Let's discuss Sengoku Basara...and more.

I have a confession to make: I’m not really a fan of the Dynasty Warriors series.  I mean, at one point I was -- when I played the fourth game on the PS2, I was pleasantly surprised.  I made a warrior of my own with a massive sword, and delighted in spinning about like a death-blender to the sound of some rockin’ tunes.  And I do have some fond memories of co-op with my brother, and scrambling to survive against Lu Bu (“It’s Lu Bu!  Lu Bu has come to destroy us!”  Classic line, that).  And the victory jubilee is one of my favorite jingles ever.

But of course, my brother couldn’t leave well enough alone.  After the fun we had with 4, he decided to pick up DW5.  Fair enough…except the game was starting to lose its luster, and its flaws more apparent than last time.  Brain-dead AI, way-too-simple combat, and allied units that would make YOU fail a mission just because they can’t be arsed to practice a bit of self-control.  But I still played it…and the same applied when he picked up a cheap copy of DW5: Empires.  The sheen had really started wearing thin by then -- though interestingly, I would be the one playing it more, since I tried to take over China in the campaign.  Of course, in the interstice between games my brother nabbed the Japanese-substitute Samurai Warriors 2.  And after that, DW6 (a game which, as I recall, boasted that its new mechanics were the ability to swim and climb ladders).  And after that, DW7.  And that’s ignoring the anime tie-ins like DW: Gundam and Fist of the North Star: Ken’s Rage...though as noted, One Piece: Pirate Warriors is the best of the bunch.    And THAT’S ignoring the fact that we both played the hell out of the GameCube title Mystic Heroes, which (by virtue of being by the same company) might as well have been Dynasty Warriors, But with Magic and Big-Headed Children.

In recent years he’s gotten better about buying so haphazardly, but I can still see flashes of his fanaticism every now and then.  Case in point: when he started recommending a purchase of Sengoku Basara: Samurai Heroes on the grounds that it was “Like Dynasty Warriors, but better”, I wanted to start clobbering him with the PS3.  And maybe a sledgehammer for good measure.  But I decided to give it a chance.  It couldn’t have been that bad -- and of course, it was made by Capcom, the once-kingly purveyors of stylish crazy action.  It certainly helped that he had to order the game online because nobody from GameStop had even heard of Sengoku Basara.

“Like Dynasty Warriors, but better.”  That’s actually a very apt description.

Spirit NOPEdown

Welcome, true believers (?) -- I come bearing fantastic news!  There’s no Spirit Showdown post this week!

Yeah…I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I’m thinking that I’ll compress the final three Showdown posts into one.  It just seems like the right thing to do -- you know, a sort of “Cross-Up Special Event!” that’ll make some pretty big quakes across the site.  Chances are it’ll be something along the lines of what I did for the Majora’s Mask posts…even though that was infinitely more work than I would have liked and I hate myself for it and I promised myself I’d never do it again. 

But whatever.  What’s important is that the next Showdown post will show up a few weeks from now -- and if I can pull together something nice, I SHOULD be able to justify both the wait and the “special event” status.  Hopefully, MS Paint will continue to serve me well…but in the meantime, there are still a good dozen posts for you to read over if you so deign.  Let that tide you over.

So that’s where we are on that.  So if you’re one of the eight people that care about the Showdown, hang tight.  If you don’t, then this should be fantastic news -- along with the fact that I’ve got some very interesting posts planned.  One of them might be up as early as tomorrow.  And another one may very well involve a certain transporter…

Action Movies -- An All-Points Bulletin

So I have a question: is there something about Nicolas Cage that I need to know?

I’m asking this because -- as I’ve said before -- I’m not exactly the most competent when it comes to movie trends. I know who Nicolas Cage is, obviously, but the qualities of his filmography are lost on me.  Is he generally considered to be a good actor?  Is he bad?  Is he just plain weird?  Does he have a habit of appearing in terrible movies? 

That last one deserves a bit of focus, because…well, I seem to have gotten “unlucky” when it comes to Nic Cage movies. 

On Possibilities

You know, I’ve been thinking...

(Warning: real talk imminent.)

Spirit Showdown -- Round 4 Recap

 And here we are.  Three more posts are uploaded and set, and once again, it’s time for a short reprieve while I massage my sore fingers.  (I’m noticing that I have a weird way of italicizing things; I bend my left thumb really far back to reach the CTRL key.)  But enough about my hands; I’ve never even entertained the thought of becoming a hand model, and I’m not about to start now.  There’s writing to be done, and a battle to be won…in more ways than one.

Insert your own joke about rhyming here.  Preferably one featuring hot dogs in some capacity.

Let's discuss some good JRPGs.

“Better than Final Fantasy.”

That’s a phrase I throw out a lot whenever my brother asks me what I think of a JRPG I’m trying out for the first time -- usually one I say in the most deadpan, bitter tone I can muster.  Of course, we’re talking about post-FF13 Final Fantasy, not any of the other ones…though where exactly the series took a nosedive will vary from one person to the next.  In my case, 13 was the one that I consider to be an affront and betrayal.  And pretty much everything since then has not only affirmed that there’s still plenty of hope for the genre, but that in many respects Final Fantasy has been surpassed both before and after 13’s release.  There’s always a possibility that Squeenix can pull out of its tailspin with some massive changes, or the release of Versus 13 that will supposedly restore the faith (though I’m increasingly worried about how it’ll turn out), but until then there are plenty of games that’ll scratch that itch.  And I’m going to start naming them here and now.  Whether they’re underrated, unknown, or just plain under…a rug or something…let’s have a good long talk about some JRPGs.  Or…part one of a long talk.  Probably.  You know me.

...And this is the part where I wonder how many people actually read that paragraph instead of staring at the picture on its immediate right.

Well, whatever.  Go right ahead -- read on, if you’re looking for something to tickle your fancy.  And who knows?  Maybe you’ll get more pictures of Christina Hendricks along the way. 

And that’s how you dangle a carrot on a stick.

Final Fantasy 13-2: Good Morning, Kupo! (Part 3)

You know what always confused me?  Sonic fan art. 

No, I’m not talking about THAT kind of Sonic fan art.  I mean the original character stuff -- the stuff that has all these multi-colored hedgehogs looking mean and tough and powerful, preferably in a stance that’s a dead ringer for a Super Saiyan.  I never understood the mentality behind that.  Sure, in the games Sonic and Shadow and even Silver got to go all gold and glowy, but we’re talking about a series built around characters that roll along the ground and ram their bodies into enemies.  Just think about Sonic Adventure 2; Sonic and Shadow both go gold, but apparently their best attack strategy for defeating the ultimate life-form fused with a colony hurtling toward Earth is to ram their faces into the pulsing boils all over its body.

Imagine my surprise when I see Sonic ’06 -- via the Game Grumps -- and lest my eyes deceived me, Shadow threw around energy blasts, furiously flailed in midair attacked foes with precise yet powerful punches and kicks, and activated his Kaioken.  Now, granted, Shadow’s ridiculously-expanded repertoire would have more impact if most of his opponents could absorb more than one hit, or if the black hedgehog actually HAD to fight every enemy every time instead of just running past them at subsonic speed, but I guess it’s not much to ponder too deeply.  Shadow’s tough now!  He’s cool!  He’s powerful!  He’s the ultimate life-form, and the best way to get that point across is with completely extraneous gameplay mechanics!

Reminds me of a certain other game.  Though the name escapes me at the moment…I think it starts with Final or something.  Well, whatever.  Let’s move on.

Spirit Showdown #10: The Biker

>tier-two summoning completed

>transporting data packets

>analyzing boundary

>analyzing tri-existence quotient

>analyzing

>pondering

>wondering

>thinking

>hoping

Let’s discuss DmC: Devil May Cry (Part 2).

Before we go any further, let me give you a little rundown of the plot -- and with it, the “plan” of our “heroes”.  In this game, Dante is a self-serving slacker who’s no stranger to beer and strippers on a nightly basis.  However, his life gets flip-turned upside down when Kat appears at the doorstep of his trailer -- and after a close encounter with some demons in Limbo, Dante agrees to go with her and join The Order, an Anonymous-style rebel group spearheaded by the white-haired Vergil.

Vergil explains the truth to Dante: that the two of them are brothers -- nephilim, born to a demon father and an angel mother -- and the only ones who can defeat Mundus, the demon king that killed said mother and banished said father.  But that’s not all; Mundus -- while posing as Lex Luthor a human banker -- is leading a secret operation against the human race, using Virility to placate them (probably), the media to scare them, and the power of debt to strangle the president and the world alike.  So -- as is the standard -- it’s up to the rebels to take down the establishment and give the people freedom.

The plan, as such, is a simple one.  Mundus is effectively immortal and invincible as long as he’s in his ridiculously-ornate HQ, because it ALSO contains a Hell Gate that feeds him power -- more specifically, it’s in his office.  So going for a direct attack will do Dante and Vergil no good; they have to lure him out of his HQ so they can deal the finishing blow.  So like good little rebels, they opt for subterfuge; they’ll target the Virility factory, Raptor News (a Fox News pastiche spearheaded by fellow demon Bob Barbas), and hope that it’ll get Mundus riled up enough to make an appearance.

Now, if you’re anything like me you’re probably wondering “So what, does Mundus never leave his office?  How does he meet people?  What happens if he has a meeting abroad, or just wants to go out and eat dinner?”  But trust me, that’s the least of this story’s problems. 

You might want to grab a snack, guys.  (I recommend a nice honey bun.)

WARNING: There are going to be a LOT of spoilers in this post, likely enough to ruin the entire game for you.  If you have any intention of experiencing this game’s story for yourself with a clear mind and no influence, you should NOT read this post.  You have been warned. 

On a related note, I still miss Old Dante.

Let’s discuss DmC: Devil May Cry (Part 1).

Before we begin, I want to make one thing clear: DmC is not a game you should get angry about.

Yeah, that’s right.  I’ll say it again, just to make sure I’m getting my point across.  In spite of everything I’m about to say, and in spite of all the discussion and dissent, DmC is not a game you should get angry about.  Ignoring the fact that it’s just a game (and there are plenty of other things worth raging about in this big blue world of ours), it’s a game that’s already been released.  It’s finished.  The damage has been done, and lines have been drawn.  Eventually, we’re all going to have to get over this thing and move onto something else; it’ll leave scars, no doubt, but even then it’s destined to become something remembered with groans and eye rolls instead of death threats and Metacritic bombings. 

But even with that in mind -- even if the game is justifiably deserving of its hatred (because it’s a ramshackle mess, IMO) -- it’s still not something you can stay mad at for long.  If at all.  Why’s that?  Well, I’ll explain in full before this post is done.  But that’s a ways away.

We have a lot of things to discuss.  A whole lot.

WARNING: Spoilers to follow.  And because this is the internet, I’m required by law to awkwardly cram in a reference to “filling your dark soul with light” somewhere into this post.  So let’s put it here and be done with it.  Also, let’s keep the comparisons to the Devil May Cry games to a minimum.  In fact, let’s just not mention them at all unless absolutely necessary.

…I miss Old Dante.