say that the Wii U’s flawless, or that it’ll suddenly overwhelm the competition to become a financial juggernaut (though that’d be totally awesome and I kind of hope it happens).  But when I look at the games for the “real” consoles and see games that are getting browner, grayer, duller, shootier, stabbier, and microtransactionier…well, I hope you’ll forgive me for not exploding with hype.  (Seriously, you know your console’s messed up when new technology makes it HARDER to do colors.)  Comparatively, Nintendo’s first real step into the HD generation has given us colors, aesthetics, imagination, and a level of splendor that almost heals the wounds left by DmC.  Almost.

So you know what?  It’s almost Christmas.  Let’s make it a special one, and gab about Wii U games -- starting with the kinda-sorta fantastic Super Mario 3D World.  Because as it turns out, it’s fantastic in a way you’ll never see coming.