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October 18, 2015

RE: Crimson Peak


Okay, so you know what I learned?

Granted, I kind of already knew/believed/suspected this, but in case anyone needed confirmation of it, here it is: trailers and promos are bullshit.

Not all trailers, of course.  But speaking personally, there have been enough trailers and promos and commercials and such to sour me on the whole experience.  In terms of video games, I’ve been getting de-hyped by Assassin’s Creed since at least 3’s debut, wherein it showed someone you’d think would opt for stealth and subterfuge becoming a one man army because whoa, so badass.  Like, there’s so much pretentiousness and blasé hype-mongering that it does more harm and good -- to say nothing of the fact that those trailers can flat-out lie.  Unless it’s from a genre I trust (like fighters), a company I trust (like Nintendo), or it’s part of a franchise I can’t resist (like Persona), I’m better at avoiding trailers than Neo is at dodging bullets.

I mean, I just saw one of the Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailers for the first time, and now I’m more worried than hyped.  Why?  Because the way the trailer played out, it seems like an act of desperation instead of an earnest attempt to make an entertaining movie.  Hey, look!  It’s Tatooine!  Now here’s an old X-Wing!  Now here’s an old Star Destroyer!  Now here’s one of the classic songs!  Now here’s Luke Skywalker’s voice-over!  Now here’s a shot of Vader’s helmet!  Look at all this nostalgic iconography!  That makes you want to see the new movie, right?  That doesn’t just remind you of the old movies, right?  Oh, by the way, did you know the Millennium Falcon is back?  Did you know that Han Solo and Chewbacca are back?  THAT MEANS THE MOVIE IS GREAT, BECAUSE IT REMINDS YOU OF A MOVIE YOU’VE ALREADY SEEN!

I feel like I’m getting off-topic here.  What was I talking about?  Oh, right.  Crimson Peak -- and how it’s such a sick-ass movie.


I never would have guessed it from the YouTube promos that kept popping up, though.  Sure, Guillermo del Toro’s name was attached to it, but the promos had the usual trappings: ominous lines, sudden bursts of loudness, screaming ladies…it all seemed like a bunch of nonsense that’s out of my wheelhouse and hardly entertaining.  Imagine my surprise, then, when I get offered a chance (read: effectively kidnapped) to go see Crimson Peak.  I opted for The Martian instead, because space > horror and SPACE IS AWESOME, but my pleas went unheeded.  So we saw Crimson Peak.

And BOY am I glad I got rejected, because even before the movie’s runtime finished, I was pretty much going “This is exactly what I wanted.  This is exactly what I wanted.”

The problem is that Crimson Peak is one of those movies -- the sort which it’s impossible to talk about in-depth without effectively spoiling everything.  That’s actually kind of frustrating, in the sense that there are things I want to say right now, but I can’t because of the Great Wall of Spoilers I’d have to topple onto anyone who’d give the movie even a passing glance.  So I’ll keep things simple for now and say this: if you haven’t seen the movie yet, go see the movie.  It’s not the greatest thing ever, but it’s still incredibly good, and I’d recommend it to anyone who isn’t afraid of a little blood.  Or you could see it because it has Tom Hiddleston in it.  Again, not trying to spoil anything, buuuuuuuuuuuuuut there’s a scene in there that might make his female fans very, very happy.


And that’ll just about do it for now.  I’ll talk about the movie more another time, so consider that your impetus to see it and report back here ASAP.  Until then?  Look forward to more garbage from yours truly.  Well, not actual garbage.  Metaphorical garbage, most likely.  And then more metaphorical garbage to follow.

I like to maintain a strong sense of consistency, you see.


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