Let's discuss Beyond: Two Souls.

Beyond: Two Souls is not a good game.  You should know that going into this post.

It’s not a good game.  It’s not a good movie.  It’s not a good story.  It’s not a good anything.  The nicest thing you could say about it -- like a lot of games these days -- is “at least it looks nice”.  And to what end?  I’d say it’s at the cost of everything else, but this game is largely the brainchild of Quantic Dream and David Cage.  He knew what he was doing.  So did his cadre.  Compromises had to be made, sure, but this is a game that at least tries, and likely tries hard, to stick to a creative vision.  That’s respectable, but the final product is proof that sometimes that isn’t always for the best.

At this stage, I’d bet that anyone who cares about the game already knows if they like it or not.  Enough words were spared via release window reviews.  The Best Friends Zaibatsu’s LP is practically a PSA on avoiding it.  Even I’ve gone on about it on more than one occasion.  So the assumption is that there’s nothing left to say.

Except there is.  Because what this game implies -- what it practically expects of us -- paints a pretty bleak picture of the gaming culture.

Final Fantasy Type-0: Kill ‘Em All, Kupo! (Part 1)

You know what I realized?  I never really explained why all my FF13-2 posts were titled “Good Morning, Kupo!”

There’s a cutscene early on in the game where leading lady -- sure, let’s call her that -- Serah strikes out on her adventure in earnest.  But before she can get too far, she meets up with one of her friends and offers her greeting.  Or rather, the player does; it’s one of the instances where you can choose from a handful of dialogue options.  One of them, as you can guess, is “Good morning, kupo!”  And the NPC says it right back.  It makes (just barely enough) sense contextually, because Serah’s weapon is actually a Mog that ends pretty much every sentence with kupo.  And yes, it’s precisely as grating as you’d expect.

For one reason or another, I can’t help but think of “Good morning, kupo” as a tribute to “Good morning, Crono” from Chrono Trigger.  And really, isn’t that just dandy?  It’s perfect for a game about time travel!  It makes for a multi-layered thematic implementation for a blog post title!  It’s a grim reminder of a line that lets a company half-built on nostalgia substitute effort and quality with pandering references that provoke shallow, guttural reactions from audiences hungry for new experiences instead of reminders of games long since bested!

Don’t worry, though.  That’s not as big of a problem with Type-0.  But it does have a major one.

Beyond: Two Souls is the Best. Game. EVER.

I’m not even joking here.  I am totally, 100% serious.  Don’t even bother to deny it, and you should definitely not pay attention to what day it is.  Take a seat and clench those teeth, because now it’s time for me to explain why.

Because today is a special, glorious, very important day.  And it’ll stay that way as long as you don’t look at the calendar.

So How Good Are the Marvel Movies, Really?

Am I the only one who’s starting to panic about Age of Ultron?

I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t been following the Avengers sequel that closely.  I saw that trailer from a while back that had Iron Man’s take on the Hulkbuster, and I’ve seen a few posters, and I kinda-sorta know who’s set to appear in it.  But the details are lost on me, and that’s the way I want it.  An air of mystery is still appreciable -- even if the movie does just ultimately boil down to “punch lots of bad guys”.

But man oh man, I can’t help but worry.  There’s a lot of hype (and money) riding on this thing, and it’d be way too easy for it to fall apart in any number of ways.  What if it’s just pure stupidity?  What if it’s just no fun?  What if it can’t deliver on the spectacle?  Yeah, the Marvel movies have had one crazy-long hot streak, but every streak has to come to an end.  When is it going to happen?  I don’t know.  But what if it’s this one?  The one movie that matters most?

More recently, there’s been something on my mind: have all the Marvel movies secretly sucked?

Let’s discuss Final Fantasy XV: Episode Duscae.

I know why you’re here.  And I don’t blame you for it.

It’s Final Fantasy.  You can’t turn away from it.  I can’t turn away from it.  Anyone who’s ever jumped on a Goomba can’t turn away for it.  The franchise keeps pulling in gamers across the board, whether they’re diehard fans or furious detractors.  And with FF15 -- formerly Versus 13 -- being an upcoming title for nearly a decade, all eyes are on Squeenix’s latest.

Not to generalize, but I’m guessing you’re here so you can see me deliver some bad news.  I don’t blame anyone for it; The Lightning Saga practically ran the franchise’s name into the ground, and it hasn’t exactly been soaring in the sky since…well, maybe as early as FF8.  Couple that with the slew of disappointments in the eighth-gen console/AAA space recently, and any given gamer has the right to suspect -- if not expect -- another debacle.  This spiffy new demo is going to be all the proof we need to skip the full game.  At least, that’s the fear.  People are just waiting for confirmation.

I know why you’re here.  And guess what?  I’m not here to tell you that the game -- Duscae or otherwise -- is terrible.  So breathe a sigh of relief.

Unfortunately, I’m here to give you some bad news.

Voltech’s Super 3D Adventures (of Destruction)

Alternate post title: Blame EventHubs.

RE: Final Fantasy Type-0

WELP.

Top 10(ish) Cool Video Game Ladies

Oh, hey, March is still Women’s History Month.  So, given what month it is, and what’s a legitimate issue in the gaming world, and what sort of site this is, and what’s in the title of the post, I think it’s about time for me to highlight some pretty cool ladies in gaming.  With some caveats, of course.

So let’s set some ground rules.  One: as I’ve said, and as you know, the treatment of fictional female characters in general tends to be pretty garbage; we should have way more of them in leading roles, in games or otherwise.  THAT SAID, I don’t want to devalue other female characters just because they don’t take top billing -- because if we start doing that, we give the cold shoulder to a lot of good ones.  As you’ll see shortly.  For your satisfaction.

Do We Need Resident Evil Anymore?

So my brother bought all the episodes of Resident Evil: Revelations 2 at once without knowing if even the first one was any good, because of course he did.  And then he tried to force me to play it with him, because of course he did.  And I had a crisis of faith in the franchise based on Capcom’s latest offering, because of course I did.

Well, let me back up a bit.  I should start by saying that the Resident Evil franchise has never, ever been my jam.  My first experience with it was the GameCube remake, and even then I only played it once in exchange for my brother’s multiple runs.  The first one I ever finished was -- grab your barf bags, superfans -- RE5.  And to date, it’s the only one I’ve finished; RE6 came next, and I don’t think I need to tell you that the “great game, great experience” touted by my dear old bro was less than ideal.

So lately, I’ve been wondering if RE is still even remotely relevant -- if it’s needed in this modern age of gaming.  As it so happens, there’s never been more evidence for my concerns.

So How Do You “Idealize” Female Characters?

So March is apparently Women’s History Month.  Let’s capitalize on that…with yet another ill-advised discussion on gender politics in video games!  Rejoice, sort of!  Or, alternatively, despair!

There was an article on The Escapist a while ago that discussed the controversy surrounding a cover for a Spider-Woman comic.  Put simply, the art is what you’d call “buttnomenal”.  With the emphasis on the butt.  It’s not exactly what I’d call the greatest art I’ve ever seen, but then again my comic book collection couldn’t even fill a shoebox.  All I know is that I can respect the apparently-famous artist, but the art itself isn’t exactly something I can get behind.  Apologies for the pun.

In any case, the article got me thinking.  It actually mirrored a sentiment brought up by (the great) Jim Sterling once upon a time: the portrayal of both genders kind of sucks in video games.  But the key idea is that there’s a difference: men in games -- and fiction in general, a lot of times -- tend to be idealized.  And of course, women (sometimes literally) tend to be objectified.  There’s a difference.