Kingdom Hearts Voltimania: Kingdom Hearts III (Part A)

What a long and strange road it’s been.  But now it’s over.

It’s here.  It’s finally here.

Kingdom.  Hearts.  III.

Let’s go.

Kingdom Hearts Voltimania: -A fragmentary passage- (Part 2)

Anybody else getting heart palpitations over the impending, full release of Kingdom Hearts III?  I know I am.

Hard to believe that the day’s almost here -- less than a week, by the time this post goes up.  Anyone who’s excited is justified in the hype.  Anyone who’s disdainful is justified in the skepticism.  I think that, speaking personally, my MO for now is to go in with the mindset that it’s a new day and a new game.  Clean slate.  Breathe deep, play, and enjoy.  Or…try to enjoy.  There are dozens of ways for the game to go wrong, but the only way to know for sure is to face it head-on.  Because if nothing else?  If we’re lucky -- if we’re blessed by the overlords at Squeenix Keep -- this storyline is going to have a definitive end.  The slate’s going to get even cleaner.

We’ll see what the future holds.  But before that, there’s one more thing we -- or I -- have to do.  Let’s talk about Kingdom Hearts 0.2.

…Featuring the only wrestler theme song that can possibly fit the context.  Inasmuch as a wrestler theme song can.

Kingdom Hearts Voltimania: -A fragmentary passage- (Part 1)

All right, let’s cut straight to the artery of this thing.  The official title is Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep: -A fragmentary passage-, but I’m never going to call it that in full because 1) it’s clumsy at best, 2) it has Birth By Sleep in the title, which makes me wretch, and 3) the game’s timeline is all over the place, so “0.2” is only somewhat fitting.  I mean yeah, its 0.2 plus the compilation’s 2.8 equals 3, but it’s not as if KHIII made it on time.  And even with the two PS4 compilations -- The Story so Far notwithstanding -- there’s still nothing pertaining to Unchained/Union X save for Back Cover.  Which is…inadequate, to say the least.

This is a lot of talk about meaningless garbage to start off a post that focuses on 0.2’s gameplay.  So I guess I’ll go ahead and get focused.  And also, decide to alternate between calling it 0.2 and what it really is, AKA Kingdom Hearts III: Ground Zeroes.  And also also, embed another wrestler’s theme.  Because if it’s worth doing twice…

Kingdom Hearts Voltimania: Dream Drop Distance (Part 2)

Before I do anything else, I’m going to say some nice things about the story in Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance.  Because despite everything else in summation rivaling a Class 5 Shitstorm, there are some nice things I can say.  And I can’t let this post get too negative.

Before that, though, let’s have another wrestler theme.  Who have we got today?  Hmmmmmmmmmmm…

Kingdom Hearts Voltimania: Dream Drop Distance (Part 1)

Let’s start 2019 off right [citation needed] -- with a big dumb post on Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance.  Because we’re less than a month away from the fated release of Kingdom Hearts III, and…well, in order to know where we’re going, we have to know where we’ve been.  Fingers crossed that neither route leads to the edge of a steep cliff.

Also, let’s go ahead and pretend the title of this miniseries is a clever play on KH Ultimania, i.e. the Japan-only (naturally) information books/strategy guides tied to the series.  Not so much Hulkamania, for myriad reasons.

That said, I’ll gladly use this chance to embed Hulk Hogan’s classic theme song.