…Really? Do I really need to say anything?
All right. Let’s pretend you’ve never heard this
song. If you weren’t a child of the
nineties (or you childhood was just kind of blah in general), then that’s
possible. And let’s pretend you don’t
know which movie the song is from -- also possible if you have an aversion to
movies in general…and happiness. And let’s
pretend you don’t spend an inordinate amount of time on the internet. No Facebook, no Twitter, nothing; while we’re
at it, let’s assume that you’ve never watched The Disney Channel, ABC Family,
ABC whenever they show certain movies, Toon Disney (or whatever it’s called
now), certain movie channels on extended cable, have no contact with anyone who
is either a child of the nineties or has access to all of those things, and
have an unspoken ban against anything related to China in your home. Fair enough.
I’m not here to judge.
Even with all that in
mind -- even with a hypothetical embargo against any number of informative
outlets -- there really is nothing more I need to say about this song. I could end this post right now without even
embedding the video, based solely on the title and an implication of “take my
word for it.” In fact, I’m probably doing
you a service. If you have heard the
song, you know that there’s no need
for words explaining why it’s manly. If
you haven’t heard the song, then even the slightest dosage -- even a
half-second of the chorus -- is lethal.
Still, I suppose I
wouldn’t be much of a webmaster if I didn’t entertain the thought and threaten
my readership’s well being.
*sigh* All right. Let's get down to business.
Composer: Matthew Wilder
Lyrics: David Zippel
Artist: Donny Osmond
Year: 1998
Song recommended by: Joey Harpel of [Insert Title]
This song is…I mean…well,
it’s…look, just listen. Just…listen.
You know what? Frankly, I am flabbergasted that this song was featured in a Disney movie, of all
things. I know Disney can be pretty dark
and horrifying at times, and deep as well, but manly? This, from a company whose major export is
pretty princesses? (I guess to be fair,
there IS a precedent…)
In any case, there’s a
certain complexity to this song. It’s
manly in its own right, but it’s inexorably linked with Mulan and the scene therein.
So while it’s possible to analyze the song based on its own merits
(lyrics and notes and all that), it’s also unfair to do so without taking the
ancient Chinese training montage into consideration. So I’m going to go ahead and bleed them into
one another.
First of all, this song
is as much a primer on how to be a man as it is a showcase of true manhood; the
one doing most of the singing -- outside of a few decidedly unmanly lines from
the rest of the case -- is Shang. And he
spends most of the song being damn near superhuman; he’s cut, he’s handsome, he’s
got incredible strength, speed, endurance, and reflexes, he can vault over a
whole damn group of trainees, and he can do it all while waxing philosophical
through song. Seriously; at 2:26 there’s
a strong implication that he’s been singing at the troops for days. That’s certainly one way to get the infantry
fired up.
Shang is something that
the troops can all aspire to; it goes far beyond just turning Mulan from a
failed marriage candidate into a rough-and-ready warrior. He is the epitome of human potential, and he
wants to pass on that knowledge to his men.
He wants them to better themselves, if not for the safety of China and
their families, then for their own pride and honor. He can sense the untapped and uncultured ability
to ascend inside each of his troops, and he’ll pound that ability out of them
if he has to…but in the interest of time he’d rather resort to song:
Tranquil as a forest
But on fire within
Once you find your center
you are sure to win
You're a spineless, pale
pathetic lot
And you haven't got a clue
Somehow I'll make a man
out of you
In spite of that, there’s
a sense of desperation and even defeat to Shang’s song. When he starts out, he says “Mister, I’ll
make a man out of you,” because he’s damn sure he can. Then it’s “Somehow I’ll make a man out of
you,” and ultimately it turns into “How could I make a man out of you?” He knows that as good as he is, he can’t win
the battle on his own; he needs soldiers as good or even better than he is to
defeat the Huns. But Mulan’s failures
and the others’ failures go beyond just putting their homes in danger; they
highlight Shang’s failures as a leader, and you can see him questioning himself
and the war effort at 2:04. “What if…what
if I can’t make a man out of them?”
he asks with a despondent sigh, just before shedding a single moonlit tear.
Thankfully, he’s not
alone.
Seeing as how the movie
is called Mulan and not Shang, Mulan ends up being the lynchpin
to the army’s evolution. She starts off
as the resident punching bag and screw-up for an inordinate amount of time, and
you can practically taste her spirit
breaking in two at 2:20. (It tastes like
licorice, as all failures do.) But in
spite of that, and in spite of Shang telling her to pack it up and head home,
she does what no one else could: she gets the arrow from the top of the tree
trunk. With that decisive motion, she
does more than just earn respect; she reinvigorates the spirit of herself, the
troops, and even Shang, compelling them to go forward with renewed passion in
their training.
In a way, Mulan is
manly (and becomes manly) because she doesn’t start out manly -- and it’s
because of it that she manages to do what Shang can’t. As strong and as disciplined as Shang is, his
strength has made him distant; he’s far-removed from the capabilities of the
average man. Can they reach their full
potential? No doubt. Will they?
Not with Shang’s training alone.
His answer to a lack of troop morale would probably be “shut the hell up
and go run a mile.” Not exactly a
motivational speaker. But Mulan’s
actions cement the teachings that Shang tried yet failed to get across; hard
work, determination, and zeal can turn anyone from a zero into a hero. But there was an additional point that Mulan
taught while Shang didn’t: in order to become strong, you have to understand
weakness. You have to know how to push
yourself, and why you should push
yourself. Adversity builds character --
and with it, mental as well as physical fortitude.
It all goes back to the
song itself. Consider the (awesome)
chorus:
(Be a man)
We must be swift as
the coursing river
(Be a man)
With all the force
of a great typhoon
(Be a man)
With all the strength
of a raging fire
Mysterious as the
dark side of the moon
The reason this song is
so infectious, people remember it so well in spite of it being more than a
decade old, and that a YouTube video of it can have over twenty-four million
views, is because at its core it’s showing and telling you how to be a
man. The additional voices chant “be a
man” in no uncertain terms, so that there’s ZERO confusion as to what you
should be doing. Shang’s teachings flow
through, commanding you to evolve and make its brazen descriptions into truth. You’ve seen what Mulan had to go through, and
how she transformed tribulations into triumph; you know that you can do the
same. And as the music swells and the brass
swells and the strings cry out, you feel the power. You internalize it. You feel like you, too, can climb impossible
heights, even with twin weights tugging you to the earth and hoping to have you
revel in failure. But you don’t. You get back up. You put your body and mind to the test, and
come out stronger because of it. You
feel yourself becoming swifter, more forceful, stronger, and even more
mysterious. Shang, and Mulan, and all of
Disney-animated China wants you to be a man.
And little by little, just by listening to that song, you feel yourself
making the strides.
I shouldn’t have to say
anything else, but in case there’s someone who zoned out for the past fourteen
hundred words, here it is:
Mulan: proof that you don’t
need a wang to be a man.
Don’t forget to check out [Insert Title]! It’s just as manly as Eddie Murphy playing a
tiny dragon!
Do you have a manly song to recommend?
Then you, too, can have your suggestion turned into a full-fledged
post! Just leave a comment naming a song
(limit one song per comment), and your song will be analyzed -- and if you have
a blog or other net-haven, you’ll be suitably honored. So get to it; feel the rush of testosterone,
and help make THE MANLIEST PLAYLIST IN
THE UNIVERSE!