I’ve been seeing a lot
of these “10 Things You Didn’t Know About X” recently, and -- as is the usual
standard -- I figured I’d give it a shot when the movement is at the fringes of
relevance, and people have geared up to take the next societal plunge. It’s probably the reason why my cell phone is
always two generations behind everyone else’s…but I digress.
Let’s not waste any
time with these pleasantries, shall we?
Much like most of you, I’m on a tight schedule; I’m due for a hot dog
luncheon at five. Although,
incidentally…
10) Voltech eats hot dogs and oatmeal way too often.
I’m not much of a
cook. I’ve never succeeded in burning
any buildings to the ground, or giving myself or anyone else food poisoning,
but bringing up my “famous BBQ sandwiches” reminds me of a darker moment in my
culinary history. So I prefer to keep
things simple when it comes to food. How
simple? If I can’t leave it to the
microwave to do 84% of the work, then it’s not worth the effort.
That’s why I rely on
hot dogs and instant oatmeal so much, I suppose. Hot dogs make a quick lunch or dinner, and
they go great with any potato-based side dish.
Meanwhile, oatmeal makes a solid breakfast meal; say what you will, but
it’s delicious AND nutritious. Though I
suppose I’m not much of a good measure; I’ve liked broccoli since I was four,
so…yeah, odd tastes.
9) Voltech is a thinker, not a fighter…or a sportsman, or anything
involving athleticism.
Apparently, I have a
big head. My brother gave me crap for it
when we were younger (and still rides me for it every now and then). My mom said my head was big ever since I was
a baby. I have a distinct memory of my
dad poking fun at the shape of my head.
I try not to put too much stock in it, but I suppose it would explain
why I’m awful at sports. When I was in
Little League, I got smacked by the ball and cried in almost every game. When I played basketball in P.E. one year, I
went for a lay-up and ended up falling flat on my ass (and no, the ball didn’t
go through the hoop). Me playing soccer
involves me mostly getting kicked in the calves by girls.
But what I lack in
sports hero potential, I make up for with…intelligence? Sure, let’s call it that.
Made it into college on
a scholarship, and got no lower than a B-average in any class during my stay.
Won a few awards in writing contests.
Know the difference between “affect” and “effect.” You know what they say about people with
big heads? Well…actually, I don’t. I don’t even know why I brought it up. But when people say I’m “the smartest black
guy they’ve ever known,” I take that as a compliment. Er…mostly.
8)
Voltech once slipped on a banana peel in the name of science.
Sometimes smart people
will do dumb things if it’s for a good cause.
Such was the case one summer afternoon, when I’d just finished eating a
banana and was about to throw away the peel.
I was outside at the time, in the family’s garage, so throwing it away
meant partaking in the asinine act of
walking out of the garage, heading around the backyard, and dumping it in the
trash can outside. It seemed like a
waste of time and effort.
And then I had a
thought: could that ancient ritual of slipping on a banana’s citrine sheath,
codified by countless cartoons of old, possibly hold truth? I had to investigate. I had to put all my reservations to
rest. And thus, I flung the peel to the
ground and stepped upon it. It worked
like a charm.
Though, to be fair, I
doubt I could reproduce the same effect in different conditions. I didn’t bother to take in the lurking
variable of the garage’s floor -- a surface that had probably been slickened by
the oils and fluids from vehicles. Silly
me, conducting an experiment without a control in place…
7) Voltech can write up to 6,000 words a day (in perfect conditions).
Those of you that have
seen my blog posts before know that I can get a little…shall we say,
wordy. It’s been a consistent problem of
mine for years. It goes as far back as
elementary school; when third-graders were content with making 6-page short
stories, I wrapped it up at the 25-page mark.
When papers only had to be about 1,800 words, I slipped in one that
nudged just past 3,100. (I think that
when it came to papers, it was a passive-aggressive attempt to get revenge on
my teachers for assigning me essays and reports in the first place. If I have to suffer, so do you!).
I’ve confessed several
times that my four favorite things in the world are writing, hot dogs, power
metal, and video games. I tend to
indulge in all four, given the chance.
Therefore, I tend to write like a madman at times (i.e. often),
regardless of word count or word limit or how sleepy I am. That might go to explain why I have several
360+ page files on my laptop right now.
It was just one big file, but…well, Word tended to crash if I so much as
scrolled a page when it was loading.
6) Voltech once ran down an escalator going up.
Believe it or not, this
wasn’t done in the name of science.
Arguably, it was a matter of life or death.
I was at the campus
bookstore, and had just grabbed a few books for the day. Unfortunately, the store’s setup proved
disastrous; the books I needed were on the second floor, accessible only by a
pair of escalators -- one up, one down -- and an elevator for employee use
only. In my haste (and because I’d zoned
out on my trip thanks to some metal blasting through my ears), I didn’t bother
thinking about how I was going to get down.
The escalator was out of order.
Kaput.
I could have stood
around waiting for the elevator traffic to clear up. Or -- again, with metal setting my heart
ablaze -- I could man up and go down the up-escalator. “How hard could it be?” I asked myself. “Besides, I’m a relatively healthy male; I
can handle this, no problem!” As it
turns out, the task is harder than you’d expect; those hoping to head down with
a leisurely stroll would find themselves back at the top in a moment’s
time. You have to move quickly, almost
as if breaking into a jog.
Only the strong -- or
sufficiently hare-brained -- can surmount those scheming steel steps.
5) Voltech wants to get published this year and become the embodiment
of hope.
Keeping up the “one
goofy item, one semi-impressive item” trend, here’s something that should be
very obvious by now. As I’ve said, I
fancy myself a writer. I’ve got stuff
that’s (kinda-sorta) ready to go, I spend most of my days rat-a-tat-tapping at
my laptop, and there’s the whole going to college to improve my skills
thing. I’d wager it’s time to put that
stuff to the test, yes?
My goal is to get
published by virtue of some manly-ass stories. Stories that feature
ghost-punching, samurai-slashing, Godzilla-wrestling, hero-filled adventures
for the ages -- I want to write stuff that can put a smile on readers’
faces. And more than that, I want to
pave the way for other would-be writers with a dream -- people with skills and
aspirations that surpass my own ten times over.
People need heroes; I want to be the guy that helps bring more of them
into the public conscious.
I’d argue I have a
better chance of success in that regard than being a doctor. People’s insides are gooey.
4) Voltech has a…fixation on the number 4.
Four is such an awesome
number. It’s the basic foundation of
every element of construction. It makes
games like Four Square and hands like Four of a Kind possible. It’s a much-maligned emblem of death and
misfortune in Asian cultures, thanks to the fact that a word for it, “shi,” is
synonymous with the word for death.
Wait…
Maybe it’s just because
I have a propensity for getting entangled with the number four. I’m the fourth member of a family of four
(excluding two dogs). My favorite color
is green, the fourth color of the rainbow.
My senior class in high school had about four hundred forty
students. I was born at about 4 P.M. I could go on, but I’m running out of
examples.
Anyway, four
rules. Odd numbers can suck it.
3) Voltech hates being called a “genius.”
Weird, huh? Normally it’s used as a compliment, but I
always get a little tense when someone calls me that.
I guess you could say
I’m smart. Not the smartest, but smart
enough to get by. I know that there are
a lot of guys out there that are better than me, smarter than me, more skilled
than me, what have you. I’ve met my fair
share of them. It’s nice knowing that I
can use the skills I have to help people, but I’ve got my limits. The problem is that, when someone calls you a
genius, they assume you don’t have any.
That you know everything. That
whatever problems they have, you can solve them.
And I certainly
don’t. But it puts a lot of pressure on
me when people expect me to have all the answers, or have everything under
control. When I was in second grade,
people thought I was the best of the best; what would they have done, knowing
that I had trouble spelling Mississippi or Tennessee? How could I face them if they knew I wasn’t
an ace at long division? It bugged the
hell out of me, knowing that I was on call for info or instructions at any
moment, even if I didn’t know. And it
bugged me even more, looking at their crestfallen faces when I had to turn them
away with a quiet “I don’t know.”
So yeah. Don’t call me a genius, unless you want to
see me get as morose as I just did here.
Besides, we writers have to maintain our modesty.
2) Voltech hopes to one day own a giant robot. (Barring that, a mech of sizable
proportions.)
This should go without
saying.
1) Voltech is the self-proclaimed “Eternal Optimist.”
Surging lightning,
purifying the heavens! The Emerald
Thunderbolt charges through the sky!
Evildoers, fear the flash of my halberd!
For I am…!
...a bit of a ham.
Ahem. Yeah, I can be pretty weird at times. Pretty crazy, too. Pretty smart, pretty ambitious, pretty
irreverent, pretty hare-brained, pretty opinionated, and pretty dedicated to a
certain broccoli-style coiffure. But
amidst it all, I’m a glass-half-full kind of guy. People are good, and life is good -- and even
when they’re not, they have the potential to become better. That applies in more ways than one; I believe
in human potential, skill, and ingenuity more than anything else in the world.
Why? Because of video games, obviously. Ignoring the fact that in games, even a
humble, fairy-less ten-year-old can grow up to become a nightmare-slaying
guardian of time, think about the hobby we all love so much. They’re getting bigger, fancier, more popular,
more intricate; our ability to create has evolved, and will continue to
evolve. We’ve done amazing things so
far, us humans -- and it’s only a matter of time before we go even further.
And rest assured, I’ll
do what I can to fulfill my lofty opinions.
It’d be pretty damn hypocritical of me not to, don’t you think?
Hahaha a very interesting post! I had a laugh when I read factoid number six. :p And I hate being called a genius too! >_< Well, people don't call me "genius" but I go to a Japanese learning centre and, quite frankly, I'm the highest-scoring student. My sensei frequently points out to others how good I'm performing and now I'm her assistant. :/ I can empathise with you on this one. >_< :P
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you mentioned you've been writing and hope to get published. May I know what it is that you write? Mystery? Science-fiction? FANTASY (think The Lord of the Rings NOT Harry Potter)? :D
Ever heard of urban fantasy or "magic realism"? That's what my biggest project, D.O.X. (formerly Dead Over Two), is related to. It's got magic and demons and stuff, but takes place in a more modern setting. In a nutshell, it's about ghost-punching. In two nutshells...well, I'll just leave this (potentially-outdated) link here and gesture wildly towards it.
Deletehttp://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Literature/DeadOverTwo
I've also got some stuff throughout this blog if you're interested; I'm looking to make "I Hraet You" a permanent fixture as one of those "web serial novels" you hear so much about, so pop back in and check it out if you want.
But anyway, it's cool to see not only someone who's willing to comment on my blog, but someone who'd express that we're on the same wavelength. That's cool!...as they say in Street Fighter III.
Hope you'll stick around for a bit -- and again, thanks for the comments. You've made my day!
Yeah I've seen a lot of urban fantasy in anime and I think it's a very interesting genre. After I read I Hraet You I became a huge fan of your writing style. >_< It's just... captivating and I don't feel like moving away from the computer screen. :P
ReplyDeleteReally? Wow, thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it -- and rest assured I've got more of it where that came from.
DeleteSo once again, thanks for visiting my blog. I'll be sure to keep the content coming -- because, as you've probably guessed, I AM A MAN! (punches offscreen android)
Heh heh. References.
10) Dude. Seriously. Try pasta. You get the same amount of constipation and satisfaction for half the trouble.
ReplyDelete7) Dude. Nice!
2) Naw, dude. Insectoid Giant mechs were sooo 2000's, like the anti-grav cars and those Martian Rockets! You wanna know what's in these days? Macro-humanoid mechs, man. I'm talkin HUGE-ASS things that kinda look like you! Only problem is you can't keep them on the planet because the goddamn Gov'ment says they might cause 'untold destruction in civilian areas'
What a bunch of pussies...