Beat drove a foot
through the virtual platform, digging up a splash of pixels and numbers. “Well, yeah, but -- wait, what was that about
my looks?”
“What? I didn’t say a word…” Tony glanced aside, his usual scowl
tightening even further. “Lousy sasquatch
wife,” he muttered.
“I’m just gonna pretend
I didn’t hear anything, because that’s the only way your head won’t get smacked
right off your neck.” She folded her
arms and groaned, standing her ground in a most-unladylike stance. “It’s just that that guy -- FX or whatever --
he just pisses me off so much!”
“What doesn’t?”
“Unicorns and rainbows. Obviously.” Beat looked around a bit, taking note of the orange-rimmed
platforms and tessellated cubes drifting through the air around them. “So what’re we supposed to do now?”
“Hell if I know. The way I see it, though, coyote-boy gave us
an out so we could go do something.”
“So what, you’re saying
that he’s on our side after all?”
“Maybe. More on our side than blob-boy back there.”
“So he pretty much
sacrificed himself to save us? And with
his dying breath, he wants us to put together the pieces to beat that sack of
black pixelly gooey bits and save the world, right?”
“Probably…but I’m about
ready to blow him off.”
“Wow! You’re a terrible
person!”
Tony looked back at her
over his shoulder. “Good. You know how I work.” He went back to his business, crouching low
to the ground and running his hands about.
“Crap. I bet I know how this
works; we don’t get to leave until we do something…” His beady eyes rolled around in his
head. “Heroic. God, why me? I just wanted my vacation…”
“Hey, Tony?”
“What? Can’t you hear me lamenting my life?”
Beat scratched at her
temple. “Is it just me, or does
something feel…different?”
“Yeah, it does. Now gimme a hand here; if we have to dig our
way out, it’d be good to have an extra set of hands.”
Lloyd adjusted his glasses for the eighteenth time that minute, his mouth opened wide enough to let in the average rhinoceros horn. “By the arrows of Artemis! I seem to have stumbled into some manner of digital wonderland! Could I have been summoned here by some manner of goddess? If so, I would very much like to meet her; I can appreciate a divine form more adequately than most my age, I’d wager.”
FX managed to keep a
smile on his face as always, but the sight of that purple-haired loon made his
muscles strain. And here I was, thinking that everything would go exactly as planned,
he thought as Lloyd danced across the platform.
I should have known better. I overestimated the blog’s ability to act
rationally; it isn’t out to do the most beneficial thing as it is to provide a
cheap laugh. And because of it, the
worst-case scenario has come to pass.
His red eye swiveled
about. Lloyd has been summoned. But if
he’s here, then where exactly is --
Lloyd moved FX’s tail
up and down like a pump. “So it really
IS a werewolf -- albeit a docile one,” he reasoned. “Interesting, indeed. The virtual world is full of such wonders.”
“I would prefer if you
kept your hands to yourself,” FX said as he craned his neck around. “Otherwise, I might have to get a little
violent with you.”
That got Lloyd moving;
with a yelp, he leapt back a full six feet, and held his hands up in
defense. “So the werewolf speaks -- and
has quite the violent streak!” He patted
down his pockets. “Damn. If this were a perfect virtual world, I would
have come equipped with some manner of revolver and silver bullets.”
“Let’s try to focus a
bit, shall we, Lloyd?”
“Foul lycanthrope! I’ll not take orders from you!”
“I’m not your
enemy. If anything, you and I are --”
Lloyd gasped. “Inconceivable! You’re…you’re my long-lost brother that I’ve
never heard about until this very moment?
Then this meeting…surely, it is the work of the fates!”
“How on earth did you
come to that conclusion when --”
“So my brother is a
werewolf nestled away in a virtual realm,” Lloyd thought aloud as he stroked
his chin. “And by the sound of things,
his penchant for violence is a result of him being abandoned by all that would
love and honor him…an intriguing state of affairs, to be sure.”
It’s as if I’m talking to a rock, FX thought. A
verbose rock, but a rock all the same.
“Ah. Lord Wolfington. An inquiry, if I may.” Lloyd pointed to his right. “Would you care to explain what that might
be? I’m afraid with all the excitement
of finding another brother I let the more obvious matter slip past me.”
FX followed Lloyd’s
finger. He had every reason to be wary;
a massive chunk of the platform, and the space around it, had its colors
inverted. Rays of light formed a cage
abstract enough to make Picasso proud, with white particles shifting between
each beam. And the reason for that
cage? To hold in some writhing mass --
currently a searing shade of white, but no doubt a black blob in its standard
form.
“Ah. That is a very unwelcome guest around these
parts,” FX explained, taking a step towards the cage. “It’s because of him mucking around that you’re
here in the first place…so to speak.
Honestly, I think it’s a joke on all of us that you --”
“An intruder, eh?”
Lloyd asked, stepping cautiously toward it (and ignoring FX’s blooming
annoyance). “What does he want
here? Is there a fortune here that needs
defending?”
“Relatively speaking,
yes. But he isn’t here for gold coins;
what he’s after is knowledge.
Information that’s more or less woven into the fabric of this space.”
Lloyd stared at
FX.
“Let me explain. The creature that floats before you is incomplete
-- and to become complete, it wants to absorb the positive thought energy here
and…Lloyd, is any of this sinking in?”
“…Not
particularly. I’m sorry, I was just
wondering what would happen if I scratched behind your ears.”
“Let’s try to focus a
bit here, shall --”
“Do you ever get
fleas? Are you afraid of vacuum cleaners? If a doorbell rings, do you start barking and
run toward the door? Do you enjoy the
occasional treat, or are you trying to watch your weight? I hate to keep interrupting you, but I just
have so many questions!” Lloyd clapped a fist atop his palm. “Oh! I
just realized that if I want the proper answers, I should ask questions in regards
to your transformation into a werewolf!
So allow me to start again with this: do you ever get fleas?”
FX just stared blankly
at Lloyd. “How…how are you even alive?”
“Heh heh heh…oh, this
is rich.”
FX and Lloyd turned
back toward the cage. “And here I was,
thinking that you had everything under control.
Now look at you -- one little mishap is all it takes to break your façade,
isn’t it?”
The smile on FX’s face
stretched a little wider, but with no shortage of tension. “This is nothing. Before this day is done, I’ll have you
shattered and your pieces flung across space.
You just watch.”
“I’m starting to doubt
that. In fact, it’s obvious that you can’t
stop me; you admitted as much yourself not too long ago, and I doubt there’s a
single person in this world or the next that can do any better.” The mass started to rumble, sending shivering
ripples across the cage. “I’ll take what’s
mine. But before I do, I think I owe you
something.”
“And what would that
be?”
Tendrils shot out from
the mass, and hammered the cage. Before
FX or Lloyd could even register the motion, the cage shattered, returning both
the space and the mass to normal. “Isn’t
it obvious, my dearest friend? I owe you
a slow and painful death.”
FX glanced upward and
sighed. “It just gets better and better,”
he mumbled. “Lloyd. Listen carefully. If you’re looking to survive, then move
exactly as I say.” He looked to his side…only
to notice that Lloyd had left it long ago.
He didn’t go far, of
course. He stood his ground between FX
and the intruder, his eyes drifting up and down the mass at least twice his
size, and less than half that distance away.
“So I take it you have some sort of grievance with my lupine brother. Well then, why don’t you and I sort it
out? I would hope that we can discuss
things like gentleman and not have to come to blows.”
“Out of my way, you
idiot. If you don’t move, I’ll gladly go
through you.”
“I would do what he
says, Lloyd. You don’t have anything
even close to power -- and picking up
your pieces isn’t something I’m about to do anytime soon.”
Lloyd laughed to
himself. “I know. I may not have power or speed, or even skill.” He looked back at FX with a pleasant smile. “But as your older brother -- as a comrade by
nature -- I’ll gladly step in and take action.
Especially if it’s to resolve an unnecessary conflict.”
“A comrade by nature, huh? Interesting…so, another interesting human
appears before me…” But before he could
get too wistful, FX snapped his eye back toward Lloyd. “Did you say older brother?”
“Well, of course. You’re a half-foot shorter than I am, and
your voice lacks a certain masculine element.
Isn’t that the case?”
“…Did I say ‘interesting’? I’m sorry, I meant ‘annoying.’”
“Ah, just like a little
brother -- always resenting his kin!”
The intruder, of
course, scoffed at the very idea. “Is
this some kind of joke? Is your plan
just to delay me to death? I don’t think
either of you are getting how far out of your depth you are; all I need is one
second to turn either of you into piles of gored meat. Or would you prefer it if I slashed you both
to pieces? Or maybe just sucked up and
reduced to nothingness?”
Lloyd raised an
eyebrow. “Is everyone in this dimension
always this needlessly violent?”
“I don’t care. And in a few seconds, you won’t either.”
“Why are you so eager
to kill me? Ignoring the fact that I’ve
caused you no harm -- and as you and my brother have said, I can cause no harm
-- I earnestly don’t see a reason why we have to have conflict. Nor do I quite understand why, exactly, we
have to be enemies. Surely through
cooperation we can come to some sort of compromise. Or at the very least, we can become
deeply-entrenched allies.”
“’Compromise’? ‘Allies’?
Are you THAT stupid?”
“That much should be
obvious by now,” FX said in the distance.
“I don’t need you, or
anyone else. The only one that matters
is me; that’s how it’s always been, and that’s how it’ll always be.”
“Why?” Lloyd asked.
“Because all I want is
to be complete -- and if that means tearing apart everything around me to have
it, then so be it.”
“Hmmm…” Lloyd tilted his head and folded his arms. “…I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I don’t quite
understand your argument. Why, exactly,
does your happiness have to come at the expense of everyone else’s? You’ll forgive my ignorance, I hope;
extra-dimensional relations are not a subject I’m familiar with.”
“Why…? Because if I don’t have things go my way,
then I’ll never be complete. And I will
be, soon enough.”
Lloyd tilted his head
in the other direction. “And then what?”
“What do you mean, ‘And
then what’? I’ll be complete, and then I’ll
be happy. I’ll have a form, an identity
-- everything I’ve ever wanted.”
“Are you sure? I always figured that to define oneself, one
would have to be defined by others. A
sort of ‘the company you keep’ situation.
But if your actions will put everyone and everything but yourself -- or
perhaps even yourself -- in jeopardy, then wouldn’t that mean you’d be no
closer to gaining an identity than you are now?”
“No, of course
not. Because I’ll have all the data I
need.”
“But…I still don’t
understand.” Lloyd furrowed his brow and
scratched his head. “How exactly does
absorbing the data left by others give you an identity? If anything, aren’t you just copying their
thoughts and ideas and substituting them for your own development? Can you really say it’s your identity
then? From my perspective, it seems like
you’re just trying to wear the clothes of others because you don’t have any of
your own. There’s a notable lack of
thought processes to give you that unique element.”
FX smirked. Well, well…
“Are you calling me an
idiot?” the intruder snapped. A half
dozen tendrils burst from its core and rocketed towards Lloyd; four of them
hovered inches away from his body with their edges sharpened to a fine point,
while the remaining two looked ready to chop at his neck like a pair of hedge
clippers. “I’m warning you. You DON’T want to test me.”
But Lloyd merely smiled
as if he’d heard a good joke. “No need
for worry. I have no intention of
testing you or your resolve -- and as I understand it, I’m the last person allowed to start tossing
around words like ‘idiot’.” He held out
a hand. “Rather than decry your resolve,
I merely wish to redirect it; I want to repurpose it, so that the pain you’ve
no doubt borne for ages can be lessened.”
The intruder
grunted. “You have a way with words, but
that’s all you’re good for. You can’t
possibly do anything worthwhile; you can’t even protect yourself.”
“I know. No one knows my weakness better than I
do. But I have ways to circumvent that
weakness, and I can assure you it’s possible without harm to others. It’s quite the opposite, actually.”
The tendrils around
Lloyd’s neck started to spread apart. “What
do you mean?”
“It’s as I said. I’m weak and stupid, but I’m constantly
surrounded by people who are stronger than me.
Faster than me. Smarter than
me. Better looking than me. Kinder, wiser, braver, all that and
more. But even so, there are people who
consistently need help to realize their nature, and the potential they’ve
willingly overlooked. To that end, I
offer up myself as tribute; I exist as a means to serve others, and move them
towards their zenith.”
“And why is that?”
“Simple. Because this passion that flows through me
would allow nothing else. For the sake
of a world overflowing with love and joy, I, Lloyd Beatrice Hoigleheimer, will campaign
for as long as my body and mind will allow.
And I will move ever onward for that goal -- for a harem without limits!”
The clippers tightened
once more -- and this time, they hovered mere centimeters from Lloyd’s
throat. “Of all the worthless…!”
“Are you jealous?”
FX took a few steps
forward, his shoulders jostling with each quiet chuckle. “For someone who’s effectively undefeatable,
you’re looking a little feeble there.”
“You’re next, you
worthless mongrel!”
“Oh my, oh my. This IS a delightful turn of events. Look at you, getting all flustered over such
a simple matter! Or is it the fact that
Lloyd here has a spirit -- and a fierce one, at that -- and you don’t?”
The intruder --
tendrils and all -- started to tremble.
And even with such a dire threat beside him, Lloyd looked backwards to
FX.
“It seems as if I was
mistaken. I would have figured that
defeating you would come down to using the most powerful weapons we could
muster against you. But I was wrong;
leave it to a mere human to show me the way.
The key to defeating you is --”
“I’ve no intention of
defeating anyone.”
Both FX and the
intruder froze as Lloyd held out a hand.
“I’m sorry. But even if our guest
here is unwelcome, and more than a little rude, I see no reason why we have to
dismiss him without giving him something substantial. Something to put his heart at ease.”
“Not exactly the best
course of action, Lloyd,” FX warned. “Have
a look. Does that look like something
with a heart?”
Lloyd looked at
FX. He looked at the intruder. He looked back at FX. And then, once more, he turned to the
intruder -- and he flashed the brightest smile he could muster. “There’s only one way to know for sure.”
He spread his arms out
wide. “I’m in your hands, dear
guest! Absorb me as you see fit!”
TO BE SPIRITINUED...
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