Let’s discuss Devil May Cry V (FINALE).

Before I begin, I’d like to take a moment to admit that -- as of this writing -- I have “Devil Trigger”, “Subhuman (Game Edit)”, and “Crimson Cloud” downloaded and embedded in my phone. With a little “Unwavering Bravery” for good measure.

Now let me give Devil May Cry V the sendoff it deserves.

I will suffer

I will burn

Let hate prevail

Enslave my soul

But I’ll never surrender

Wait…damn it, wrong song!  Well, whatever.  Spoilers.

Let’s discuss Devil May Cry V (feat. DmC).

Well, it’s 2019 and I still hate DmC: Devil May Cry.  

All things considered, I’m okay with that.

When on I dance it’s not over

Weave right through to get closer

Like a silver bullet piercing through

I throw myself into you

…And spoilers.  Always into spoilers.

Also, I’m doing DmC again…again.  Yay.

Let’s discuss Devil May Cry V (Part 3).

Vergil: Why do you refuse to gain power?  The power of our father, Sparda?

Dante: Father?  *laughs*  I don’t have a father.  I just don’t like you, that’s all.

Dante’s lines in that exchange have bothered me for more than a decade.  I’ve gone over them in my head, over and over again.  Like, okay, I see what the script was going for; Dante (to his detriment) was willing to act like his heritage didn’t matter, and made it up that cursed tower solely to beat his brother.  But the way it plays out, those two sentences together have no relation to one another, and it’s jarring enough to make my brain ache.  There have to be smoother ways to show Dante’s disdain for his bloodline -- maybe something like “Who cares about him?  I’m here to party with you.”  Anything.

Given the context of the franchise, Devil May Cry has always courted weirdness and camp.  In 3, our hero’s quest for fratricide is in the same space as pretending he’s Bruce Lee.  In 4, the hero who lost his girlfriend to a pack of self-righteous zealots can play air guitar after pile-driving demons.  And in V?  The story briefly hits the pause button to turn a devil hunter into the King of Pop.

I don’t know how many people are willing to call the story of Devil May Cry V good.  But, against all odds, at least I’m one of them.

Insert Capcom jingle here.

Also, SPOILER warning.

Let’s discuss Devil May Cry V (feat. Kingdom Hearts III)

Never thought I’d see the day.

It kind of makes sense, though.  If you blur your eyes a little, then coat them with Vaseline, put on a blindfold made of thumb tacks, and dip your head in a vat of jalapeno pepper juice, then you could maybe mistake Devil May Cry V for Kingdom Hearts III.  Or, if that’s a bridge too far, then just remember that these two, long-awaited, high-profile releases came out in a relatively narrow window of time.  And on top of that?  Pared down to the ABSOLUTE basics, they have the same genre of gameplay.  

True, DMCV isn’t an action RPG.  KHIII isn’t a character action game.  But on the lowest fundamental level, there’s some overlap.  The former does have its share of character customization and leveling up, after all.  The latter does pit you against hordes of dark forces with a slew of crazy abilities at your disposal.  But before you come at me, let me elaborate: the devil’s in the details.  Even though both games have different objectives and roadmaps to follow, the craft behind one puts it roughly 1.3 billion steps ahead the craft (and existence) of the other.

So pardon me, KHIII fans, but I’m going to have to use Squeenix’s latest as a whipping boy to prove my point conclusively.  And get one step closer to talking about KHIII’s story, because HOOOOOOOOO-LEEEEEEE SHIT.

Savior!  Bloodstained!  Hellfire!  Shadow!

SPOILERS on a landslide!

Savior!  Bloodstained!  Hellfire!  Shadow!

SPOILERS on a landslide!  (For real, though.)

Let’s discuss Devil May Cry V (Part 1).

When I finished Devil May Cry V, I was frustrated.  

Not because I didn’t like the game, oh no.  Of course not; as a wise man once said, I’m absolutely crazy about it.  My issue is that, despite doing relatively well throughout my first playthrough (and thus on the standard difficulty), I ended up botching the series-standard mid-credits fights.  Did that lock me out of content?  It doesn’t seem like it.  But those are bragging rights -- no, a sense of accomplishment I wanted, in case I never got the chance to play the game again.

Even though I’ve long since cleared DMCV, I want to play it again.  On a harder difficulty, especially.  Why?  As another wise man once said, I need more power.  I want to improve -- sharpen my skills and steel my will, so I have the talent and courage needed to truly pull off my own unique combos.  The stuff truly worthy of the announcer bellowing “SMOKIN’ SEXY STYLE!”  My pride is on the line here -- and I have some of the finest gameplay I’ll likely see all year to thank for that.  

Now I guess it’s up to me to explain why.

YOU CANNOT KILL ME

I AM OMEGA (spoilers)

YOU CANNOT KILL ME

I AM SUBHUMAN (also spoilers)

Devil May Cry V is STRONG.

At the time of this writing, I’m about two and a half hours past clearing Devil May Cry V.  What did I think of it?  

What a mystery.  If only there was a blog post title people could read.