Showing posts with label Shadow of the Colossus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shadow of the Colossus. Show all posts

April 30, 2012

Shadow of the Colossus: The (Awful) Movie


(The following is an old, old, old man file I had stored away on my laptop -- but the principles still apply.  Read on and let me take you back to the simpler time of 2010...only...remixed, with images and captions and on a blog now.  So...not really all that different.)

Lucky, or unlucky?  That’s the biggest question here.  On the one hand, today I don’t have school thanks to a pleasant snowstorm.  On the other hand, that gives me time to scour the movie channels for something to watch.  As fate would have it, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li happened to be on.  I knew from the instant I saw the sublime SF logo mixed with text so bland even I could generate it (or anyone with Word, for that matter), I wasn’t just about to view garbage.  No, this was a rare opportunity – it IS a rare opportunity, because as I’m writing this, I’m watching the movie in question.

Oh great.  Lana Lang is back.

Despite being a part-time follower of the SF mythos, I had no interest in seeing the movie when it came out a year ago.  I knew it’d be bad – a special kind of bad.  It seemed impossible for so many screw-ups to appear in such a short time span.  For exa-

Oh crap.  Vega just appeared onscreen.  Or at least, someone like Vega.  His mask is all shiny, he’s wearing all black, and memories of Vega’s ASIAN actor popped into my head.  And – oh boy, Chris Klein just made his first onscreen appearance.  “Call me Nash,” he says.  As in Charlie Nash?  Hell no!  You put on the glasses and throw a sonic boom, and then we’ll talk.

“You just inherited a big problem,” he says.  I lol’ed.

Better to inherit a problem than that forehead.