Am I seriously about to do a post on friggin’ Tetris? What timeline is this? And why am I so okay with it, even if it means I may have potentially jettisoned my original timeline into the depths of oblivion?
Who cares? It’s Tetris 99, y’all.
Full disclosure: Tetris 99 marks what might as well be my first foray into Tetris. I had a version of the game on an old cell phone (back when flip phones were a thing), but never spent too much time on it. It’s not like I hated the game or anything; I just never got around to spending extensive time with it. Then again, I might have some baked-in, deep-rooted biases against puzzles. This one summer when I was 7 or 8, I got browbeaten into some extracurricular classes, and…well, long story short, tears were shed.
Under normal circumstances, I would have skipped right over Tetris 99. But its surprise announcement and near-instant release following the February Nintendo Direct gave me a shot in the arm -- with the most glorious of price tags, free. So I thought, “Hey, this might be fun for a game or two. I’ll give it a shot. Might as well since it’s free -- and it’ll be the perfect intermission after the Daemon X Machina demo.”
Here’s how you know I’m on the hook: I had the chance to play (and replay) a game featuring high-octane giant robot battles, and my concentration was split because all I wanted to do was drop blocks inside a rectangle.
(I mean, Daemon X Machina’s pretty flippin’ good in its own right, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut…no L-blocks, so 0/10 Game of the NEVER.)
The rules are as simple as they’ve always been. Blocks fall. Move and spin them as needed to sort them out. Make a full line to erase said line, and clear out a chunk of the playing field. Repeat as quickly and as often as you can, because otherwise your playing field will fill and it’s curtains for you. The long version (such as it is) is that with enough speed, technique, and foresight, you can go for big damage in one shot, or death of a thousand cuts. Whatever helps you survive.
But since this is a new spin on an old formula, “survive” really is the operative term here. It’s you against 98 other players (not 99? Weird flex but okay), and they’re all playing defensively against the block onslaught. In a manner of speaking; their defense, and yours, can be converted into offense by successfully clearing lines in the field. The better you do, the more garbage you send to other players, sabotaging their perfect setups and concentration until you KO them. Last man or woman who hasn’t been blocked to death is the winner.
Welcome to the only battle royale you’ll ever need. Apex who?
The biggest problem with Tetris 99 right out of the gate is that there’s no real tutorial feature. You might go in thinking “It’s Tetris, what else is there?” like I did, only to get blown out before you even break the 80-player mark. (Thankfully I didn’t rank so low, but I was still a ways a way from winning.) If not for me watching a video of someone else playing, I never would have learned or even noticed there’s a Hold function, i.e. stock a block type for later and move on to the next one in the list. Makes me wonder what else I missed.
Here’s the core component, though. Use the right stick (with the default controls) to choose which type of target to go after -- who you want to prioritize sending your garbage to. It’s on Randoms by default, but you can target by KOs (players near death), by Attackers (people trying to bury you in garbage), or by Badges. To wit: you earn Badges each time you KO a player, making it so that you send more garbage with each successful clear. The trade-off is that earning Badges can, at least potentially, make you a pretty enticing target. Or not, assuming you’re facing a bunch of cowards in awe of your power.
From what I can gather, you should choose KOs and Randoms for offense, and Badges/Attackers for defense. Really, though, the fact that I even have to think about offense and defense in Tetris is blowing my mind. Okay, sure, I’ll bet (and assume) there are other puzzle games out there that put you in a head-to-head battle against others. Capcom’s Puzzle Fighter series is a shining example. Still, coupling the classic game with a battle royale is an insane move that played out perfectly.
This is the ultimate pick-up-and-play sort of game. Part of that is because it’s a Switch title and thus has built-in portability; even so, the barrier of entry has never been lower. No guns to find, aim, and shoot. No maps to navigate. No ambushes from a thousand miles away. And because of all that, there are no excuses. Even if you’re playing against nearly one hundred other people, it’s ultimately a struggle between you and the game. It’s undiluted digital purity.
With that in mind, I have to ask an important question: how the hell do you play Tetris?
I’ve never been later to the party, given that Tetris has been around for about 35 years. It’s simple enough to grasp and play, but the further I go? The more I realize that there’s so much more to the game than “move the blocks, idiot”. If not for Tetris 99, I never would have learned that something called a “T-spin” even existed. Damned if I’ll start putting that into my game plan, but I’m tempted. I’m tempted by a lot of things, really; I’m about five minutes away from doing a deep dive on the wiki and cramming as much knowledge as I can down my gullet. What are some good setups? What should my opening gambit be? Can I get a tutorial so I don’t freeze up whenever an S-Block starts drifting my way?
Maybe this game was the godsend I didn’t know I needed. The missing link. The I-Block dropped directly into a vacant brain slot. (Also, why does the wiki call the I-Block the protagonist? Does Tetris have a story? What the shit?!) As an on-again, off-again fighting game player, I’m used to being the greenhorn punching upward against more fanatical, more experienced foes. More often than not, though, it’s been worth it so that I can assert my existence -- and more importantly, become a better player to define myself, and feel the pulse of the game through my trusted avatar.
In a lot of ways, Tetris 99 ticks many of the same boxes. I want to get better. Get stronger. Tell my rivals that “I am here!” Learn more. Do more. Act more. I never would have guessed that I would be doing as much with blocks in a little rectangle, but here I am. And against all odds, I can perceive more than I thought I could -- even with my meager experience.
It’s VERY early, so I won’t shout from the rooftops about how I’ve become a Tetris deity. But the more I play, the more I feel the sense of progression that’s sated me in countless fighting game endeavors. My speed is slowly ticking upward. My understanding of the game lets me net KOs, a far cry from the outset where I didn’t think KOs were even possible. I can pinpoint almost the exact moment when I’ve lost a match -- but by the same token, there have been moments where I’ve thought “I can bring it back” instead of giving up…and then actually brought it back.
I’ve gotta say, being able to find that sliver of hope is a good feeling. Same goes for the rest of the game, if I’m being honest; netting KOs, chaining together combos, clearing out garbage, everything comes together in a shockingly satisfying way. Am I ever going to take the #1 slot in a match? It hasn’t happened yet. But it might one day. The highest I’ve gotten so far is the #20 spot, and that was a while ago. Who knows what sort of galaxy-brain, 2000-IQ plays I’ll be able to make just a week from now?
In summation, play this game if you need a new drug addiction. Your body will thank you…briefly. But total annihilation on a cellular level is worth it for that swanky tune.
And that’ll do it for now. See you next time.
Still, though. Flip phones, man. Remember those?
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