RE: Dragon Age: Inquisition

It’s times like this where I have to wonder: is there something wrong with me?  (You know, besides the obvious?)

I mean, seriously.  Right now it feels like I’m sitting in a confessional -- which is something I feel like I have to do every time the “latest and greatest” is out on those newfangled vidya gaem boxes.  Like -- okay, I didn’t like Destiny.  That’s understandable, right?  And I didn’t like The Last of Us -- not exactly a popular opinion, but I can actually explain why if given the chance (fully functional flamethrower, anyone?). 

But then I get to Dragon Age: Inquisition, a game that’s not only an RPG -- in my wheelhouse more than those shootgaemz -- but also a game that’s delighted plenty of gamers.  Earned solid review scores.  Made several GOTY lists, even if the bar was set within the bowels of the earth for 2014.  I should be able to dive in.

But I can’t.  I’m about a session away from swearing it off for good.  And I guess now I have to explain why.

What’s The Deal With Chosen Ones?

Well, I was planning on tossing up a different post, but this one’s going to have to take precedence.  Blame Hollywood.

Now then.  If you’ve followed this blog for long enough, you may know that I have…expressed my distaste for Final Fantasy 13-2 (i.e. I consider it the worst game I’ve ever played).  That distaste stands strong today, but there’s been a nasty side effect: since then, I’ve been iffy about any story that features time travel.  More specifically, if a story features some space-time shenanigans, then I’m hoping that it’s used to great effect.  Based on what I’ve seen semi-recently, my hopes have been dashed.  It’s to the point where I waited for good news on Project Almanac -- though apparently, I was a fool for putting stock in a Platinum Dunes production.

Still, there was one other movie I was interested in, and as such checked Rotten Tomatoes much more frequently than I usually do.  Said movie?  Jupiter Ascending.  Because as you know, SPACE IS AWESOME…but even the awesomeness of space is hard to swallow based on the info surrounding the movie.  I remember looking up info and plot details, and upon reading up on how Mila Kunis plays some prophesized queen of the galaxy or whatever, my heart sank so fast that it’s shacking up with mole-men.  Even then, I figured that the movie would be good enough.  It’s not the first story to feature a chosen one, and it won’t be the last.  As long as the execution is high enough, then --

It pretty much started at 35% on Rotten Tomatoes.  Oooooooooooof.

Mass Effect: Of Games and Combat

If there’s one thing I've learned from my brother, it’s how to beat a dead horse so much that it starts trailing me as a pus-spewing, shambling skeleton of an undead equestrian.  So while people (I hope) are starting to move away from their anger at Mass Effect, I want to keep talking about it for a little while longer.  Bear with me here, I haven’t beaten it yet.

I guess I have no one to blame but myself.  I peck away at it every now and then when my brother isn’t using the Xbox (and when I can tear myself away from Devil Survivor 2), but I’ve been spending a lot of time in a sort of black hole within the Citadel.  I headed there after I got a message from Ashley, thinking to myself “Oh, I got a message from Thane, too.  Guess I’ll check on him while I’m there.”  I met with both of them, but ended up having some lengthy conversations with Bailey and Joker and EDI in her improbably sexual android body.  And before I know it, I’ve triggered a sidequest with a guy looking for his MIA son.  And then I’m working with a Salarian soldier, trying to uncover some shady dealings.   And then, I’m trying to recruit the mercenary groups for the war effort -- a motion which involves me running all over the place, acting as a negotiator and mediator between parties, getting weapons from the black market for a C-Sec officer, and heading to another damn galaxy just to get an artifact for a dealer.  And then when I finally -- FINALLY -- get back to my ship, a conversation with Traynor reveals that there’s a military academy under attack.  Maybe Bioware figured that nobody would even reach the ending; in my experience, I can’t complete one mission without eight more cropping up.

But that little experience in the Citadel got me thinking.  I had to have spent more than an hour going from one corner of the place to another, running errands like a fusion between an unloved Dickensian orphan and the average intern.  I was supposed to be saving the galaxy; I was supposed to be throwing myself into firefights and ducking behind walls before sniping Husks and Cerberus operatives between the eyes (at least I would be if I could aim).  And yet, I hardly missed the shooty-shooty-bang-bang aspects of the game.  I had just as much fun, if not more, walking around and talking to people.  Groovin’ in Purgatory and chatting it up with James.  Overhearing stories at the gift shop and talk of a Turian’s daughters taking dance lessons.    Telling people in distress that they could support the war effort besides shooting at robo-zombies; they could lend a hand in kitchens or medical bays.

It’s thanks to moments like that where I asked myself a question: why do so many games need fighting to establish themselves?

More reviews! More Mass Effect talk! More robot lovin'!

Street Fighter X Tekken and Tales of Graces f are out.  What did I think?  Go have a look over there, yeah?

It's likely that I'm not done talking about them; I'll get into their nitty-gritty issues here on Cross-Up soon enough.  (Same goes for Devil Survivor 2 -- I foresee at least 2 posts on that little number.)  And who knows?  Maybe I'll get some content up for the under-the-radar Armored Core 5; I've only seen one review, which is a crying shame.

I guess that's what happens when you release in the same month as Mass Effect 3.  And since the internet is currently brandishing pitchforks and torches over the ending -- something about colors? -- people are very...occupied as of late.

I need to start playing that game in earnest.  But I can't get out of the Citadel without getting bombarded by sidequests and conversations.  Also, minor tangent: why does EDI, the Normandy's AI, feel the need to take over a sexy clothes-less android?

I guess you could argue it was "out of necessity" (and certainly not because Bioware needed to put in MORE women in skintight spacesuits, no sir).  Next question: if she's essentially just a computer, why does she do a sexy walk when she first appears on-screen in her new body -- and why does she assume a bunch of sultry poses and human mannerisms?  Did she just download them into her thought processors or whatever? And why?  What would she need with data like that?

I'm sure there's some justification in the ME universe, and I haven't gotten far enough in the game to make a definitive statement, but this just bugs me.  But I'm sure there's some kind of payoff in the end, ri--

Oh.  Well, I guess that explains everything. 

Mass Effect 3: Take Earth Black

There’s been a lot of controversy and hate spiraling around Bioware recently.  Well, that’s to be expected, I suppose; I doubt there’s a single company out there that’s never gotten any disdain from fans.  Well, maybe Double Fine.  Or Atlus.  Maybe.  But I digress; the point is that for what it’s worth, I owe a lot to Bioware and I want to give them thanks.

And in order to do that, I have to be “that guy.”  You know the one.  The guy who raises a hand in objection and says -- with no shortage of spit and bile spewing from his mouth -- “Hey!  You guys!  Where’s all the (insert under-represented societal category here)?  All we have in video games are (insert standard character trope here as a means of general insult here) -- it’s time for (insert qualifier with an 83% chance of matching the debater’s qualifiers here), or else this game is (insert accusation of socially unacceptable -ism here)!”  It sucks that characters in games are so homogenized.  I get that.  I sympathize.  And I understand that sometimes, it seems like we -- developers and gamers alike -- take steps back twice as often as we move forward.  I agree with people who argue as much.  But just this once, I hope you’ll allow me to say “good job” instead of raising a fist.

In the same sense that some argue that FemShep is the superior version of Shepard (more badass, better voice, a strong female character, what have you), I’d like to thank Bioware for making competent black characters.

Mass Effect: Playing the Right Way

It’s been a while since I’ve played the game, but I have fond memories of Mass Effect 2. Playing the demo for Mass Effect 3 helped me rembember how much fun I had turning invisible and sniping dudes, or watching Krogans fall over after pounding them with Cryo Ammo. No doubt the third installment will be amazing, and a worthy successor to the franchise’s high esteem. But afterward, I couldn’t help but think back to other experiences I had as CJ Shepard.

One night, I’d just finished adding the assassin Thane to my merry band of space adventurers (he looks a little bit like a frog, doesn’t he?). As we returned to the ship, my main man Jacob seemed more than a little untrustworthy of our new associate; I tried reassuring him with a bit of coaxing from my persuasive paragon Shepard.

“Do you always pick the top answer?” my brother asked.

I didn’t even hesitate. “Yes.” 

“Why? Don’t you think you’re taking the fun out of the game?”