Avengers: Endgame: Last Train Home

Okay, Marvel Studios.  You can stop now.

There are going to be as many Avengers: Endgame spoilers as I can think of following the jump, so watch out.  Then again, I assume that if you breathe, you’ve already seen the movie, sooooooooooooo…jump away.

I mean jump toward the post.  That way.  Like, thataway.

Avengers: Endgame! But Also Housekeeping

Well, I guess I might as well break the mold and talk about a niche, relatively obscure indie film that I just managed to see through one very specific venue twenty miles out from my locale.  It may never be a financial powerhouse -- or break even, for that matter -- but hey.  Sometimes you’ve just got to support creative vision and raw artistry.

…Now I feel bad for doing the complete opposite.

Avengers: Endgame!  The last Avengers for a while, I think!  I’ll talk about it!  Eventually!  And briefly!  But first, business.

So, About Captain Marvel…

Yes, I am very much aware of the controversy surrounding Captain Marvel.  Here’s my one-sentence take on it.  Ready?

*deep breath*

Brie Larson had the right intentions but the wrong words, which made it easy for detractors -- many of which who probably need to avoid seeing myriad statements across the media sphere as personal attacks -- to infer said words have malice, disdain, or otherwise-unsavory agendas behind them…which is kind of hard to believe, given that as a mass-media product from a multibillion-dollar company, nothing would make the purse-holding overlords happier than to have as many people buy tickets as possible, itself made possible by dedicated diehards who have even a mild chance to play the role of “influencer”.

*second deep breath*

There, I acknowledged it.  Now to pretend for .00000000001 seconds that it’s going to matter in the long run, and not just get forgotten in the wake of the next flash in the pan “controversy”.  Because apparently we as a species have forgotten the art of peaceable, nuanced discourse.  I blame Halo, because…well, I need a funny-enough scapegoat to segue into actually talking about the movie.  So here’s some rambling about Captain Marvel.

You’re gonna feel this!  Power SPOILERS!

Avengers: Infinity War: So That Happened

I was going to give this Avengers: Infinity War post a subtitle that made a none-too-subtle reference to Bleach, but then I realized that that in itself would have constituted a spoiler from moment one.  And as lax as I can be with spoilers, I know that that’s a dirtbag move.  

I guess my only option is to meet others halfway and embed one of its most infamous songs.  A fair tribute, yes?  Anyway, let’s get in there.

THERE ISN’T A FONT SIZE LARGE ENOUGH TO CONVEY HOW MANY SPOILERS THERE ARE IN THIS POST.  THIS IS YOUR ONLY WARNING.  IF YOU WANT A SPOILER-FREE TAKE, GO HERE INSTEAD.

…Okay, maybe there is a font size large enough, but I don’t want to use it.  That’s a last resort.

RE: Avengers: Infinity War

Prior to watching Avengers: Infinity War, I learned something about Thanos thanks to my brother.  Apparently, back in the days of Marvel vs. Capcom 2 (among other crossover titles), Thanos was a playable character -- not a very good one, from what I’ve heard, but that’s to be expected in a game infamous for its god-tier characters to this day.  In any case, the Thanos incarnation in that game had a certain quirk to his moveset: he could trap foes in bubbles.  That’s exactly the kind of move you’d expect from the Mad Titan, and not, say, a foul-mouthed magical girl from a game released nearly a decade later.

So in the lead-up to Marvel’s latest, my brother ecstatically went on and on about that move.  “Oh boy, I hope Thanos uses his bubbles!” he said with a grin, and rubbed his hands in anticipation.  It was the most bizarre thing I ever heard.  But what’s more bizarre is the fact that, yes, Thanos uses bubbles in Infinity War.  Twice.  That nearly made my bro rocket out of his seat.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  Gamora grabbed a knockoff Proton Cannon in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.  Someone on the staff is a Mahvel fan.

Anyway, Thanos using bubbles is the only spoiler you’ll get from me in this post.  So let’s get to it.

Black Panther: Something Something Politics (Part 2)

I’m a little miffed right off the bat, because there was a Zero Punctuation video with a subject that was perfect for this Black Panther post -- but I can neither find nor recall where it is.  It’s a shame.  So I’ll have to speak from memory, and I apologize in advance if I get this wrong somehow.  Especially to Yahtzee.

Anyway, in the ZP video, there’s talk about character diversity -- and Yahtzee, true to form, takes it to task.  He jokes about how absurd it is for a character to only be relatable to an audience (or one person in particular) if they share a gender or race.  As if that’s all that matters, or failing to accommodate that means the game, or movie, or whatever is a failure.  It got a laugh out of me, but only because, like a lot of jokes, it hits hardest because there’s a kernel of truth to them.  Speaking personally?  I’m okay with main characters not being black (as an example) even though I’m black.  As long as the character is good, I won’t complain.

So given its nature, does Black Panther force me to recontextualize my opinion?  The answer to that is…not really.

SPOILERS for Black Panther incoming.  I know I normally toss in quotes from Marvel vs. Capcom here, but I did that last time, BP’s a new arrival without much material to pull from, and Marvel Infinite is on life support.  So have some Dragon Ball FighterZ memes instead.

DOWN YOU GO.  Into SPOILERS.

Black Panther: Something Something Politics (Part 1)

*massages forehead*

*takes a deep breath*

*sighs*

*puts on a full suit of armor*

All right.  Let’s talk about Black Panther.  And “politics”.  In the largest air quotes you can imagine.

PREDATOR ARTS!  PANTHER BITE!  PANTHER BITE!

LIKE AN ARROW -- RIGHT THERE!

AIR INTERCEPTOR!  DID YOU THINK YOU WERE SAFE?

(That’s my signal for the incoming SPOILERS.  Blame Mahvel.)  

(And bless Desk.)

RE: Black Panther

I both love and hate the position Black Panther has put me in.

I hate it because it’s going to make me look like I’ve got less brainpower than a dead goldfish.  It seems like being a Marvel movie is basically an anathema these days, to the point where the mere mention of one can, at best, draw responses of “Yep, another one.”  At worst?  I’d prefer not to think about it, because how dare I enjoy a mainstream product by a major corporation, or something to that effect.  And now here I am, about to sing praises about the newest movie -- about to clap my hands like a seal because I, and many others, have been conditioned to go “Yeah, another one!”

Despite that, I love the position I’m in.  I’m wary of saying this about the movie because it is the newest to date, and it is another one to throw on the pile.  But…yeah.  I think this the best one yet.  I’ve seen 15 out of 18 of these movies, and it’s the best one.

And I’m not just saying that because I’m black, and most of the cast is black.  So you in the back with your hand raised?  Put your hand down, imaginary idiot I’m calling out.

Let’s discuss Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite (Part 3).

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

All right, we can get through this.  It’ll be fine.

Let’s talk about Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite and its story mode -- because there’s a lot to UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH I DON’T WANNA DO THIS.

Okay, let’s do this.  (For the third time, I guess.)

Doctor Strange: A Beard’s Origin Story (Part 2)

Comic fans, I have a question: who is the most powerful superhero in Marvel Comics canon?

I wouldn’t know, because I’ve only got a handful of comics.  My gut instinct is to go with one of three choices, though.  First off: the Hulk, because the madder he gets the stronger he gets.  By that logic, I’m under the impression that his power level (such as it is) reaches something very close to infinity.  Failing that?  I’d guess Jean Grey, since she’s got the power of Phoenix/Dark Phoenix inside her, and years of Marvel 3 dominance suggest she’s one to be feared.  Failing that?  Doctor Strange.  If his power is to cast spells, then in the hands of a loose cannon writer with nothing to lose, all Strange would have to do is read up a bit to find just the right spell to solve the problem at hand.  Since his stories have (to my knowledge) pitted him against outer-dimensional super-beings, I’d say that that’s kind of a necessity.

So that poses a unique challenge for Marvel Studios.  How do you bring a character whose power is, theoretically, all of the powers into the MCU?  True, it’s not as if he starts out as a mystic god-slayer in his big debut (it is an originstory, after all), but since the execs are playing the long game on multiple fronts, there’s a possibility that Doctor Strange will be dramatically more powerful in his next appearance.  How do you balance future movies around that?  How do you balance this movie around that?

Time will tell what the future holds.  But for now?  I’d argue that the strongest Marvel hero is actually the weakest Marvel hero -- and the movie’s better for it.

Mystic Sword!  Bolts of Balthakk!  Spell of Vishanti!  SPOILERS OF THE FALTINE!

You know, one day soon I’m going to run out of ways to reference Marvel 3.  Today’s not that day, especially since one player managed to score a big win with a Doctor Strange/Phoenix Wright/Captain America team.  That’s my (theoretical and barely-explored) team, damn it!

Doctor Strange: A Beard’s Origin Story (Part 1)

Doctor Strange makes me ask a lot of questions, but that’s not a fault of the movie.  I suspect that I know more about him than the average Joe, if only because I played a couple of the Marvel Ultimate Alliance games way back when.  That was basically my first real exposure to the doctor, and I was entranced by his antics -- like teleporting all over the place after spinning like Wonder Woman on a turntable, or transforming enemies into highly-destructible boxes (with the added, if not game-breaking effect, of dishing out extra health).  In the time since, I’ve tried to learn more about him; my knowledge is still surface-level, but I feel like I’ve been rewarded for my efforts.

Doctor Strange is a cool character.  I’ve thought that for a while now -- and there was a time in my life when I would ask with wide, glittering eyes “When are we getting a Doctor Strange movie?”  While I wouldn’t say I’ve dreamed of this moment, I’ve been excited to see what Marvel Studios can put out.  By extension, there are questions that I had (and still have) about the movie.  Chief among them: how do you bring Doctor Strange onto the big screen?  And, you know, do a good job?

I’m not here to tell you if the movie’s good or bad.  I’m here to answer as many questions as possible in the context of what I’ve seen.  Sort out what works, what doesn’t work, and why.  If you’re interested, come along with me on this journey.  If not?  I don’t know.  Watch a Doctor Strange combo video.  Maybe you’ll pick up some new tech.

By the hoary hosts of SPOILERS! 

Side note: anyone looking forward to seeing the Seven Rings of Raggadorr is out of luck.  Sorry if that’s a deal-breaker, but as a consolation prize?  ASTRAL MAGIC CONFIRMED.

RE: Doctor Strange

I think the highlight of my Sunday was showing my brother a picture of Kamen Rider Ex-Aid, telling him that he blows into game cartridges to power up his special move, and watching his strained, despair-riddled reaction.  I consider it sweet revenge for him effectively dropping Final Fantasy 13-2 into my lap once upon a time.

Huh?  This isn’t a post about Kamen Rider or Final Fantasy?  It’s about a recent Marvel movie?  Who cares about that?

…Okay, let’s talk about Doctor Strange.  Via a lickety-split post.  No spoilers, so come on down.