It’s been a chain of
despair -- one troubled product to the next, or at least things that make me
think harder than any normal person should.
Man of Steel was crushingly
disappointing. The Last of Us came out as a confused tale (and more confused game)
hamstrung by creators and conventions. The Wolverine had good intentions, but
suffered from dull and almost-contradictory drama. Percy
Jackson is just awful. It wasn’t my
plan to do posts on four less-than-savory products almost one after another,
but I guess that’s just the way it goes sometimes.
I say it’s time to turn
the tide. And this post should be just
the thing to start doing the trick.
But before I get too
ahead of myself, there are a couple of things I want to mention very
quickly. First, this is (obviously) based on my personal opinion -- not
fact. Disagreeing with me is more than
welcome. Second, bear in mind that this list is coming from someone that
once went years without going to see
a movie in theaters, so this isn’t exactly my area of competency. Third,
it’s been a long while since I’ve seen some of these movies, so expect a bit of
rosiness clouding my judgment. Fourth, I’m not about to call any of
these movies perfect; they’re just movies that are very near and dear to my
heart. For whatever reason.
Now then. Let’s rock.
(So hyped for Guilty Gear Xrd. Venom confirmed? Be still, my
heart.)
10) D3: The Mighty Ducks
Well, if you ever
needed evidence that I like dumb things, here it is.
That’s not to say that
the movie is genuinely stupid, though.
But it IS, at its core, a straight-up sports movie featuring underdogs
going at it. I saw it on TV a month or
two ago, and to my surprise it’s not only aged well (and really, who can say no
to rollerblading?), but is a lot more competent than most would give it credit
for. The Ducks face their darkest hour
as they enter a climate unsuited for their antics; they’re outsiders off the
ice, and torn apart on the ice thanks to -- as they learn the hard way -- zero
defensive ability. They’re forced to
adapt…and by adapt, I mean they come dangerously close to retiring the Duck
mantle once and for all. Will they
accept? Will they reject? Will they win DA BIG GAEM? If you’ve seen any sports movie in the
past…ever…you already know the answer.
I don’t have a clue as
to why the movie resonates with me as much as it does. I’ve avoided sports for practically all my
life, and the concept of playing hockey is more of a death wish to me than a
sport. But the movie makes it, its
characters, and its drama all work. If I
had to point to a notable flaw, it’s that a commanding knowledge of the Duck
canon is almost a requirement so you can know what the big deal about the
Knucklepuck is, or why there’s a cowboy on the team. But even so, it’s not a deal breaker. It’s a movie with heart, humor, and some
surprisingly high stakes. Also, there’s
more cursing than you’d expect from a kid’s movie…though to be fair, I’d wager
that less than a third of the cast was high-school aged by the time the filming
wrapped up.
9) Tenacious D in The Pick of
Destiny
Well, if you ever
needed FURTHER evidence that I like dumb things, here it is.
In terms of sheer
critical quality, Tenacious D isn’t
going to win any awards. It’s a movie
that revels in over-the-top excess -- and really, you’d expect no less from a
movie that so heavily hinges on the power of rock. It’s a musical farce that starts with a young
Jack Black getting advice from his suddenly-living poster of Ronnie James Dio,
and ends with…well, I won’t spoil it, but I’ll just say “yeah, they went there”
and leave it at that. It’s a movie that
could have gone wrong in a lot of ways…but they did it oh so right.
It’s one thing to have
good music. It’s one thing to have
absurd, off-the-wall humor. But it’s
another thing to have them both mixed together in the same adventure, frame it
in the context of a faux-epic quest while pondering the very nature, place, and
protocol of rock. The stuff that’s
played straight is the stuff that makes the movie more hilarious than it
already is -- but even so, it’s the sheer unpredictability of the movie from
one song to the next that makes it into something memorable. I can’t think of a better musical to watch.
8) West Side Story
Well. Foot, meet mouth.
There’s just something
irresistibly charming about West Side
Story. Maybe it has something to do
with the retroactive campiness, in that we can view it from the perspective of
an audience nurtured by the sensibilities (or lack thereof) of modern cinema,
rather than the mindset of an era at least five decades past. Maybe it has something to do with an
under-appreciation of musicals and Broadway shows, so that when we (by which I
mean I) get exposed to something like West
Side Story, it’s more fascinating as a result. Who’s to say?
All I know is that interpretive dance knife fights are pretty friggin’
cool.
And when you think
about it, is the dancing in the movie really all that misfit from conflict in
general? Dancing is all about expression
via kinetic motion -- and if combat and conflict are methods of expression (and
by extension defining one’s stake in the world), then is the dancing really
that off the mark? Ignoring the fact
that it looks nice and comes with snappy, ultra-catchy music, there’s a level
of thoughtfulness here that makes it more than just a retelling of Romeo and Juliet -- something that could
only have been done with a movie, a great score, sharp minds, and talented
bodies.
…Or maybe I should just
be thankful “Gee Officer
Krupke” is a thing that exists.
7) Captain America: The First
Avenger
What’s this? A Captain America fanboy adding the latest
and greatest Captain America movie to his list of favorite movies? What an unprecedented turn of events!
There’s almost no
denying that The Avengers was a great
movie, but it did have one weakness.
It’s the same weakness all crossovers share: the characters in them have
their individual impact and effect on the product reduced, so that everyone
gets equal importance without one of them overtaking/coloring everything that
goes down. Compare that to the other
movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, or even The Dark Knight Trilogy. You KNOW Iron Man is going to dominate in his
movies, and he’s given time and opportunities to do so. You KNOW Batman is going to run things in his
movies, because he makes it very clear he’s the star of the show. And just before Avengers came out and blew audiences away, we got The First Avenger to show us how it’s
done.
Steve Rogers may have
had the body of a weakling, but he had the heart of a champion. He lived in a world and circumstances where
he wasn’t out to become a world-famous hero; he just wanted to do the right
thing, and give others the chance to do the same. Post-super soldier serum, he’s made into a
world-famous hero regardless, but shortly after becomes the soldier he’s always
wanted to be in an adventure that’s got no shortage of action, heartbreak, and
of course triumph. The character was
fully-realized, he had a good supporting cast to back him up, the world around
him was a delight, and baddies ended up getting Shield Slashed as needed.
Folks, if ever you
needed some way to trace my lines of reasoning, look no further than this
movie. Or that dope-ass credits
theme.
6) Contact
Out of sheer curiosity,
I decided to check Rotten Tomatoes to see the score -- such as it is -- for
this movie. Turns out it’s at 63% --
quite a bit lower than what I was expecting, but I suppose it’s fair nonetheless. (Side note: at the time of this writing, Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters is
sitting at 27% on the Tomatometer.
Hmmmm.)
Reviews are a
suggestion of quality, not a confirmation of it. So am I a fool for liking a movie with such a
dubious score? Of course not. It just means I got more out of the
movie than others did. There’s a mystery
and a problem to be solved, and it’s that sort of progress toward a final
solution -- in this case, how to meet with aliens -- that I’ve always admired
in stories. The conflict between science
and religion gets thrown liberally into the mix, and while I wouldn’t say it’s
a perfect argument for either side, they both bring up their fair
share of points. (The lead character’s
strict adherence to science -- and her intolerance of religion and others’
right to faith -- nearly leads to her downfall.) There are even a few good twists in there
that make the movie all the more worthwhile.
I admit that I’m not
much in the way of science or religion, but seeing this movie made me at least
consider both in a different light. It
made me want to explore certain topics more thoroughly -- if not doing research
on them, then at least trying to take on new perspectives. And really, isn’t that what any good movie should
do? Even if it’s got Matthew
McConaughey’s purportedly-tiny arms?
5) Remember the Titans
Why are there so many
sports movies on this list? And by “so
many” I mean two?
I suspect that it was
this movie more than any other that put the idea “Denzel Washington is a pretty
cool guy” into my head. As Coach Herman
Boone, he has a commanding presence throughout the movie, to the point where
you could feasibly imagine him as the dreaded tyrant Lord Boone (complete with
Giga Missile action!). But in spite of
his overwhelming force, he ends up being an inspiration to the team. Near the start of the movie he demands
perfection, and near the end the team throws that back at his face, saying
they’d be perfect…and given their record up to that point, they’ve got a shot
at pulling it off.
Now, I’ve heard that
while the movie is based on a true story, but there were supposedly some
liberties taken…and by “liberties” the implication is that most of the movie is
based
on lies to pull for drama. That’s
not exactly the best fact to have come to life, and it does kind of harm the
movie’s credibility…and yet, I’d say I’m willing to forgive. I can’t say I condone fabrication, but the
end result makes up for it -- it’s a movie that packs on the drama and tension,
appealing to people that don’t even have a passing interest in football. It’s exciting, it’s impactful, and there’s a
50-50 chance that the ending will hit you right in the feels. I approve wholeheartedly -- even if I have to
believe the lie.
4) Willy Wonka and the Chocolate
Factory
I don’t know about you,
but for some reason I always have to do a Google search to remind myself that
I’m talking about the 1971 movie, not the 2005 movie Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
I guess it’s because I always felt like the movies should have switched
titles; the 2005 movie puts more focus on Johnny Depp Willy Wonka, while
the ’71 movie made Wonka more of an enigma than its key player. But hey, that’s just me.
Whatever the case, I
don’t have anything against the ’05
movie -- I just think the original is better. It’s a movie full of whimsy and imagination,
but also cautionary tales and out-and-out terror (and if you’ve seen the movie,
you know exactly which scene I’m
talking about). In spite of the odd
goings-on in the factory, Gene Wilder’s Wonka manages to be a
stranger and more incomprehensible character -- and yet his strangeness is
matched by a welcome familiarity in Charlie and the other golden ticket
holders. It’s a movie that manages to
put ideas -- or rather, virtues -- front and center, and finishes
strong because of it. It may be in its
forties, but I’d say the movie’s still worth another viewing.
Although…now that I
think about it, wouldn’t the systematic elimination of each child thanks to
their temptation by vices make the movie a viable entry in the horror
genre? I mean, Wonka could have easily
been some kind of murderous psychopath if the desire ever arose. Just sayin’.
3) October Sky
“There’s a mystery and
a problem to be solved, and it’s that sort of progress toward a final
solution...that I’ve always admired in stories.”
--Voltech,
approximately nine paragraphs ago
How factual is October Sky? Don’t know.
Don’t care. Even if it’s an
embellished true story, the story that’s on display here is one that I find
eerily captivating. It’s a tale of trial
and error, triumph and defeat as our leading man Homer Hickam and his buddies
try their hardest to make their own model rocket. But even then, that’s only half the
story. It’s as much a journey to build
the ultimate rocket as it is to reconcile a son shooting for heaven with a
father burrowing through the earth.
Their relationship changes and develops over time, filled with high
points and low points, arguments and agreements. Both of them have their moments of
bullheadedness, but there’s never a doubt throughout the entire movie that
they’re two men that love and respect one another…even if they have trouble
expressing it.
In spite of the dreary
visuals -- a stylistic choice, given that the bulk of the movie takes place in
a mining town on its last legs -- it’s a remarkably optimistic movie. There are a lot of setbacks for Homer and his
dad, but they manage to overcome them with effort, determination, and guts (and
science, more often than not). When
people push against the Hickams, the Hickams push back -- usually with awesome
results. It’s worth noting the change in
these characters from start to finish; Homer at the start is a shoddy math
student, but Homer at the end is able to blow everyone away with what he’s
learned…you know, in case the rocket wasn’t enough.
I just saw this movie a
couple of weeks ago. And now I want to
see it all over again.
2) The Great Mouse Detective
You didn’t think I’d
leave a part of the Disney Animated Canon off of this list, did you? Please.
I wouldn’t be able to call myself a Kingdom
Hearts fan if I did.
It took me a little
while to decide for myself which one should take top honors, especially since I
haven’t seen every entry in the Canon -- and even those I have seen, I don’t
remember as well as I could. So I’m going
to have to give it to The Great Mouse
Detective, if only because of the
world’s greatest criminal mind.
Seriously, Ratigan is one awesome villain -- cocky, confident, and
calculating when he needs to be, laying on liberal amounts of ham and cheese
whenever he gets the chance…but when things don’t go his way,
he will utterly destroy you. Count on Disney to simultaneously inspire
wonder and terror into the hearts of men.
But in spite of that scene (you know what I’m talking about),
the movie at large is full of charm.
Basil of Baker Street is brilliant -- as you’d expect from a mousy
Sherlock Holmes -- but he’s probably as batty as Ratigan. The other members of the cast all do their
part in coloring the movie, and while the “small creatures in a large world”
angle has been done plenty of times before, especially in Disney movies, what’s
on display in the movie is still engaging, atmospheric, and memorable. It’s got action, it’s got comedy, it’s got
drama, it’s got horror…it’s the total package.
In my eyes, it doesn’t get much better than this.
So, Squeenix… Great Mouse Detective level when?
1) Shakespeare in Love
Raise your hand if you
saw this one coming. Because truth be
told, I sure didn’t.
I don’t know what it is
about this movie, but every time I see that it’s on, I can’t help but go “hell
yeah!” and watch it for a while…if not a long
while. I’m not an expert or
authority on anything related to Shakespeare, but there’s always been something
I’ve found intriguing about his works, and by extension the man himself (though
I guess I’m not the only one to think that).
So I’m glad this movie exists to give the real Shakespeare lovers
something to digest -- even if, again, not everything here is 100% true. It’s a story that kept me hooked from start
to finish.
And man oh man, what a
movie. It could have taken on any number
of titles based on its content. Shakespeare Needs to Get Some! Shakespeare in Drag! Shakespeare and Identity Fraud! Shakespeare is a Five-Star Asskicker! Shakespeare Gets Some! Shakespeare vs. the World! The expectation is that the movie’s going
to be a stuffy, callous affair, but it’s a movie that’s more than palpable for
modern audiences -- even if they don’t know the ins and outs of the man and his
style. It’s funny. It’s heartfelt. It’s investigative. It’s grave.
It’s insightful. It’s
charming. It even has a dog in it.
Simply put, it’s
everything I could ever ask for in a movie and more. Shakespeare himself would give the movie a
thumbs-up if he could. You know, if he
isn’t already.
And that’ll just about
wrap things up. I hope you enjoyed this
little list and the insights it gave you into my mind and preferences. So, if you’re ever out to impress me, all you
need to do is present a story that has signature hockey skills, bombastic
expositional rock, interpretive dance battles, the American flag liberally
applied to its lead character, Jodie Foster listening to extraterrestrial
beatboxing, a football team that overcomes adversity by breaking the bones of
other teams, a guided tour into a magically lethal industrial complex, a
science fair that allows what was in its original design virtually a guided
missile, animalized versions of famous literary detectives, and a dog. It’s all so simple.
It would make for a
fantastic movie. And it would be called…The Greatest Idea Ever.
Or, I dunno, just make
a historical drama or something. With at least one rock ballad.