Should I go see Power Rangers?

I haven’t had an internal crisis this severe since that time I found out that “fans” of The Magic School Bus were willing to make Rule 34 art of Ms. Frizzle.  I mean, yeah, I get it.  Rule 34 is Rule 34, but…is there nothing sacred?  I guess not.  And knowing that there are people who see Ms. Frizzle as an object of lust is -- well, it’s just the sort of thing destined to shake your faith in humanity, you know?

All right, enough about that.  Let’s talk about the Power Rangers movie.  No, not that one.  Not that one.  Not that one.  That one.

Yep.  Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat’s the one.

On Power Rangers and Mega-Consequences

All right, we’re a little over a week away from the release of a brand new Power Rangers movie (and in the midst of a Twitch streaming marathon), so I figure this is as good a time as any to launch into a tangentially-related discussion about it.  But before I do anything else: Lost Galaxy has the best theme song of the entire franchise.  Yeah, I said it.  Come at me.  Fight me 1v1.

At this stage, it’s impossible to know for sure whether Lionsgate’s soon-to-drop film is good or not.  We can all make guesses based on the evidence presented -- trailers, interviews, and so on -- but there are only two ways to confirm its quality (or lack thereof): take in as many reviews as possible, or see it in the flesh.  I’d imagine that there’s a decent number of people who are already crying tears of blood over what’s been shown off so far -- I’ve almost hacked up a lung on a couple of occasions -- but you know what they say.  Innocent until proven guilty.  It’s a shame that proving innocence or guilt requires a time/money investment that might prove physically or spiritually painful; still, that’s the way it goes.

In any case, Power Rangers has gotten me thinking.  It pretty much had to; as your friendly neighborhood tokusatsu fan, 48% of my brainpower is devoted to visualizing OTT transformation poses.  So let’s get to it.

Power Rangers Colon Movie Trailer Analysis for Blogging

All right, look.  Normally I wouldn’t do this sort of thing, because I’m pretty sure I’ve said in the past, in writing (or close enough to it) that I think trailers are bullshit.  They lie, they delude, they misrepresent, and more -- all for the sake of trying to strong-arm viewers into getting hyped.  And while there are some good trailers out there, too many of them nowadays aren’t.  Or maybe they’ll be great, but they’ll be much better than the actual movie/game/whatever coming up.  I’ve always thought it best to judge the actual product based on gathered information and reviews, weighted with personal inference -- and at some point, an actual, direct look at said product.

So I’m not usually one to get sucked into trailer hype.  And I’m also not the type to pour over every second or every frame to find some hidden clue that’ll “change everything”.  Honestly, just making this post feels like a dirty act; it’s like I’ve suddenly thrown away my dignity for a big dumb clickbait article (“This One Weird Trick Will Win Any Power Rangers Fan’s Heart!  Saban Hates It!”).  But as a tokusatsu fan to this day -- and beyond -- and as someone with more than a little interest in storytelling -- no matter the form -- I’m making an exception.  I feel compelled to weigh in, so I will.  Just this once.  Don’t get used to it.

Okay.  So here we go.

How to Make a Good Power Rangers Movie

This is the most redundant post ever written.

Power Rangers isn’t in need of a reboot or a movie.  (Well, another movie.)  Okay, sure, it wouldn’t be a game-breaker if it got another movie, especially if it got the care and skill -- and to a lesser extent budget -- needed to put something good on the silver screen.  But remember, this franchise has gotten more than just a couple of movies born and raised in the States, and even more than big screen releases by virtue of (and reflecting) its Super Sentai counterparts...if you can believe that.  This is a franchise that’s been constantly and consistently rebooting itself for decades.  Mighty Morphin’ may be the one that started it all, but it’s not the be-all and end-all.  It’s not one isolated story, but one connected (however vaguely) to dozens.

My guess is that with the recently-announced Lionsgate movie (the guys behind Twilight, Divergent, and The Hunger Games -- oh joy), they plan to take out some of the sillier, anachronistic elements and repurpose the Rangers for a modern age.  Except Power Rangers already did that.  It was called Dino Thunder; it had “teenagers with attitude” who were more than just goody-goodies tackling problems in and out of battle (making it on a sports team vs. fighting monsters as per duty, for example), kept a leash on the silliness, and even brought back fan favorite Tommy as a treat to older fans.  And that was it.  That was all they needed to do, and they did it.

That should be the end of it.  But alas, here we are -- and with me about to go into Indignant Nerd-Paladin mode.

Let's discuss...Kamen Rider?

If there’s anyone out there with any objections to a post on Kamen Rider, raise your hand now.

…Put your hand down, Mortimer!  I’m doing a post on Kamen Rider!

I made these.

Proof that I'm a freelance writer.  Go check it out.  Or maybe this one.  You might learn something.

Picture unrelated: the Power Rangers.  Because you know deep down, you still secretly love them.  (And we all know that Zack had some dope-ass moves.)