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April 1, 2015

Beyond: Two Souls is the Best. Game. EVER.


I’m not even joking here.  I am totally, 100% serious.  Don’t even bother to deny it, and you should definitely not pay attention to what day it is.  Take a seat and clench those teeth, because now it’s time for me to explain why.

Because today is a special, glorious, very important day.  And it’ll stay that way as long as you don’t look at the calendar.


Yo, so let me tell you just how good this game is.  You know what I love about it?  I love how amazing it looks.  I mean, seriously.  Have you seen those graphics?  Have you seen how instead of using some ol’ garbage like creativity and imagination, Quantic Dream just took photos and jammed them in the game?  And they took out as much color and light as they could, as a humble service to the average gamer and his easily-offended sensibilities?  Man, talk about charity.  That kindness.  That altruism.  I think I’m in love.

I’d marry Quantic Dream right now if my heart wasn’t already taken by Jodie Holmes, the BEST character in ANYTHING EVER -- in video games, in fiction, and ESPECIALLY in reality.  I wish I was actually in the game, because then I’d be able to protect her against sexual abuse all day every day!  And she’d shower me with all of her love, and show off every bit of her personality!  Like her sadness, her anger, her sadness, her anger, her anger, her sadness, her sadness, her sadness, and her libido.  She’s got the right to kiss all the hunks that drop into her lap, because -- like, dude, have you seen her face?


Man, I’m just so GLAD I had the chance to come along for the ride.  It’s like a movie that grabs you by the neck and drags you down a speedway -- perfectly paced, full of mystery, and that avant-garde format is a stroke of genius so genius it makes Albert Einstein look like a drooling idiot.  It makes total sense, you guys!  It makes me wonder why more movies don’t do it!  And more games, too -- because this game made me realize that if there’s one thing I hate, it’s having input and influence over the course of twelve hours! 

I mean, seriously.  This is the game that keeps on giving.  Like, it’s one thing to be able to control a ghost with wonky controls and mechanics that change at random -- the greatest of blessings, without a doubt -- but do you know what it’s all going towards?  Murder and collateral damage with only the flimsiest justification -- the BEST kind of violence to impart on others!  Besides, what does it matter?  They’re just a bunch of polygons and code, right?  And they made Jodie sad!  They deserve to die one thousand deaths!  And who will enact her revenge if not I, the protector of a woman who so desperately needs a man to shield her from all the big scary stuff in the world?

And that’s why Beyond: Two Souls is the best.  Game.  EVER.



























…And now that I have your attention, let’s talk about some other stuff.  Like this:


My brother’s been hounding me to play this game and do a post on it (judging by the tone of his voice, under the threat of physical violence), but all things considered, he didn’t have to.  Setting aside the fact that I’m desperate to find the game that justifies the presence of next-gen consoles that don’t have “Wii” in their names, I think that I owe it to myself to give Bloodborne a good, honest try.  And I will.  Eventually.  Well, hopefully.

If you’ve taken a look around the blog recently, you’ll know that there a couple of other things I want to dive deeper into.  But I’d say those are for the long-term; in the short-term, the first thing that’ll go up after this post is one about Final Fantasy Type-0.  Not only have I made progress with the game, but I’ve reached a point where I can talk at length.  My intent is to have posts go up for as many Thursdays in a row I can; no promises that that’ll hold out, but it’s something to shoot for.

I’ll save my full thoughts for the actual posts, but in the meantime?  I’ll say this much: those of you salivating at the prospect of another FF gone awry may be in luck.  There’s a point in the game where I thought, “This thing just took a nosedive.”  And I walked away with one hell of a headache.



So look forward to that, I guess.  And on top of that?  My real thoughts on Beyond: Two Souls.  I think the final post on that will hit all the points you’d expect it to, but there’s one thing I want to say right now: even if the header is (for the moment) loaded up with David Cage heads, I don’t want to attack the man just because his creations haven’t panned out.  He’s not wrong for trying to do the things that he does, and in a lot of ways he’s someone worth respecting.  If David Cage/Quantic Dream had the execution skills to match their lofty ideals, then the industry as a whole might be a better place.

Instead, we live in a universe where his game had THIS happen with 100% sincerity.

And that’s about where I stand.  Got some stuff coming down the pipeline, with more to come eventually.  What’ll happen next?  I don’t know, but I hope it’s good enough for you -- and I hope you’ll stick around long enough to give my stuff a look.  Who knows?  You just might learn something.

…Or maybe I’ll just do a post on Gundam Build Fighters Try, since it’s pretty much wrapped up for now.


Sunrise, I have a question for you: SEASON THREE WHEN?

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