Re: RE: Pokémon Sword and Shield

Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo boy.

All right, look.  I know I implied last time that I would use this slot to gripe about Gundam Build Divers Re:Rise, but then I played through some more Pokémon Sword.  How much more?  Enough to clear the main story, and get within inches of clearing the “postgame” …and probably would have if the game hadn’t experienced a fatal error and crashed to the home screen, prompting a rage quit/decision to wash dishes/continue watching Parks and Recreation.  Speaking of, I’m super into Parks and Rec now.  I regret not watching it when it was on-air, but blame my TV and its utter inability to properly tune to NBC.  Certainly not me.

I’m at risk of losing the plot.  So let’s talk about Pokémon Sword.

Shower Thoughts with Octopath Traveler (Part 1)

It’s been about three months since Octopath Traveler came out, and…I have mixed feelings.

I’m still playing the game, so that’s something.  I’ve logged more than 55 hours, not counting the time lost via total party wipes and the ensuing, dreaded Game Over.  Thus far, I’ve finished the paths of three characters -- Ophilia, H’aanit, and Primrose, in that order -- with Tressa not far behind.  The plan, such as it is, is to ride the game out to its conclusion.  Given that my main team has an average level of 52, I’d wager I can steamroll the chapters/bosses I’ve left undone for ages.  Everyone on Olberic’s path is gonna get bodied once I start it in earnest.

I’m looking forward to playing more Octopath.  But I’m also dreading playing more Octopath.

Like I said, I have mixed feelings.  And part of those mixed feelings include me waiting eagerly for the next Tales game.  (Besides that one.)

Kingdom Hearts (still) makes me sad and mad.

So I’m committed to the title of this two-parter (I pretty much have to, since there’s one already in the books), but there’s a question that needs to be answered. At the end of the day, does Kingdom Hearts make me sadder than it does madder?  Or does it make me madder than it does sadder?  Let’s start with a preliminary test.

*googles Kingdom Hearts Recusant’s Sigil*

*inarticulate groaning*

Kingdom Hearts makes me sad and mad.

Okay, so I know I already did a couple of posts a few months back explaining that I still like Kingdom Hearts despite everything.  I mostly stand by what I said back then.  But, well, that was months ago.  This is now.  So let’s get into it again.

*sigh* Friggin’ Squeenix, man.

A Good Case for Bad Heroines (Gundam Edition)

Don’t be fooled by the title.  Even though SNK Heroines: Tag Team Frenzy just came out (as of writing), this isn’t a post on that.  How could it be?  Until it adds King -- sans sketchy costumes or her clear discomfort -- the product is fundamentally flawed at best, with a strong lean toward “worthless”.

Believe it or not, this doesn’t have to do with video games.  Well, not entirely.  I’m sure I’ll find a way to shoehorn a few into the discussion at some point, because I’m me and need to spend some time in a strait jacket.  No, the real spark for this post was…video games, technically, but another catalyst intervened.  And I’ll say upfront that the fact that it’s even the spark in the first place makes my soul ache.

So.  Let’s talk about Gundam Build Divers.

RE: Naruto to Boruto: Shinobi Striker

You know every so often I’ll mention that my brother was the inspiration was behind a post?  This is more than one of those times.  This is peak “thank my brother for this post”. We’ve entered maximum broverdrive here.

Strap in.  This is Naruto to Boruto: Shinobi Striker.

Let’s discuss Kamen Rider Ex-Aid (Part 2).

So Kamen Rider Ex-Aid might have the biggest time paradox I’ve ever personally seen.

Main character Emu may start the show as a medical intern, but he’s also the “genius gamer” M -- and through a flashback, the audience gets to see what that entailed.  Apparently he was an ace at fighting games (at a bare minimum), and took home the grand prize in a major tournament.  In what game?  My ears perked up at the sights and sounds of Tekken, as they should.  But that’s when time sort of collapses on itself.

Emu’s playing Tekken 7, the latest installment in the franchise to date.  Fair enough…until you remember that that game came out in March 2015 at the earliest, at least in Japan and in arcades.  The flashback in Ex-Aid specifically states that Emu joined that tournament in 2010.  And it’s pretty hard to pretend he’s playing any other installment, because A) he’s using Lars’ latest costume, and B) his opponent is using Lucky Chloe, who first made her debut in T7.  I mean, jeez.  I know Japan got the game a few years before the west, but this is ridiculous.

But I wouldn’t worry about time paradoxes too much.  Ex-Aid has bigger problems.  Much, much bigger problems.

GACCHAN!  SPOILERS UP!!

Xenoblade Chronicles 2: A Very Special Post (Part 1)

Hey, Xenoblade Chronicles 2.  I have a question for you.  You know that old taunt “Well, if you love it so much, why don’t you marry it?”  Why aren’t you adapting and using that in your game?

Actually…why don’t any games really adapt and use it in their games?  

I don’t know.  That’s probably a question worth pondering from here on out, but it’d expand the scale of this little argument to something the size of a dissertation, so let’s focus on this game for now.  Otherwise, we'll be here for a million billion years -- and since I'm technically still on hiatus, I shouldn't even be bothering with this.  Yet here I am regardless.

Why?  I dunno.  Everyone needs an outlet for their rage.  I guess this is mine.

THINK YOU CAN TAKE ME?  

(And my spoilers.)

DON’T FORGET ME!  

(And these spoilers.)

Let’s “discuss” Sonic Forces.

When I was nine years old, my mom got me an electronic thesaurus/dictionary to help me with my homework.  See, my third grade class tossed out tons of vocabulary assignments week after week; since we didn’t have a good computer or internet connection at the time -- and I wonder if dictionary.com was even a thing -- my mom got it for me one Christmas to slash homework time down to a fraction.  It worked, and it continued to work for years afterward.  I’ve actually still got it within a foot of me as I type this; it needs batteries, and I suspect the display is busted, but it makes for a good memento.

I’ve always had this theory that whatever you had or did as a child would decide what you’d do in the future.  I’m pretty sure that theory’s been debunked, but I think back to that from time to time.  If I hadn’t gotten that thesaurus as a snot-nosed baby afro, would I have ever wanted to become a writer?  Probably, given that stories helped inspire me, not just tech.  Either way, I’d think that having that gadget around pushed me toward developing stronger diction.  Toward choosing the right word for the task.  Toward saying what needs to be said.

What does any of that have to do with Sonic Forces?  It’s simple.  I don’t need any gadgets or reference materials to give my thoughts.  I can sum up the game in one word.  And unfortunately, that word is flaccid.

Sonic Forces is…Uhhhhhhhhhh?

Wait, didn’t I just do a post on a Sonic game a few weeks back?  Haven’t I met my quota for the year?

Yes, probably.  On the other hand, I’m pretty sure everybody’s already standing by the proverbial barrel.  So I guess I’ll grab my magnum, join in, and play a winning game of Russian roulette with some swimming little fish sticks in the making.

Valkyria Revolution: It’s So Bad (Part 3)

So I have a question to start off: why do things suck?

By “things” I mean, of course, products in the media and entertainment industries.  Movies, TV shows, books, music, video games -- all of that and more.  One would think, or at least hope, that if a product is allowed to grace store shelves (physical or digital), then it should be good enough to merit that.  The gatekeepers on all walks of entertainment should, in theory, do their jobs and keep the trash from becoming available for purchase.  Right?

But even if we overlook the business aspect of the equation, there’s still the creative input and vision that goes behind the stuff that sucks.  As of this post, it’s 2017.  Media consumption is easier than it’s ever been thanks to various technological advents -- and it’ll only get easier from here.  Creators and audiences alike should have an idea by now of what works and what doesn’t.  What’s good and what’s bad.  What’s appreciable and what’s unacceptable.  Audiences should be able -- if not willing -- to call out fouls in a product.  But they shouldn’t have to reach that point in the first place, because good content creators should have the skill to avoid some of their respective media’s worst vices.

That’s how it should be.  Except it isn’t.  Valkyria Revolution is proof of that.

*sigh* Let’s talk about the main character.

Valkyria Revolution: It’s So Bad (Part 2)

Oh God, I can feel a migraine coming on already.

*sigh* Let’s just grit our teeth and power through this.  Okay?

Okay.  So the last post dealt primarily with the gameplay of Valkyria Revolution -- and true to this series’ title, it’s bad.  Stunningly bad.  As I said, not a single choice made was the right one.  Combat is slow, strategy is nonexistent, AI is worthless; the list goes on and on.  (Boy that upgrade system is borked.)  It’s unpleasant from start to finish.  At least, I assume that’s the case -- because I tapped out after seven hours with the game, and didn’t even make it to the halfway point according to the built-in table of contents.  I’m not too broken up about it, because that means I get to put more time into learning some new fighting game characters.  (Why didn’t anyone tell me Dizzy was so cool?)

I can still think of a few questions that need asking and answering, though.  Since this is a video game we’re talking about, gameplay is king.  Well, I assume as much among the general gaming populace.  Can good gameplay compensate for a bad story?  Essentially.  Tekken 7’s story is not great, but I don’t begrudge it when it lets me land a juggle combo into a Rage Art.  Can a good story save a bad game?  Possibly.  That answer will vary between people and games, especially depending on the length.  But as far as I’m concerned, there’s one ironclad rule at play here: you can’t have a game with both bad gameplay AND a bad story.

And guess which game does?

Valkyria Revolution: It’s So Bad (Part 1)

Even though I’m making a casual reference to the ill-fated Power Glove, don’t get the wrong idea.  I have no love for Valkyria Revolution.  It’s a bad game, and you should do what you can to avoid it.  In fact, my biggest take away from it is that I should go back and play Valkyria Chronicles 1.  I just might when all’s said and done.

With that said?  Valkyria Revolution isn’t just bad.  It’s fascinatingly bad.  And I guess it’s up to me to explain why.

The Final Final Fantasy (15) -- Part 3

You know, sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder: “Did I ever like Final Fantasy?”

Actually, no I don’t.  That’s a bold lie, but I have to start this post somehow.