Sideswiped by Politics (Part 2)

So I had a moment the night before I went to vote.

Unexpectedly, I had a crisis of confidence.  Prior to that night, and week, and month, and ostensibly even season, I was rearing and ready to go.  I wanted to vote, especially if it meant dealing a much-deserved blow and loss to Trump and the GOP.  But on that night, a certain fear crept through my mind.  Dread, even.  Call it cold feet, call it performance anxiety, call it what you will.  In hindsight, I’ll call it stupid and pointless.  What was that fear?  That thought?

“What if I get shot?”

As a friendly reminder, I’m black.  The afro I tend to wear (while certainly not massive by any standards) is proof of that.  Also, I live in Texas; even if its status as a red state is potentially shifting -- and on top of that, I’m not in one of the most rural areas the Lone Star State has on tap -- there’s a huge stigma about it being full of guns and gun owners.  Truth in stereotypes, I’m afraid.  I’ve never charted it out, but I suspect I live within ten minutes’ drive of three different gun shops.  Business here is diversified, I know.

I’m happy to report that I didn’t have any lead pumped in me before or after I cast my vote (hopefully one that wasn’t changed in transit to the final count toward the GOP/Ted Cruz, but who knows?).  Turns out I wasn’t in any danger at all.  Taking advantage of early voting meant that I dodged massive lines and general occupancy.  The biggest threats I faced were from 1) senior citizens who showed up with oxygen tanks and walkers, and 2) the driver’s license that I consistently have trouble pulling out of my wallet.  So basically, everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg.

Still, there’s a reason I had the reaction, concerns, and fears I did.  As much as I’d like to forget it -- to pretend it didn’t happen and I could go back to the soothing embrace of hot dogs and anime -- there have been a slew of violent acts in America recently.  I mean, that’s technically almost always the case, which implies I don’t even have to say “as of this writing”.  But the cases I’m thinking of are likely -- or maybe inevitably -- intertwined with politics.  And the definition of “politics” is getting ever broader…and also, mixed with “attacking whoever I don’t like or disagrees with me”.

Off the top of my head, there was that string of attempted bombings -- with a number of the recipients being prominent Democratic figures like Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.  Bombs also got sent to CNN and affiliates, including one of its most prominent reporters.  The culprit?  The so-called MAGABomber, who had fully bought into pro-Trump propaganda.  But even setting him aside (which under normal circumstances would be a feat), there’s still the synagogue shooting that left a slew of Jewish seniors dead.  And setting that aside, there was a shooting at a yoga studio for women.  There’s likely been more violence that I’m forgetting, but selective memory is in effect for a reason.

There’s an argument to be made that maybe -- just maybe -- we need to at least talk about gun control measures and thus stop highly-preventable tragedies from happening.  But that’s neither here nor there.  (Even though it friggin’ should be, but whatever.)  Violent acts keep happening.  Domestic terrorism is on the rise.  Hate crimes are at a high.  People keep getting hurt, and dying, and forced into an early grave all across the country.  Their crime?  Being different, I guess.  Or being hate-worthy, alternatively.  A mix of the two, ostensibly.

This would be the part where I ask “how did this happen?”  The easy answer is “Blame Trump”, for an incalculable number of reasons.  (I’m getting sick of linking to that picture, because every time I do I have to suppress an angry twitch.)  I’d think that it’s a cornucopia of issues and causes, not just the presence of one caricature of a quasi-sentient orange.  Blaming Trump and the GOP is the easy way out, and just using him/them as “the fall guy” seems disingenuous, especially if we’re going to start making the country a better place.  With that in mind?  It seems like you can lay a lot of blame on the Republican party.  Their leader is fanning the flames, and their members aren’t putting up much of an effort to extinguish them.

The third pillar to all of this, near as I can tell, is Fox News (and other conservative media, but they’re the big ones).  I say “near as I can tell” because I go out of my way to avoid watching the channel.  Before I started following politics, I heard in passing that -- according to a study -- those that watch Fox News are less informed than people that watch nothing.  And while I’m not confident in making too many blanket statements about something I’ve never watched extensively, I can understand the issues.  I’ve been adjacent to the channel before, and they’ve had hard-hitting headlines about how Trump is doing a great job, painting Nancy Pelosi as an impending threat, and slamming Michelle Obama because…uhhhhhhhhhh?

And yeah, I acknowledge that CNN isn’t the absolute greatest; there are flaws with the channel as a whole.  But an absolute bare minimum (which isn’t to say that that’s all they operate on), at least there’s an effort.  At least the channel tries to be news, and tries to put on airs of objectivity.  And near as I can tell, there are shows and programs on there that aren’t just “GRRR THOSE LOUSY REPUBLICANS” 24/7.  Meanwhile, Fox News -- when it’s not trying to extol the virtues of Trump and crew -- consistently goes “GRRR THOSE LOUSY ___________” whenever there’s a chance.  Insert whoever you want in there.  Democrats, immigrants, minorities, whatever.  Also, SNL.

I thought that the world wasn’t so simple.  No such thing as black and white.  There are countless nuances that need to be considered, and variables that separate us all in ways as thin as a strand of hair.  Most of all, I thought that fiction and reality had a hard barrier between them -- that you can’t just label everything you see as good or evil, and that “heroes” and “villains” aren’t hardline stances.  From what I can gather, Fox News, Trump, and the GOP would have you believe the opposite.  There are enemies no matter where you look, and they need to be exposed and suppressed.

I’m starting to hate that word.  “They”.

It might actually be the most dangerous word in the English language at this point.  “They”.  Or “them”.  Sure, it’s fine if you use it in a sentence throughout everyday life, like “They struggled in the second half, but still managed to win the game.”  But when used in the wrong context -- or the right context, built on a hidden agenda -- it becomes dangerous.  Reductive.  It does away with complexities and nuances.  It’s a word that turns whatever you want into a simple concept.  And, it’s one that strips away identities.  Because it’s easier to hate something, or someone, when you don’t have to recognize its humanity.

That mentality doesn’t resonate with me.  Certainly, I understand it; for the sake of time and ease, sometimes you’ve got no choice but to use “they” in everyday life, especially when you don’t personally know who’s on the other side of your sentence.  But stripping away stories, characters, and even faces is too much to bear.  Dangerous at best; evil at worst.  When you break down groups or people into nothing more than abstract concepts -- things that must be loved unconditionally, or hated passionately -- then it’s not just the target that loses its humanity.

That should be incredibly simple to grasp.  It should be a given, learned and understood by the time the average Jill or Joe wraps up kindergarten.  But I guess it’s easy to forget in the wake of imagined threats and propagandized fear.  Trump built his political career on it, which is why we still have to keep his big dumb wall of racism that is stupid and also won’t work in our minds.  Fox News and the GOP aren’t helping matters.  One gets to develop “breaking news” on how they are trying to wreck everything.  The other gets to develop laws to keep them in their place.  And at this stage, all three are hopelessly entangled together in marital bliss, deep under the covers of a California king.

It’s such a loathsome concept.  Yes, I get it; the world isn’t perfect, and there are people that will hurt others or commit crimes if given the chance.  That’s why a measured, reasonable response to threats will always be on the table.  Not convincing an audience that anyone out there who’s different or has another opinion is an enemy.  Yet here we are regardless.  They are the enemy.  They are the problem.  The need to be stopped.  Again, and again, and again, drilled through countless skulls.  Including their own.

Including mine.  Look at me -- I’m doing it too.  I’m pretending to be a voice of reason and idealism, but I’m falling into the exact same trap.  I’m writing this to convey my feelings, but what I’m also doing is painting them as the enemy.  The problem.  In my case?  It’s not another race, or religious group, or gender, or orientation, or any other definable group out there.  It’s just thinly-veiled anger at who I perceive to be the ones in the wrong.  Blame Trump.  Blame the GOP.  Blame Fox News.  And blame all of the supporters they have.  Also, blame the Russians while we’re at it.  Blame them.  Blame them all for everything.  Blame, blame, blame, blame, blame.

I can’t handle the strain.  No one should be able to.  I mean…look, I’ll be real here.  I don’t have a sprawling network of connections and names to thumb through.  I don’t know everyone in town, or even my neighborhood -- which means, naturally, that I don’t know everyone in the far-off reaches of Capitol Hill.  My sphere of influence’s inherent limits means that I have no choice but to label the people I don’t know as, well people I don’t know.  

By necessity, they’re faceless.  And because they’re faceless, I have no choice but to use abstract concepts and generalizations to characterize them.  It’s something that I’m trying to step away from, given that one history paper I wrote that got a HUGE knock against it for that very reason.  Because when you generalize, you’re probably going to get it wrong.

More importantly, I personally think it’s important to have empathy.  It’s crucial to see in more than just black and white -- to understand that anything outside of your sphere of influence is still material.  Just because you don’t know someone personally doesn’t mean that they’re easy to shrug off.  Every single person on this planet has a face, an identity, a story to tell.  Whether you agree with them or not, sync up with them or not, look like them or not, they still exist.  They may not be you, but they’re still you.  An extension of you, at a bare minimum.  Acknowledging that is something we all could stand to do, so that we don’t have to give in to blind scorn and hate.  

Speaking personally, that’s part of the reason why I try to do my best around people -- and for people.  Even if I don’t know a person, if I see that they need help, then I’ll help them however I can, if I can.  The idea of leaving someone out on their own to handle problems irks me.  To quote Peter Parker: “When you can do the things that I can, but you don't, and then the bad things happen? They happen because of you.”  Which isn’t to say that I have superpowers or anything, but I’m still a sporadically-capable human being.  I have to hold out my hand to those in need.

I’m well aware of the fact that my hand can’t reach everyone.  It’s a fact that legitimately bothers me at times -- knowing that there are people suffering out there, and I’m helpless to ease their pain.  I can’t throw money at a problem until it goes away.  I can’t end wars with a heartfelt speech or pithy command.  I can’t cure diseases with a simple massage.  At the end of the day, I’m helpless in more ways than I can count.  But no matter how weak and worthless I really am -- no matter how far away I am from being a hero -- I still recognize that the people I can’t see, don’t see, won’t see, and will likely never see are exactly that.  People.  People that, on occasion or eternally, need someone to save them.

That might be the most vile, sickening part of the red trinity, with Trump acting as its figurehead.  They aren’t inspiring people to be heroes.  It’s the complete opposite -- convincing others to pull back their hands, retreat into their caves, and hate “them” from the shadows.  And when the “enlightened” come out of the cave, it’s to do harm to others.  Indirectly, or directly.  And for what reason?  For what cause?

The worst part about the age of Trump is that he’s been unequivocally successful at one thing, and one thing only: he’s divided us.  Whether it’s a byproduct of his patented brand of bumbling, or the end result of Russian machinations, the gaps between us have widened.  Bonds have been severed.  Hate has spread.  Fear has spread -- to his supporters, to his detractors, to those in the middle, and yes, even to me.  Now on top of all my other anxieties, I have to worry about someone deciding one day to open fire on me just because I look and think a certain way.

But that’s fine.  Or rather, mortal peril is the least of my problems.  What really matters -- what makes my heart ache day after day, as if I’m getting left at the altar in an endless loop -- is that my ideals are being shattered.  That a modern, cooperative society, right down to the very concept of it, is becoming untenable.  If we have to, and want to hate and insult and demonize and attack others, regardless of how much or little they deserve it, then how can we survive?  If we stop recognizing one another as human beings, what future do we have left?

The simplest, most obvious answer is that we don’t.  Maybe it’s inevitable for us to be done in like this: fighting amongst ourselves over differences large and small, unable to counter the true threats when it really matters (like catastrophic climate change, which is absolutely on the horizon).  Or, alternatively?  Maybe we’ll just end up obliterating each other with massive arsenals, the divine assemblage of hellfire and bullets.  It seems relatively likely, assuming that the doomsday clock ticks ever closer to midnight.  

Maybe it’s true that Trump really is just a symptom and not the cause -- that by our very nature, we can’t overcome tribalistic impulses.  Red vs. Blue, conservatives vs. liberals, Republicans vs. Democrats, the list goes on.  Echo chambers give rise to breeding grounds of resentment.  Word of mouth and technology alike spread news and “news” alike.  The gaps between us are basically features, not bugs.  After all, we’re a species that couldn’t even agree on whether a dress was white and gold, or black and blue.  What chance do we have of keeping the one good planet in our Solar System intact?

And yet…and still, despite everything, I say that our chances are better than you think.

I’m idealistic.  Romantic.  Utopian, even.  I wouldn’t be the self-proclaimed Eternal Optimist if I wasn’t -- though I guess when you get down to it, I’m as naive as a fourth-grader hopped up on a marathon of cartoons and sugary cereal.  But that’s fine.  I try to see the world as what it could be, not what it should be.  That doesn’t mean I won’t see it as it is, currently.  I wouldn’t be able to envision brighter days if I couldn’t.  But I dream of ideal states and futures, regardless of how impractical they may be.

Nothing will ever get better if we don’t believe they can get better.  Change requires effort, dedication, and even sacrifice.  In turn, they require knowledge, and the power to change ideals into reality -- and most of all, the will to make those strides.  Giving in to blind hate, fear, and ignorance is a surefire way to set us -- as a species, and as individuals -- on the path to a bad end.  That’s why we all need to do what we can to overcome whatever we can, whenever we can.

I’m the biggest hypocrite of all for saying as much.  At the end of the day, I’m weaker than everyone else -- hardly the hero I want to be, and incapable of living up to my ideals.  I’m the last person on the planet who should try pushing others to act, especially when my sphere of influence reaches as far as my balled-up fist.  In a lot of ways, this post is just me venting my frustrations -- a selfish, desperate attempt to deal with the sadness in my heart.  What right do I have to make such lofty demands, and speak such high-minded drivel?

The correct answer is that I don’t have the right.  But I want to, someday.  I hope that, through my own effort, talent, and courage -- the power I’ve stockpiled and cultivated through years of work -- I can be the hero I’ve always wanted to be.  I hope that, someday, I can reach out and help up someone who needs it.  Someone.  Anyone.  Anywhere, anytime, conclusively.  But until that day comes, I’ll choose to believe in humanity as a whole.  I’ll trust in those that are braver, stronger, smarter, and better than me to do what I can’t.  Because in the end, all I have are words.  And I’m outnumbered, considerably, by the true heroes that go about their day-to-day lives.

There may be evil in this world.  There may be others who act out of malice, greed, and ignorance -- unabashedly so, and without a single chance at redemption.  But there are others -- many, many more -- who believe in what’s right.  Who want a better world.  Who strive, and live, and reach out when they can.  I choose to believe that, even in the darkest of days, rife with forces that aim to lead us astray, the world is a beautiful place, full of amazing, wonderful people.  Heroes who can overcome their vices and inhibitions, all for the sake of a bright future.

There are says when I’ll live in fear.  But I know that thanks to others -- thanks to you, the person reading this right now -- it won’t last.  We’ll overcome it all, together.

One day, we’ll change “they” to “we”.  I know we will.  I know you will.

I believe in you.