Let’s discuss Devil May Cry V (feat. Kingdom Hearts III)

Never thought I’d see the day.

It kind of makes sense, though.  If you blur your eyes a little, then coat them with Vaseline, put on a blindfold made of thumb tacks, and dip your head in a vat of jalapeno pepper juice, then you could maybe mistake Devil May Cry V for Kingdom Hearts III.  Or, if that’s a bridge too far, then just remember that these two, long-awaited, high-profile releases came out in a relatively narrow window of time.  And on top of that?  Pared down to the ABSOLUTE basics, they have the same genre of gameplay.  

True, DMCV isn’t an action RPG.  KHIII isn’t a character action game.  But on the lowest fundamental level, there’s some overlap.  The former does have its share of character customization and leveling up, after all.  The latter does pit you against hordes of dark forces with a slew of crazy abilities at your disposal.  But before you come at me, let me elaborate: the devil’s in the details.  Even though both games have different objectives and roadmaps to follow, the craft behind one puts it roughly 1.3 billion steps ahead the craft (and existence) of the other.

So pardon me, KHIII fans, but I’m going to have to use Squeenix’s latest as a whipping boy to prove my point conclusively.  And get one step closer to talking about KHIII’s story, because HOOOOOOOOO-LEEEEEEE SHIT.

Savior!  Bloodstained!  Hellfire!  Shadow!

SPOILERS on a landslide!

Savior!  Bloodstained!  Hellfire!  Shadow!

SPOILERS on a landslide!  (For real, though.)

Doubling Down on the Dumb

As eager as I am to write about Devil May Cry V some more -- and Kingdom Hearts III, I guess -- I can’t gorge on those two games all the time. Not that those two games are in the same league, of course.  One is the sort of dessert you’d get from a Michelin-starred restaurant, while the other might as well be half-eaten leftovers from Denny’s.  Guess which is which for extra fun!

So what am I going to waste a Monday slot on this time around?  Not Sekiro.  Not that I have anything against the game (besides my vehement hatred of ninjas), but A) I haven’t played it yet, and B) I haven’t even finished Dark Souls.  The first Dark Souls.  There is another game that’s piqued my interest, but because I’m so intrigued by it, I want to hold off until I can pump more time into it.  So I guess for now, I’ll talk about something non-video game related.

Now then.  Let me regale you with a post on the stupidest thing I’ve ever done…this month.

Let’s discuss Devil May Cry V (Part 1).

When I finished Devil May Cry V, I was frustrated.  

Not because I didn’t like the game, oh no.  Of course not; as a wise man once said, I’m absolutely crazy about it.  My issue is that, despite doing relatively well throughout my first playthrough (and thus on the standard difficulty), I ended up botching the series-standard mid-credits fights.  Did that lock me out of content?  It doesn’t seem like it.  But those are bragging rights -- no, a sense of accomplishment I wanted, in case I never got the chance to play the game again.

Even though I’ve long since cleared DMCV, I want to play it again.  On a harder difficulty, especially.  Why?  As another wise man once said, I need more power.  I want to improve -- sharpen my skills and steel my will, so I have the talent and courage needed to truly pull off my own unique combos.  The stuff truly worthy of the announcer bellowing “SMOKIN’ SEXY STYLE!”  My pride is on the line here -- and I have some of the finest gameplay I’ll likely see all year to thank for that.  

Now I guess it’s up to me to explain why.

YOU CANNOT KILL ME

I AM OMEGA (spoilers)

YOU CANNOT KILL ME

I AM SUBHUMAN (also spoilers)

So, About Captain Marvel…

Yes, I am very much aware of the controversy surrounding Captain Marvel.  Here’s my one-sentence take on it.  Ready?

*deep breath*

Brie Larson had the right intentions but the wrong words, which made it easy for detractors -- many of which who probably need to avoid seeing myriad statements across the media sphere as personal attacks -- to infer said words have malice, disdain, or otherwise-unsavory agendas behind them…which is kind of hard to believe, given that as a mass-media product from a multibillion-dollar company, nothing would make the purse-holding overlords happier than to have as many people buy tickets as possible, itself made possible by dedicated diehards who have even a mild chance to play the role of “influencer”.

*second deep breath*

There, I acknowledged it.  Now to pretend for .00000000001 seconds that it’s going to matter in the long run, and not just get forgotten in the wake of the next flash in the pan “controversy”.  Because apparently we as a species have forgotten the art of peaceable, nuanced discourse.  I blame Halo, because…well, I need a funny-enough scapegoat to segue into actually talking about the movie.  So here’s some rambling about Captain Marvel.

You’re gonna feel this!  Power SPOILERS!

Devil May Cry V is STRONG.

At the time of this writing, I’m about two and a half hours past clearing Devil May Cry V.  What did I think of it?  

What a mystery.  If only there was a blog post title people could read.

RE: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind

So from what I’ve heard, we’ve recently hit the halfway point of JoJo Part 5.  Having caught up (give or take an episode), let me say this to start:

Huh.

So that’s how that works.

Mild-ish spoilers for everything up to episode 21.  If you’re wary of getting spoiled on anything, this post is very not DI MOLTO.

…It’s funnier to use the phrase improperly.

Waiting for Devil May Cry V

What a frustrating situation.

I want to talk about Devil May Cry V so much.  So much.  But the game’s not out yet, and won’t be for (as of writing) a few days.  What else is there to write about?  I’m not doing anything on Anthem because I’m keen to push that “game” off into the farthest corner I can reach.  Already did Tetris 99 and Dark Souls Remastered, with the latter triggering a despondent rage quit.  Itching to do one on JoJo and Part 5, but I’m waiting until I can see how [REDACTED] works in full -- and if [REDACTED] survives.  And then there’s Kingdom Hearts III; tackling that is going to be an endeavor, but I’ll suffer for what passes for art around here.

I want to play DMCV, and like other major releases I’m hyped for, I’m in a state of bitter, incensed malaise until the title actually drops.  It’s enough to make me want to give cryogenic freezing a try…but since that’s probably not the best for my health, I’ll have to wait.

So in the meantime?  Let me rant about DMC -- V and in general -- to pass the time.

An Abbreviated Take on Dark Souls Remastered

Hey, guys!  Have you heard about this sick new game called Dark Souls?  I’m not that far into it, but it seems really great -- lots of challenge, and exploration, and adventures straight out of your favorite --

Wait, hold on.  Just hold on a second...

*checks remaster’s release date*

*checks original game’s release date*

Oh.  Oh.  Ohhhhhhhhh.  I’ve never been so late to the party.