I know it’s been…what,
half a year since the last post dedicated to this game? And I’m pretty sure I promised that I’d be
hitting some of the high notes (relatively speaking) well before that. But I got distracted by other stuff, and then
the next thing I know, I can’t quite summon up enough bile to give the game a
licking. That’s not to say I’ve forgiven
it by any means; it’s just that I couldn’t bring myself to summon the right bile. It would have been lukewarm at best, I think.
That problem no longer
exists. I’ve played through a few hours
of Final Fantasy 13-2, and…hmmm,
what’s the best way to describe it? A
disappointment? A disaster? Dead on arrival? Dumber than a lobotomized turkey after
several decades of inbreeding? Well, any
one of those would likely do. What I’m
getting at is that for all of 13’s faults,
13-2 is on a whole different level of
terrible. Is it worse than its
predecessor? Well…there’s a lot I want
to say about that game, and I will.
Believe me, I will.
But in order to talk
about that game, I want to tie up some loose ends. I need to wrap up this game first…and then,
maybe I’ll be able to make fewer jokes at its expense.
And then I can start
making jokes at 13-2’s expense. Circle of life, I guess.
(It goes without saying, but there are going to
be SPOILERS. You know, if you care. I certainly don’t at this point. I seriously -- like, I can’t even bring
myself to care. I don’t -- I really
don’t feel like -- I AIN’T EVEN MAD!
…Okay, I am a little bit.
Excuse me; I need to smoke the equivalent of
the combined weight of China’s population in cigarettes. And if I’ve done my job right, by the end of
this post you will too.)