I Hraet You (23)

Beat 23: Falsified Documents Are the Best

Trixie sat beside JP, looking as if she could either start screaming like a banshee or bawling like a baby.  Naturally, the fact that she’d become the lynchpin for his extortion plot left her in a sour mood -- but being in a classroom with children a decade younger, staring and whispering and gaping and questioning, made her regret waking up that morning.  Or that month, more appropriately.

She didn’t even get a desk of her own -- just a loose chair (a wobbly-legged one with gum stuck on it, for that matter) pulled next to JP’s.  But with the exception of the young Hoigleheimer -- scribbling in a notebook, even though class hadn’t started yet -- she had more than enough personal space.  The other children had backed off, occupying the desks at the room’s fringes.  In their eyes, she was practically radioactive…and certainly not in the good, superhero-creating way.

The Dark Knight Rises -- A Preamble

Before I begin, I want to take some time out to offer my condolences to the people of Aurora, Colorado.  Even if you never meet me, hear me, or see me, know that my thoughts are with you, and I pray for brighter days to return to your community soon enough.  What happened there was a tragedy, and even though all I can offer are my words and my feelings, I hope they're enough to help you move past this.

If you're reading this -- whether you're a part of that community or not -- I hope you'll take time out to have a moment of silence.

...............................

And now, let's move on to a different subject.  Click the jump for my typical irreverence.

RE: The Dark Knight Rises

The Dark Knight Rises: And So It Begins...

It’s 12:14 A.M. on July 20, 2012.  About twenty minutes ago, I was playing Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 with my brother (for a night-devouring three hours straight).  But with that done, I can focus on more important matters.  See, by this time twenty-four hours from now, I’ll have seen The Dark Knight Rises -- in IMAX, of course -- and laid this black-clad beast to rest. 

It’s the biggest movie of the year…well, one of the biggest, considering The Avengers.  It’s a movie that’s been anticipated by countless comic fans, film fans, and generally anyone who just likes living.  It’s set to vaporize box office records and cast them into the wind.  The time is ripe for Christopher Nolan, Batman, and everyone involved with this trilogy to step onto the stage -- the final proving ground -- and lay waste to all our hopes and dreams, and substitute them with dreams of the cowl-shrouded crimefighter.

And I for one am glad.  Because now -- or eventually, at least -- we can all shut the hell up about Batman.

"Now where did I leave my keys...?"

I Hraet You (22)

Beat 22: Remember, Guys: Bullying is Bad

JP furrowed his brow and groaned.  “What the hell…?”

“So you believe me?”

He rubbed his head, digging his fingers into his scalp.  “So this guy.  You’re sure about this?  The flying, and the knife through his chest?”

“Kinda hard to forget somethin’ like that, pal,” said Trixie.

“Was there anything else about him that seemed off?”

“I think yer a little too relaxed about this whole knife through the chest thing.”  Trixie folded her arms, and tapped a foot against the sidewalk.  “I guess if it bothers ya that much, he WAS wearin’ a top hat.  And a cape, too.  Looked like somethin’ straight outta Broadway.  Or…I dunno, some kinda musical.”  She moved her hands through the air.  “Oh yeah -- and I checked all around my place after he left.  So unless he packed up his bag o’ tricks right after, I’m guessin’ he didn’t hafta use any cranes or strings or nothin’ like that.  He was just…I dunno, some kinda ghost dandy.”

My hype for Persona 4 Arena has been noted.

Apparently, somebody on Siliconera read a comment of mine and decided to put a voice to it.

Hmmm...Fry, you wanna take this one?

Well, I'm going to lean towards the latter.  It's just so rare that anyone tries to weaponize my hype, so as a favor to this guy/lady I'll be sure to remember it -- almost spitefully so.

But really, can you blame me for being a little excited?  (Actually you can, but...by the roots of the world tree, Atlus and ArcSys are teaming up to make a fighting game based on Persona!  Supermassive success!)

By the way, I've decided on Naoto.  Never bring a sword to a gun fight.

The Curious Case of Katherine Noether

Sometimes it’s hard being a man.  Not because you’re the one people count on to kill spiders, or dislodge a basketball when it gets stuck between the hoop and the backboard (a shockingly frequent event, apparently), or because you’re supposed to be strong enough to open the pickle jar.  

"It's tough to be a maaaaaaaaan...I want to cryyyyyyyyy..."

No, it’s hard being a man because you’re more accountable for your words and actions than anyone else.

Okay, maybe that’s a bit of a sweeping generalization, but I think there’s more than a kernel of truth -- including and especially when those words and actions relate to talk about women.  Fortunately, if you’ve any more foresight than I do, you won’t make a faux pas while in the presence of a class that is 95% female.

I Hraet You (21)

Beat 21: The Plot, It Grows More Viscous 

8:14 A.M.

Costs Accrued: $148.54

Trixie followed JP along the sidewalk as Sondheim Middle School came into view.  Maybe it was just that she hadn’t been to a middle school since her own tween years, or maybe the sounds of laughing kids coming to greeter, but something about the building just felt small and quaint.  The main building stretched from one end of the block to another, like a massive hot dog made out of brown bricks, and sprinkled with polished windows.  As the pair trotted near the chain-link fence, she spotted the usual niceties -- the asphalt track, the grassy field, and no shortage of portables in the distance.  Even though they approached from the building’s backside, the flagpole at the front of the school stood high enough to peek past the roof -- and with it, the American and school flags flapping in tandem.

“So we’re clear on your schedule, then?” JP asked, hands in his pockets as he strode in the lead.  “Just follow my lead for the first bit.  Then when I give you the signal, you head back to my house and help my dad with his work.  Once lunchtime rolls around, you head back here; I’ll be waiting at…”  He pointed behind one of the portables, the one closest to the parking lot.  “That spot.  Meet me back there, and play along with me.  Got all that, Tex?”  He cocked his head back at her, refusing to give her the blessing of his full attention.   “Or do you need me to write it all down?”

This may actually be a bit interesting.

Looks like it's finally starting to take form...But what could it be?  Certainly nothing that would provoke a reaction like this:

Nope.  I'd never do that.  Unless I was about to eat some blueberry muffins -- hmmm, speaking of which...

*heads to kitchen*

This is what happens whenever I eat muffins.  But really, can you blame me?  They're evilly delicious!

Lollipop Chainsaw -- Or, What Makes a Character Attractive?

This is probably going to be the most asinine thing I’ve ever written (with the emphasis on ass), but bear with me here.  What I do, I do for the sake of…well, not science, but just to gauge the opinions of fellow gamers.  Or writers.  Or kung-fu cassowary slayers.  I know you’re a niche audience, but you guys need some love too.

Anyway.  A while back, the snafu with Jessica Nigri and Lollipop Chainsaw got me thinking.  The game’s lead heroine, I’d wager, was designed with a specific goal in mind to convey a specific feel for the game.  Say what you will about how many zombie games there are (too many, in my opinion) but there’s a contrast that I like in seeing rotting, moaning hordes of the undead going up against a cute, bubbly cheerleader.  As if to hammer that point home, this same character attacks with a roaring chainsaw, yet fires off rainbows and hearts just as quickly as she does zombie blood.

Juliet fulfills certain requirements that need to be checked off -- and at a base level, she does so with her looks.  She’s lithe and leggy, befitting her cheerleader status; in fact, some art I’ve seen depicts her as being roughly eight heads tall compared to the usual five or six.  (It’s a design decision that evokes thephilosophy of the much-discussed Bayonetta.)  In addition, being a blonde comes with all its own tropes -- doubly so thanks to the twin pigtails.  She was designed to be identifiable and quantifiable ten seconds after first meeting her, as she would if you were in high school and you cane face-to-face with a cheerleader.  In the case of “judging a book by its cover” Juliet makes an unabashed statement.