What Makes You “Feel” for a Story?

So I saw The Lego Movie not too long ago, and I’ve never been filled with more rage.

Not because I didn’t like it, mind you; I think it’s amazing.  But if you’ve been reading this blog for long, you may know that when it was in theaters, I didn’t go to see it; instead, I went to go see the 2014 remake/reboot/repugnance that was RoboCop, as tribute for my brother’s birthday.  Calling it a miserable experience would be an understatement.  But now I’m mad all over again because instead of going to see a movie with incredible visuals, impressive action, intelligent design, and a final act that puts the whole story in a brand new light, I and other people saw cinematic tripe.  And unlike me, some people willingly chose to see RoboCop.   Because nostalgia.  Or because “it’s mature”.

My blood’s about to boil through my skin.  So let’s move on to the topic that’s been on my mind: how stories get you to feel something.  Besides a blinding maelstrom of fury, of course.

My Dad is the Best in the Universe

Let me begin with a confession: I love heroes.

Real heroes, fictional heroes, super heroes, normal heroes, whatever -- if there’s a guy out there serving justice or upholding virtue, then I’m all over that.  I consider it a welcome twist of fate whenever one of the posts on this blog lets me talk at length about one of those heroes; Captain America’s a pretty good example, least of all because of the courage it takes to fight crime in what amounts to themed pajamas.  By the same token, I bemoan my fate whenever one of my posts has me talking about characters who are practically villains posing as heroes -- which comes up distressingly often in video games these days for some reason.  I don’t know, blame the government.  Everyone else does.

So while I’m usually the sort to focus on fiction, I think it’s high time for a change of pace.  Indulge me for a moment; let me pay my respects to the real world -- and more importantly, to celebrate his birthday, I have to honor my dad.  Who, as the title implies, is actually the best in the universe.  And it’s up to me to prove, conclusively, irrefutably, and 100% truthfully, exactly why that’s the case.

Now then.  Time to talk about Idris Elba.

Final Fantasy 7: All the Silliest

You know what gamers need?  Some kind of official poll system.

We may all identify under the hobby, but the collective is such a fractured mess that even the most basic classification is rough.  I’m a fan of Destructoid, for example, but there are others who frequent Polygon, others who prefer USGamer, and yes, even those who like IGN.  How do you get them to come together?  To even begin to acknowledge one another’s opinions, gathered in a conclusive format?  A universal poll -- one where all gamers vote on topics and see where their brethren stand on an issue.  It’ll never happen, of course, but it’s nice to think about as a way to offer up some perspective.

I only ask for that poll because I’d like to have proof that gamers aren’t just a massive mob of hypocrites…even if it seems like they kind of are.  “Give us something new and original!” they cry out -- and then Call of Duty and Assassin’s Creed still make mad money. “They’re just trying to win us over with brand names and nostalgia!” they rage -- while games built on brand names and nostalgia get funded in hours, if not minutes, via Kickstarter.  “Enough with the remakes and remasters!” they yell to the heavens.

And then everyone loses their minds over a Final Fantasy 7 remake -- which is a dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, silly, silly, dumb idea.  And also dumb.

E3 2015: Leaving the Engine Running

Far be it from me to conform to traditions -- but I’m gonna go ahead and conform to traditions, and do yet another post on E3.  Why?  Presumably, because I enjoy the metaphorical bashing of my head against a brick wall.

Well, that’s more hyperbole than anything, but I have to be honest: I’m starting to sympathize with anyone who thinks E3 is stupid or pointless.  Or the conferences, at least; I don’t know about you, but I feel like a lot of these conferences would be a lot better if they were half as long at a bare minimum.  That way, there’s no need to pad out the run time.  They can keep their focus.  They can use their time judiciously.  Maybe not waste time at a video game convention by bringing an aged soccer player in for a minutes-long interview. 

But let’s not worry about what’s already passed (or will probably happen again next year).  Let’s dip our feet into this great big vat of video games.

Jurassic World: Superbeast

Boy, do I hate being right all the time.

…See?  I can reference twenty-year-old movies, too.

More SPOILERS here than there are cells in the body.  Read at your own risk -- unless you just love dinosaurs that much.  Can’t blame you, in all honesty.  ANKYLOSAURS 4 LYFE.

RE: Jurassic World

I have a confession to make: I’m VERY worried about this movie.

Hey, I didn’t say it would be a surprising confession.

On The Witcher 3 and Intelligent Games

“The world doesn’t need a hero.  It needs a professional.”

You can’t begin to imagine how much that tagline irritates me.  Is it true?  Maybe.  But just hearing it makes me cringe -- like it smacks of the obsession with pessimism and grit that’s held a stranglehold on creative outlets for ages.  Yeah, a professional can do a lot, but a good hero can do even more -- become an enduring symbol that overpowers and outlasts “a job well done”.  Plus, it’s just more interesting; who was it that decided that fiction can never ever have idealism or a lack of realism?  Doesn’t that mean stripping away good possibilities -- a good half of what fiction is all about?

Also, Geralt just rubs me the wrong way.  Maybe I’m alone on this, be he feels like the most DeviantArt-ass OC the world’s ever seen.  White hair!  A scar!  A dark costume with lots of belts!  Two swords!  A gruff and growly voice!  Unusual eye colors!  He’s a bounty hunter!  He’s the best bounty hunter!  He’s got a dark and troubled past!  He’s different from normal people, which also makes him better!  I know The Witcher is much better than what I’ve described here, but at a glance?  Boy, it doesn’t do itself any favors; it’s as if it was designed to be industrial strength Voltech repellant.

But it’s fine, though.  If there’s any game I want to give a chance -- to open my heart to, and welcome into the depths of my soul (and/or ventricles), it’s this one.

Bloodborne. Just Bloodborne.

This is Cross-Up’s s 600^th post (don’t ask how it happened, because I don’t know either).  So to celebrate, let me start by asking a question.

Why is this game significantly better than most of the other games I’ve played in years?

Watch Dogs (feat. Kamen Rider W)

Let me say this to start: this post is, at a bare minimum, eight months old.

Like, I’d written pretty much everything a while back.  But for one reason or another, other posts took priority.  I’d blame a single game for it, but I think for now I’ll just take the high ground and point fingers at the better part of reality itself.  So at some point I just decided to have it go up on a certain date.

“Hey, you know what?” I asked myself.  “You’re coming up on the one-year anniversary of your very first post on Watch Dogs, AKA the game you consider the worst western-developed game you’ve ever played.  Why not celebrate sheer mediocrity and unacceptably-poor design by offsetting it with your not-at-all-secret Kamen Rider propagandist agenda?”

So here we are.  And here we shall be, until the world knows just how miserable of a game Watch Dogs is -- and that we must never forget what Ubisoft hath wrought.  But on the plus side?  Guys in big dumb monster suits.  And armored suits.  Just suits all over the damn place.