Are Video Game Characters Just Functions?

Real talk: I saw this header (sans my edits) on Destructoid a few days ago, and I thought to myself, “AHAHAHAHA!  Oh God, I HAVE to use this in a post somehow!”  I’m so glad I was able to -- although I lament not being able to work in some birds for scale.  In any case?  Peter “Combofiend” Rosas?  If you and/or the rest of the Capcom crew are reading this, then bless your hearts.

So I might as well start this post off right.  It looks like it’s that time again, everyone: now I get to talk about improbably buxom fictional women.

The Final Final Fantasy (15) -- Part 2

I’m sure I made this pretty obvious via the last post, but it’s worth saying plainly here right off the bat: no, I haven’t finished Final Fantasy 15.  All things considered, you could argue that I’ve basically dropped it.  I only made it through the first 15 hours, and haven’t looked back since.  And the sad thing is that for the most part, I don’t feel bad about not having it in my life.  It says a lot about the situation when I’d rather put a sum of 177 hours into other JRPGs -- Tales of Berseria and Persona 5 -- than see Squeenix’s latest through to the end.

So with the advent of modern gaming, that puts me in a weird spot.  News has broken that the devs are planning to add in extra content -- DLC, patches, updates, and the like over the months to come.  Presumably, it’s all in service of making the game into a service to continuously suck up money come as close to the creative vision as possible; it’s a way to iron out past mistakes, tackle fan complaints, and add in features that were missing on release day.  Let’s go ahead and sidestep the debate on whether or not that content should’ve been there in the first place for a game in development for a decade.  The question then becomes one of archiving, future-proofing, and integrity.  What happens to someone who wants to see the game as it was originally released?  What if I want to see the game in a state where the devs thought an off-roading Regalia was a pipe dream?

I don’t know.  But I guess it doesn’t matter, because right now I can’t bring myself to care.

So How Good is Yu-Gi-Oh!, Really?

Hey, wait a second.  Wasn’t E3 last week?  Shouldn’t I be doing a post on that?  Yes, probably.  But I need to talk about how I’ve strayed further from God’s light, sooooooooooooooo…here you go.  Don’t worry, I’m sure I can come up with something for this post.

But to start things off?  Damn you, Hiroaki Tominaga.  May you be forsaken till the end of days, as you have forsaken me.

The Final Final Fantasy (15) -- Part 1

I think…

I think…

I think…

Yep.  This franchise is dead to me.

Tekken 7 X Injustice 2 -- Wait, What?

Breaking news: 2017 still refuses to calm the hell down with this onslaught of game releases.  Setting aside the fact that there’s a new Zelda out an about -- as a herald to a new freaking console -- there have been multiple JRPGs, multiple action-adventure games, and multiple open-world sandboxes.  That’s putting it mildly.  That’s not even close to a complete list.  So, like, if ever there was going to be a way to wipe humanity off the map, it wouldn’t be with something like The Black Plague 2: Black Plague Harder.  It’d be with a bunch of video games.

And now, as of the start of June, the game industry is doubling down with some brand new fighters.  Well, you could argue that it’s quadrupling down with a new version of Guilty Gear and updates to Street Fighter V, but for argument’s sake let’s keep it simple.  NetherRealm Studios dropped Injustice 2 a couple of weeks back, and now -- after a long wait -- Bandai Namco has brought Tekken 7 to the west.

So I guess I’ve got to talk about both of them.  Or die trying.

…I might just die in general, though, because THERE’S SO MANY GAMES OUT THERE RIGHT NOW, HOLY SHIT.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: Under Your Nose (Part 2)

So how well does the original Guardians of the Galaxy movie hold up after all this time?  Or, alternatively, after just a couple of weeks?  After a fourth, third, or even second viewing?

If I had to be a little presumptuous (at least more than usual), I’d bet that most of the big heads of companies in the entertainment industry thrive on getting as many customers to buy in as early as possible.  You see it all the time with video games, and considering that movies only have so long for their theatrical releases -- not counting trips to DVDs, Blu-Rays, and all sorts of streaming services -- I’d assume they work on the same principle.  Get ‘em on the hook early so that they can enjoy “the thing” now, and pay for “the thing” now.  Time is money.

It’s safe to say that the first Guardians got people on the hook and brought in the cash sooner rather than later.  I’ll go ahead and assume that’s the case for Vol. 2…even though I don’t really have to, but whatever.  Plus, the beauty of movies is that instead of replay value after an initial playthrough, people that want to experience it again have no choice but to buy another ticket and fill up theater seats.  But the bigger question is whether or not this movie, or its predecessor, or its brothers in Marvel arms have legs.  Are the MCU offerings good just because of the immediate thrills they provide?  What happens when the thrills wear off?  Will they still be good in the future?

Probably, yeah.  And my reasoning for that can be explained with…rakes.

OIL BOMB!  BEAR TRAP!  BEAR TRAP!  THIS WEIGHS MORE THAN ME!

INCOMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!  (spoilers)

I’LL KILL YOU, YOU SON OF AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--!

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: Under Your Nose (Part 1)

So by the sound of things, the Wonder Woman movie is actually pretty good.  Really good, even.

When I first checked Rotten Tomatoes, the movie was hovering at around 97% on the Tomatometer -- a number so high that it would’ve made me do a spit take if I had anything in my mouth.  Granted that was an early glimpse; I’d imagine that it’ll take time for all of the reviews to reach some semblance of a consensus (and let’s not forget the droves of reviews from critics and bloggers all around who aren’t part of the club).  But for now?  Yeah.  I’m reassured.  I’m happy that it seems like the DC Extended Universe has something worthwhile to its name now, after three back-to-back misfires.  And I’m glad that they seemingly succeeded with the one character they absolutely, positively had to get right.

Does that mean that the DCEU is finally in the race against Marvel now?  I don’t know.  Maybe.  It’s not hard to imagine that Wonder Woman is a fluke, given Justice League looming large like a black obelisk arisen from the accursed depths.  Even though Zack Snyder has stepped away from the movie and the DCEU for personal (but totally understandable and regrettable) reasons, it’s worth noting that he didn’t control and craft it alone.  Suicide Squad says hi, after all.  There’s still time for the executives from on high to screw everything up -- namely, their chances of taking on the MCU.  We’ll see what happens, though.

Wait, isn’t this supposed to be a post on Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2?  Yeah, but what else is there to say besides it’s funny, it’s good, and go watch it?  There might not be anything more to scrape up -- but I’m sure as hell gonna try.

LOG TRAP!  BOULDER TRAP!  SHRAPNEL TRAP!  SPOILER TRAP!

NOW LET’S…ROCK AND ROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!  (With spoilers.)

That Thing You Like Sucks (And That’s Okay)

I’ve been at this for a while without any major arguments or controversies.  So, time to jeopardize that in one shot with this post.  Because if there’s one thing I wouldn’t mind doing, it’s rustling tail feathers so much that the flesh will peel right off of the bone.

Ready?  Incendiary opinions, HO!

A Lickety-Split Post on Persona 5

Well, I say that it’s going to be lickety-split, but this is Persona 5 we’re talking about -- a game so long that you could clear anywhere from 2 to 10 other games in the time it takes to finish this one.  Also, it’s me we’re talking about, so temper your expectations.  And cancel all your prior appointments.  Just to be safe.

Also?  It should go without saying, but this post WILL have spoilers in it.  Not through the end of the game, because I’m not that far along.  But I’m at the start of the sixth as of writing, so if you’re scared?  There’s your warning.

Also, also?  This post WON’T have anything about waifus in it.  I’m keeping that bullet in the chamber for later.  (Husbandos are fair game, though.)  So without further ado, let’s do this lickety-split.  Relatively speaking.