Tales of the Abyss: The Rundown (Part 3)

Whew.  It sure has been a while, hasn’t it?  I hope I remember enough from the game to even start talking about it; I like it, but I really don’t want to do another playthrough just to review.

In any case, here’s what happened last time on the Rundown:

--Poor communication starts wars and nearly dooms the planet!

--Nobody can shut up about fonons and junk I could care less about!

--This is one of the only times when I care about politics!

--A sensible, well-organized religion?  Not in THIS JRPG!

All right.  Let’s give this thing another go.

(Spoiler alert involving several important details about the story -- which, as you know, is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside-down and I’d like to take a minute just sit right there I’ll tell you how I became a prince of a town called Bel-Air.

Anyone know where I can get one of those spinning throne things?  I could stand to spruce up my room.)

Tales of the Abyss: The Rundown (Part 2)

Last time on the Rundown…

--Ion confirmed for dumbass-tier!

--Villains?  More like awesome-ains, am I right?

--Princesses and bros and trolls, oh my!

--Midriffs!

And there was much talk about characters and ideas being good on paper, but suffering in practice -- along with a rational defense of angst in JRPGs.  But that was right around the time when the rocket-powered dinosaurs launched their attack, so I had to grab my Thunder Halberd and fend them off.

But they’re all extinct now, so here’s Part 2 of the rundown.

(Spoilers to follow, as always.  If you haven’t played the game yet but intend to, why not eat some delicious sauerkraut instead of reading this post?  It’ll be good for your medulla oblongata.)

Tales of the Abyss: The Rundown (Part 1)

If there’s one series I can count on to put a smile on my face, it’s the Tales series.  I’ve had a fixation on JRPGs ever since my fateful encounter with the (supposedly inferior) PC version of Final Fantasy 7 back in 2000, but I find myself disappointed as often as I am delighted.  I’m not just talking about FF13, even if it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back and then made liberal use of a jackhammer to its spine for good measure; I may be more analytical than I’ve ever been, but even a younger version of me can tell when a game is putting me through some grade-A bullshit.

Everything past the first quarter of Grandia III.  The hiked-up bromance in Kingdom Hearts 2.  Trying to pass off Vaan as the main character in FF12.  Corgan’s “I have no knowledge of such things” shtick in Septerra Core (even though that’s not a JRPG, but close enough).  I don’t give Past Me a lot of credit -- and can you blame me? -- but I wasn’t exactly a lost cause.  I knew what I liked, and what I didn’t.  I knew what I thought was good, and what I thought was bad.  And in terms of the Tales series, it could only be good in my eyes.

But I had to put it through the paces.  I had to give the games -- Abyss, first and foremost -- a shot to see if they were as good as I thought, and if they were still good today. 

And the answer?  To put it simply, it’s a game that’s easy to love…and easier to hate.  Know what I mean, Asch?

(Warning: spoilers to follow…although it’s, like, six years old now.  Is it really necessary to add a spoiler warning?  And would you really be here if you weren’t interested in an informal analysis?  And a commanding knowledge of the game is nothing but a boon.  

On the other hand, midriffs.)

Let’s discuss a whole bunch of video games.

In the immortal words of Chef Gordon Ramsay, “I’m going to do something I’ve never ever done before.”  How often that’s the case is up for debate, but who am I to deride such a well-renowned chef?  And by the same token, a man whose rage constantly keeps him in Super Saiyan mode?

In any case, there are a number of things that I’m in the mood to talk about, but only tangentially; that is, I don’t feel like there’s enough meat right now to turn any one of the games into a three-thousand word dissection.  Plus I’m working on some other projects right now -- I Hraet You, The Manly Song Repository, and a “certain something” especially -- so I’d prefer not to get too distracted.

So let’s get this thing going, yes?  Expediency, ho!

Let's discuss Tales of the Abyss.

...Wait, why's he showing off his midriff?

I have a very specific rule when it comes to playing RPGs: never play them if there’s so much as a raindrop outside.  It’s a lesson that I had to learn the hard way one summer when playing through Final Fantasy 10.  I was trekking through the Macalania Woods, merry as could be, choosing to blissfully ignore the rain pounding atop the roof of my grandma’s house.  “I have nothing to fear from mere rain,” I scoffed.  “My team is steadily growing stronger -- just as I surmised, making Yuna the party’s black mage was a brilliant move.  No force on earth can stop me!”

 And then, before I could get to a save point -- mere steps away from one, most likely -- the power went out.  My progress, my EXP, all of it erased.  It wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t taken some time out to grind for extra levels (because I’m not satisfied with my RPGs unless my party members become verifiable deities)…and it wouldn’t have been so bad if, once I’d re-leveled later and made it back to the same point, I had to shut off the game so I could go to Red Lobster with my grandma.  So basically, I had to play that section three times… but it was worth it for those Red Lobster biscuits.

I would covet my neighbor's wife for you.  Could use some midriffs, though.

Why do I bring this up?  It’s because it’s been raining quite a bit on my end -- a blessed reprieve from the summer heat -- and because of it, I’ve been momentarily stalled on finishing my playthrough of Tales of the Abyss.  It’s my intention to talk about that game one of these days; in the same sense that I tried KH1 to see if it’s aged well, I thought I’d give Abyss a whirl.  I won’t go into any grave detail, so I’ll keep this post a bit short.  And I’ll start by saying this:

Tales of the Abyss is too damn long.