Shower Thoughts with Monster Girls (Part 1)

Real talk?  I don’t know if there’s a heaven or a hell, but if there was ever a surefire way to get sent to the latter, it’d be with a post like this.

A Valentine's Special: Let’s “discuss” Infinite Stratos.

I think zombie fiction has run its course.  For now, at least.  (Because that’s a good way to start a Valentine’s post.  Mentions of the living dead.)

I’ll admit that the concept itself isn’t automatically wrong, or impossible to work with.  But with an immensely flawed game like The Last of Us going to great lengths to win the Half-Assed Award, and a show like The Walking Dead caught in an Ouroboros of people being sad and angry and sometimes killing zombies, I think that we’ve reached a stage where -- unless there’s a big variation in the formula -- then zombie fiction is a “broken model”.  Going with the basic conventions gives diminishing returns, and just exposes the problems with the model in the first place.

But zombie fiction isn’t the only broken model.  I’m about ready to say that the same applies for the standard harem in anime and manga.  I’m not the only one to say as much, and I won’t be the last; based on comments on sites and forums, harem stories have to work ten times harder for recognition (beyond the usual “best girl” declarations). And in a lot of cases -- in the case of Infinite Stratos, for example -- the stories just expose all the holes.  Granted harems probably keep popping up because people keep buying/supporting them, but at what cost?  Broken models may be enough to earn some fans and some cash, but it’s the easy way out.  A fool’s errand.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I wake up one morning and realize I’m using the same model.

Let's "discuss" Infinite Stratos (Part 1).

You don’t need me to tell you how bad Infinite Stratos is, because it shoots itself in the foot with a cannonball from the start.

The premise is that in the future, all military hardware has been surpassed by the IS system -- that is, women don armor and weaponry and duke it out wherever conflicts may arise.  So basically, women in this universe don’t pilot mechs; they ARE the mechs, only significantly dumber.  I refuse to believe that there’s a military in any universe that would approve of girls going out to battle with armored arms and legs, but nothing to protect their heads or bodies (or thighs, in many cases) but a skintight leotard.  Setting aside the fact that we have tanks, planes, and ballistic missiles for a reason, even if the IS pilots had an “anti-everything shield” it doesn’t work in the context of this universe.  One of the first main characters introduced is a sniper.  Unless she’s the only sniper in the world, there’s nothing stopping any given soldier from grabbing a rifle and ending a few lives from halfway across the battlefield. 

But you know what?  The concept itself isn’t completely wrong.  If the only reason these girls are in fanservice-ready suits is because of fanservice, then all they had to do was take out the military aspect and put them in a different context.  Put them in some kind of sports competition.  Have them be on teams, and competing in arenas for fame and fortune.  Have them literally try their hardest to put on a show.  That would make it so that A) there are no gaps in logic over how there could be a military that approves this concept, B) there are no tonal issues trying to marry a serious plot with…the other kind of plot, and C) you don’t make the military, real or not, out to be such a farce.  All Infinite Stratos needed to do was make a few minor tweaks, and it could have approached being good.  Alas, it didn’t care enough to try.

So what does it care about, then? 

Let's discuss Archie's Weird Mysteries.

Didn’t see this one coming, did you?

I’ve mentioned several times in the past that I have some major respect for what you’d might call “kid’s stuff”.  And with good reason -- they are, almost by nature, the perfect sources for imagination, good spirits, and charm.  But they can also be sources of insight, thematic merit, and depth.  I’d like to think that in light of shows like Adventure Time, Gravity Falls, and either Avatar series, the game has officially leveled up.  And I’m happy for it…even if I only show my support as a spiteful reaction to the brown and gray wastelands of modern gaming.

But for a while now, I’ve had a bit of an opportunity of sorts.  I’ve always believed that one should never underestimate the power of basic cable, as it’s the place where Everybody Loves Raymond once ruled the roost (for a given definition of “ruled” or “roost”…or “the”).  So one night I was flipping through channels, and I just so happened to spot something called Archie’s Weird Mysteries on a dedicated children’s network.  And I watched it.  And as the days passed, I watched more of it -- and more, and more, and more, because hey, I could have something in the background playing while putting together some of the more tedious aspects of Cross-Up.  And I thought to myself, “You know, maybe I should do a post on this show.  It’d be fun -- like a gag post or something.”

How funny you find this post depends on how much you agree with my interpretations.  Because the way things are looking, I’m about ready to declare the cartoon one of the blackest of black comedies ever created…at best.  At its worst?  It’s downright horrifying.