Hey, guys! Have you heard about this sick new game called Dark Souls? I’m not that far into it, but it seems really great -- lots of challenge, and exploration, and adventures straight out of your favorite --
Wait, hold on. Just hold on a second...
*checks remaster’s release date*
*checks original game’s release date*
I feel like I played myself here. Dark Souls Remastered was a (specifically requested) birthday gift for my brother, alongside a gift card and some Spider-Man stickers. But historical precedents should have told me that I’d be putting in equal or even greater time with the game than he would; granted I haven’t pressed him about his clock-in time yet, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he said he hadn’t even touched the remaster yet.
In his defense: why would he? He already beat Dark Souls back in 2011, along with plenty of other Souls titles in the time since (Bloodborne and DLC included, AFAIK). Hitting it again doesn’t seem like the best use of his time, especially when he’s complained about tiny-buttoned controllers -- no doubt like the Switch’s Joy-Cons -- being too unwieldy for his big, meaty claws. If I had to guess (and by “guess” I mean “he directly admitted it”), it was all a ploy to get me to finally dive into the Souls games. No excuses this time, especially because now I can do it from the comfort of my bed, and thus given a respite from the tyranny of the arctic hellscapes of winter.
It’s not like I hate Dark Souls or anything. I actually really like Bloodborne, for example -- maybe more than the standard Souls games, if only because of the aesthetic rather than gameplay differences. And in my defense, I have at least tried multiple Souls games. It’s just that for one reason or another, I never got around to playing them in earnest. I respect them and see why people enjoy them, but to me? They were just things that could stay over there, and I could faff about over here.
Maybe the worst thing about Dark Souls is its reputation. Through no fault of its own, the series as a whole has this aura around it -- the sense that it’s impenetrable to all but the hardiest, brilliant, most devoted fans. It always felt like I had no business tipping even a single cell from my toe into the water without someone snapping their head past my shoulder and tell me how I’m doing everything wrong. And then another someone would lean past the opposite shoulder and scream “git gud”.
But they can’t get to me if I’m nestled in my bed. So now that the limiters are off, what do I think of Dark Souls?
Allow me to elaborate and step away from such binary options as “good” or “bad”. You see, my current theory (flawed as it may be) is that Dark Souls -- Remastered or otherwise, as a series or otherwise -- is good precisely because, apparently, it’s a game designed by total, unrepentant assholes.
It’s kind of like the Mega Man games, in a way -- which means that it’s also a testament to the skill of the dev team. They’re geniuses, espers, time travelers, or some unholy combination of the three; between the layout of the areas and the placement of the enemies therein, it seems like they were able to accurately predict every step the average player would take. Baddies behind corners. Narrow spaces that beget high-risk battles. Snipers hidden above and behind you, including inside boss arenas. There’s one sequence early on that, if you go in without a plan, pretty much guarantees you’ll get poisoned. And I learned the hard way that the long-standard Poison status in other games is NO JOKE in Dark Souls.
Having dodged nearly every survival horror game released…ever…I have to say I’ve rarely -- if ever -- gotten the same feeling from other titles as I’ve gotten from this one. (Bloodborne notwithstanding.) The game has trained me from the first minute onward to swing the camera as far as it’ll go whenever I enter a new area, because it’s one way to spot enemies itching for an ambush yet hidden behind some covert corner. On one hand, I’m starting to get a feel for the game and its tricks; on the other hand, I’m always playing the game in a state of fear and paranoia. Jury’s out on whether or not that’s a good thing.
At its best, the game leaves me high-strung and on edge from the instant I load it up. Dark Souls strikes me as a game that treats player progression as a privilege, not a right -- a far cry from what hundreds of other games have willingly chased after and provided like a digital buffet. Between the punishing checkpoint placements, regular ventures into the unknown, and intensely-weighted probability that everything will go wrong in a matter of seconds, failure is borderline inevitable.
Fighting against that failure, and trying to overcome such an overwhelming challenge -- to proudly wave your flag above the corpse of another conquest -- is part of the allure. As is being able to fight off the panic attacks this game can potentially trigger, but whatever. Just have a paper bag on hand whenever you play, if you think you need it. Then it won’t matter how much you want to scream and wail when you pick a fight with a knight who can tank a fire bomb to the spine.
It’s not all ice cream and fireworks for Dark Souls, though. I gave my take on the formula when it’s at its best; I won’t pretend that there haven’t been times where the experience went sour. For good or ill, this is effectively Medieval Mega Man (But With Infinite Lives, LOL). In the same sense that you’re probably not going to beat a MM stage in your first go -- unless you’re some kind of genius gamer -- you’ll be repeating some sections and levels many times over. Are you learning along the way, sharpening your skills and developing your mastery of a particular stage? Sure. Is that going to be fun the whole way through? Your mileage may vary.
Not having guaranteed progression is a blessing and a curse. Sometimes it skews much harder toward “curse” when you have to run through segments you’ve already got a sharp understanding of; when you’ve cracked the code on how to deal with three zombie knights, and when you know which spots on the map have an ambush set up, it takes away the frightful thrills -- the perils of the unknown, and the catharsis of making it through just one more, meager skirmish.
Nothing says “fun” quite like getting blown off a bridge and instantly dying in your first encounter with an angry minotaur boss, and then having to drudge your way back to his arena amidst all the encounters you’ve already cracked. Wait, I’m pretty sure “fun” is the exact opposite word I should use -- at least if the heavy, weary sigh I let out when that happened is any indication.
DAMN IT I CAN’T BELIEVE I DIDN’T USE THAT STRATEGY WTF WAS I THINKING REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
But to reiterate: I don’t think Dark Souls -- this game, or as a franchise -- is bad. Is it the perfect franchise? Neophyte though I may be, I have doubts. That said, there’s a reason it’s lasted for as long as it has, and inspired its fair share of clones. The OG is an experience that not a lot of games have delivered, at least to me. So merely for the fact that I feel like I’m taking a big gamble by playing the game without first having an extra change of clothes nearby, I have to show some respect.
So I guess in the end, my brother got me. I’m into Dark Souls now. In a shallow sense, yes. Possibly temporarily. But I have plans to play again, if only to spite the devs for their masterful attempts at trolling. And if I come up with anything substantial to say, rest assured I’ll be uploading my thoughts here on Cross-Up.
For now, though? I sleep. Wake me up when there’s an amazing chest ahead.
*sigh* Good.
Good.
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