Captain America: Civil War VS Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice: WrestleMania

I feel like there are ways to make this post’s title more cumbersome than it already is.  Then again, I have my doubts that the Blogger dashboard would allow that; it’d either reject my attempts via a character limit, or trigger the bomb embedded in my brain stem.  Not 100% how that got there (or how I know about it), but it’s something I’ve learned to live with.

But let’s not dilly-dally any longer.  There’s something that’s been on my mind, even beyond the question of “Why is Captain America: Civil War better than Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice?”  Granted that’s a legitimate question, and one I’ll try to answer in this post, but it’s important to go over all of the circumstances.  This is one of those cases where, in order to go forward, you have to go backward.

So before we do anything else, let’s talk about Man of Steel.

Always we will fight as one

Till the battle’s won

With evil on the run

We never -- oh wait, since I’m about to talk about Man of Steel, I guess I need to switch to a Hans Zimmer-approved theme song.  Yeah, I guess I’d better do that now.

Oh, and SPOILERS.  Cover your ears now.

RE: Captain America: Civil War

*furrows brow*

*strokes chin*

*stares at the ceiling*

Hey.  Are crossovers actually the stupidest thing ever?

When a Name Just Isn’t Enough

So apparently, there are a lot of people that are angry about The Walking Dead and its Season 6 finale.  I can’t say I’m one of them, because I dropped the series an episode or two into Season 5 (because I’m me, and apparently “I don’t like anything”).  But imagine my surprise when I run a Google search for the show -- typing in “the walking dead” and nothing else -- and plenty of articles pop up about the outrage.  Well, that, and apparently a ratings drop from last year’s finale.

As far as I can tell (no spoilers): some people have taken issue with the fact that the finale ended on a cliffhanger that basically went “Who will die?  Tune in six months from now for the answer!”  Or, as a couple of critics from The Atlantic put it, AMC expected people to sit through an hour and a half of stupidity and filler masquerading as buildup to reach a non-conclusion.  But those same critics noted that the finale exposed a lingering problem with the TV series: the only card in its hand, in the worst-case scenario, was playing the “who will die” card.  It was less about creating a good show and more about using tricks to make sure people would tune in again, and again, and again.  And, notably, they both implied plans to drop the show.

I guess the fact that I realized the problem long ago puts me well ahead of the curve -- and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel vindicated by others seeing things my way.  But it helps illustrate a point, a problem, and a paradigm shift in one fell swoop.  Shame that that swoop smells like zombies, but I can deal.

Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice: Clods Among Us (Part 2)

So what’s the weirdest superpower you can think of?

I can’t help but ask, because -- speaking personally -- the vast majority of my characters are created based on what sort of powers I can give them.  Jury’s out on whether or not that’s a good idea, but recently, I’ve been challenging myself to come up with more powers from left field.  The end goal is to take a page from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure (sans Stands): take powers that would be seemingly useless and have the characters apply them in ways that turn the “useless” into “incredible”.  Right now I’m focusing on a guy who can always be there to stop a timer -- on a watch, on a clock, on a microwave -- before it goes off…which gives him the power to effectively teleport. 

I’d say more, but chances are high that you’re here for more thoughts on Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice.  (Plus that idea’s super rough around the edges.)  But since we’re dealing with superheroes, it’s important to think at least a little bit about their powers/skill set/equipment.  What do they mean for the character, especially in terms of personality?  How do they impact the world around the hero or heroine?  What do they bring to the table? 

I have to ask, because in terms of this movie, the answer is a resounding nothing.

Look!  Up in the sky!  It’s a SPOILER!  It’s a SPOILER!  No, it’s blatant and overwrought symbolism that has no reason being used by a team that’s demonstrated its sheer ability to fail on even basic levels of storytelling and film-making principles!

…I mean SPOILERS.

Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice: Clods Among Us (Part 1)

You don’t know how tempted I was to make a reference to God Hand for this subtitle.  But since this title’s more fitting, I might as well do it now.

You know what, though?  I remember once on this blog, someone was under the impression that I don’t like God Hand.  That’s seriously not the case.  It’s not my favorite game ever -- and it’s not what I’d call a technical marvel -- but I like the combat, I like the customization, and I like the difficulty level (which changes depending on how well/poorly you do throughout the stages).  But what really sets the game apart from others is its sense of humor and spirit.  It’s wacky and wild, and very few games have captured that magic since.  Very few games have tried.

I’ve gone about this at length, but it bears repeating: by and large, the AAA game space has done its best to do away with (intentional) humor and charm.  So many titles are trying to be BIG and EPIC and SERIOUS and DEEP, yet so many of them have collapsed under their own hubris.  How did Capcom, the company that made the unapologetically-goofy Resident Evil 4 (and God Hand, of course) go on to make the embarrassingly-po-faced Resident Evil 6?

So in a lot of ways, I’ve built up a tolerance for products that adopt a “no jokes policy”.  It’s no surprise, then, that Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice doesn’t leave much of an impression -- but trust me, the lack of humor is the LEAST of this movie’s problems.

To the SPOILER-MOBILE, Robin!  Oh, wait.  Oooof.  Ohhhhh.  Ahhhh, that’s awkward.

RE: Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice

Before we get started, there’s something that’s been on my mind.

(But don’t worry.  There won’t be any spoilers in this post…beyond what’s technically already been spoiled by the trailers, but whatever.)

On Hating Popular Things

So how do you feel about Batman?

He’s been one of the big players in the DC Comics universe for a while now.  And not to generalize, but I’d assume that Christopher Nolan’s trilogy of Bat-movies secured his place in the public consciousness.  From what I've heard, it’s reached a point where the Dark Knight has become the superhero of the DC Universe, movies or otherwise -- even taking the top honors from Superman.  When it was still running, the Penny Arcade Report mentioned that a catalogue of what should’ve been Superman’s greatest moments instead focused on listing his myriad failures throughout the years -- as if to break down and even shame a national (if fictional) embodiment of truth, justice, and the American way.

With Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice on the way, it’ll be interesting to see how the crew behind it handles the DC heroes.  I’ll be the first to admit that I’m very nervous, and even worried; even at a base level, it’ll take a deft hand to balance so many elements -- two superheroes well among them.  And there’s so much more spiraling around the movie: a rebooted, post-Nolan Batman, dealing with the ramifications of and backlash toward Man of Steel, establishing a cinematic universe in a fraction of the time Marvel did, et cetera, et cetera.  Done poorly, it’d be the perfect way to make people hate Batman, Superman, and DC in general -- if they didn’t already.  (Let’s just pretend Rotten Tomatoes doesn’t exist for now.)

But that’s the real issue here.  What do you do when there’s evidence -- more than enough reason -- to hate someone like Batman?  Or Superman?  Or DC?  Or anything, really?  I sure hope the answer isn’t “lose your damn mind”.