Avengers: Endgame: Last Train Home

Okay, Marvel Studios.  You can stop now.

There are going to be as many Avengers: Endgame spoilers as I can think of following the jump, so watch out.  Then again, I assume that if you breathe, you’ve already seen the movie, sooooooooooooo…jump away.

I mean jump toward the post.  That way.  Like, thataway.

Avengers: Endgame! But Also Housekeeping

Well, I guess I might as well break the mold and talk about a niche, relatively obscure indie film that I just managed to see through one very specific venue twenty miles out from my locale.  It may never be a financial powerhouse -- or break even, for that matter -- but hey.  Sometimes you’ve just got to support creative vision and raw artistry.

…Now I feel bad for doing the complete opposite.

Avengers: Endgame!  The last Avengers for a while, I think!  I’ll talk about it!  Eventually!  And briefly!  But first, business.

So, About Captain Marvel…

Yes, I am very much aware of the controversy surrounding Captain Marvel.  Here’s my one-sentence take on it.  Ready?

*deep breath*

Brie Larson had the right intentions but the wrong words, which made it easy for detractors -- many of which who probably need to avoid seeing myriad statements across the media sphere as personal attacks -- to infer said words have malice, disdain, or otherwise-unsavory agendas behind them…which is kind of hard to believe, given that as a mass-media product from a multibillion-dollar company, nothing would make the purse-holding overlords happier than to have as many people buy tickets as possible, itself made possible by dedicated diehards who have even a mild chance to play the role of “influencer”.

*second deep breath*

There, I acknowledged it.  Now to pretend for .00000000001 seconds that it’s going to matter in the long run, and not just get forgotten in the wake of the next flash in the pan “controversy”.  Because apparently we as a species have forgotten the art of peaceable, nuanced discourse.  I blame Halo, because…well, I need a funny-enough scapegoat to segue into actually talking about the movie.  So here’s some rambling about Captain Marvel.

You’re gonna feel this!  Power SPOILERS!

Avengers: Infinity War: So That Happened

I was going to give this Avengers: Infinity War post a subtitle that made a none-too-subtle reference to Bleach, but then I realized that that in itself would have constituted a spoiler from moment one.  And as lax as I can be with spoilers, I know that that’s a dirtbag move.  

I guess my only option is to meet others halfway and embed one of its most infamous songs.  A fair tribute, yes?  Anyway, let’s get in there.

THERE ISN’T A FONT SIZE LARGE ENOUGH TO CONVEY HOW MANY SPOILERS THERE ARE IN THIS POST.  THIS IS YOUR ONLY WARNING.  IF YOU WANT A SPOILER-FREE TAKE, GO HERE INSTEAD.

…Okay, maybe there is a font size large enough, but I don’t want to use it.  That’s a last resort.

RE: Avengers: Infinity War

Prior to watching Avengers: Infinity War, I learned something about Thanos thanks to my brother.  Apparently, back in the days of Marvel vs. Capcom 2 (among other crossover titles), Thanos was a playable character -- not a very good one, from what I’ve heard, but that’s to be expected in a game infamous for its god-tier characters to this day.  In any case, the Thanos incarnation in that game had a certain quirk to his moveset: he could trap foes in bubbles.  That’s exactly the kind of move you’d expect from the Mad Titan, and not, say, a foul-mouthed magical girl from a game released nearly a decade later.

So in the lead-up to Marvel’s latest, my brother ecstatically went on and on about that move.  “Oh boy, I hope Thanos uses his bubbles!” he said with a grin, and rubbed his hands in anticipation.  It was the most bizarre thing I ever heard.  But what’s more bizarre is the fact that, yes, Thanos uses bubbles in Infinity War.  Twice.  That nearly made my bro rocket out of his seat.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  Gamora grabbed a knockoff Proton Cannon in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.  Someone on the staff is a Mahvel fan.

Anyway, Thanos using bubbles is the only spoiler you’ll get from me in this post.  So let’s get to it.

Black Panther: Something Something Politics (Part 2)

I’m a little miffed right off the bat, because there was a Zero Punctuation video with a subject that was perfect for this Black Panther post -- but I can neither find nor recall where it is.  It’s a shame.  So I’ll have to speak from memory, and I apologize in advance if I get this wrong somehow.  Especially to Yahtzee.

Anyway, in the ZP video, there’s talk about character diversity -- and Yahtzee, true to form, takes it to task.  He jokes about how absurd it is for a character to only be relatable to an audience (or one person in particular) if they share a gender or race.  As if that’s all that matters, or failing to accommodate that means the game, or movie, or whatever is a failure.  It got a laugh out of me, but only because, like a lot of jokes, it hits hardest because there’s a kernel of truth to them.  Speaking personally?  I’m okay with main characters not being black (as an example) even though I’m black.  As long as the character is good, I won’t complain.

So given its nature, does Black Panther force me to recontextualize my opinion?  The answer to that is…not really.

SPOILERS for Black Panther incoming.  I know I normally toss in quotes from Marvel vs. Capcom here, but I did that last time, BP’s a new arrival without much material to pull from, and Marvel Infinite is on life support.  So have some Dragon Ball FighterZ memes instead.

DOWN YOU GO.  Into SPOILERS.

Black Panther: Something Something Politics (Part 1)

*massages forehead*

*takes a deep breath*

*sighs*

*puts on a full suit of armor*

All right.  Let’s talk about Black Panther.  And “politics”.  In the largest air quotes you can imagine.

PREDATOR ARTS!  PANTHER BITE!  PANTHER BITE!

LIKE AN ARROW -- RIGHT THERE!

AIR INTERCEPTOR!  DID YOU THINK YOU WERE SAFE?

(That’s my signal for the incoming SPOILERS.  Blame Mahvel.)  

(And bless Desk.)

RE: Black Panther

I both love and hate the position Black Panther has put me in.

I hate it because it’s going to make me look like I’ve got less brainpower than a dead goldfish.  It seems like being a Marvel movie is basically an anathema these days, to the point where the mere mention of one can, at best, draw responses of “Yep, another one.”  At worst?  I’d prefer not to think about it, because how dare I enjoy a mainstream product by a major corporation, or something to that effect.  And now here I am, about to sing praises about the newest movie -- about to clap my hands like a seal because I, and many others, have been conditioned to go “Yeah, another one!”

Despite that, I love the position I’m in.  I’m wary of saying this about the movie because it is the newest to date, and it is another one to throw on the pile.  But…yeah.  I think this the best one yet.  I’ve seen 15 out of 18 of these movies, and it’s the best one.

And I’m not just saying that because I’m black, and most of the cast is black.  So you in the back with your hand raised?  Put your hand down, imaginary idiot I’m calling out.

Black Panther! Also Novel Stuff.

I know what the title says, but fair warning: this post will skew more toward novel stuff than Black Panther.  Gotta get people to click on my stuff somehow.  Don’t worry, though.  You’ll get a thicker post on Marvel’s latest soon -- and I’m sure I’ll find some way to spice up this post with the Wakandan king’s solo debut.

So before I get ahead of myself, let me say this to start: I’m bringing the blog out of hiatus mode in the next week or two.  I’m still debating whether or not I want to go full throttle from here on out; I know what I want/need to upload first, after all, but I haven’t committed to the scheduling of it.  So we’ll see.  Either way, it’s about time for me to put more focus on blogging instead of offline word-smithing.  And I’ll explain the reason for it soon.  As in, within the next few paragraphs soon.

But before I get ahead of myself (again), let me say this to start (again):

Go see Black Panther.  It’s the best one.

The best one.

The 6th Anniversary Post: Do Stories Matter Anymore?

So is this just gonna be a thing now?  Me wanting to write about Kamen Rider, but getting waylaid by cultural juggernauts and entertainment industry shifts of infinitely greater weight?  Probably, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be salty about it.  How can I get people to like the things I like if I can’t shill the things I like?

…I mean, granted, the next post on Ex-Aid would inevitably have me tearing it several new ones.  But it was gonna be so much fun.  Alas, now I have to do this first.  Just as well, though; it’s the blog’s sixth anniversary, so I should write something special instead of the same old, same old.

Blame the Porgs.

What’s Going On with Star Wars?

*sigh*

Man, I wanted to do another post on Kamen Rider Ex-Aid, but I guess this is slightly more important.

Slightly.

Slightly.

Let’s (Not) Go to the Charts: Thoughts on Review Scores

Are there enough moments from How I Met Your Mother over the years to have clips for any given situation?  Maybe.  It’s probably not as versatile as, say, The Simpsons, but I’d like to think that it’ll do in a pinch.  Like this pinch.  Via this clip.

…I will do whatever I can to keep the memory of How I Met Your Mother alive.  I know it ended and all with a full-on finale -- which is a luxury not every TV show out there can afford -- but still.  I miss it so much.  Thank all the gods for reruns.

Anyway, let’s talk about charts.  And reviews.  And review scores.  And hastily made JPEGs.

But only after Slapbet.

Spider-Man: Homecoming: What an Upset!

Okay, I know what I’m going to say next will sound like a massive insult, but it’s not.  I mean it with the highest amount of praise one man can offer.  I sincerely hope that no one reading this takes it the wrong way.  So, you know, don’t.

Now then.  What did I think of Spider-Man: Homecoming (assuming that anyone cares)?  It’s simple.  This movie is silly, goofy, cheesy, and barely a cut above a Saturday morning cartoon.

And to reiterate?  That’s a good thing.

WEB SWING!  WEB SWING!  WEB BALL!  SPIDER STING!

GET READY!  MAXIMUM SPOILERS!

…No, wait, I mean -- oh, forget it.  It’s a reference to Marvel vs. Capcom 3.  It always is.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: Under Your Nose (Part 2)

So how well does the original Guardians of the Galaxy movie hold up after all this time?  Or, alternatively, after just a couple of weeks?  After a fourth, third, or even second viewing?

If I had to be a little presumptuous (at least more than usual), I’d bet that most of the big heads of companies in the entertainment industry thrive on getting as many customers to buy in as early as possible.  You see it all the time with video games, and considering that movies only have so long for their theatrical releases -- not counting trips to DVDs, Blu-Rays, and all sorts of streaming services -- I’d assume they work on the same principle.  Get ‘em on the hook early so that they can enjoy “the thing” now, and pay for “the thing” now.  Time is money.

It’s safe to say that the first Guardians got people on the hook and brought in the cash sooner rather than later.  I’ll go ahead and assume that’s the case for Vol. 2…even though I don’t really have to, but whatever.  Plus, the beauty of movies is that instead of replay value after an initial playthrough, people that want to experience it again have no choice but to buy another ticket and fill up theater seats.  But the bigger question is whether or not this movie, or its predecessor, or its brothers in Marvel arms have legs.  Are the MCU offerings good just because of the immediate thrills they provide?  What happens when the thrills wear off?  Will they still be good in the future?

Probably, yeah.  And my reasoning for that can be explained with…rakes.

OIL BOMB!  BEAR TRAP!  BEAR TRAP!  THIS WEIGHS MORE THAN ME!

INCOMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!  (spoilers)

I’LL KILL YOU, YOU SON OF AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--!

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: Under Your Nose (Part 1)

So by the sound of things, the Wonder Woman movie is actually pretty good.  Really good, even.

When I first checked Rotten Tomatoes, the movie was hovering at around 97% on the Tomatometer -- a number so high that it would’ve made me do a spit take if I had anything in my mouth.  Granted that was an early glimpse; I’d imagine that it’ll take time for all of the reviews to reach some semblance of a consensus (and let’s not forget the droves of reviews from critics and bloggers all around who aren’t part of the club).  But for now?  Yeah.  I’m reassured.  I’m happy that it seems like the DC Extended Universe has something worthwhile to its name now, after three back-to-back misfires.  And I’m glad that they seemingly succeeded with the one character they absolutely, positively had to get right.

Does that mean that the DCEU is finally in the race against Marvel now?  I don’t know.  Maybe.  It’s not hard to imagine that Wonder Woman is a fluke, given Justice League looming large like a black obelisk arisen from the accursed depths.  Even though Zack Snyder has stepped away from the movie and the DCEU for personal (but totally understandable and regrettable) reasons, it’s worth noting that he didn’t control and craft it alone.  Suicide Squad says hi, after all.  There’s still time for the executives from on high to screw everything up -- namely, their chances of taking on the MCU.  We’ll see what happens, though.

Wait, isn’t this supposed to be a post on Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2?  Yeah, but what else is there to say besides it’s funny, it’s good, and go watch it?  There might not be anything more to scrape up -- but I’m sure as hell gonna try.

LOG TRAP!  BOULDER TRAP!  SHRAPNEL TRAP!  SPOILER TRAP!

NOW LET’S…ROCK AND ROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!  (With spoilers.)

RE: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

*puts on Snake mask*

Kept you waiting, huh?

*peels off mask*

Well, assuming that there’s anyone out there who’s actually been waiting for this.  In any case?  No spoilers in this post, and it’ll be a quick(ish) one.  In a nutshell, though?  For me, the worst part of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 was coming home to find a dog with an exorbitant amount of poop stuck to his hair, which necessitated an immediate bath and led to me getting splashed so much that I took on an additional 20 pounds in water weight.

Just thought I’d throw that out there.  It seems slightly relevant to the topic at hand.

Should I go see Power Rangers?

I haven’t had an internal crisis this severe since that time I found out that “fans” of The Magic School Bus were willing to make Rule 34 art of Ms. Frizzle.  I mean, yeah, I get it.  Rule 34 is Rule 34, but…is there nothing sacred?  I guess not.  And knowing that there are people who see Ms. Frizzle as an object of lust is -- well, it’s just the sort of thing destined to shake your faith in humanity, you know?

All right, enough about that.  Let’s talk about the Power Rangers movie.  No, not that one.  Not that one.  Not that one.  That one.

Yep.  Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat’s the one.

On Power Rangers and Mega-Consequences

All right, we’re a little over a week away from the release of a brand new Power Rangers movie (and in the midst of a Twitch streaming marathon), so I figure this is as good a time as any to launch into a tangentially-related discussion about it.  But before I do anything else: Lost Galaxy has the best theme song of the entire franchise.  Yeah, I said it.  Come at me.  Fight me 1v1.

At this stage, it’s impossible to know for sure whether Lionsgate’s soon-to-drop film is good or not.  We can all make guesses based on the evidence presented -- trailers, interviews, and so on -- but there are only two ways to confirm its quality (or lack thereof): take in as many reviews as possible, or see it in the flesh.  I’d imagine that there’s a decent number of people who are already crying tears of blood over what’s been shown off so far -- I’ve almost hacked up a lung on a couple of occasions -- but you know what they say.  Innocent until proven guilty.  It’s a shame that proving innocence or guilt requires a time/money investment that might prove physically or spiritually painful; still, that’s the way it goes.

In any case, Power Rangers has gotten me thinking.  It pretty much had to; as your friendly neighborhood tokusatsu fan, 48% of my brainpower is devoted to visualizing OTT transformation poses.  So let’s get to it.

A Big Dumb List of Shows I Want to Watch

So last week, I put out a list of games I want to play over…oh, I don’t know.  The next year or so, basically.  That’s not a complete and ironclad list by any means; I’d love to be able to get to all of them (or remember that I wanted to get to all of them), but as I’ve found out over the years, clearing video games within a decent time frame and writing about them while they’re still relevant is haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard.  It’s even harder when you willingly sacrifice gaming time to try and fulfill your dream of becoming a novelist, and you know you’ve still got 30+ hours of game time looming above you…from a single title.  But I digress.

And I’ll digress even further by saying that I don’t want to just play a bunch of games.  There are a crapload of TV shows (and movies) out there that are worth watching, to say nothing of what Netflix has been offering for ages.  Unfortunately, I’ve missed out on a lot of the greats; one of the biggest quirks of fate in my life is that I’ve rarely, if ever, been able to get NBC on my TV(s).  Too much interference or whatever.  So, 30 Rock?  Barely seen it.  Parks and Recreation?  Gone.  The Office?  Is that a thing?  I feel like that’s a thing.

So it’s time to at least pretend I’m going to remedy that.  Come fire walk with me as I run through a big dumb list of shows I want to watch.  Oh, and movies too.  I’m also bad at watching movies.

Doctor Strange: A Beard’s Origin Story (Part 2)

Comic fans, I have a question: who is the most powerful superhero in Marvel Comics canon?

I wouldn’t know, because I’ve only got a handful of comics.  My gut instinct is to go with one of three choices, though.  First off: the Hulk, because the madder he gets the stronger he gets.  By that logic, I’m under the impression that his power level (such as it is) reaches something very close to infinity.  Failing that?  I’d guess Jean Grey, since she’s got the power of Phoenix/Dark Phoenix inside her, and years of Marvel 3 dominance suggest she’s one to be feared.  Failing that?  Doctor Strange.  If his power is to cast spells, then in the hands of a loose cannon writer with nothing to lose, all Strange would have to do is read up a bit to find just the right spell to solve the problem at hand.  Since his stories have (to my knowledge) pitted him against outer-dimensional super-beings, I’d say that that’s kind of a necessity.

So that poses a unique challenge for Marvel Studios.  How do you bring a character whose power is, theoretically, all of the powers into the MCU?  True, it’s not as if he starts out as a mystic god-slayer in his big debut (it is an originstory, after all), but since the execs are playing the long game on multiple fronts, there’s a possibility that Doctor Strange will be dramatically more powerful in his next appearance.  How do you balance future movies around that?  How do you balance this movie around that?

Time will tell what the future holds.  But for now?  I’d argue that the strongest Marvel hero is actually the weakest Marvel hero -- and the movie’s better for it.

Mystic Sword!  Bolts of Balthakk!  Spell of Vishanti!  SPOILERS OF THE FALTINE!

You know, one day soon I’m going to run out of ways to reference Marvel 3.  Today’s not that day, especially since one player managed to score a big win with a Doctor Strange/Phoenix Wright/Captain America team.  That’s my (theoretical and barely-explored) team, damn it!